Hope and Regrets

"Some days I don't know if I am wrong or right
Some days I feel like I'm wrong when I'm right
Your mind is playing tricks on you, my dear"

Of Monsters And Men- Little Talks

Ginny hadn't asked Madison to stay with her in the common room when everybody else went to bed that night, but her friend still seemed determined to find out what had caused Ginny's outburst earlier that day. Why she'd slapped Blaise Zabini in the face and called him a coward. She still didn't regret any of it but she was surprised to know that she wasn't feeling even the slightest happier than she had before she'd confronted him.

On the opposite, she felt even worse. Because she knew for sure that after this, it'd be over forever. He'd never want to speak to her again and even though she kept telling herself that that's what she really wanted the thought made her feel terrible. And almost sick.

"Whatever it is that he's done..."

Madison's words brought her back to reality but Ginny interrupted her before she had time to finish.

"Don't" she whispered, avoiding her friend's curious gaze. "Don't jump to any conclusions when you don't know the whole story"

Why had he lied to her?

"Then tell me the whole story!" Madison sounded impatient now and rolled her eyes. "Ginny, I'm muggleborn! Do you honestly think that I care about this stupid dispute that has been going between gryffindors and slytherins for the past hundreds of years?"

Ginny stared at her friend, surprised. Of course she knew that Madison was muggleborn and that she hadn't known anything about the wizarding world until her eleventh birthday, but still...

"I thought... I mean you've heard the rumours..." she started but Madison snorted loudly.

"Yes, and I've also heard the rumours about muggles and muggleborns. It's all rubbish and I know that it's better to just ignore it!"

When hearing Madison's words, Ginny felt like a really heavy stone was lifted off her chest. She could breathe again. It had seemed so at times, but she wasn't the only one who felt like it was time to leave the old prejudices behind. Her friend was on her side and she desperately wished that she could tell her how much that meant.

And so Ginny began to tell her why she was angry with Blaise and once she'd started speaking, it seemed impossible to stop. The words escaped her mouth one by one and Madison listened carefully, never interrupting to disagree or ask questions. When she'd finished they were both quiet for a short while, before Madison finally pointed out:

"That man his mother's planning to marry sounds mental"

Ginny nodded slightly, feeling the anger grow inside of her at the bare thought of him and the pain he'd caused Blaise. But he was also the reason why she'd gotten to spent almost a week with him...

"Yeah... I think he is" she said quietly and they both fell silent again.

"But even if Malfoy's house was full of Death Eaters..." Madison started and Ginny met her friend's gaze, wondering what she was trying to say. "... and his friend Tracey was in France... there still must have been some other place he could have gone"

I wouldn't be here if I had a choice. That's what he'd said.

"I don't know..."

"And yet he chose to go to you" Madison interrupted her firmly and then, to Ginny's great surprise, she gave her a small smile. "You know that that has to mean something!"

Ginny didn't reply, for she was lost in her own thoughts again. Over and over the scene played in her mind. How she'd pressed her wand against his throat, screamed at him, slapped him, walked away before he had time to defend himself.

"Whatever that once meant..." she started, swallowing twice before she was able to continue. "... it means nothing now. I've ruined all of it"

Madison shook her head slowly, changing position in her armchair to be able to fully face Ginny.

"It doesn't have to be over! Not if you decide to forgive him"

"I don't know if I can" Ginny said earnestly, knowing that that was the truth. "I mean, even if I wanted to... He betrayed me. He knew how much I worried about Luna and if he'd just told me where she was..."

"Ginny, whether you want to admit it or not Zabini was right earlier today"

Madison didn't sound the slightest afraid or nervous to tell Ginny this, and she furrowed.

"What do you mean?"

Her friend sighed.

"I know that you're a really talented witch, with your Bat-Bogey Hexes and everything..."

Ginny couldn't help smiling. That seemed like a part of a different life. An old and easier one. Madison continued:

"But that wouldn't have helped much if you'd gone to Malfoy Manor. They would have put you next to Luna in that cell. Or worse..."

