Was it possible to become irritated in your own company? Light, colour and sound crashed together on crescendo of memories; some recent, some just a distant flicker. Renly's eyes shot open, bringing the infinite weight of what had happened crashing down around his shoulders. Slowly, he brought himself back to animation, his chest rising and falling in even succession. He moved his fingers, finding his palms sweaty and joints stiff. The stool beneath him seemed more solid than it had when he had first sat on it. And that was…how long ago? One hour? Two? Three? Hours ran into each other up here, especially considering the master was alone in the knowledge that he had been here all this time.

He had seated himself to watch the review of Loras' wounds, and the news hadn't been good. It was a form of avoidance really, as his court wasn't the most tranquil of places at that moment. Even less so considering the absence of the man lying unconscious before him. His knight was always one to laugh. He would take a serious subject, tip it on its head and make a jest of it. In the end that was how all the good ideas were found, with a mirthful expulsion of Mirth. Now though, the great hall of Dragonstone sat ringing with disagreement and so as most of the blame would fall into his lap, King Renly had decided to stay away. Sitting by his wounded lovers side seemed like a good compromise.

He was really only delaying the inevitable, but he was sick of the fraught tension between him and the stark envoys that always seemed to make themselves known the moment he stepped foot into the courtyard. A creak behind him brought him jolting to his feet. He hadn't realised how edgy he had become but it seemed sitting on your own for hours on end did that to you. When his eyes met Brienne's he relaxed and moved back to the table, running a hand over his face She hesitated a moment, looking from Loras to himself in confusion. Renly shook his head and seated himself in the high backed chair accompanying the otherwise plain desk. 'Please enter my lady, I was just…' he was going to shoot an excuse her way but found his mind void of them. Besides she was sworn to do as he bid her, and he alone. And she was Loyal. He need not trouble himself with god old Loyal Brienne. Brienne the beauty. Brienne the stubborn. She looked blankly at him, mouth open stupidly.

'I do…your grace I did not want to interrupt…' Brienne the stupid. He gestured towards the seat opposite him and reached for the matching goblet and jug. She made her way hesitantly further into the room and shuffled over to the bed. She did not sit but stood looking down at her lord commander with puzzled eyes. Renly took a sip of wine, swilled it around his mouth for a moment and then swallowed. His throat seemed constricted somehow, which made the very act of drinking painful. Brienne must have been wondering why he was up here but he was beyond caring.

'He heals badly the Maester tells me, and wakes fitfully with delirious ideas of where he is' he huffed out a breath and took another swallow of wine. There was ill disguised pain in his voice but of course Brienne didn't notice. Brienne the blind. Anyone else listening in on the conversation would hear much more anguish than was truly fitful for a king and his injured knight. He continued slowly 'everyday it gets worse, and everyday we lose any chance of getting him back-'

'It should have been me' his fingers paused, goblet halfway back to the table. His brow furrowed and he placed the goblet down gently.

'You were nowhere near me, you were-'

'It should have been me' the sharpness in her voice brought his eyes up to look confusedly at her. She was looking down at Loras with a look much akin to disgust on her face. His hand dropped to the table. He had an idea of what was going on here but he wanted to test the rock before he put his full weight on it.

'What do you mean?' his voice was low, testing, and the room almost seem to ring with his heartbeat. She struggled for a moment before turning towards him.

'I should have been at your side. I should have been the one to take that arrow and I should have been the one you were mourning after my death.' She turned back to Loras 'not him. He could never have been any more dedicated than me' her last words were said as if to herself, and Renly was unsure as to whether he was supposed to have heard them. He felt as if he had been slapped across the face with full force.

