A Bitter Sweet Taste of Realization

"Drive until you lose the road
Or break with the ones you've followed
He will do one of two things"

The Fray- How To Save A Life

"Do you lot know what I find just a little strange?"

Pansy walked with quick steps down the corridor on the fourth floor, looking through her bag while speaking and not bothering to apologize when she bumped right into two second year girls who were about to pass her by. Blaise could see how Draco rolled his eyes, almost as if to say "And here we go again".

"No, I don't think we do. But please, enlighten us"

Unlike Pansy herself, Blaise didn't miss the sarcasm in Tracey's voice. It seemed as if she didn't enjoy listening to Pansy blabbering any more than he did.

"Don't tell me that I was the only one who hoped that things would actually change around here once Snape became headmaster?"

Theo let out a loud snort, raising his eyebrows at her right as they stopped outside the classroom, waiting for Amycus Carrow to arrive.

"And you don't think they have?"

Blaise felt like pointing out that saying that things had "changed" would be an understatement. More like "This is not the same school it once was. Snape has turned it into a living hell for a majority of the castle's inhabitants".

But he remained silent. Starting an argument with Pansy would mean that he'd actually have to talk to her and that was the last thing he wanted.

She let out an annoyed sigh.

"Then why do we still have to be in the same classes as the gryffindors? One would think that Snape should realize how much we hate them by now..."

She cast an evil glance towards Neville Longbottom and Parvati Patil, standing only a few meters away discussing an essay that was due today. She kept talking, but Blaise tried his best to drown out her words.

As if the gryffindors enjoyed being in the same classes as the slytherins.

As if Ginny did.

He couldn't help it, but whenever the gryffindors came to his mind his thoughts immediately wandered off to her. What it was like looking into her gentle, brown eyes, having his hands in her lovely smelling hair and kissing her soft lips. It had been over a week, and he hadn't seen her ever since. Of course he'd spotted her a couple of times in the corridors between classes, but she was always busy in conversation with her friends and he couldn't help thinking that perhaps she didn't want to be spotted.

Perhaps she didn't want to see him after he'd left her like that in the astronomy tower. Like he always did.

But it's good, he reminded himself. It was a good thing if he managed to stay away from her, because that way he wouldn't have to tell her about Daphne. Doing that would hurt her way worse than staying away ever could. So he simply had to move on. Without her. Alone. Forget that that kiss had ever happened...

But that was like trying to remember a person he'd never met. Impossible.

At that moment, Daphne joined them and thereby interrupted Blaise's thoughts.

"Well, I fully agree with you, Pans" she said, playing with her hair and smiling at Blaise while speaking. "The gryffindors are just vial!"

Apparently, Pansy was still telling the others just how much she hated the gryffindors and apparently, Daphne had already forgotten Blaise's rude behavior that morning when they'd both woken up in his bed...

When was she going to get it?

"Hi, Blaise" Daphne said, standing uncomfortably close and looking up at him through her long eyelashes. "How are you?"

They stared at each other for a short moment and Blaise opened his mouth, feeling extremely uncomfortable with the questioning look that Tracey sent him. Luckily, if you could even call it that, Amycus Carrow arrived at that very moment and saved him from having to tell Daphne anything. Their professor unlocked the classroom with his wand.

"All right, all right. Get in here now, all of you!" he barked, watching as his students, somewhat reluctantly, made their way towards the entrance of the classroom. "I don't have all day trying to teach you pricks things you're far too stupid to understand"

Blaise hurried to sit down next to Tracey, only so Daphne wouldn't get any ideas. However, that turned out to be a big mistake since Tracey, as soon as he'd sat down, hissed:

"Care to explain that?"

"Explain what?"

He pretended to be busy to get his books and quill out of his bag so he wouldn't have to meet her gaze. Tracey snorted out of disbelief and annoyance.

"Oh don't even start..."

"SHUT UP, ALL OF YOU!"

Carrow's hoarse and furious sounding voice cut through their conversation and all students fell silent at once. Blaise couldn't remember any teacher who he and his classmates had been so careful not to cross, apart from perhaps professor Snape. And when looking into Carrow's dark eyes filled with so much hatred and contempt he could somehow tell that today's lesson would be bad.

