Chapter 9

Silence

What is there to say after years of silence? It is only fitting that the first time I see Austin Again there really isn't nothing to say. Or can Say. When Austin opened his eyes what I saw was something I thought I wouldn't see again.

Warmth. And there was love in there. I had to do a double take to make sure I wasn't dreaming, to make sure if there was someone else that Austin was looking at like that. Because obviously he wasn't looking at me like that. Not after everything that happened. Austin started to say something when he started coughing.

"Here Austin let me get you some water." As I move to go grab him some water, Austin pulls me back

"Don't. Please don't leave."

"I'm not; I am just grabbing some water for you." I say as I hold up the pitcher and cup, I pour him some water and put a straw in it holding up to his lips, " Here drink some of this please."

Austin nods and drinks a sip of water before laying his head back down.

"Thank you."

"You're welcome." I say. The air in here has suddenly dried up. It was getting hard to breathe why was it so hot in here all of a sudden. My heart is beating so loudly that I am surprised that Austin hasn't said anything about it hurting his ears.

"Ally..."

I go to talk but nothing comes out. I can only nod my head. Austin must understand what I am feeling because he nods and goes to talk.

"Ally why are you here? I mean after what has been said and done I am surprised you came."

My eyes sting at the pure sound of emotion coming from Austin. He really thought I wouldn't come when I found out he had been hurt? Did he really think I would think nothing of it and just go on? That I wouldn't have wanted to come out here and see him to make sure that he was alright? I was about to get upset but as I was a voice in my head asked

He has a reason to ask that. It has been three years and you never once came home. Even mad at Austin you never made it home to see Trish or Dez; what was worse you never came to see your father.

I really hate when I am telling myself some hard cold truths. I couldn't blame him to be shocked and I shouldn't be surprised that he asked.

Austin has always been straight forward.

"Austin no matter what happened, I would have not have not come. "

"I'm just surprised that's all. I mean I thought you would be the first one to celebrate my death."

"Austin I didn't want you dead…"

"Well can you blame me? It's been three fucking years Als what else was I supposed to think?" Austin asks as his voice starts to rise.

"You were supposed to think that you're an asshole who caused this! I wasn't the one who wanted this!"

Damn Ally Remember he is a hospital bed. Now is not the time. But I really couldn't help it. This moment has been building for three years. Trying to get water back behind a damn after being let go was pointless.

Austin chuckles. "Sure you did. I mean you're the one who left." He smirks

"I am not doing this right now Austin, I mean you're in the hospital."

"Well when did you want to do this? Another three years from now? Well sweetheart that aint happening."

Damn

I should have known this was going to happen. How could it not? I mean you can't ignore what happened and expect everything to be fine.

"Austin I'm not going to do this with you while you're in the hospital!" Austin decided to cut me off

"What are you going to run away again? What a surprise."

That pissed me off, let's do this

"First don't you ever cut me off again, got that? I was going to say not going to do this while you're in the hospital recovering from being hit by a fucking car! Don't look so shocked Austin I swear, I have Changed I am no longer that weak insecure little girl anymore. We will have it out when you are not in a hospital bed, bandaged and bruised. I know I owe you answers for why I left the way I did, and I will tell you that in due time."

"Well Gee thanks for That Ally, its just three years too late don't you think?"

"Nope, there is never a late time for the truth. And then maybe while we are at it, you can explain to me why you turned into this gigantic asshole? Who likes to give it to every whore that is out there?" I couldn't help but sneer

Austin Smirks. She sounds like she is jealous

"Damn Ally you sound like your jealous? Wanted a piece of Austin?"

That arrogant ass!

"I wouldn't screw you for anything; never know what I would catch."

"I'm Clean Thank you very much."

"I am shocked."

"When did you turn into a bitch Ally? I would like to know when exactly it was when I lost my best friend. Because this Ally isn't the one I first met."

Okay. I have to get out of here like now. I give Austin one last look

"Look Austin, We will finish this you may not believe me when I say this, but we will I promise. But I am not going to do this when you're recovering. I am staying in town with Dez and Trish and as soon as you get well, we will go over everything."

It looked like he was going to fight me on this, but he looked drained.

"Fine." He mutters.

"I will see you later." I say as I walk out I can hear him say

"Ally Thank you for coming."

The tears were starting to fall as I leave Austin and shut the door. I walk past Dez and Trish as they both try and comfort me. But they honestly can't. I don't think there is anything that could make me feel better.

Damn.

Austin you could be an ass sometimes.

