Ouch... not so many reviews :(

Was that chapter not good? I dunno, it wasn't my best, but hey! School's started, so I'm like, BLAH!

And today, in JROTC, one of my cadets honestly asked me if it was safe to point a weapon at someone...

... really?

:) So, I put this out to cheer myself up, and hopefully you guys to!

:3 Enjoy.

10 Reasons Why I'm Single:

A list by Roxas Strife

1. I'm an irritable and grouchy nineteen-year-old. Hardly constitutes as attractive.

2. I hardly have any time to date because I'm almost always at my job with terrible pay.

3. My family scares any potential dates away.

4. Those left after the first scare are either rapists, stalkers, or creeps (Axel counts as all three)

5. I don't have the patience to get past the awkward first date faze.

6. I'm… also, you know… just a little bit… I might possibly be… shy?

7. I am attracted to people who turn out to be freaks.

8. I am not a freak, therefore there is no chemistry.

9. I refuse to date any guys who live in this hick town with me.

10. I'm… an irritable and grouchy nineteen-year-old. Repeated because it counts as two reasons. Counts as two because it's just that big of a reason.

Roxas sighed dejectedly as he leaned against the counter and counted tiles on the ceiling in boredom and in an effort to distract himself. It was another regular Saturday at The Strife Coffee House-if there was any day that constituted as normal, actually-and he was going to die.

Why was he going to die, you ask?

Naminé, his dear little sister, was trying to give him tips on dating.

"I mean, when was the last time you dated someone, Roxas?" Naminé asked as she blew a small pink bubble and let it pop before she looked expectantly up at her brother. Roxas bit the inside of his cheek and shrugged, trying to act natural about it.

"Just a little while ago…" He mused, avoiding his sister's skeptical stare. In truth, it had been a long while ago. Naminé knew this, but let out a soft sigh and pushed her glasses up the bridge of her nose. Her brother was just so stubborn sometimes! Roxas glanced around and took stock of the quiet crowd they had for Saturdays, relieved to see that the red head that had plagued his dreams hadn't shown up.

Yes… I did say plagued his dreams, didn't I?

Ah, I did.

And it was true. Roxas was having a little, er, problem with his dreams, you see. It was to his embarrassment and horror that he had episodes where he actually wanted the red head. That he actually wanted him to push him against the stupid latte maker and press hot, heated kisses over his throat and down his chest, fingers reaching for his-

But he didn't want that in reality. In reality, he hated the guy. He was loud, rude, obnoxious, bothersome, perverted, and… well, his hair probably came straight from a bottle. Never mind the fact that his whole family had similar red hair. Nope, theirs was real… his was fake.

"When's the last time you talked to Diz?" Roxas shuddered at that name and gave his little sister a dark look, wishing her to a distant land. How was Diz? How was he supposed to know?!

"I haven't talked to him since he left for The University of Halloween Town." He mumbled back to her, turning away and reaching under the counter to change the song on the intercom. Naminé clucked her tongue and shook her head slowly.

"Why haven't you then?" She persisted.

"Because the last time we talked he said I was a nobody and that I was just a pawn to this town." Roxas informed her darkly, his famous eye-melting glare taking over his face. Naminé watched him with a guarded stare before she nodded, eyes showing her shock. No, no one in the Strife family knew what had befallen that couple. They just thought that it was a "mutual" breakup and let Roxas lock himself up in his room near the attic until it was time for his shift at work.

In truth though, it wasn't mutual. Diz had left him short-handed and without remorse, dooming him to stay in the rat-hole Twilight Town for the rest of his days. Roxas had been stuck breathing in exhaust smoke from Diz's tailpipe as he drove off to college and did the one thing that Roxas had always wanted to do.

Leave and never look back.

"Well, so why not date now then? You're a hermit in the relationship world." Naminé said wisely, voice quiet and innocent. Roxas knew better though. He shot his sister a dark look and began busying himself with making sure that there were enough cups and supplies up front for the afternoon rush that would ensue.

"I'm not interested in anyone here." He hedged and looked over the small crowd again, happy to see that there was still no red head. It really made him warm inside to see that there were normal, blonde haired, brown haired, black haired kids instead of the head sore that made his eye twitch.

"How's the work going, love?" Luxord waltzed in from the back room and gave his favorite child a big hug, picking Naminé up and swinging her around. Not noticing Roxas, he didn't react when Naminé's foot connected solidly with Roxas's forehead, throwing him to the ground in pain.

"I'm good, father. Can you put me down?" Naminé calmly waited and gave a small smile as Luxord deposited her back to her original spot and peered down at his semi-conscious son.

"What're you doing down there, Roxas? That's not how you make me money, lad." Luxord grabbed a dazed Roxas and put him back on his feet, ignoring the way that Roxas was currently giving him a death glare and rubbing a growing red spot on his head. Oh, Luxord was going to get it. Maybe he'd stick something in his dinner when he got home? He didn't think arsenic would be fair, but maybe something like, oh, let's see… rotten brussel sprouts? Roxas grinned evilly in his mind and plotted.