Really bad.

Carrow walked between the desks with slow steps, and every single student that he passed by tensed slightly in his or her seat, being careful not to do or say anything that might get them into trouble. As he passed Blaise and Tracey they both looked down, not wanting to meet his gaze and risk becoming today's victim to his mean comments and remarks. Carrow hardly ever made a difference between slytherins and gryffindors. In fact, he seemed to hate all students just as much.

"You won't be needing any books or quills today, so you might as well put it all away"

They did as they were told but as Blaise met Draco's gaze he could tell that he was not the only one who was having a bad feeling about this. Putting away their books meant that they'd only use their wands and considering the fact that Carrow was a death eater, who taught Dark Arts, that could never be a good thing...

"STAND UP!"

As soon as Blaise and his classmates had all left their seats Carrow waved his wand and all desks and chairs were stuffed in the corners of the room, leaving it almost completely empty of furniture. After he'd told them to stand in large ring (naturally, gryffindors and slytherins chose to stand on different sides) he walked right into the middle of it and said, his voice low:

"I think you all know by now that ignoring my wishes or making me... displeased would be a great mistake on your part..."

You don't say?

"And yet there are first years on this school..." Carrow raised his voice slightly, as if the bare thought of what he was about to say made him lose it. "...who seem to find it very difficult to follow orders"

He was quiet for a second, obviously wanting his words to sink in and scare them as much as possible, before he turned around and headed towards the exit of the classroom without another word. The slytherins, who were facing the door, were the first to see why. As Carrow opened it, they spotted three first years standing in the doorway, shaking out of fear as their professor practically dragged them into the classroom. Blaise could feel his body go cold as ice and Tracey asked, her voice trembling:

"Blaise... Blaise what is he doing? I don't like this..."

Apparently, she was not the only one who seemed to find the whole situation very strange and frightening. Several students, mostly gryffindors, started to stir and mumble amongst themselves. But the slytherins were calmer, at least on the outside. They were silently eyeing the first years as Carrow made them stand in the middle of the ring of students before closing the door again, using his wand. And Blaise knew why.

The slytherins were expected to be okay with this. They were supposed to accept it. Carrow probably thought that they wouldn't mind doing whatever he planned for them to do, but Blaise himself did mind.

These were first years.

"QUIET!" Carrow roared, glaring at the gryffindors who, somewhat reluctantly, fell silent.

Blaise could see a Gryffindor girl, he thought her name was Lavender Brown, whose lips trembled slightly as she took yet another glance at the first years. There were two boys and one girl, all standing very close together and seeming frightened to meet any of the older students' gazes. Blaise swallowed, feeling Tracey move slightly closer to him on his right.

One of the boys had red hair and freckles, whilst the other had slightly darker skin and big, brown eyes now shining with fear and sadness. The girl, whose long blonde hair fell down on her shoulders, looked a bit like a younger version of Daphne. They were all ravenclaws.

"As this course is no longer called 'Defense against the Dark Arts', but just 'Dark Arts'..." Carrow started, smirking in a way that made Blaise believe that this was something that really pleased him. "... it is crucial for you to learn how to perform the Cruciatus curse which is one of the..."

The reaction from the gryffindors was immediate. Several gasped and Neville Longbottom exclaimed:

"THAT'S ILLEGAL, YOU AS A TEACHER SHOULD KNOW THAT!"

But Blaise wasn't at all surprised by Carrow's plans for this lesson and judging from his friends' face expressions, neither were they. Tracey mumbled a weak "No..." but fell silent at once as Carrow took several quick steps towards Neville and with a wave of his wand, made a small cut appear on his cheek. It started to bleed almost instantly.

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING? ARE YOU MAD?!" Seamus Finnigan roared but Carrow turned to him, his face only centimeters away from his student's when screaming:

"YOU WANT TO BE NEXT, FINNIGAN?"