I mean she did come and see you when you are in the hospital. She could have easily said screw him let him die. But she didn't, she came. Austin was all confused as all hell. That shouldn't be a surprise since he just got run over by a car.

God, he really was a mess. His life was basically in ruins.

No money, No Record Contract. And No Friends. Not even Dez. I mean sure they must feel guilty that he got hurt, But Dez and Trish wrote off Austin a long time ago. And as for Ally?

She had to move thousands of miles to get away from him. It is no wonder why he became such a mess. He really had nothing to live for.

Austin isn't usually someone that likes to reminisce about things, or situations but being stuck in the hospital all doped on pain medication, there really wasn't much option. Austin knows he can only blame so much on Ally, Sure she left without giving him a proper goodbye or even warning that she was thinking about going. But she didn't make sleep with every girl that came into his path. Ally didn't force him to treat women with such a disgrace, but honestly he didn't really see it like that. I mean he made sure to let them know that it wasn't going to be anything serious.

It was just Sex.

That was it, nothing more, but nothing less. He made sure they got pleasure out of it, but really after it was over they were out of his bed almost right after. God thinking about all this is sure making his head hurt. But he couldn't stop, He needed to know why and plus he was bored right out of his mind.

He knows he went overboard. He does, I mean there is a difference in hurting and then being a vicious ass. He was hurting over Ally and he chose to make others suffer around him. He was moody and dark. He bit peoples head off and was a real jackass. It got even worse after I came back from New York, And I saw Ally with that guy that was when I really started to lose what did I do? I fired Ally when she still wanted to be a part of the team. Basically told her the songs that she wrote sucked and that I was looking for a better songwriter. Then I also got Jimmy to force her to sign over her rights to her songs so she wouldn't get any royalties off them. That was also when I started using sex as a weapon instead of what it was meant for. It wasn't until I started to use Sex as a comfort that Trish wrote me off, Saying that I was being unfaithful to Ally and being such a dickhead. Yes Trish may have knew about my feelings for Ally, but I wasn't going to admit that to her. Plus we weren't in a relationship and Ally left so I could sex anyone up if I wanted to. And I told Trish the exact thing to her face. That was when she slapped me and told me she was done. She wouldn't manage a wannabe whore anymore. Told her Fine didn't want to be managed by a controlling fat bitch anymore anyways. The look of hurt in eyes nearly brought me down, but I was too hurt to care. She left and we never talked again.

That was also the moment that I lost Dez too. I knew about his feelings for Trish and when I insulted her I could tell he had enough. He was already pissed about what I done to Ally, but this was line that I guess he didn't accept me crossing. He gave me a look saying that he was done, that I was on my own. Dez walked out of Sonic Boom that day and I didn't see him again until he walked in on me and those girls in bed.

Yes I know not my finest moment. But hey I made sure they were satisfied.

Yeah I know. Asshat.

So after Dez left, I figured you know what? Fuck it. Let them see how bad I can be? I mean no one was around to care anyway. So why should I? So Jimmy managed to get me a sweet place here in LA and my life was set. I had millions of albums sold; girls loved me screaming my name. Guys were jealous that their girls wanted to bang me. Life was good. But I guess it wasn't up to my parent's standards.

They tried. Bless their hearts they tried. But after calling my mother an uptight bitch and my father an ass, they wrote me off. Or well my father did. He told me that I was officially dead to them, that they would no longer call me, write me. Or even knowledge me existence. That was fine I didn't need anyone. I didn't need them.

I had already lost the most important person in my life and that was Ally. God how I loved her. The intense feelings I had for her were just that, intense. Maybe that is why I lost it so bad after she had left. I realized that I should have told her what I felt before she left. That was part of the reason why I went to New York. I wanted to tell her that I was tired of lying about my feelings just so I could protect our friendship. I wanted something real with her. And I was going to tell her, I even had changed the lyrics to Not a long Song for her. It was going to be a love song. It was going to be ours. I even got to her dorm room and was about to knock when I saw them.

Ally was in the arms of a guy. Another guy had his arm around my girl. And I finally knew why she had left. She wanted someone else. She didn't want me. So I left and I never looked back.

Even when I was with other girls, I still thought of Ally. I couldn't help it. She was under my skin. Inside my blood stream. I just couldn't escape her memory. And I am ashamed to even admit there were times I called out her name when I was with other girls. Yeah not a great moment. Moments I should say that I do feel bad about. But hey what can you do.

Ugh I feel the pain meds starting to wear off.

I call for my nurse, I need more I can feel it. Plus I just need to stop thinking about how messed up I gotten.

Yeah I don't think that is going to happen. I have a feeling Ally won't let me forget either.