"I think we hurt him, dad." Naminé said, seeing the foot print on her older brother's head.

"Oh, a little nick never hurt anyone. I'm just checking up to see how you're holding down the fort. I know Roxas has it fine, he's always here." Luxord clapped a hand on Roxas's shoulder, not noticing him when he gave a pathetic yelp and collapsed under the weight. "You know I don't like you working here." Roxas managed to claw his way back from the floor to level his father with a murderous glare.

"I was working here when I was 15." Roxas said between clenched teeth.

"Yeah, but you're the one to take on the business when I'm dead and gone; might as well enjoy it!" Naminé looked away and pushed her glasses up nervously, seeing steam starting to rise up from her brother's head. Roxas gritted his teeth and glared.

"Who said I wanted to?" He snapped, nails digging into his palms. Luxord looked blankly at him and scratched his ear, flicking the earring absentmindedly.

"Well, Cloud has his school and the mechanic shop he's going to open, Sora's got school and has his internship at the Key Museum that's been opened down the road. Demyx has his music and school… Larxene is… well, my eldest daughter's a bitch. Sad, really. Naminé, bless her soul, is too young and will go to the community college for art. You're not in school, you've no real goals, come to think of it… and you'll be around here long after I'm dead and gone!" Luxord clapped his hands and beamed down at his seething son, still not catching onto the way that he was about to lose his life.

"Dad…" Naminé warned carefully.

"So you think I'm going to stay here in this shit-heap of a town for the rest of my life?" Roxas snapped, hardly noticing that people were beginning to leave. Sure, they loved gossip, but like good old western towns, everyone stayed clear of the actual gun fight.

"Well, where else are you going to go? Mate, it's not like you're going to go somewhere." Luxord shrugged.

"Dad…" Naminé was ignored, even though she was trying to help.

"I'm not staying here! I don't want this job! I hate this place!" Roxas jabbed a finger around the area in front of him and glowered.

"Oh, we all know you're all talk, Roxy." Luxord shrugged again and smiled. "This is your home."

"Dad, not now…" Naminé bit her lip as Roxas took a deep, even breath. It was the calm Roxas that scared her. Sure, he was all anger and yelling, but when he went quiet, that was when you had to be careful. That's when he got serious. That's when he had shredded her teddy bear when they were in elementary school because she'd broken his new skateboard. The calm Roxas was truly terrifying.

But Luxord didn't care.

"It's ok, Naminé, Roxas knows what's going to happen. He's just got to grow up, right, mate?" Luxord smiled and put a hand on Roxas's shoulder, but Roxas shrugged it off, his eyes narrowing and his mouth pulling down in a frown.

"I'm not going to take up the family business. I hate this place. I would rather be dragged in the middle of the dessert and be left stranded to slowly die than stay another year here." He said slowly. Luxord grinned broadly and clapped his son on the back.

"Now there's a good lad!" He exclaimed. Naminé gave Roxas a sad look, but Roxas wasn't looking at her. Reaching behind him, he suddenly yanked his apron off and tossed it off. Luxord's smile didn't waver, but Naminé frowned as he turned and made his way around the counter to leave.

"Where are you going?" Naminé asked worriedly.

"Out." Roxas said flatly.

"Are you quitting, again?" Luxord asked jovially.

"Taking the day off." Came the sour reply. The door jingled brightly and Naminé watched Roxas scuff his work shoes before meandering down the sidewalk.

"He's learning well." Luxord smiled and leaned on the counter. Naminé gave him an incredulous look, rolling her eyes despite herself.

"Dad… he's not a dog. I think you really made him upset." Luxord gave Naminé a sidelong glance before he let out a sigh and shrugged. The music played overhead and he looked up at the ceiling before answering.

"He'll learn. Roxas is the son that'll have to take over the business, and he's going to realize that. I can't stay alive forever and the rest of you kids have your goals set out. I don't think he could leave, even if he wanted to, love." Luxord blew air out of the side of his mouth, and then smiled brightly. "And, let's face it, love. He's the best damn coffee maker in all of Twilight Town!"

Ka-thock!

Roxas glared sullenly at the ground as he threw a random tennis ball against the brick wall near his old club house. When he was little he used to go there, but now he only went there if he had nowhere else to go.

Ka-thock!

Usually, he could go to the coffee shop or home, but he'd rather stick a pencil in his eye socket. With more aggression than before, he tossed the tennis ball at the wall again.

Ka-thock!

It wasn't that he hated his dad… he just really, really didn't like him. Who would like it when their parent was pushing them to the one thing they didn't want? Seriously? Roxas would rather spend an entire day with that crazy stalker red head than work the rest of his life at the coffee shop.