The room fell completely silent again. They all knew that Carrow was capable of doing much worse things than what he'd just done to Neville and none of them wanted to experience that. For a moment, everybody seemed to have forgotten about the first years but when looking at them again Blaise could see that the girl was crying, clutching the red headed boy's arm as if her life depended on it.

"IF THESE THREE LITTLE SHITHEADS..." Carrow cast a nasty glance at the first years. "... HAD ONLY FOLLOWED MY INSTRUCTIONS AND PAID SOME RESPECT THEY WOULDN'T BE HERE!"

But somebody else would... He enjoyed this far too much to only base it on how many students that had disobeyed him in class.

Blaise could see how Neville glared at Carrow, his eyes burning with more hatred than he thought possible. Their professor soon continued:

"What you all need to know is that there is no good or evil. There's only power, and those too weak to seek it"

"If this is what power means to you, then I want no part of it"

Neville's voice was trembling, but he remained standing and strong looking as Carrow, once again, turned to look at him. Blaise saw from the corner of his eye how Theo shook his head, muttering a short "Mental..." before Carrow snorted.

"And you really think your effort means that much to the group, do you Longbottom?" He laughed. "We'll do even better without you and your hopeless tries at getting even the simplest of spells right"

Some of the slytherins snickered, but Blaise knew that Carrow was being unfair. Sure, he'd seen Neville Longbottom make a fool of himself several times through the years (he'd never forget their very first flying lesson at Hogwarts) but during these past couple of months he'd improved dramatically. Perhaps that group, Dumbledore's Army, had something to do with it? But they'd stopped having those meetings back in fifth year...

Blaise was surprised that Carrow didn't try to hurt Neville again, or at least send him to Mc Gonagall or Snape and give him detention. However, what his professor said and did next made him feel as if someone poured a bucket of ice cold water right over him. Carrow turned around swiftly, pointing a thick finger at Blaise.

"Zabini" he said, his voice slightly calmer than when he'd talked to Neville, but still full of malice. "I'm losing my patience. Show us how it's done"

The room fell, if possible, even more silent than before. Blaise felt Tracey, probably out of pure instinct, grab his arm firmly, as if to stop him from doing something reckless. He had his wand clutched in his other hand, surprised by how his voice carried when he asked Carrow:

"What do you mean, sir?"

Carrow rolled his eyes, letting out a groan of frustration. Apparently, he was too stupid to realize that Blaise knew perfectly well what he was talking about. But he needed time, before he panicked and lost it completely.

"You students are really thick these days, aren't yeh?" He took a quick glance around the classroom before his gaze came to rest on Blaise again. "Bloody slow... CHOOSE ONE OF THE FIRST YEARS AND PERFORM THE CRUCIATUS CURSE, I KNOW YOU CAN DO IT!"

Why? Because he was a slytherin? Blaise had never performed that curse before and he didn't intend to, either. Tracey wouldn't let go of him. He could feel his heart starting to beat a lot faster than it normally did and there didn't seem to be a single student inside the classroom who wasn't staring at him now; the first years' eyes would probably plop out soon. And Carrow looked excited, like this was all about to become a really good show.

Blaise somehow managed to make Tracey let go of his arm and as soon as he had, ignoring Draco and Theo as he passed them by, he made his way into the middle of the ring. He didn't know what made him do it; he should be far too frightened by what was about to happen. Perhaps he was. Perhaps he was just really good at pretending.

Right before he stopped in front of one of the first year boys, the slightly darker one, he met Neville's gaze for a split second. The latter looked tense. Frightened. Like he thought Blaise would actually do it. Because he was a slytherin, and slytherins did things like performing the Cruciatus curse on first years.

He broke eye contact, looking down at the first year who, impressively enough, looked right back up at him. He was shaking badly, though, and when their gazes locked realization dawned upon Blaise as if someone had just kicked him really hard.

This kid could be him, six years ago. Hell, he even looked slightly like him.

It all came back, what it was like being eleven years old again. When his father had just died. When he'd watched his mother change from a good person to what she was now. How scared he'd been. How weak he'd felt.

Who knew what this boy had been through?

