Dear Readers,
I BEG you not to review, and what do you do? You REVIEW. Lovely. It's like you have some sort of organization. The Let's Drive Snape Into Cardiovascular Arrest Club! Let's get this over with, shall we?
Oh, Moz would like to ask you all to be patient with her grammar and spelling mistakes- English isn't her first language. Well, actually it is, but she isn't fluent in it.
Dear Snapie-kins,
Why aren't you responding to my love letters? I assure you, not to sound suspicious, of course, but these aren't laced with Amortensia. I pinky-promise.
Loves and kisses,
A Secret Admirer.
Dear Secret,
How... comforting. And how can I respond if they're signed "A Secret Admirer"? You pinky promise? As opposed to green-y promising? You Muggles confuse me.
Sincerely,
PROFESSOR SNAPE
Professor Snape,
What is your opinion on Snarry? Do you like it? - hate it? - explain in full details, please.
Sincerely,
CuriousRavenclaw
Dear Curious,
I DESPISE Drarry. I detest, loathe, abhor Snarry.
In full details? The idea of any sort of details about Snarry frightens me, so I will simply make a list of why Snarry is wrong.
1. I am straight. I cannot comment on the sexuality of Mr. Potter, but I am not gay.
And if I were, don't you think I could do so much better?
2. No matter what you people seem to believe, student-teacher relationships do not happen. Ever. Under no circumstances. None.
3. Me and Potter? Dead Wizard God, his skinny little body and his awful hair(yes, I CAN comment on the state of someone else's hair. Because the chicks love me) and his disgusting little glasses and ME in the same bed? No. Just no.
4. Snarry just sounds weird. It reminds me of fur-covered snot.
5. I have legions of better offers sitting around Hogwarts. Such as Confused Hufflepuff.
Sincerely,
Professor Snape
severus,
Why do yo always take points from gryffindor?why page 394?
-alwaysSlytherin
PS why shag huufflpffs?
Dear Always,
YOU are a Slytherin? What a disgrace. You capitalize the S in Severus. And is it really so difficult to type Sincerely? Even Yours Truly would do. And if you were a true Slytherin, you'd know that Gryffindors are disgusting and must have points taken away constantly to eep them in their place. And... well, because page 394 was the page with information about werewolves on it. And we were studying werewolves that day. It could have just as easily been page 422 or page 87.
Sincerely,
Professor Snape
P.S.- Because I can.
Oh hai honey pie,
You might need some background info first. YOU ARE MY FAVORITE TEACHER. I wish you could be my teacher at school instead, siriusly. Haha, get it? I just have one simple question prof, and I was just wondering if there's been anyone who's, uh, had romantic feelings for you during your days as a Hogwarts student. How did s/he tell you, if ever? There must be at least one, 'cause you're really smart and all, and I bet you'd make an awesome BFF! XD
~Your bestest friend 3
Dear Bestest,
Er... ahem. Wow. You're rather frightening. What on Earth is a hai? And unfortunately, I do get it.
During my last year, there was this odd little fourth year continously following me around. Had these odd glasses. You know the kind I'm talking about- the kind that look like someone ate 37 pounds of glitter and stick-on jewels then puked it all up on Percy Weasley's glasses. I believe they were a Huff-and-Puff, but I can't say for certain. Never actually SPOKE to me, mostly just followed me around and slapped anyone they felt was insulting the glorious name of Snape.
That was pretty much it as far as romantic interest during my Hogwarts years ever got. Apparently becoming a professor upped my sexy factor about 73%.
Sincerely,
Professor Snape
Professor Snape
Have you ever thought about getting a pet? What would it be? Also, if you had a muggle job, what would you do?
Crazy girl
Dear Crazy,
I did briefly consider getting a rabbit, but as soon as I bought one and brought them home, they animagi'd back to human and ran out. That put an end to it. Never actually found out who the rabbit was. If I had a Muggle job... police interrogator.
Sincerely,
Professor Snape
Dear(Do I really have to say it?) Professor Snape,
I just spotted this...thing randomly, and decided to at least view it. It's hilarious, I have to admit; The way you get humiliated a lot by those personal questions. I think I should give this a try, haha.
Alright, I have three questions:
1. Despite many comments about you and Potty, I find it extremely unflattering... to you. *aherm* I-I dislike those.. delusions, so I say... are you sure you really hate James Potter? I feel like there's something you haven't been telling us, and they say "the more you hate, the more you love". Should I ready the Veritaserum?
2. What do you do with your free time? You never talk much about your personal life, and I doubt there has been anyone bold enough (or stupid enough) to ask you.
3. Would you have rather be stuck with James Potter in a closet for two hours, or sit through a potions class with that scatter-brained Longbottom without saying a word to him all through out?
And that's it. Just wait 'till my father hears about this! He'll be sure to find this an interesting read, you'll see.
-Awesome Slytherin Prince
Dear Awesome,
Yes, you really do have to say it. I'll tell Dubledore how "hilarious" everyone seems to find my humiliation. I'm sure he'll be tickled pink. Sadists, the lot of you.
1. OH MY DEAD WIZARD GOD, NO! I AM NOT IN ANY WAY ROMANTICALLY INTERESTED IN JAMES POTTER! And just to clear the air, I am also not romantically interested in Harry Potter. Or Sirius Black. Or Draco Malfoy.
And psh, like anyone who believes I was interested in James Potter could actually brew Veritaserum.
2. I read, make potions, refuse lemon drops, make the occasional custard (don't look so shocked, everyone needs a good custard once in a while), wonder how someone of my talents and capabilities ended up teaching dunderheaded First Years how to stir their cauldrons.
3. Longbottom, easily. If I were stuck with James Potter, neither of us would come out alive. That would be both good for the world(James Potter is a worthless bully) and bad for the world(what would all you fangirls love if I weren't around? Edward Cullen?)
I hope your father enjoys.
Sincerely,
Professor Snape