Lost

Ginny sat on one of the windowsills in her dormitory, staring out the window absentmindedly. It had been almost two weeks since Valentine's day. Some of the snow that had laid thick on the grounds for quite a long time was now melting away and was replaced with rain as they were about to enter March.

Bad weather. How convenient...

She didn't bother taking a glance at her watch, but she knew that it was afternoon already. She'd missed lunch. Again. In fact, she'd been sitting here all day. Ever since the day that Luna disappeared Ginny hadn't been able to pay attention in any of her classes and the only reason why she even attended them was because Mc Gonagall would never let her skip them. She was also sure of that, if she did, Mc Gonagall would contact her parents and she didn't want that. She hadn't even told them about Luna; she couldn't bring bring herself to and they could read about it in the Prophet anyway...

And that's when they'll realize that their only daughter is a complete failure who didn't save her friend.

Ginny had always loved the food at Hogwarts, since it was almost as good as her mum's, but now she could barely eat at all. All she could think of, whenever she put the fork to her mouth, was the fact that Luna might be starving, wherever she was.

She hated not knowing.

But the nights were even worse than the days. Ever since the fourteenth of February she'd been haunted by nightmares almost every single night. Nightmares with images of Luna, screaming and being tortured, constantly entering Ginny's already confused and worried mind...

Luna hadn't even been missing for a day before people had started talking about what had happened to her. Ginny didn't want to believe them at first, but when Neville told her what Luna had told him she had no choice. They'd been furious about what Mr Lovegood had been writing in the Quibbler. And now they'd taken her.

Who else could it be?

It was like a cloud of worry had spread through the entire castle and it only grew bigger by the second. People were still whispering whenever Ginny, Neville or any of Luna's other friends showed up. Even the teachers seemed affected by the whole thing, especially professor Flitwick who was Luna's head of house.

Ginny wanted so badly to do something to help find her friend. Anything. But what? She couldn't even leave the school grounds with all supervision...

"Ginny..."

She didn't turn around at the sound of Madison's voice, even though Ginny hadn't heard when she had first entered the room. Madison slowly made her way closer to her friend and then said:

"You've been sitting her for... god knows how long. I'm worried about you. And I'm not the only one"

"I'm fine"

Ginny didn't take her eyes off the scene outside the window while replying, her voice empty. Madison shook her head slowly, snorting quietly.

"I know you're not fine and I don't expect you to be! None of us could possibly be fine with any of this. But sitting here, this behavior... It's not normal..."

"Then what do you expect me to do?" Ginny snapped, turning to face her friend. "Run around, laugh and smile as if nothing has happened? Pretend like everything is fine?"

Madison flinched; she was apparently shocked by her friend's reaction. However, it didn't take long before she locked her gaze with Ginny's.

"That's not what I said" she replied cooly. "And you know that's not what I mean"

Ginny sighed, turning to face the window again. She barely had the strength to keep this conversation going...

"I know" she said weakly. "I don't know why I said that, I'm sorry..."

"It's fine" Madison interrupted her and after a short silence she added:

"My grandfather died two years ago"

Ginny swallowed.

"I'm sorry" she mumbled and Madison nodded slightly.

"Yeah... I don't know if I ever told you but we were quite close. Then he got cancer, a muggle disease, and I just... I didn't know what to do with myself when he died. He'd always been there, you know?"

Ginny closed her eyes briefly. Where was Madison going with this? That Luna was dead? She couldn't even bring herself to think about that...

"And I'm not saying this because I think that Luna is dead" Madison added, as if she could read Ginny's mind. "I'm saying this because realizing that I at least had to try to continue with my life was the best thing that has ever happened to me"

"I don't know if I can do that"

"Well, I know that you can do that"

Madison put her hand on Ginny's and squeezed it gently. Ginny looked up at her, giving her the first smile she'd given anyone in weeks. Madison smiled back.

"You need to talk to Neville. He's the only one who really understands you right now"

Ginny nodded slightly, sighing as she climbed down from the window sill. Madison was right, this was not going to help Luna. It was just a shame that it had taken her so long to realize it...

"I know" she mumbled. "But I just don't know what to say to him"

Madison shrugged.

"You'll figure something out! But first, take a shower. Your hair is greasier than Snape's, when was the last time you washed it?"

Ginny grimaced.

"You don't want to know..."