'Don't say that' he sounded calm, but there was anger rippling just below the surface; an undercurrent of authority. She glanced up at him, jaw clenched so similarly to how Loras' had that last night. Now however, he was not in the delightful mood he had been in that moment. Right now he was remarkably close to ordering Brienne from the room. He was still the king, and she was still one of his Rainbow guard. She had an obligation to follow his orders or she wouldn't be part of his kingsguard much longer. Either way he could not hold back the anger that rose in him like a spitting cobra after her outburst. He was wary however, and he had his suspicions there was more to this than he assumed. She was alive was she not? Why was it that she seemed so desperate to be dying? He raised himself to his feet, hands supporting his weight on the heavy wood. Renly found himself growing angrier at her. How could she be so selfish? Loras was dying and all she could do was stand there, wishing it were her. He couldn't comprehend it. 'You mean to say you are more dedicated than you're lord commander? Well that is low indeed' he began to move around the side of the table, keeping his eyes firmly on Brienne. 'There is nobody more loyal, more willing to lay down their life for me than this knight. Nobody. No man, woman or child in the whole of the seven kingdoms'

'Your grace I did not mean to insul-'

'Do not speak to me of insult. Do not dare' his fists were clenched in frustration, and he looked at her through glazed eyes. 'The bravest man in the seven kingdoms lies dying and you stand there and tell me you wish it was you because what?' his voice was slowly rising in volume. 'Because you want the songs to be sung about you and not him. You envy him! Don't you!?' she just looked at him spluttering as he continued 'you want the attention he receives from me! Well listen here' he strode forward in a cool rage. 'You will never, and I mean never, come near this place again. You don't deserve the praise he gave you. Now get out' he span to face the wall and listened as she left the room. Renly was left tight lipped and breathing heavily through his nose. This was so unlike him. This had changed him. A murmuring behind him brought his head flinging round.

Loras' form was shifting, as if he were trying to sit up. Renly hurried over, pushing him gently back towards the bed. He double checked the door to ensure nobody would walk in and then perched on the edge, taking his lover's face in his hand. 'shh, Loras, it's me, it's Ren' Loras groaned and tried to open his eyes. Renly flinched at how bloodshot they looked. He struggled for a moment and then found Renly's face. He coughed, his voice croaking from misuse

'I thought you would have left me, I was-'he bolted upright, coughing heavily and choking up blood in the process, spattering Renly's face. His mouth filled up with blood and then spilled over his chin onto the sheets. Renly grabbed him by the shoulders and supported him as he coughed and heaved over the side of then bed. He hated it. watching him suffer. He didn't know what to do; he was unlearned in this area. After a long minute the coughing ceased and Loras slumped back against him. He was breathing heavily as Renly lowered him softly back onto the mattress, a soft bubbling escaping his lips with each breath. Renly frowned.

'shh' he soothed, stroking the sweat drenched hair from his lovers brow. Loras turned his head to find the King's face once more.

'You…you never left?' he was squinting, as though the light was too much for him. Renly stood and strode towards the door, making sure it was locked before reaching up and dabbing out the candled in various brackets around the room. The place was suddenly drowned in darkness, and he groaned as he hit his knee against a chair or table on his way back over. A sound that could have been a laugh sounded feebly from the other side of the room. Renly made for that direction. He did his best to climb into the cot next to Loras, wrapping his arm around his neat form. He shifted comfortably into the side of Renly's body.

'You didn't answer me' he grunted.

'I didn't know it was a question.' Renly sighed, closing his eyes. A lump had developed in his throat, making it difficult to speak. He cleared his throat, trying to lighten the mood, but it was like lifting an elephant. There was silence for a moment, and Loras was the first to shatter the illusion.

'I'm dying Ren' he sounded so weak, so helpless that he hardly believed this was the knight of flowers at all. He stiffened all the same.

'No, of course you aren't' he tacked a chuckle onto the end but it didn't do much to make him sound any more sure of himself. Eyes wide open, his mouth filled with blood as his teeth pierced the inside of his cheek.

'Don't leave me' Loras' body relaxed and his words were barely a whisper. A single tear managed to escape the confines of Renly's eyes, sliding down his cheek before settling itself in the confines of his doublet. He fought to hold back the imminent sob that would follow. He swallowed painfully again, gaining control over his voice, and kissing the top of his knight's head.

'Even if the stars wept, I would not leave you my love.'