She didn't seem to able to finish her sentence, but Ginny knew what she was trying to say. However, she still felt a strong need to object:

"But that had nothing to do with Blaise!" she exclaimed, holding out her hands in exasperation. "He should have just told me the truth and..."

"Don't you understand?!" Madison raised her voice and Ginny had to hush her, thinking that it was getting late and that most students were probably asleep up in their dormitories. "He was trying to help you! He didn't want you to get caught or killed and that means that he obviously cares, a lot!"

Each of her friend's words was like a whiplash to Ginny, a new way to look at things that she hadn't really considered before. She was too flabbergasted to speak but luckily, Madison took care of the matter:

"That doesn't sound much like betrayal to me"

Blaise's point of view

As soon as Blaise woke up the next morning, refusing to open his eyes, last night's events came back to him with an unpleasant thump. As usual, the curtains were shielding his bed from the rest of the room so he couldn't tell whether Draco was still there, but he hoped not. He knew that he'd perhaps been a bit too hard on his friend the night before, and Draco wasn't one who forgave easily. Also, Blaise had no idea what to say to him.

After a few minutes he forced himself to open his eyes and turned around in bed to look at the alarm clock on his bedside table. That's when he spotted her. Daphne's dark, long hair covered parts of his pillow and she still seemed to be asleep. He suddenly felt sick, when thinking about why she was there and what they'd done. He'd tried to tell her that he wasn't interested but had she listened? No, she'd insisted on kissing him again and he'd let her.

Ginny was right, he was a coward. And he felt filthy.

When they'd played "I've never" back at Shell Cottage he'd told her that he'd realized that what he was doing with Pansy and Daphne was wrong, so why had he just done it again? Why had he let himself use her for his own pleasure and to ease his own mind?

What was wrong with him?

He couldn't bring himself to look at the sleeping Daphne any longer and so he sat up, careful not to wake her, and took a glance at the alarm clock. 8:15 AM. Considering the fact that classes started at 9 sharp Blaise was quite sure that all of his roommates had gone down to the Great Hall for breakfast and sure enough, when he opened the curtains he found the dormitory empty.

Great. As if all of this wasn't enough he'd also be late for the first lesson of the new term.

Figuring that it'd be a lot easier not to talk to Daphne at all this morning, Blaise tried to get out of bed to head for the bathroom and the shower, somehow managing to cover most of his body with the sheets. However, he hadn't reached very far before Daphne started to stir and a second later she mumbled, still sounding half asleep:

"What are you doing?"

"Getting up" Blaise replied shortly. "Classes start in 45 minutes"

This seemed to catch Daphne's real attention and she opened her eyes and turned to look at him, furrowing.

"So?" she asked, yawning. "We have that oaf Hagrid, anyways..."

"I still don't want to be late" Blaise said, but he couldn't help feeling slightly uncomfortable with the thought of getting out of bed while Daphne was still there, watching his every move. "You should go back to your dorm and get dressed..."

Daphne nodded towards the floor, giving him a small smile.

"I have my clothes here, we can go downstairs together once you're done..."

"No, we can't" He wasn't even bothering trying to hide the annoyance in his voice now. "I need to shower and I'd like to be alone for a while, if you don't mind"

She looked sincerely hurt at his words but he looked away, refused to give in to any more of her words or face expressions. She put her hand on his arm but he pulled away. She raised her eyebrows in surprise.

"What's the matter Blaise?"

He sighed tiredly.

"Nothing! Would you please just get out of here so I can get ready? It's already..."

He leaned over her to glance at the alarm clock but she interrupted him, gasping slightly before asking:

"What happened there?"

He didn't have to look where Daphne was pointing to know what she was referring to, she'd probably been too occupied to notice the cut the night before... He made sure to cover his torso with the sheets again before telling her:

"Nothing"

Now it was Daphne's turn to sigh.

"Is that all you can say these days, 'nothing'? Why don't you just tell me what..."

"I don't want to talk about it, all right?"

She looked slightly taken aback by the way he raised his voice and they glared at each other for a short moment before he knew he'd won. He'd finally pissed her off. Daphne sat up in bed, grabbing her clothes from the floor and started to get dressed while muttering angrily:

"Fine, if that's what you really want..."