He didn't know how many seconds that passed, only that Carrow looked both furious and really disappointed when Blaise finally looked away from the first year and slowly walked towards his professor. This time, it was easy to ignore the stares he was given and the uncomfortable silence that got even worse by the second.

Enough is enough.

He looked right into Carrow's eyes. Strangely enough, the hatred they contained left him with no fear, but only the power not to do what people were expecting him to. To do what he knew to be right.

"I'm not doing it"

His words came out as a cold hiss, and yet there was no doubt that they'd all heard him. Neville's eyes widened. Dean Thomas opened his mouth, but no words came out. So Blaise just grabbed his bag from the floor and, without another word or another glance at his teacher, he left the classroom and slammed the door shut behind him.

Ginny's point of view

"Great job today everybody, we should all be really proud of ourselves!"

Neville beamed down at all DA-members, still mostly gryffindors but some hufflepuffs and ravenclaws as well, that were now standing in front of him, Ginny and Luna. They all smiled back and looked really pleased with themselves, some still holding their wands after having practiced dueling for the past thirty minutes.

Ginny was so proud of Neville who, up until just months ago, had been a very shy and quiet person who hardly ever believed in himself. It seemed as if everything that had happened with Luna had made him realize who he was really supposed to be and now nobody seemed to find it at all strange that he was in charge of DA. Ginny wanted so badly to tell him how happy she was for him, and it made her feel all warm inside just thinking about how this war had changed her friend for the better.

Once they'd all said goodbye and cleared up the Room of Requirement Ginny, Neville, Madison, Seamus and Dean made their way back to the Gryffindor common room together. Seamus sat down in of the armchairs, yawning and stretching before pointing out:

"You're handling DA really well Neville, I must say that I'm impressed"

"Of course he is handling it well" Ginny said sharply, afraid that the somewhat surprised tone in Seamus' voice would make Neville doubt himself again. "Harry and the others would be so happy to see it"

"Yeah speaking of which, has anyone heard from them?" Dean asked curiously, looking at Ginny in particular who felt her heart sink.

"No" she muttered quietly, avoiding eye contact with all of her friends when speaking. "The last thing I heard was what Luna told us, that they were staying at my brother's house. But I don't know if they're still there"

There was a heavy silence and Ginny knew that it was because none of them had no idea what to say. All they could do now was hope. Hope that Harry, Ron and Hermione had a plan and that they'd eventually come back to Hogwarts.

But was there really any point of coming back, if things stayed like this? The unavoidable and yet so terrifying truth was that Harry, somehow, had to defeat Voldemort. Once and for all.

"Well, now that DA is going so well we should ask some more people to join" Madison suggested, probably to ease the tension and take everybody's minds off things. "Right now we're mostly gryffindors, we should invite some more ravenclaws and hufflepuffs, I'm sure they'd be interested..."

It was so obvious how Madison only said "ravenclaws and hufflepuffs", that thinking of inviting the slytherins wasn't even an option. Because somehow, people took for granted that they wouldn't want to fight for good and justice. For some reason, people took for granted that they couldn't be trusted.

That Blaise couldn't be trusted.

Could he?

Neville stared at Madison.

"Are you mad? We can't tell too many students! If we did, the whole school would eventually find out and I take it that I'm not the only one who remember what happened when Umbridge realized what we were up to..."

He held up his hand and even though he didn't speak a word Ginny knew perfectly well what he was referring to. Even though she hadn't be forced to do it as many times as Harry she could still remember the burning pain on the back of her right hand when writing "I must not tell lies" over and over again. Luckily, she'd gotten away without a scar...

"And Snape is at least ten times worse than Umbridge ever was" Ginny said gloomily. "If he finds out about DA we're practically dead..."

Madison sighed heavily.

"I guess you're right" she mumbled. "I just... we're all on the same side in this, aren't we? Then it would only be fair if more people got the chance to prepare and learn the spells they'll most likely need very soon"

There was no point denying it anymore, and yet Ginny was impressed by the strength and sound of determination in Madison's voice when she spoke of the final battle that was very likely to come. She was muggleborn, and yet she refused to not acknowledge the truth and hide from the choice they would all soon have to make. She was ready to fight.

