Author's Note :: Hey guys, it's 4:38 in the morning and I just got done watching some bleach and decided it's time to write so here I am.
Enjoy the chapter!
Chapter 12 :: Who I Am Hates Who I've Been
Carlos (POV) ::
That was amazing! Our sex was just... PHENOMINAL... I just... RAWR! It was amazing to say the least. I was in so much love with this guy... It almost seemed like a fairy-tale.. Everything about this world I was living in right now. Was a fairy-tale and I hope I never woke up...
We just got to James' place and he welcomed us in, still getting ready...
"James you said we were leaving in 20min when we got here, yet you're in there still doing your hair..." I whined.
"HEY! It is a school-less wednesday night and I am GOING to have fun.. Even after today. I'll get over it eventually. Just not for a long time..." James ended with a sigh..
"How are you James?" Logan asked...
"I feel like.. Taking a whole bottle of sleeping pills wouldn't be so bad right now..." James replied... oh my god... he's hurting so much right now... This wasn't helping with my sudden dislike for Kendall so I decided to change the subject.
"Can we go now?" I asked, whining like a child.
"YES. WE. CAN." James declared after straightening the last piece of hair. "LEGGO!" And with that we hopped into Logan's car and drove to the party.
It wasn't very far from James' house and was in the neighborhood where the kids with parents who owned their own business or worked for the government lived.. These guys had nothing on Logan. We followed the area where a bunch of cars parked at and got out of the car. A bunch of people recognized James and I and even Logan, which was weird considering he was in school for one day so far.
"Where's Kendall?" one of the kids asked.
"Who gives a fuck?" James darkly answered and walked into house. I just shrugged and whispered to not bring him up. They just nodded and figured it was a bro fight...
We walked into a pretty nice house. Except it was completely barren almost.. All the furniture, décor and rugs had been removed... The only thing in there was a giant stereo and DJ system along with about 8 large steel kegs of beer. The music was blaring pretty loud and made it kinda hard to hear. When I was wondering what was going on Drew walked over to James and gave him a bro hug.
"JAMES MY MAN! WHAT'S UP? GLAD YOU COULD MAKE IT!" Drew said.
"Me too dude." was all James said. "Drew this is Logan. He's new to the school and just moved here. He's down dude."
"Oh no kidding. Well welcome man! I hope you enjoy the party." he greeted warmly. But when he hugged Logan he seemed to hold onto the hug a little longer than what was acceptable, but decided it was just the alcohol impairing Drew's reaction time.
"Thanks." Logan said back. "So where's all the furniture and stuff?" Logan asked.
"Oh I had it all taken out and put it in a storage shed I rented out! I didn't want anything ruined so I thought that would be the smart thing to do! My parents are in India for vacation and I stayed behind. SO I decided to throw a bangin' party!" Drew explained, howling upwards to the ceiling and taking a swig of his beer.
"That's pretty smart!" Logan said.
"YUP!" Drew yelled. "Well i'll see you guys later! Go ahead and have as much beer as you want! There's vodka in the kitchen. I got some of my cousins who work at bars to mix us some drinks. And we're playing drinking games in the backyard and in the dining room and livingroom." And with that Drew jogged down the hall and turned to go and play some games.
"Well, lets go!" James said, howling like Drew and making his way STRAIGHT for the hard liquor. We just followed James and went to the kitchen and found indeed his cousins DID make drinks. He picked 3 up from the table and handed one to each of, but Logan Declined.
"I'm the driver remember?" Logan said. James just shrugged his shoulders and said. "MORE FOR ME!"
I looked at Logan and shrugged myself, and downed the beverage. Eww...Whiskey Sour on the rocks. REALLLY STRONG. James handed me another drink and I downed that too. This one was somewhat better. Blueberry vodka. But still kinda nasty. I decided to choose my own drink and picked up what looked like a margarita. I was right and it was GOOD! REALLY GOOD! Green apple and raspberry vodka with a lemon slice. Logan just stood there and looked around while we drank. After a bit I could start to feel the effects.
