Peter POV

I kept my back to the room as I moved to the window and for a moment, everything was silent as I stared through the glass.

But my focus isn't on the lights of the city.

It's on Alicia.

She hasn't moved, in spite of my request for her to leave, and I'm torn between wanting her to respect my wishes and being thrilled that she hasn't.

Although it's not like it was a test or anything.

When I asked her to leave, I meant it.

But probably not in the way she thinks.

I am mad, but not so much at her as I am at me.

"No," she said firmly, her voice resonating through the quiet room.

"Alicia…" I sighed as I reluctantly turned around to face her, and she's still standing in the same spot, her gaze locked on mine, and she looks so determined and proud and…so goddamn beautiful that for a moment all I want to do is pull her into my arms.

But I can't. Not yet.

I need some time to make this right in my head because at the moment, I can vividly see her and Will together in my mind.

And I know it's not her fault. I mean, the fact that I'm picturing them instead of just forgiving her.

Because I should forgive her.

Immediately.

After everything I did before…

"I'm not walking away," she said obstinately, and as if to prove her point, she took a couple of steps towards me. "Because what if…what if…"

She trailed off and to my surprise, she sucked in a harsh breath in an obvious effort to stave off tears.

Now I've made her cry, I thought with self-loathing.

Why can't I just accept it and move on? I mean, so what if she kissed another man? It doesn't change how I feel about her.

But it was Will, I reminded myself. Someone she's slept with. Someone she cares about. And yeah, okay, so he's also someone I'm insanely jealous about which makes it that much harder for me.

"What if this is it? What if this is one of those moments, you know?" she finished, her voice breaking mid-sentence and the tears finally escaping.

Not a lot of them, but still…three or four drops rolled down her cheeks.

"One of what moments?" I asked, and I can't stop myself from moving towards her because the sight of her so upset, standing alone in the middle of the room…it breaks my heart.

"The kind that has long-lasting implications," she answered. "I don't want time to pass, and have us be apart, and then I look back on this night and wonder what would've happened if I'd stayed. If I'd fought for you. For us."

Us.

Something I thought that would forever be a thing of the past.

I mean, yeah, we've rekindled a hell of a sex life, but when I tried to extend it into something more - dinner or a date of some kind – she resisted. I assumed it was her way of protecting herself from me, considering all the pain I caused her.

She said she loves me, my subconscious pointed out. Words I've been waiting to hear for so long, and yet said in the wake of her confession, I almost overlooked them.

I took another step closer to her in an effort to breach that gaping chasm between us.

"I didn't ask you to go because I'm mad at you," I explained. "I just need to think. I'm upset, and a little bit hurt, but I only have myself to blame."

"Why?" she asked with what sounded like anger. She tilted her head to one side as she looked at me challengingly and once again I was struck by just how much I love her.

"Because I never talked about it…about what we're doing and what I want from it. And I never asked what you want from it. So for me to have expectations of monogamy isn't fair. Especially when that's probably not something you expected to get from me in return."

"It can't keep coming back on you," she said quietly as she eased slightly closer to me. "You screwed up, but God knows you've paid dearly for it."

"So have you," I replied.

"And this time I screwed up," she said purposefully.

"As much as I hate what you did, I don't think there's any comparison."

"It's me, hurting you," she acknowledged. "And maybe it's even worse in this case because I know how badly it hurts to be on your side of it."

This whole situation is so messed up. Where would we be right now if I hadn't taken the path of arrogance and indiscretion?

I have absolutely no idea. We've come too far since then, with prison and the elections and the separation…her time with Will and my time with just me, putting myself back together.

It's a miracle that we even still like each other, much less have a possibility for something more.

By this time, there's barely a couple of feet between us and my anger has dwindled along with the distance, so I took one more step towards her and then I held open my arms to her, and without hesitation she moved into my embrace.

"I'm sorry," she whispered.

"Me, too."

"I know this night was supposed to be about something else, but…"

"I think it is about something else," I interrupted, and then I moved my hand up into her hair, holding her close and appreciating the feel of her body against mine.

It just feels so natural and comfortable. Arousing and exciting. I don't get how I can simultaneously want to ravage her yet simply hold her safe in my arms, but I do, and suddenly nothing that happened between her and him makes any difference to me at all.