"I suppose you're right..." Seamus said slowly but Dean interrupted him, snorting and raising his eyebrows.

"Oh yeah, she's right- if we want to be the Carrows' next victims to punishment. And while we're at it, why don't we just ask the slytherins to join as well?"

Seamus and Neville both grinned slightly at Dean's sarcastic comment but Ginny could see Madison giving her a quick look from the corner of her eye before she let her mind wander.

The word "slytherins" had automatically made her think about Blaise. It had been a week. A week since he'd kissed her. And whenever he'd passed her by in the corridors she'd pretended to be busy in conversation when really, all she could think about was how his mere presence affected every little part of her.

And she was afraid. Afraid of what he might do or say if she did acknowledge him. She was afraid that he'd ignore her. Pretend like it had never happened. Hurt her again. So she stayed away, even though she didn't want to.

What if he really did regret it? What if he felt disgusted by her and himself for what he'd done? But that kiss told her differently...

"Well, considering Zabini's behavior in class today we might actually do that"

Seamus' words brought Ginny back to reality with an unpleasant thump and she froze, meeting Madison's surprised and confused gaze for a split second before asking, her voice sharp:

"What did you just say?"

Seamus raised his eyebrows questioningly at her.

"Neville didn't tell you?"

"Why should he?" Dean interrupted his friend, his voice full of disapproval. "It's not like Ginny cares about Zabini and whatever he's up to in Dark Arts class..."

It was obvious that he hadn't forgotten Valentine's Day, when he'd arrived at the Three Broomsticks just in time to see Ginny and Blaise standing outside the entrance, having just spent minutes screaming at each other...

But she didn't care about that now.

"Well, I guess I planned on telling her but then I completely forgot about it..." Neville started and Madison rolled her eyes slightly.

"Could you three please just get to the point and tell me what he did?" Ginny asked impatiently, feeling her pulse quicken somewhat.

It was stupid, and yet she couldn't help it. She might be quite good at pretending like she didn't care whenever she knew that he was around, but the truth was that she cared a lot more than she'd ever admit to anyone but herself. She was afraid for Blaise, and she didn't want him to do anything reckless. And judging from the state he'd been in when he'd showed up at Shell Cottage one could definitely say that he, just like Harry, had a certain talent for trouble.

"He sort of... lost it or something" Neville told her, furrowing slightly. "Carrow had brought three first years that had somehow 'disobeyed' him and we were supposed to practice the Cruciatus curse on them"

Ginny felt sick and she had a feeling that she wasn't any better than Madison at hiding it.

"That's..." she started weakly, her voice trembling, and Neville said:

"I know... Anyway, he asked me to do it first and of course I refused. But then he asked Zabini and he... he went all stiff and seemed quite... shocked. Then he went to stand in front of the first years with his wand in his hand I was so sure he was going to do it..."

For a short while, Ginny stopped breathing.

"... but then he just walked right up to Carrow and said 'I'm not doing it'"

They were all completely silent for a moment, and the only sound in the room now came from the crackling fire. Ginny was too busy with her own thoughts to notice how her friends all looked at her, obviously waiting for her reaction. Eventually, she whispered:

"What happened next?"

Neville locked his gaze with hers.

"He left"

Ginny let out a sigh of relief and didn't even bother caring about the fact that her friends could all see her do it. He hadn't been hurt.

"So Carrow... Carrow didn't do anything to him?"

Dean furrowed.

"No, he just let him go, kind of a shock really. But it's probably because he's a slytherin... Anyway, what really shocked us was that Zabini refused to do it"

Ginny couldn't explain why, but Dean's words made her feel cold on the inside. She felt shocked and was left completely numb for a moment since she couldn't quite believe that she'd heard him right. And then, anger set in.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

It was obvious that her friends could all tell from her voice and the way she snarled at Dean that something was wrong, and now they all looked up at her. Dean raised his eyebrows slightly.

"I just... I mean, They're... He's... He's a slytherin so I..."

"So you thought he'd actually do it?"