How do you make a time line haha

Since today was Saturday, and the weather outside was cold and wet, the common room was crowded. But unlike before, that didn't disturb Ginny. She ignored people's stares and whispers as she made her way past them. Dean, who'd apparently decided that forgiving Ginny for the Hogsmeade event was the only right thing to do now that her friend was missing, put his hand on her shoulder as she walked by him.

"I'm sorry Ginny" he said, shaking his head slowly. "I really am..."

"Don't be" Ginny interrupted him. "It's not me you should feel sorry for"

I'm still here. I'm all right. At least on the outside.

She left before he had time to say anything and took a quick glance around the common room. She soon spotted Neville sitting in his favorite armchair, staring into the crackling fire. Since Luna had disappeared Ginny had spent most time inside her dormitory but the common room had been where one could always expect to find Neville. He didn't seem to mind the people there.

In fact, he didn't seem to mind anything at all.

Ginny sat down in the armchair placed next to his and looked at him. He didn't turn to face her but for some reason she knew that he could feel her presence.

"It's strange isn't it?" she asked, absentmindedly watching the licking flames. "It's been two weeks now and yet we haven't really talked to each other about it, even though you're probably the only one who knows exactly how I feel..."

"One can never know exactly how another person feels" Neville interrupted her hollowly and Ginny fell silent.

"You're right" she mumbled quietly. "It's still odd though, right?"

Neville shrugged, apparently not too keen on discussing this with her. But Ginny wouldn't give up. She heard Madison's voice inside her head: You need to talk to Neville. He's the only one who really understands you right now.

And Ginny knew that her friend was right. Maybe she could never find out exactly what Neville felt on the inside but they could still help each other out. They were in this mess together.

"I think it's because we're afraid" she said and when he didn't reply she added:

"We're afraid that if we talk about it, like everybody else does, it becomes more real. Then she's really gone..."

"It was my fault"

Neville's voice broke at the end of his sentence and Ginny felt a sting of pain in her heart as she watched his profile. He looked absolutely devastated and drew a shaky breath before he continued:

"It was all my fault..."

Ginny shook her head fiercly.

"No Neville, it's not your fault. If I hadn't spent time arguing with Dean and Zabini about McLaggen..."

"I was the one who was there with her!" Neville turned his face towards her, his eyes burning with anger and sadness. "I should have noticed sooner that something was wrong! What are they doing to her and why did they take her and not her dad?! She didn't do anything!"

Ginny wasn't sure he actually wanted her to answer his questions so she stayed silent for a short while before whispering:

"I don't know..."

She swallowed.

"I feel so sorry for Mr Lovegood..."

No new number of the Quibbler had been published since Luna disappeared. Ginny, who'd seen during Bill's and Fleur's wedding how much Mr Lovegood adored his only daughter, somehow knew that he hadn't been writing a line ever since. However, that didn't seem to stop the death eaters from not letting Luna go. But then again, that shouldn't come as a surprise...

Ginny closed her eyes briefly and drew a shaky breath. What she and Neville felt right now was nothing compared to what Mr Lovegood must be going through. His only daughter. He didn't even know for sure that she was alive...

Stop it! Ginny's inner voice screamed at her. Don't think like that. You'll never manage if you do.

But then how would she get through all this? Even if she, against all odds, would manage to escape from the school grounds she still had no idea where they kept Luna. For all Ginny knew, she could be anywhere.

And the pain that that thought caused her never seemed to fade.

Blaise's point of view

"And I heard from Masen that it was death eaters who took her! They were angry about what her dad had written in that funny paper of his..."

Blaise rolled his eyes as he couldn't help overhearing what a blonde girl in her second year told her friend whilst they were making their way through the Slytherin common room.

"You'd think it's getting old" he muttered, sitting down opposite Draco who was absentmindedly turning pages in a torn copy of the Daily Prophet.

"What is?" Draco asked, not looking up at his friend as he spoke.

Blaise nodded towards the newspaper.

"That"

On the front page there was a big, moving photo of Luna Lovegood and above it, with black capital letters, it said:

HOGWARTS STUDENT STILL MISSING

Draco spared the front page a quick glance before he put the newspaper away, almost looking sick. Blaise found this strange, since Draco didn't normally seem affected by the daily disappearances, but still continued:

"I mean it's been two weeks, there should be something else for people to gossip about by now"

Blaise was sick of it, but not because the way people talked bothered him personally. It bothered her.

He'd seen it. Ever since Valentine's day Ginny had become some sort of "celebrity" at the school and whenever she approached people started whispering or even ask her questions about what had happened. Blaise had even heard one or two students say that they thought that she had something to do with Lovegood's disappearance.

