Bunny was on a mission. He knew of the Groundhog's gym addiction, and knew that if he wasn't stalking Jack, he would be in the ship's exercise room this far from happy hour. His paws were closed in angry fists, his mind on one track. He was secretly glad Jack had decided to sleep in, and the others let him, leaving him free to confront the greasy fur ball about his intentions. It took him only a few seconds to find the pillock, and only felt the anger in the pit of his stomach boil as he sent him a shit-eating grin.
"Why, good morning Bunny." He said. "Enjoy your night?"
"What the bloody Hell is yer problem?" hissed Bunny. "I know yer a right annoying old bugger, but isn't messing with the love lives of others Cupid's job?!"
"Let me level with you, Pooka." Growled Hog, eyes narrowing. "Jackie is fair game. I don't smell your scent on him. If I'm going to try for him…well, you know the saying. All's fair in love and war."
"Ya only met Snowflake a few days ago." Said Bunny. "No way in Hell are ya getting anywhere with him in a few days. Jack's not a fucking call girl for ya to play with and dump in the gutter when yer done."
"I never said he was." Said Hog. "But, get this, Bunny Foo-Foo. Frost is gonna be MINE, whether you like it or not, by the end of this trip. He just doesn't know it yet."
"If ya think I'm just gonna-" Aster's eyes widened as he saw the silver in the Groundhog's brown eyes, the memory of the last time he had seen such a thing. "Hog, stop this. Yer not actually in Love with Jack."
"Oh really?" snorted the furry brown mammal.
"Yer eyes got that silver glow." He said levelly. No, the Groundhog wouldn't avoid a good beating, but now that gift had been extended to Cupid. "Cupid's messing with ya."
"Cupid's got nothing to do with this." growled Hog. "I love Jack, and Jack will be mine, no matter what it takes." Aster bristled at the hidden meaning in the Groundhog's words.
"Over my dead body!" Aster felt a rush of satisfaction as his fist connected with the other animal's jaw, retracting into a fighting stance while the Groundhog rose, growling.
"You've started a fight you can't finish." With a feral growl the Groundhog struck a grazing blow, the Pooka to fast for him to connect fully with his face. Aster rushed forward, knocking down the Groundhog as they rolled about, biting, punching and growling in a feral mess.
"If ya DARE put yer grubby little hands on Snowflake I will personally rip off yer paws with a rusty hack saw!" threatened Bunny, the Groundhog dealing some hefty blows to his ribs. He responded with a powerful kick to the Groundhog's stomach, knocking the wind out of him. Hog hissed and clawed at Aster's ears. Aster growled at the pain in his most sensitive appendages and grabbed Hog's throat with one paw and smashed his fist into his gut and kidneys with force akin to a raging rhino and the speed of a jackhammer. The Groundhog grunted as Aster threw him off, smashing him against the wall, a boomerang pressed against his throat, sharp edge almost cutting his skin with the warrior rabbit glaring venomously at him.
"You can't win." Smirked Hog. "Jackie is fun, and you're a boring workaholic. He'll never be anything but bored by you. I knowhow to have fun. You don't stand a chance." Aster pressed the boomerang down a bit.
"Ya will NOT touch Jack." He growled. "If I so much as find out ya brushed somewhere intimate, I'll be slicing you open faster than you can say 'oops'." He dropped the Groundhog, and stepped back.
"You know I'm right Bunny Foo-Foo." Chuckled Hog, spitting blood from his mouth with a grin plastered on his ugly mug. "Jack's as good as mine." Aster flipped him off, stalking away to find the cherub of love.
It was time to introduce the annoyance to miss right hook.
ROTG-ROTG-ROTG-ROTG-ROTG-ROTG-ROTG-ROTG-ROTG-ROTG-ROTG-ROTG-ROTG-ROTG-ROT-ROTG
Tooth, Cupid, North and Sandy were already hitting the sauce, depressed and frustrated while Cupid stuffed himself full of deep-fried, chocolate covered Twinkies. Mother Nature lay next to them, silent as she went over the events of last night.
"CUPID!" All jumped at Aster's loud, obviously pissed tone, the Pooka standing in front of the cherub with a dark, stormy expression, fur ruffled and claw marks on his ears and parting his fur in a few places.