Ginny's voice was trembling out of fury, but she didn't care. Perhaps she'd felt like this for a while, and now it was finally time to get it all out. She had to. Before she went completely mad.

"You lot actually think that he'd torture an eleven year old?"

She looked from Neville, to Seamus and back to Dean again. None of them met her gaze. In fact, they all stared down at the floor. It made her feel even more frustrated.

"What's wrong with you?"

Ginny shook her head in disbelief, standing up to leave the common room. She was so angry her hands were shaking and the worst part was that if someone asked her what was wrong, she wouldn't even be able to explain any of it. Not even to herself.

All she knew was that Dean and the others were wrong. Terribly wrong. Because she knew him. And he'd never do something like that. Ever.

"You know what, this whole house rivalry is getting old, not to mention annoying. I'm actually quite sure that you lot have more prejudices about the slytherins than they have about you..."

"Did he put these thoughts into your head?" Dean sounded annoyed now, too. "That day in Hogsmeade, what were you two talking about anyway?"

"That's none of your business" Ginny snapped heatedly, hoping that the blush on her cheeks couldn't be seen in the somewhat dim lit room. "And it has nothing to do with this!"

There was another silence, in which Ginny took time to let her gaze rest on Neville and Madison, two of her absolute best friends.

"Do you agree with them?"

Neville opened and closed his mouth but Madison was the only one who managed to utter the word:

"Ginny..."

"No" Ginny shook her head fiercely, snorting in disbelief. "Just... it doesn't matter. I don't want to hear it"

As she turned around to leave her friends she thought of what he'd been through. What he'd had to witness and what his mother's future husband had done to him. She knew that he'd seen enough. Had had enough.

And her friends had no idea.

"Why do you even care, Ginny?"

It wasn't Neville's question, but the sound of his voice that made Ginny stop walking. It didn't sound angry or like it was full of hatred. Just confusion. Like Neville, for his life, couldn't understand what this was all about.

And how could he? She'd never told him any of it...

"You were the one telling me there's too much hatred in this world, remember?" She locked her gaze with Nevilles, swallowing twice. "And you were right. I don't want this, I just..."

She couldn't bring herself to continue, the words seemed to have gotten struck in her throat. What was she trying to say, really?

"I know what the slytherins have done to us, believe me I do" she finally said, looking at all of her friends one by one. "But it's dangerous to just jump to conclusions about people. And Bl... Zabini wouldn't put the Cruciatus curse on a first year. Come to think of it, I'm pretty sure even Malfoy wouldn't do it"

She needed space. Now. Their intense gazes made her feel nervous, even more annoyed and tired at the same time, and she knew that she had nothing else to add to this conversation. Ginny had said it all, and she could easily guess that it made no sense to Neville, Madison, Dean or Seamus.

"I'm going to bed" she finally said, once again turning around to head up to her dormitory. "I'll see you all tomorrow"

Blaise's point of view

As Blaise changed into his Slytherin-coloured quidditch robes he had to, once again, remind himself that he was doing this for Draco and to keep the latter in a good mood. Even though Gryffindor could no longer win the quidditch cup Blaise knew that it'd be pure torture to his friend to see it in the hands of the Hufflepuff or Ravenclaw team. Besides, it had turned out that he played quite well and if he'd abandon the Slytherin team now, when all they had to do was win against Hufflepuff in order to meet Ravenclaw in the finale, none of his classmates would ever forgive him.

Apart from perhaps Tracey.

As Blaise left the changing room with his teammates she was standing just outside, leaning against the wall with a somewhat expectant look on her face. And the minute their gazes locked he knew what this was about. Tracey rolled her eyes at Draco, who gave her a somewhat annoyed look when he and the rest of the team passed her by, and said:

"Don't worry, he'll be back before the game starts"

Blaise felt like telling Tracey that he'd rather not have this discussion at all but judging from her determined looking face expression he could tell that that was not going to happen. Having known him for so long, she wasn't even the slightest afraid of informing him of her opinion in different matters.

