Disclaimer – I don't own Artemis Fowl

Chapter 5

I sat in the bathroom throughout the entire English lesson just thinking. Ok, so maybe I was sulking a little bit. Or a lot. But eventually I told myself that Artemis and Richard being together was a good thing. It meant that Artemis was unavailable which was for me not to pursue Artemis like some love-struck teenage girl. Joshua would be so proud of me.

Although I wasn't quite happy with Artemis' taste in men. Richard was an ass! A complete jerk. Perhaps I could recommend someone else, someone better... No, not me. Joshua was out of the question. He wouldn't go anywhere near Artemis after what he had done to his little sister. Scott was also unavailable, he already had two girlfriends. Not to mention that both Scott and Joshua were completely straight.

I sighed and stood up. The stench in the bathroom was making hard to think. I walked out of the bathroom and discovered I was the only one in the hallway; everyone else had already gone to their next class.

Apparently not everyone. As I turned a corner I saw two people, Artemis and Richard, at the end of the hallway. They were talking to each other in hushed tones but they both looked furious. Richard's face had turned a dangerous looking shade of red. My body tensed and my hands curled into fists.

I'd just taken a few steps towards them when Richard drew back his own fist and punched Artemis in the face, causing him to fall backwards to the floor.

I broke into a sprint as Richard leaned over Artemis and reached the two of them just as Richard began to drag Artemis up by the front of his shirt. I slammed my fist into the side of Richard's head and he staggered away from Artemis, stunned, before running at me throwing several uncontrolled punches. I dodged most of them and began swinging my fists at him, trying to knock Richard back.

I barely noticed as Artemis picked himself up off the floor and strode towards us ranting. He managed to get out, "Stop this nonsense at once! You're both acting like complete imbeciles," before one of Richard's punches went wild and struck him in the face sending him back down to the floor, blood flowing from his nose.

"What on earth is going on here?" We all turned to see Mr Guiney running towards us. "Can someone please explain to me why, instead of being in class, you three are out here getting into fisticuffs?"

I looked at Mr Guiney and cleared my throat before dramatically pointing my finger at Richard and saying, "He started it!"

All three of us were in deep shit. Mr Guiney had let the school nurse look at us before dragging us down to his office and telling us to wait outside. He glared at us one more time before walking into his office and slamming the door behind him. All was silent for about a minute.

"This is all your fault," Richard said.

"My fault!" I said. "I was only trying to help Artemis."

"I didn't need any help," Artemis said through the tissue he was holding up to his nose.

"Right," I said. "Of course you didn't."

"Why don't you just leave him the hell alone," Richard said to me.

"Yes, and you can join him," Artemis snapped at Richard.

Mr Guiney chose that moment to come back out of his office. "Come in," he said. "We're going to discuss a suitable punishment for the lot of you."

A/N – Sorry it's been so long since I've updated but I've now finished up to chapter 10. Hopefully I'll be able to update at least once a week from now on.