That, was definitely one of the most stupid things he'd ever heard in his entire life. Everyone who had eyes to see with could tell that Ginny had been like a completely different person during these past two weeks. Blaise had spotted her between classes from time to time; she kept staring at the floor as she walked and didn't seem to bother paying attention to anything or anyone.

He hated it.

Draco suddenly interrupted his thoughts:

"Well, even if people actually did stop talking about it that wouldn't make a difference to me. I'll still be reminded of it as soon as I get home for Easter..."

Blaise furrowed, staring at his friend.

"What are you..." he started but then, before Draco had time to respond, he drifted off as realization hit him.

"No..." he started in disbelief and could feel his own eyes widening as Draco nodded slightly to confirm Blaise's unspoken theory.

It wasn't what Blaise had expected but it really shouldn't have come as a shock, either. Even though both he and Draco had done their best do ignore the screams of pain and panic coming from the cellar, Blaise had known that there were people imprisoned at Malfoy Manor during christmas break...

So why not now?

"Why didn't you tell me sooner?" Blaise asked, feeling slightly betrayed. "When did you find out?"

"There was no point of telling you, still isn't" Draco replied shortly. "My mother told me about it in one of her letters weeks ago, apparently they'd come up with the idea of taking her by the end of last year. I guess they were just waiting for the perfect timing"

Blaise was quiet. He thought that there were many reasons why Draco should have told him this, but there was no point arguing about that now... Instead he asked:

"That's why you've been so down lately?"

Draco shrugged, obviously trying his best to look unbothered. However, Blaise saw right through it. Draco had a way of seeming extremely cold to people who didn't know him, but on the inside he could be just as happy or angry or hurt as anyone. He just didn't always know how to show it. But then again, neither did Blaise himself...

"Loony is nothing to me but that doesn't mean that I want her dead" his friend replied dryly. "I've seen enough"

There was a short silence. Without really thinking about it Blaise clenched his jaw.

"So you think they'll kill her?" he muttered, his voice really low so nobody would overhear them.

"I have no idea. They've killed before, haven't they? What would stop them from doing it again?"

Blaise could almost feel the pain he imagined it'd cause Ginny to know this. Know that one of her closest friends could lose her life at any minute...

"You can't tell the Weasley girl"

Draco's words caused Blaise to momentarily froze. Then, he met his friend's hard gaze.

"Why would I tell her anything?"

Great question! Maybe you should ask yourself that every once in a while...

Draco shrugged.

"You two seemed friendly enough in Hogsmeade..." he replied and Blaise sighed tiredly.

They'd had this discussion at least ten times already. Still, Draco seemed to find it hard to accept his answer. Or was he just teasing him? It was hard to tell...

"We're not friends" Blaise said cooly. "I already told you that I only ordered her to step out of the way so I could enter the Three Broomsticks..."

Liar.

Now it was Draco's turn to sigh and before Blaise had time to properly finish his sentence his friend had stood up.

"Whatever you say. I'm going to the library"

Blaise raised his eyebrows, snorting loudly.

"The library? Since when are you spending your Saturdays in the library?"

If there was one person Blaise would never expect to take school so seriously (and especially now) it was Draco. Seeing him in the library would be just as much of a shock as seeing Ginny Weasley dressed in Slytherin robes, wandering around in their common room in the dungeons...

For a moment he enjoyed himself imagining it, finding the thought itself quite pleasant. What if she hadn't been who she was, what if she'd been more... like him? That would have made everything so much easier...

Once again Draco brought him back to reality:

"If I fail Potions my mother will be devastated. And we both know that I'm not the only one who Slughorn considers giving a D... You should come with me"

Blaise shook his head.

"No" he said. "There's no way I'll be able to concentrate on that rubbish anyway"

Potions had never been his thing; he'd managed to achieve an O in his OWL:s simply because Snape had favorised him and his friends... Draco nodded slightly.

"Fine. I'll see you later"

"Yeah"

How do you make a time line haha

Despite the bad weather, Blaise soon decided to head outside for a walk. He enjoyed the school grounds a lot more when they weren't crowded and today he knew for sure that most students would be spending their free Saturday inside the castle. As he opened the oak doors the current state of Ginny suddenly came back to him.

These days, her hair looked... damp. There was no better way to describe it. Her eyes were empty and her face had gone pale in a way that didn't look healthy. She'd once been so full of life, and now that was all gone.