Yes, it is. Just leave. Please.

And she was just about to, when something obviously caught her attention and she bent down to grab something from Blaise's open trunk. He forced himself not to roll his eyes at her way of invading his privacy without asking for permission. However, he froze when he realized what she was holding in her hands.

"What is this?" she asked, sounding disgusted while holding up Alice in Wonderland between two fingers as if she were afraid the book might be contagious. "A muggles book? Someone must have put it in your trunk..."

Blaise felt a sting of pain and anger as he eyed the cover of the book. It all brought back memories of that day at Shell Cottage when Ginny had offered him to borrow it. He hadn't meant to bring it to Hogwarts, but it seemed as if he'd accidentally put it amongst his clothes and other belongings when he left Bill and Fleur's house.

"Give me that" he snapped and grabbed the book from Daphne before she had time to react.

"It's not yours is it?" she asked, crossing her arms and obviously waiting for his reply.

"Would it bother you so much if it was?"

He didn't know from where he grabbed the courage to say that, to admit to her that he was the one reading that book, but it was all nothing but the truth. Why did it even matter to her? Daphne opened her mouth to reply but Blaise interrupted her, feeling like he'd finally had enough:

"Just leave, please. I'll see you later"

He avoided her glare for a moment and then, without another word, Daphne turned around to leave. As soon as she had exited the room and slammed the door shut behind her Blaise got out of bed, grabbed a towel and wrapped it around his waist before entering the bathroom. There was still mist on the mirror and with an uncomfortable feeling settling down in his chest Blaise thought that it was probably because of Draco, who enjoyed taking really long showers in the morning.

He wiped away some of the mist with his hand, hating to see his own reflection pop up in front of him. Even though he'd slept longer than he was supposed to he looked tired and the dark circles under his eyes were almost as bad as Draco's.

And there it was again... Why couldn't he just keep Draco Bloody Malfoy out of his mind this morning?

Go to hell, Zabini.

Maybe he should.

"Idiot" he hissed at his own reflection, finding that word not nearly sufficient enough for the hatred he felt towards himself at the moment.

He tore his gaze away from his reflection and turned on the hot water, feeling his tense muscles relax somewhat when it poured over him. Maybe he should just stay in here forever. Then he wouldn't have to face Draco or Daphne. Or Ginny.

I trusted you. You're a coward.

No, he was even less than that. He was pathetic. How could he possibly think that sleeping with Daphne would make things better and not worse? Now there was another person whose feelings he had to take into account and if Ginny found out...

But why would that matter? She already hated him.

After almost fifteen minutes Blaise turned off the water, feeling just as filthy as before. As he got dressed he looked at the alarm clock standing next to his bed once more more. 8:50. Care of Magical Creatures started in 10 minutes. If he was lucky, or perhaps unlucky, he would make it.

While putting on his watch another wave of hopelessness crashed over him. In a single day, he'd managed to make two of the people he cared the most for despise him. Because that was the truth, and there was no point trying to deny it anymore.

He cared for Ginny Weasley. A lot. And he hated the thought of losing her.

You already have.

Blaise suddenly felt like doing nothing but going back to bed and sleep through the entire day, but when thinking about the fact that Daphne had also slept in his sheets he stopped himself last minute. The House-elves would have to change those first...

He swung his bag over his shoulder while hurrying down the stairs from his dormitory, almost walking right into someone who squealed in surprise. Blaise looked up, surprised to see Tracey standing there with a piece of toast in her hand.

"There you are!" she exclaimed, handing him the toast. "I brought you some breakfast, Care of Magical Creatures starts in five minutes..."

He knew that, in secret, she really enjoyed Hagrid's lessons and wouldn't want to miss one for the world.

"I know" Blaise said shortly and Tracey raised her eyebrows at him in a way that most people didn't dare to.

She looked almost annoyed, and hurt at the same time.

"What's got your wand in a knot?" she asked, obviously expecting him to thank her for the piece of toast she'd brought him.

Her voice was soft, but her eyes betrayed her. They shined with curiosity, curiosity that Blaise couldn't deal with at the moment. And if he told Tracey what had happened the night before, she wouldn't take his side. She wouldn't understand.

