Hello, my wonderous readers! It is I, Moz! Hahahahaha! On my 482, 228, 436, 192, 971, 934th Pixie Stix! I'm ungagging Sevvie-Pooh now, so he'll be able to answer your questions! But he is still MINE! Mineminemine. Until he agrees with me about Drarry. Yay! Okay, now this is Sevvie. I'm undoing the gag with one hand as a write- he BIT me! Savvie BIT me!
Let me out, you psychopath! Let me go!
No, Sevviekins. Because Draco and Harry belong together. Don't you think?
No!
Just answer the questions, or I'll re-gag you.
Fine, Miss... do you have a last name?
No, no I don't.
Fine then, Moz. Here we go, I suppose.
No.
Have you considered that St. Mungo's has a ward for Spell Damage? I'm fairly certain you've been Confundus'd.
Love,
S.A.
-
Professor Snape-
Unwell employers are the bane of the universe. My condolences on the "binding-and-gagging incident". Did you ever think not to allow her any Pixie Stix?
Hoping you are not dead,
T.A.S.E
Dear S.A.,
No. No I have not. Please go away.
Sincerely,
Professor Snape
Dear T.A.S.E.,
My sympathies. Unfortunately, Moz only comes in to type for me every so often. I cannot control what she does outside of my dungeons. Pixie Stix included.
Sincerely,
Professor Snape
Dear Sevvie,
First of all, AW! I knew you always cared about Lily, but, really...AW!
And of course James just HAS to ask Lily out AGAIN, huh? Sometimes I hate him...but then love him again. Know what I mean?
All right, I only have ONE question this time:
You know all those Hermione/Snape fics? You know the ones you read all the time? Well, out of all of them, which one's your favorite? And don't say you hate them all! You have to pick one.
Love,
ProudGryffindor.
Dear Proud,
Yes, AW this and AW that. Yes, I do indeed. Sometimes I hate chocolate royale, but then I love it. However, I cannot fathom feeling that way about James Potter.
I do NOT read Snape/Hermione! NO! Teacher-student relationships do not happen- wait. I can't really say that. Fine. Sexy guy-ugly girl relationships do not happen.
But I have seen some reasonably fascina- NO. Nonono. See what you people are turning me into?
Sincerely,
Professor Snape
Dear Professor Snape
Fear not! I will send my robot minions to assist you! After I've found the remote control of course, *looks around exceedingly messy room* Only problem is...they are cused- you will be unable to use sarcasm for the next week...
1. What was the most ridiculous excuse you and Lily ever came up with as too why you didn't do your homework?
2. Has Voldemort ever done anything nice?
3. PLEASE tell me you got Dumbledore back for the disgraceful was in which he took away the house cup from slytherin in 1992. If you haven't I'd like some ideas. *looks over at desk where sweets lie which will prevent him from enjoying sweets ever again*
Not yours,
Slytherin Chibie
ps. What ARE Pixie Sticks?
Dear Chibie,
It's WORTH IT! I am SO HUNGRY! She won't feed me! Except lemon drops, and I'd sooner starve! Wait- an entire week? Really? Heaven help me.
1. We came up with some doozies. A few personal favorites of ours were...
*We were kidnapped by Death Eaters and we only just escaped, so we didn't have time to do it.
*I was doing my homework when another pupil fell in the lake. I jumped in after him and saved his life, but unfortunately I forgot to put down my homework first, so it got ruined.
*Dumbledore had a nervous breakdown and began cutting it up to make paper dolls.
*We didn't do it because we didn't want to add to the already heavy workload of our wonderful teacher.
*We chose not to do it, to avoid making the other students look stupid in comparison.
*Sorry, but Lily was hungry for knowledge and ate my essay.
*We ate too much cheese and got constipated, so we weren't able to do it.
*I had to go save Severus. The Slytherin dorm room caught on fire. I was too busy rescuing him to do my homework.
*A sudden wind blew it out of my hand and I never saw it again.
We were terrible students.
2. Well, from time to time he'll be quite pleasant, and in a good mood he'll even be kind to Bellatrix, which is kind I suppose. And he is somtimes very kind. Shares pie with everyone.
3. I snuck into his room in the middle of the night and shaved off a large piece of his beard. The beard you see now? BEARD COMB OVER.
Sincerely,
Professor Snape
P.S.- They are colored and flavored sugar in plastic sticks.
Dear Moz (I wouldn't dare bother our beloved Potions Master with anything as trivial as page breaks),
My method is to leave a placeholder where I want the line break to be, like this:
-
Then when I'm in "edit" mode on , I replace them with line breaks one by one. Try it. It took me two stories to figure this out.