Blaise would never admit it to anyone, but he wouldn't hesitate a second if bringing the real Ginny back would mean that he'd have to beg Luna Lovegood to return to Hogwarts. Not that that would make her come back, the death eaters still had her...

He walked with quick steps, without really knowing where he was going, ignoring the rain. He soon spotted a red headed figure, dressed in jeans and a dark jacket, leaving the gamekeeper Hagrid's hut. She, too, walked fast and didn't seem to bother exactly where her legs were taking her.

It was Ginny, and Blaise was shocked to see her. He hadn't expected her to leave the Gryffindor common room today, now that she didn't have to attend any classes, and he definitely hadn't thought that she'd be outside...

But she was, and she was now making her way towards the lake...

Thinking that she wasn't likely to scream at him, now that she barely seemed to have the strength to talk to her friends, he followed. He only stopped when he'd reached the bank where she stood, carefully watching her profile from the corner of his eye. She still looked devastated, and said nothing.

Ginny's point of view

Ginny heard steps behind her but didn't bother turning around. She could feel who it was. It was mental, but true. He had a special air surrounding him. Air that seemed to be filled with some kind of power and heat. Like muggle electricity that Hermione had told her about.

For a moment she couldn't help wondering whether he expected her to still be mad at him. Of course he, too, remembered what had happened in Hogsmeade. What she'd said to him. That she'd actually shouted at him... For some unexplicable reason she felt bad about it now. Everything that had happened during the past two weeks proved that one shouldn't waste any time on fighting.

Because time could be up before you even knew it.

And she didn't hate him. She felt pretty sure of that she never could.

"Don't you wish you could just go back... to when you hadn't lost anything?"

She didn't look at him, couldn't bring herself to. Instead she continued to stare at the horizon that the lake created. The sky was getting dark, with white turning into a darker shade of grey. She barely felt the raindrops that softly landed on her face.

"We can't go back" Blaise replied shortly, his eyes resting on the Giant Squid that had appeared on the lake's surface. "That's the point"

As usual, his voice was cold and hard. To him, it was all just facts. Never show any feelings, that seemed to be the most important rule for him to follow.

"It's my fault. Not Neville's"

She didn't know why she told him this, but his reaction immediately made her wish she hadn't.

"What do you mean?" he asked sharply, turning to look at her.

He sounded almost angry.

"That Luna disappeared" she whispered, glancing up at him with tears in her eyes. "If I hadn't been so busy making a fool out of myself in Hogsmeade..."

"She'd still be gone" Blaise interrupted Ginny, taking a step closer to her as if to emphasize his point.

"You don't know that..." she started, shaking her head slowly.

"Yes, I do"

He glared at her, his eyes seeming almost darker than usual.

"You know just as well as I do who took her. And you also know what they're like. They don't stop for nothing"

Once again, just a cold statement. He finished, once again turning his face towards the lake:

"You wouldn't stand a chance"

They were both silent. Even if Ginny didn't fully agree with him, she couldn't bring herself to oppose.

"I can't believe that she's gone"

Tears were streaming down her face now. She felt pathetic, but what did it matter? What Blaise Zabini thought about her crying was nothing compared to the fact that Luna, one of her best friends, was gone.

Gone.

"I have no idea where she is! She could be really hurt or even worse and there's nothing I can do about it!"

Ginny's voice broke. She'd raised it without really thinking about it and had also, somehow, moved closer to him. Now, they were standing only inches apart and she could feel his cool breath on her face.

"I feel so helpless" she mumbled.

Their gazes locked. By now, his eyes were something familiar. A safety in a world of confusion and fear. And maybe that was the reason why it felt completely normal when Blaise wrapped his arms around her and held her tightly.

Ginny buried her face in his shoulder, sobbing silently. He didn't seem to consider her dirty or weak because of her tears; it was rather as if he was welcoming whatever weakness she might unload on him.

"You're not the only one" he replied quietly, his face in her hair. "This war means hell for all of us, in one way or another"

"So how do we manage?" Ginny whispered. "How do we escape the pain?"

"We don't" Blaise replied, his voice empty. "We just learn how to live with it"

She was quiet for a short while and then mumbled, still leaning against him for support:

"Thank you"

She could see from the corner of her eye how he furrowed.

"For what?"

She pressed her lips together and turned her head slightly to look at the horizon once again. She could see the silhouette of a single bird, screeching in the distance.

"For not leaving, despite everything I said in Hogsmeade" she replied, voice steadier than she'd expected. "People always leave"