Logan (POV) ::
"Hey Logie!" a wobbling Carlos said to me.
"Hello Carlos. Are you okay?" I asked, although it was obvious he was already pretty tipsy.
"Yeah I'm okay. I had a little more than I planned.. Those drinks were really strong!" Carlos said.
He sorta stumbled a bit and I quickly went to stabilize him, but he managed to pick himself up.
"I-im sorry Logie. I didn't know they were that strong." Carlos said with a sad face.
"It's okay Carlos.." I said slightly annoyed. I didn't like taking care of drunk people. Frankly it irritated the hell out of me, but it was Carlos and I wasn't gonna leave him unattended. Speaking of unattended where was James? I wondered...
"We gotta look for James okay?" telling Carlos.
"Ummmm..." Was all Carlos said.
"You know what? Why don't you sit down for a bit and i'll look for him okay?" I said. Carlos just nodded and sat down. I think he's asleep...I made sure he was in a comfortable position and made my way through the crowd to look for James. It was kinda hard with all the jumping and screaming intoxicated people. I wandered around for a good while, until Drew came up to me.
"Hey Logan what's up?" Drew asked.
"Oh i-uh. I'm looking for James have you seen him?"
"Umm, I think he went upstairs to do to the bathroom. You want me to show you where it is?"
"Yeah sure that would be great." I replied. I followed Drew up the stairs and down the hall. It was a pretty big upstairs and started to wonder where the bathroom was. So I asked Drew what was up.
"Uhhh Drew? Where's the bathroom?" I asked. Suddenly Drew spun around and pushed up against the wall with his hands feeling me up.
"Who cares about the bathroom? We can just go to my room." Drew said. His breath laced with alcohol. And then he forced himself on me. He was a bit stronger than I was so I kinda struggled a bit. But I managed to push him off of me and punched him in the Jaw. He went down like a ton of bricks and was completely knocked out. OUCH! I thought, shaking my hand. That really did hurt... I stared down at the unconscious Drew and was relieved he was already intoxicated, so it helped his sleeping. I began to walk back down and saw Carlos staring there with tears in his eyes. He must have sobered up while I went to go look for James. Ohh...SHIT!
"Carlos, Carlos it's not what you think." I tried to explain
"HOW COULD YOU!" Carlos shrieked and slapped me straight across the face and fell down to his knees sobbing uncontrollably. OW!
I kneeled down to to try to pick him, but was he tried pushing me away. "GET AWAY FROM ME! YOU NEVER LOVED ME HOW COULD YOU!" Carlos screamed.
"CARLOS! STOP! HE FORCED HIMSELF ON ME! YOU SAW IT! IF YOU SAW HIM KISS ME THEN YOU MUST HAVE SAW ME KNOCK HIS LIGHTS OUT! YOU KNOW I WOULDN'T DO THAT TO YOU! NOT IN A MILLION YEARS!" I tried to reconcile.
"LIAR!" Carlos sobbed.
I started to cry.. I just lost my soul-mate... hurt filling my lungs I had only one thing to do...
"fine, if I have to prove it to you..." I got up and walked to the railing of the 2nd floor. Carlos looked up and watched me walk over to the edge and step over the railing.
"WHERE YOU ARE YOU GOING!" he called.
"YOU DON'T BELIEVE ME RIGHT? REMEMBER I TOLD YOU THAT IF I HAD TO GIVE YOU MY LIFE I WOULD?" I called back. "I LOVE YOU CARLOS. AND IF I HAVE TO DO THIS TO PROVE TO YOU THAT I DIDN'T DO WHAT YOU THINK I DID. THEN I WILL DO ANYTHING!." I looked down at the floor below me... I leaned down and was about to let go when a strong pair of arms pulled me back to the railing.