"What's the matter?" She sounded almost worried now, and placed her hand on his arm. "Blaise, you know you can tell me anyth..."

"I already told you, it's nothing!" Blaise snarled, making his way past her and heading for the portrait hole "Let's go or we'll be late"

"No you didn't tell me" Tracey muttered under her breath, following him out of the common room. "You didn't tell me a thing..."

He couldn't tell her.

I slept with Daphne because there were so many things I wanted to forget.

I said those things to Draco because he confronted me with problems I don't have the strength to deal with.

No way.

Ginny's point of view

Ginny had to admit it, Madison had a way of making the things she said sound completely reasonable and she soon found herself regretting the things she'd said and done to Blaise when she last saw him. However, she still didn't feel brave enough to walk straight up to him and apologize, and so over a week passed by and Ginny didn't hear anything at all from him.

In fact, she tried her best to hide whenever she saw him or his Slytherin friends approaching. She'd turn around quickly and walk another way, pretend to be very into a conversation or drop her books so she had to get down on the floor. That last thing, she'd discovered, was a great way to avoid possible eye contact. That was simply something she couldn't take.

"You're acting ridiculous!" Madison hissed when Ginny dragged her into an old broom cupboard on Wednesday morning, as she'd just heard Draco Malfoy and Theodore Nott's voices coming from around the corner. "Absolutely ridiculous! Do you think he would ever hide from you?"

"I don't care what he would do" Ginny whispered back, while peaking at the slytherins through the almost entirely closed door leading into the old cupboard.

Blaise wasn't even with them, but she still waited until they were out of both ear- and eye shot before she decided to open the creaking door. The two girls practically fell out, since it was such a narrow space, and Madison looked everything but happy when she brushed off her skirt and glared at her friend.

"I'm telling you Ginny, you're acting like a child! And I swear, that was the last time I ever hid from Blaise Zabini and his friends..."

"Ssh!" Ginny hushed her friend urgently, even grabbing her arm to make her lower her voice. "Not so loud, they could come back!"

"So?!" Madison exclaimed. "What do you think he'd do? Attack you or something?"

They stared at each other for a moment, Ginny realizing the truth in her friends words and knowing that it'd be impossible to tell her why she didn't want to run into him. She couldn't even explain it to herself...

"No... No, I..." she started lamely, staring at her shoes to avoid Madison's questioning gaze. "I don't know, I don't even care..."

But that was all nothing but a huge lie. She did care a lot, and that was the problem.

When it came to boys, Ginny had always been quite comfortable with telling other girls how she felt. She'd told Hermione that she fancied Harry and she'd complained to both Luna and Madison when he broke up with her. But this, Blaise Zabini, was a different matter. Madison might have said that she wouldn't judge, but there was still some sort of barrier within Ginny's brain, body and heart that caused her to hide away most of her feelings even from her.

And she didn't want to bother Luna with her own tiny problems, Luna who had just spent months in Malfoy Manor held as a prisoner... Ginny hated thinking about it, not only because of Blaise but because of what could have happened to her friend, and therefore she avoided the subject as often as she could.

And Neville. Neville had shared dorms with Harry and Ron for six years. Neville had been bullied by the slytherins ever since he first came to Hogwarts. Neville's parents had ended up at St Mungos for good, because of Death Eaters. She couldn't talk to Neville.

She couldn't admit to any of them that she'd almost gotten used to the idea of Blaise Zabini being her friend. That she hated herself for messing it all up and that she found herself missing him every day.

And so, despite Luna being back, Ginny felt more alone than she had in a long time.

How do you make a time line haha

But even if Ginny couldn't talk to them about her Blaise-related problems, Neville and Luna were the ones who managed to take her mind off things, if only for a short while. It had been almost two months since Ginny and Neville had first discussed to restart Dumbledore's Army but there had been a lot of other things going on back then (like an enormous amount of homework) and so it had never happened.

