CR: Sorry I have not been updating this in a while. My priority was Everything Comes with a price. I only have one hour left, so I'd better make this quick.

Somewhere in the middle of the night, Ryoma could feel that his consciousness was flowing back to his mind, waking him up from the dreamless sleep he had been in. He looked around the room. It felt unfamiliar…very unfamiliar. It was it is completely different to his bedroom. He found himself dressed in pajamas definitely too big for him. 'Where are you?' he thought to himself. 'Think, Ryoma, think.' He thought, but all he could think of was his deceased partner. He forced himself to calm down. Never mind. The first thing he is going to do is to find his knife. Sure enough, it was lying at the study table that was illuminated in the moonlight. He walked toward the table mechanically, having his eyes set on the knife, as if the knife would give him his answers to everything. He was so engrossed towards getting his knife he didn't notice when something soft tucked his leg and hampered his way. He lost his balance, and didn't even bother to put out his hands to cushion the fall or let out a yell when his body hit the cold hard floor. The pain he felt in his body is nothing compared to the emotional pain. He barely noticed the soft thing that made him trip get up and a lamp clicked on. If he wasn't locked in a dark world of depression, he would've blushed at the sight of Tezuka in slightly messed hair and giving him a look of concern.

"Echizen!" Tezuka's widened his eyes as he saw Ryoma crumpled onto the floor. He dashed towards Ryoma and knelt beside the boy, carefully pulling Ryoma's body into his arms. "What's going on?" He asked, somehow sounding panicking. Ryoma starred at him blankly, and shrugged. He pulled himself off Tezuka, and went to take his knife. Then, he went to open the door. "Where are you going?" Tezuka called after him. Ryoma did not say anything, as he slid the knife into his pocket, and walked out the door. Tezuka leapt up, grabbed Ryoma's wrist, and dragged him back to his room. Ryoma didn't even bother to resist. Tezuka turned his face to face him, and saw the same blank look when he found him in the rain. "What's going on, Echizen? What happened?" Ryoma slowly shook his head, and said, "Nothing." But in his mind, he was thinking a lot. 'Why her? Why does everything have to happen to her? Why can't they take me instead?'

Ryoma widened his eyes and replayed the events. They were hugging, Shizuka crying "Look out!" and throwing him aside, and the knife lodging in her stomach…

She died. Because of him. She took the knife for him. It's his fault that she died. If only she never took the knife for him….

"Then you should fight for him."

"Always" Suddenly, the word came to him. Where did he hear the word from? He looked at Shizuka's knife, and he remembered. He was running a high fever and he just took medicine. He was getting sleepier, and Shizuka was by his side. She had just tucked him to bed and he had asked her to stay with him as he was drifting off. She had whispered something but he couldn't quite catch it. But some part of it had trapped her single word of reply and let it swim up through his memories to taunt him now. "Always"

When he realized this, he dropped Shizuka's knife and started to break down. Tezuka quicly brought the boy to his arms and rubbed his back soothingly. "Shh, it's alright, you're going to be ok." He murmured to Ryoma. His voice sounded gentle and soft, and Ryoma couldn't help but cry louder.

"I want you to be happy. That's all I ask for."

How could he be happy now if she's dead? He needed her by his side. He was not used to being alone, without her. Shizuka was dead. He was alive. It should be the other way around. It needed to be the other way around. The nightmares came every single night. They never stopped. Shizuka never stopped throwing him aside. The girl never stopped throwing the knife at Shizuka, Shizuka never stopped screaming his name, and he never stopped being unable to save her. Every single night Shizuka's body would fall, just as it did in the mansion. Eyes wide open, staring blankly ahead, all of their brightness gone. He wished she never saved him. Because death would have been easier. Because the pain would be gone, because Shizuka would be alive, because somehow dying was easier than losing most parts of yourself. Shizuka was gone. And all he could think about was her. She was everywhere, yet, no matter how many times he screamed her name, there was never a reply. She was everywhere and nowhere at the same time. She was a big influence to him, and taught him valuable stuff.

Her smile, her laugh, her bright brown eyes, how beautiful she looked when she smiled slyly, how he cried, how she held him, how she looked graceful as she dodged his attacks, how she talked while teaching him life lessons, how she told him love is blind. They all haunted his dreams, torturing him. Because the dreams made them seem close, when really they couldn't be farther away. The dreams made them seem real, when really the only reality he had was one where Shizuka was dead. He knew she was dead, but why can't he accept the fact yet?

"Shizuka…I miss you." He mumbled, as he buried his face in Tezuka's chest. Tezuka continued to hold him, and waited until he cried his eyes out. When he did (it took hours), he went to the kitchen. When he returned passed Ryoma a napkin and a glass of water. He accepted it and said (read whispered), "Thanks". Tezuka waited until he finished his drink, and said, "Echizen? What's wrong? Why are you acting so….strange?" his voice was hushed, as if he was afraid to give away a secret. His tone made Ryoma look up into those earnest brown pools, which was similar to his partner's eye color, only darker. He only said, "Shizuka." Tezuka widened his eyes. If Ryoma had been crying like that, then that means-

"Is she…?" Ryoma knew what he wanted to ask. He didn't have to say the third word. He only nodded his head. Tezuka widened his eyes. That girl…she's so young! Only 12! "Was she…ill?" he asked. Ryoma slowly shook his head. Tezuka frowned. If she was not ill, then what was it? He looked at the knife in Ryoma's hand. Could it be? He'll try his luck and ask. (He hoped he was wrong). "Did she…get killed?" he said slowly. Hopefully, he was wrong. But, he saw Ryoma nod his head, and tears welled up his eyes again. Tezuka rushed over, and went to comfort the boy. He held him as he started crying again.

'I wished I was dead. Then those who were close to me will never suffer again….' Ryoma thought as he cried into his captain's chest. 'Especially you…after all, you do not love me.'

If only he knew.

CR: Er…I had only had an hour doing this, so…this chapter may be poorly written…and now it's past midnight…-.- Well, do review and tell me what you think! I know it's very short, but I don't have much time.