"NOO!...PLEASE DON'T LOGAN I'M SORRY! I'M SORRY, I'M SORRY, I'M SORRY, I'M SORRY!" Carlos shouted still crying. "I BELIEVE NOW JUST COME BACK TO ME!" I took a sigh of relief and climbed back over the railing and Carlos had assaulted me with a giant bear hug and kisses. "I'm sorrrrry..." I whined and cried... "I'm sorry I didn't believe you." I started petting his head. Relieved that I didn't lose him after all.
"I'm sorry too Carlos. I should've tried harder to get him off, but he was stronger than I am. You know I would NEVER cheat on you. If I have to sell my soul to the devil to ensure that, then I would. Please remember this night.. I don't want you to ever forget what happened. I love you Carlos Pena and I would sooner put a bullet through my head than leave you." I said. Carlos stopped crying and just held me there. I think he was still trying to get over the face that I almost died just now.
"i'm sorrry..." he said. After that I just decided to pick up his chin and give him a long big kiss. He opened his eyes and apologized once more.
"i'm sorry I didn't believe you at first, but I do now" Carlos said. I cupped his face and kissed him one more time. "You promise that you believe me?" Carlos grabbed my hands and said "Yes... I promise."
I smiled back at him and gave him another kiss before getting up off the floor and contemplating what we should do about Drew.
"We can't just leave him there." Carlos said.
"Yeah we can.." I said, pulling Carlos' arm and lead him downstairs. "We have to find James. We're leaving this hell hole." I declared. I hated this place and Drew for making us Carlos and I go through that hell. Never again... We pushed through the still partying crowd of inebriated teenagers to find a shocking site.. James was drunk... BEYOND DRUNK. He was slouching as he attempted to walk before finally tumbling over hitting the floor, hitting a table and spilling a bunch of people's beer over the cement floor outside. I apologized for him and said he was drunk. They just hissed at us and walked away to get more drinks. Carlos and I kneeled down to James and he just started CRYING. Like Carlos had been not long ago. "He doesn't love me." he cried. He sounded like a 5 year old filled with a hundred years of hurt... "He hates me... God has forsaken me and I am thy slain swine." He had his palms to his eyes trying to force the tears back into his eyes. I never knew James could be so deep... When he's drunk... Hurt filled chest at the pitiful site Carlos and I witnessed. "That son of a bitch" Carlos hissed.
"What?" I said.
"LOOK WHAT THAT BASTARD IS DOING TO HIM!" Carlos yelled.
"Carlos. i-"
"NO! IT IS KENDALL'S FAULT. HE BROKE HIS HEART AND THIS IS HOW HE'S TRYING TO COPE WITH IT!."
Suddenly Camille came out of nowhere.
"Hey you guys!"
"Hey Camille! What are you doing here?" I asked.
"Well partying obviously. I can see James here is pretty wasted. So I called Kendall to come get him. I didn't know you guys were here too." Camille said with an apologetic look.
"oh no..." was all could say..
"JAMES?" A voice called out.
We all turned around to find Kendall calling out trying to look for James until he turned his head and took in the sight with wide eyes. He ran over and asked what happened. Carlos got up and shoved Kendall back causing him to stumble a bit backwards.
"WHAT THE FUCK CARLOS! WHAT'S YOUR PROBLEM!" Kendall yelled.
"MY PROBLEM? PROBLEMMMM! LOOK AT WHAT YOU'VE DONE!" Carlos screamed and pointed down at a thrashing James.
"YOU'RE KILLING HIM BECAUSE YOU'RE TOO SELFISH OVER SOMETHING AS STUPID AS POPULARITY! NOW HE'S BLOODY, BROKEN, AND BRUISED BECAUSE OF THE DAMAGE YOU KEEP CAUSING TO ONE OF MY BEST FRIENDS! THAT'S MY PROBLEM! WHY ARE YOU EVEN HERE! JUST LEAVE HIM ALONE SO HE CAN TRY TO SOW BACK HIS HEART! OR WHATEVER IS LEFT OF IT!" Carlos ended. At this point I was scared of what could come of this so I got up and pulled Carlos back a bit, He struggled a bit but turned around and hugged me while he cried for his friend. Kendall stood their mortified at what he had done. He walked over to James. Kneeled down and picked his head and body up like an infant while he brushed the hair out of his face.. Tears falling from his face and onto James'.