However, Luna's return and the fact that she could confirm that Harry, Ron and Hermione were all right seemed to lighten Neville's spirits up so much that he decided to hold the first meeting only a couple of days later. Ginny, Luna and Madison all felt quite excited about the idea and it was obvious that Luna's news had brought some hope back into Hogwarts.

Even though Ginny usually hated gossip of all kinds, she couldn't help smiling when she accidentally heard an excited first year tell his best friend and whoever wanted to listen that he'd somehow found out that "Harry Potter is alive!". The looks of anger on the Carrows' faces when they walked by the first year and heard it was priceless.

Ginny was pleased to see that quite many of the old DA members, mostly gryffindors, showed up on the first meeting that Saturday evening. It seemed as if most of them had kept their old enchanted galleons, never giving up hope of once again being able to learn more magic from each other. What made her even happier was that none of them seemed to be bothered by the fact that Harry wouldn't be their teacher this time, but were just as excited as they had been two years ago.

Standing in front of her fellow classmates, with Luna and Neville by her side, Ginny couldn't help taking a trip down memory lane. This was where Harry had said that she was great at spells and she'd gotten all warm inside, already back then beginning to hope... This was where she'd first learned to perform a Patronus and with a sting of pain, stronger than at any other memory, she remembered that this was where she'd danced with Blaise Zabini...

Perhaps the Room of Requirement wasn't the best place to be now that most teachers knew that this was where they'd had their meetings two years ago, but they hadn't been able to come up with a better location. It was also the only room in the castle that transformed itself after its visitors' needs and that fact alone was a great advantage.

Ginny's thoughts were interrupted as she heard Neville say, his voice surprisingly steady:

"It's great to see so many of you here. And even though Harry isn't present..."

"But he's all right, isn't he?" Seamus Finnigan asked, turning to look at Luna. "You saw him quite recently, didn't you?"

Luna nodded slowly and Ginny could tell from the look on her face that she didn't appreciate Neville being interrupted. However, she locked her gaze with Seamus' and said:

"I did. He, Ron and Hermione are fine"

Ginny could see smiles erupting on almost all students' faces and some of them even clapped their hands. She couldn't help grinning slightly as Neville continued:

"As I said, even though Harry isn't here I think we should do our best to finish what he, Ron and Hermione started. And now that that cow Umbridge isn't here to stop us..."

There was another round of applause.

"... let's practice some spells. Because we all know that there's a war going on, and at some point there will be a battle"

The room fell deadly silent and now, no one was even smiling anymore. Ginny knew that they all, just like herself, realized the truth in Neville's words. The major problem was not knowing when that battle would take place, and what it'd lead to...

Neville was quiet for a moment, obviously letting his words sink in and Ginny was impressed by how he managed to look so calm and yet... strong. But she guessed that this was really important to him. After all these years, he'd had enough. He wanted his revenge. And hopefully, he was going to get it.

"Before we begin I'd like to say something" he said, looking seriously at the group of students standing in front of him.

"This year is different, in many ways, from what Hogwarts used to be. Things have changed"

Oh yes, Neville was right about that... Ginny thought of the Carrows. Of Snape as headmaster. Of Mc Gonagall whose opinions no longer seemed to matter. Of the frightened students. Of Harry leaving. Of Blaise.

"I've come to realize that this year, we can't waste any time dwelling on things" Neville continued and his words hit Ginny hard, as she really could relate to them. "This year, there's no time to hate. We should all just take what we have, and appreciate it while we can"

Images appeared in her mind. It had been four months since she first talked to Blaise and even though that might not be a very long time there were many memories...

"... Because sooner than we know it might be gone. All of it"

It might be gone. Who knew what would happen in that battle? What if she never got to see him again once it was over? The thought alone made her feel as if her heart was ripped in two.

"He was trying to help you! He obviously cares a lot!"

Madison's words went, once again, on repeat in Ginny's head. Time was running out. Was it really worth making him believe that she hated him?

Ginny only had to glance at Neville's determined looking face expression to make up her mind.

How do you make a time line haha

There had been several moments in Ginny's life when she'd felt nothing but really, really stupid. It could be when she'd fallen for one of Fred and George's many pranks or when she, in vain, had tried to convince her mother that she'd finished all of her homework even though she'd barely even started. Also, she'd felt stupid for not realizing earlier that it was over between her and Harry and that his obsession with saving the wizarding world always would come first.