It was two weeks ago.

She's seen him plenty of times since then and yet she chose to continue coming to see me.

To be with me.

And I know, that's kind of a backwards relationship and I deserve better than that and so does she, which is why maybe it's time for us to start talking.

And to start putting a name on what we're doing.

"So…do we want to talk about it?" she asked me, almost as if she were reading my mind. "Or I can still go, if you want…"

Do I want her to go?

Hell, no. I didn't want her to leave a split second after I made the suggestion.

"I don't ever want you to leave," I stated.

I could feel her exhale, presumably in relief, and then she said, "Next time you want someone to stay, you shouldn't say something stupid like I'd like you to go."

I wasn't expecting her sense of humor to make an appearance, but I love that it did.

"Point taken," I said on a chuckle, but then I grew serious again as I said, "I didn't want you to see me angry. I don't have any right to be upset with you for anything."

"So I just get a free pass from here on out?"

"Yeah, just…no more kissing Will, okay?"

I can't believe I can even make a joke about it, but you know what? She's here with me, even after I gave her the perfect opportunity to walk away, so fuck Will.

She pulled back in surprise, gauging my mood before laughing lightly, that low throaty laugh that I love, and then she said, "So Eli's still up for grabs, right?"

I barked out a laugh and then hugged her more tightly to me, breathing in her scent as we rocked back and forth.

"Peter," she said softly.

"Hmm?" I murmured as I pressed a kiss against the top of her head.

"I don't get any free passes. We're starting out again on even ground, okay? If we want this to work, then that's how it has to be."

"So we are starting out again," I clarified. "Because I have to tell you, I don't just want sex. I want more. And I want you to want more."

She was quiet for a moment, but only a moment, and then she took a small step back from me and settled her palms on my chest as she locked those exquisite eyes on mine.

"I want more," she said carefully. "I meant what I said earlier. I'm in love with you, Peter. Maybe even more than I was the first time around, and that's a little scary for me, but I really think we can make it work. I mean, if you want."

Her words rendered me speechless, considering the roller coaster this night has been.

She left me alone at the ball, and then she came back all smiles and wanting to dance.

She agreed to spend the night with me, and then she confessed to sharing a kiss with Will.

I asked her to leave, she insisted on staying.

And now when I push the issue of wanting us to be more than exes with benefits, she blows me away with her heartfelt admission.

I'd planned to take this whole thing slowly, but suddenly I feel like going for broke.

"I really want you to stay the night," I began as I settled my hands over top of hers where they're still resting on my chest.

"Me, too," she said, but I interrupted whatever else she might have been about to say as I leaned down to kiss her lightly.

"But," I said purposefully once I pulled back. "I changed my mind."

"Peter…"

"Just listen," I entreated. "Please."

She nodded and I couldn't resist stealing one more kiss from her, an innocent gesture that quickly turned combustible, and so I let the words rattle around in my head for a few minutes as I focused on kissing her instead, but maybe that was a mistake because she's so damn good at it…so unbelievably intoxicating…it was all I could do not to pick her up and throw her onto the bed.

But as badly as I messed things up before, I want to make sure I do this right.

So I pulled back.

And I love that she's breathless and completely worked up, and I love how she's looking at me with a mixture of anticipation and passion, and…I just love her.

"I'm going to say something, and then I really do want you to go," I said at last. "And not for any reason other than that I want you to think about it without me around to influence you one way or the other, okay?"

"Um…okay," she said cautiously.

"So tomorrow night, I'll pick you up. For a date. And then you can tell me."

"Tell you what?"

I don't know why I'm nervous, but I am.

Really, really nervous.

Maybe because there's only one way this can end well, and I'm not sure if that's how it's going to go.

"The answer to my question."

"Peter, what…" she said in confusion.

"Marry me."

"We are married," she responded, and I love the smile that plays on her lips.

"I want to do it again. And this time, it'll be for the rest of our lives."

To Be Continued

A/N: **spoiler alert** Okay, so it stinks that I had the idea for Peter to ask Alicia to marry him again, and then a spoiler comes out that it's going to happen on the show, BUT I love that it's going to happen on the show! And goodwifefan talked me into following through with my idea anyway, so...there you go :)