"James?.." Kendall whispered... "James please wake up. I'm sorry..." A sobbing Kendall said. James opened his eyes and tears welled up once more. Staring at what he thought was probably an illusion.
"wow... my mind is so cynical.. Im so drunk that I imagined YOU here... or maybe I'm dreaming..."
" NO, no, no James it's me Kendall.. I'm really here right now..." More tears fell from James' face...
"Why do you torture me like this? Can't you just leave me to fix the damage you've already caused?" James helplessly begged.
"James I was wrong. I'm sorry." Kendall said rocking back and force trying to keep James awake.
"Please take me back! I'll drop everything for you! I'm so sorry that I was so damn big-headed to not want you! PLEASE! I'M SO SORRY! PLEASE BELIEVE ME!" I felt Carlos' grip tighten after Kendall had said that last line. He must still feel bad about what happened a little while ago.
"Please James. PLEASE... i'm sorry, will you take me back? After everything we've gone through I am willing throw everyone and everything else away to be with you, just tell you'll take me back..." Kendall cried. He watched James face for a reaction and kept crying and crying... waiting for something to happen... Then a hand rose to Kendall's face.
"I love you Kendall..." James said.. And with that Kendall leaned down and kissed James. They kissed each other for what seemed like a good 5min before Camille cleared her throat loudly. We all laughed and knew it was all gonna be okay from here...
"Come on let's go home." Kendall said.
"Actually Kendall. If you want you can all stay at my place. It would be easier than taking him home drunk to his parents." I offered.
"Right. Thanks a lot Logan." Kendall said. We all said our goodbyes to Camille, got into the car and drove to my house.
Kendall's expression was exactly that of Carlos. We got inside and we carried James to one of guest rooms in the house.
"WOW LOGAN! YOU'RE HOUSE IS-"
"Yeah he knows, don't embarrass him." Carlos cut off laughing.
And indeed my face was turning red.
"Sorry" Kendall Laughed.
"No problem, anyway you guys can sleep here or if want Kendall there's another bedroom right next to this one. Ummm, if he throws up or something on the sheets, don't worry. They're replaceable."
"Okay. Thanks again man. I really appreciate this." Kendall said and gave me a bro hug.
"No problem.. like I said. You know where the kitchen is. Help yourself to ANYTHING in the house. Don't hesitate whatsoever. We'll be in the room all the way down the hallway here so if you need anything you know where we are." I said.
"Alright. Thanks again Logan."
"No problem. Night you guys. Oh and congratulations you guys." I said and quietly closed the door. Carlos sighed and pushed me against the wall and hugged me.
"That was really nice of you Logie." Carlos said sweetly.
"They're our friends." I just said. "Come on lets go to bed, I'm beat..."
"Me tooooo."
We penguin walked to my room and shut the door behind us. We stripped from clothes and got into the sheets where I told Carlos I wanted to sleep on top of him. He Smiled and said okay, so I crawled on top of him and laid my head down. It felt so good to lay with Carlos. And just to lay down in general. I began to drift off to sleep Carlos spoke up.
"I love you Logan Henderson.." Carlos said, rubbing my neck with his thumb.
"And I love you Carlos Pena"... I said back..
Author's Note :: AHH! Honestly I hate writing these kinda chapters but love to at the same time, cause there has to be conflict in stories and I thought this was a good way to add drama. I loved the way it turned out and I hope you did too. I want to mention that I realize that The titled song was not featured into the story, but it would have been played during Kendall's interventionall confession.
The song is called "Who I Am Hates Who I've Been" by "Relient K". Much love you guys! Can't wait to write the next chapter!
-BSR