"You don't even like quidditch"

Her tone was somewhat accusing and Blaise couldn't help rolling his eyes. They'd already discussed this at least ten times already and Tracey had made it perfectly clear that she thought it was wrong of him to play when he didn't fully enjoy it. He snorted in disbelief.

"Yes I do! I've been to plenty of games..."

"That Draco had extra tickets to, yes" Tracey interrupted him. "You wouldn't even have paid to go see the Quidditch World Cup final unless he'd asked you to come..."

Blaise sighed tiredly.

"I'm doing this for him and you know that. Besides, I can't back out now"

They glared at each other for a moment and Tracey opened her mouth, as if she were about to object, but then she just dropped his gaze and muttered under her breath:

"Whatever..."

He made a move to leave the scene but it only took Tracey a second to realize what he was doing and she exclaimed:

"I'm not done!"

Blaise slowly turned around to face her again, crossing his arms.

"And what if I am?" he asked cooly. "I have to go join the others and I already know what you think about all this, so there's really nothing more to say..."

"This is not about whether you decide to play on the Slytherin quidditch team or not!" Tracey said heatedly, staring at him as if she couldn't believe her ears. "And I'm not Daphne or Pansy! You can't just treat me like that and expect me to be fine with it..."

"I know that you're not Daphne or Pansy"

Blaise tried to keep his voice calm even though he could feel his frustration grow with every second that passed. He knew what this would all come down to, and what he'd had to tell Tracey. And when uttering those forbidden words once again, he'd only hate himself even more than he already did.

"Then talk to me, Blaise. You were lucky Carrow didn't put the Cruciatus curse on you after what you did in class yesterday..."

"Oh, so you think I should have done it?" Blaise interrupted her, speaking through clenched teeth. "I've never tried that bloody curse before and I sure as hell don't want the first time to be on an innocent first year!"

Tracey shook her head slowly, putting her hand on his arm.

"Of course not" she said softly. "You did the right thing but I... I'm worried about you. You've barely spoken to me every since that day Ginny came looking for you and I led her to the astronomy tower... What happened?"

What happened?

It was a simple question, two words. And yet Blaise had no idea how to answer it. Should he tell Tracey that he'd kissed Ginny and that he'd really enjoyed it? Should he tell her that he felt as if his soul was split in two every time she ignored him in the corridors, every time he thought of that he'd left her up there or that he had to stay away from her unless he wanted her to find out about Daphne? Should he tell her that he, somewhere inside, knew that Daphne would eventually tell Ginny anyway and that he had no idea how to stop her?

"Daphne happened"

Tracey furrowed at his short and empty sounding reply and then, before she even had time to ask for it, he told her what had happened that night when he'd started fighting with Draco and how he and Ginny had ended up kissing in the astronomy tower. Tracey listened without interrupting once and when he was done she remained silent, staring at nothing in particular and seeming to be lost in thought.

"And you don't have to lecture me about it" Blaise finally said, swallowing. "Because I already know perfectly well how stupid it was..."

"You have to tell Ginny. Before somebody else does"

"Somebody else" most likely meant Daphne and Blaise was surprised to find that Tracey didn't say anything to inform him of how much of an idiot he'd been to sleep with Daphne in the first place. Instead this, telling Ginny, seemed to be all that she care about at the moment.

Why?

"I can't"

But he'd lose either way, so it didn't really matter...

"When why did you do it?" Tracey sounded almost annoyed now. "Why did you kiss her?"

Up until now, he'd managed surprisingly fine not to think about that, and so Tracey's question was like a hard kick in the stommach. He couldn't escape it anymore, and he needed to find an answer.

Why indeed...

At first, the question seemed like a tricky one but after a few seconds of silence Blaise realized that it, in fact, wasn't. He'd kissed Ginny because he'd wanted to. She hadn't forced herself on him like Daphne and she hadn't been acting desperate or even pathetic to get his attention. She'd just been herself, all this time, and he'd kissed her because it'd felt like the right thing to do. And when thinking about that kiss, it still did.

He'd kissed her because he liked her. Needed her to make life worth something. And she, if anyone, deserved to know the truth.

It was as simple as that.

Author's note: PLEASE REVIEW! :)