"Ah, Bunny!" said North. "What is with the mood?" Aster growled.
"Cupid, ya shot the fucking Groundhog, didn't ya?" he growled. Cupid gulped, cowering a bit in his seat.
"Well, it depends on how you-" he stuttered before seeing the Pooka's green gaze intensify. Cupid sighed. "Yes."
"What the Hell?!" shouted Aster. "Ya got roos in the top paddock ya gumby! The bloody pillock is completely delusional, and he's planning on mating Frostbite before the week is up!"
"Oh shit." Said Cupid, eyes widening. "Damn it! I KNEW that extra drop of passion was a bad idea! Mother Nature-"
"Sorry, but I can't." said the spirit. "I need my supplies to perform that spell. I can't drain it out of him. Sorry, but he's stuck with it for at least another week or until I can drag him to Rose Haven for a spell." She snickered at her joke while the others groaned.
"What the bloody Hell were ya thinking diaper boy?!" roared Aster. "Ya put Jack in danger, caused one HELL of a mess, the bloody pillock actually deluded enough to think Jack is WILLING to go through with this, and now we can't even snap him out of it! How the Hell do we say to Jack he needs a constant body guard for the rest of the week and NOT tell him you were meddling like a nosy grandmother?! Yer gonna shatter ANY trust he has in us!"
"In my defence, it was part of the plan to get you to man up and present your suit, which by the way worked FABULOUSLY." Said Cupid. "But your right. This could be a problem. I'm the spirit of love, and damn it I will NOT have such a vile act in my presence as forcing affection on someone who does not want it!" He took a sip of his pina colada and cracked his knuckles.
"Ladies, gentlemen, I have a plan." Cupid shoved Bunny into a sitting position, the cherub going into general mode. He picked up fruit skewer and pointed it at Tooth.
"You, darling, will run distraction." Said Cupid. "Tonight we are having a barbeque on North shore. Keep the Hog occupied."
"Aye, Aye Captain." Said Tooth, saluting. Cupid pointed the skewer at Sandy.
"Sandy, you run damage control." Said Cupid. "If things get out of hand, use your dream sand." Sandy nodded, giving a thumbs up.
"What shall I do?" asked Mother Nature.
"You and North will be Tooth's backup." Said Cupid. "Keep the peace, and don't give these two the opportunity to fight." He pointedly looked at the scuffed up Pooka.
"Will be fun, ja?" asked North, sharing the look.
"And YOU." He almost stabbed Aster in the nose with the skewer. "You will pull out all the stops. Show off those surfing skills, go pick flowers, I don't care just put your energy into wooing Jack. Make him happy, and get it through his thick skull that he is in LOVE with you. Jack's not stupid, one good kiss ought to do it. And MiM help you if you fuck this up fur ball. It may be my job to unite lovers, but you two are QUICKLY trying my patients. Either forget it completely or go shag in a storage closet!" He calmly sipped his drink again, all the spirits staring a bit at his outburst.
"And if we four fail?" asked Tooth. Cupid grinned.
"THAT is where Hallow and Fool come in." snickered Cupid. "They prank the living daylights out of him, Hog is now distracted, and I am free to work my magic and make the PERFECT conditions for sweet, sweet l'amore." Aster wasn't sure if he should be disturbed at the brow wriggle Cupid had going on or not, so he merely kept a stoic expression. Suddenly they heard laughter from below, Jack, Hallow and Fool raising hell on the fiesta deck, throwing water balloons and spirits, causing a fun filled water war below. Aster couldn't help but smile as he watched the ruckus, when suddenly Jack caught sight of him and picked up a green water balloon.
"Come one Kangaroo!" he yelled, the water balloon hitting his chest. "Live a little!" Jack squeaked as Aster rocketed after him, picking up a blue water balloon and firing with, had it been a boomerang or egg bomb, deadly accuracy. Jack squealed in joy, soaked, and picked up more water balloons, chasing the rabbit wile they exchanged friendly fire and banter. Cupid grinned, Hallow and Fool giving him a salute before diving back into the fray as water guns were brought out.
"This may be my best plan to date." He chuckled before turning back to Mother Nature and the Guardians. "Okay everyone, we have work to do."