But this was probably worse than all that. Because this was another kind of stupid. Standing outside the Slytherin common room, trying to look unbothered and not at all nervous or lost, felt embarrassing. Ginny couldn't help blushing when thinking about how many students she'd had to ask before finding her way down here and even though most of them refused to answer her ("What are you planning on doing there, Weasley?") one or two were actually surprisingly helpful.

However, that didn't mean that she didn't want to get out of here as soon as possible. If only he could come out...

Suddenly, the portrait hole swung open and revealed none other than Daphne. Ginny held her breath for a moment, thinking that he might be with her. For some reason, the thought of him exiting through the portrait hole with somebody else hadn't crossed her mind before. How would she explain to Daphne what she wanted with Blaise?

But he wasn't with her. It only took Daphne a brief moment to spot Ginny and as she did she looked at her as if she were something really unpleasant that the dog had brought inside. Ginny refused to drop her gaze, but still put her hand inside her cloak to make sure that she had her wand at the ready if Daphne would want another duel...

"What do you think you're doing here, Weasley?"

Her voice was cold, rather than angry, and she narrowed her eyes while posing her question. Ginny gave her a fake smile.

"I'm sorry but that's none of your business, Greengrass.

Daphne opened her mouth to say something, probably rude, but was interrupted as the portrait hole swung open once again and Tracey Davies' annoyed voice could be heard from somewhere behind Daphne:

"Daphne would you mind getting out of the way, I'm trying to get to dinner and you're blocking the whole entranc..."

She drifted off as she managed to get past her friend and spotted Ginny. The latter bit her lip. She remembered how nice Tracey had been to her once, but what if she felt like she had to prove herself in front of Daphne? She wasn't too keen on starting a fight with two slytherins when she was all alone...

But Tracey looked surprisingly calm and didn't take her eyes off Ginny while addressing Daphne:

"You go ahead. I'll be there"

The very suspicious look on Daphne's face as she scrutinized the other two witches confirmed Ginny's thoughts: she wouldn't give up just like that. But then, she simply muttered something incoherent under her breath and left the scene. It almost seemed as if Tracey had some sort of authority over her and Daphne didn't want to disobey.

Once she and Ginny were alone Tracey asked:

"Are you looking for Blaise?"

"Yes" Ginny mumbled, feeling like she was being x-rayed as Tracey seemed to refuse to take her eyes off her.

"I heard you slapped him in the face"

She had crossed her arms now and as she raised her eyebrows Ginny couldn't help feeling as if she were a child, about to be screamed at by its mother. She could feel her cheeks reddening and she cleared her throat uncomfortably.

"He told you that?" she asked.

To her surprise the Slytherin girl snorted loudly.

"He barely tells me anything these days... Draco does, though. Apparently you left quite a mark"

Ginny whined slightly, once again thinking that she had probably been overreacting. What good did violence do, anyway?

"I'm sorry, I really am! Anyway, I wanted to apologize so if you could just ask him to come out..."

"He's not here"

They stared at each other for a moment before Ginny asked, furrowing:

"Then where is he?"

Tracey sighed tiredly and for some reason Ginny got the feeling that she'd already asked herself this question several times without having found an answer.

"I don't know, he's kind of kept to himself during this last week. I guess he's wandering around somewhere"

Ginny cursed silently under her breath. Great, so he wasn't even here. That meant that she'd been standing outside the Slytherin common room for almost twenty minutes, feeling like an utter fool, for nothing. "Wandering around somewhere" meant practically anywhere and the grounds were huge. How would she ever find him? Where to start?

"Thank you" she said silently, meeting Tracey's gaze before turning around to leave.

She felt like her job in the dungeons was done but she'd only walked a few steps when the slytherin spoke up again:

"Oh, and Ginny!"

She turned around. Their gazes met one last time and at that moment Ginny knew that she'd never have to fear Tracey again. She meant no harm whatsoever and had even called her by her first name...

"Good luck"

PLEASE review, it'll make me update much quicker!