Yours, ever direct and brusque,
Very Small Prophet
Dear Very,
Oooooh. Thank you. I'll do that eventually. But right now, I feel too much like spinning round and round until I get dizzy and throw up to figure out how to do that.
*spins*
Sincerely,
Moz
To the esteemed Professor Snape,
Sir I would like to congratulate you on the subterfuge you were able to use for out your career as a double agent, your ability to fool even Lord Voldemort into thinking you were on his side would leave Loki, the Norse God of trickery among other things, impressed, perhaps you could even sneak into Marvel and see if you can't take his part in the upcoming Avengers movie.
In any case on to my question.
In your treatment of Harry Potter you seem to assume he's taken on the traits of his father, starting pretty much right from the get go. Had you been able to prove his arrogance I'd understand your constant hatred, however I don't think there's been one incident he's ever been in that he's tried to get much praise for. So why the continued hatred of him? The fact that his survival cost Lily her life? If that is the case than consider the fact that Harry himself had no choice in the matter being all of one years old so it was Lily's choice to die not Harry begging to live. In short I would advise you to try and learn the true nature of Harry Potter before continuing your grudge.
Would you mind playing this for the next part of the letter, you will find it somewhat appropriate. http:/ www. youtube. com/ watch? v=Eeo NDck p0ZE (withouth spaces of course).
Oh and sir, I regret to inform you that the relations in which you engaged with multiple students in prior chapters was unlawful, ergo while you were reading this letter several aurors have been getting into position around you and will now conduct your arrest, sincerest apologies.
With the most respect I can muster at this time,
Dracarot former Ravenclaw
P.S. You will be hereby sentenced to have to continue doing these letters for the remainder of eternity, again my sincerest apologies, but threat not our agents will also deal with "The Great and Powerful Moz" to ensure no interference on the part of this scribe in trying to enforce any shipping habits upon you.
Dear Dracarot,
...well, you do make several good points. But discontinuing my grudge would mean taking a layer off of my character, and the books would be far less interesting.
And best of luck the the aurors, but I doubt that Merlin himself could take Moz when she's had her Pixie Stix.
Sincerely,
Professor Snape
P.S.- I was expecting the Cops theme song. But the other song was fine too.
Professor Snape,
Just a quick note to say thank you for the advice. You know, if the students actually stopped trying to think that you're evil they would notice your sense of humour. Or maybe it's just me. I like the Gellert idea! Thanks :)
Slyterin Outcast
Dear Slyterin,
You're very welcome.
Sincerely,
Professor Snape
Dear Professor Snape,
Ok, I feel sorry for you, tied up there, so I'll give you some advice for a change - just say it. You don't even have to mean it, just do it. And then you'll be free to do whatever you like.
Now a question: Why were Potter and Black able to even hex you in the first place? I mean, you were way smarter. You even made up your own spells! Couldn't you have beaten them singlehandedly? Then weren't that good, were they?
Sincerely, Perfect Slytherin Girl
PS: Hufflepuffs? You can do way better. Besides, aren't you supposed to be in eternal mourning?
Dear Perfect,
You know, now that I look back on it, if I'd kept my head I could have bested them easily. I suppose that's how it is with bullies. In the moment, no matter how many comebacks you know, how many spells you've mastered, you just forget it when they're mocking and publicly humiliating you.
And NEVER! Never will I quit!
(yes he will)
NEVER will I say I "ship" this "Drarry". By the way, people- seriously? You invent your own language? Are you really that bored? I mean, Mary Sue, slash, femslash, yaoi, O.O.C., PWP, Drarry, Dramione? YOU'VE INVENTED A FREAKING LANGUAGE! You ALL need hobbies.
Sincerely,
Professor Snape
P.S.- Can't I forget my problems from time to time, people? And why do you hate the bees so much? I mean, you're a Slytherin! If you were all Ravenclaws, I would understand the hate, but you aren't. So what did Hufflepuff ever do to you, honestly?
Dear Ex-Death Eater (or so they say...)
I've always tried to deny it, being a student at Hogwarts, but I find myself falling more and more in love with a certain Dark Lord. The way he conducts himself, that evil glint in his eye, oh it just turns me on! I somehow understand that he can never love, so how am I supposed to move from my infatuation with him?
Merci beaucoup,
The Hopeful Dark Lady.
PS: I heard about you and Grubbly-Plank. Seriously?
Dear Hopeful,
I suggest you find someone who needs a ladyfriend. I advise Flitwick, personally.
Word of advice- don't chase the Dark Lord. Bellatrix will eat you alive.
Sincerely,
Professor Snape
P.S.- WHAT have you heard about myself and Grubbly-Plank?
Okay, lovely people, Snape is again gagged! And now he has six aurors to keep him company. They're all unconscious, except for one who's maybe dead.
DRARRY FOREVER!