And that was saying something.

Ka-thock!

"Well, look what I found."

Ka- OUCH!

Roxas grabbed his forehead and fell to the side, clutching the red mark where the tennis ball had smacked him. Letting out a pitiful groan he watched with watering eyes as the "innocent" tennis ball rolled away from the moth eaten couch and lay against a fallen brick. Oh, curse that stupid tennis ball… when his eye stopped watering he was going to make a face out of the stupid felt and rubber mix. Or he'd cut it and put it under the chairs in the science room with the rest of the reject tennis balls. Oh, it would be sorry then…

"Whoa, you ok blondie?" There was a shadow over him, and Roxas let out another groan, this one of annoyance rather than pain. He would recognize that voice anywhere. And the smell. Cigarettes and the cologne, curve, was fused together by only one person that Roxas knew.

Axel, A.K.A stalker, A.K.A cradle robber, A.K.A pervert.

"Go away." He groaned, holding his red forehead and trying to roll away from Axel. Axel merely laughed and reached down, pulling Roxas's hand from his head and making him face him slowly.

"Oh, and miss out on this? Get real, shorty." Axel chuckled and stared at the red mark on his head, probing it with his long fingers and studying it with far too much scrutiny. Jerking away, Roxas leaned down and grabbed up a small handful of pebbles before he moved around Axel and sat down on the old washing machine, rubbing his head with his free hand.

"What's this? No sarcastic, threatening response?" Axel frowned and sat down on the couch, making himself comfortable. Roxas vaguely noticed that a cigarette was dangling loosely from Axel lips like it was natural to have it there, smoke lazily trailing up as he puffed carelessly on it. Looking away, Roxas began flicking pebbles across the old hang out floor, watching them skip towards the flap where the "door" was. He avoided the pointed look that Axel was giving, and he focused on the tennis ball, tossing a pebble at it and smiling inwardly when it struck its target. Take that, tennis ball.

"And you aren't throwing the pebbles at me." Axel pointed out, and Roxas let out a soft sigh.

"Can you please… just leave me alone? I know, you're stalking me and whatever… but today's not a good day." He miserably tossed another pebble and watched it skip out of the small hideout and into the road.

"Why's today not a good day? And I'd hardly call it stalking." Axel stared long and hard at Roxas, getting the feeling like something was wrong. How would he know? Call it, "The Axel sixth sense" if you wanted to. He could just tell by the way that the kid was giving off, "I'm upset" vibes. Not a lot of people would be able to see that though. He was a sixth sense genius.

"It doesn't matter." The pebbles clicked against the concrete/ gravel ground and Roxas watched them skip away, refusing to meet his stalker's gaze. He could feel bright green eyes boring into his skull, but he pretended not to notice. Did he want to notice? No. It was rather unsettling, and didn't help his mood. He could smell the smoke drifting towards him, and that was distracting enough.

"Now, I can't have you down in the dumps about everything. Tell me, what's wrong?" Axel leaned back comfortably on the sofa and attempted to catch Roxas's gaze, but Roxas still refused to look at him. Roxas continued tossing pebbles slowly, imagining his dad's face as he flicked them with more force than necessary.

"I don't want to talk about it." Roxas muttered, glancing at Axel before looking away, his frown growing a bit bigger and making Axel just a little worried. "Will you please just leave?" He added after another moment of silence.

"Now, would I be a good potential stalker if I just left you miserable and alone?" Axel smirked and stood up, walking over and sitting down on the washing machine with him. When Roxas stood up to leave, Axel grabbed his shoulder and kept his ass firmly planted on washer, shit-eating grin too smug for its own good.

"I don't- I thought you just said- will you let me go?" Roxas turned and gave a very venomous look at Axel, but Axel shook his head, tapping the blonde's nose with his index finger.

"What's wrong, eh?" He asked, eyebrow raised.

"It's nothing."

"Oh, it's something."

"What makes you say that?"

"Because you're angry."

"I'm always angry."

"Indeed you are, but now you're really upset. Like, kick future boyfriend in the balls upset."

"And who would that future boyfriend be?" Axel smirked.

"Me."

"Look, it doesn't matter, ok?" Roxas jerked away from Axel and stood up, pacing in the small confines of his old secret hideout, face contorted in fury. The pebbles dropped and scattered away, his shoes kicking them as he made his way back and forth, angry.

"It doesn't fucking matter that I'm eternally doomed to live in this shit-hole town, it doesn't matter that I'm doomed to inherit a god-awful coffee shop and work myself to the ground for something I despise, it doesn't matter that my father picks favorites and I'm on the bottom of the list, the bitch of the family over me, it doesn't matter that I work every day at a job I'd rather burn to the ground, it doesn't matter that I'm being stalked by a guy that though I've grown up with him I don't know, and it doesn't matter that my dad can't take two seconds out of his life to notice that the more he tries to make me do something, the more I want to put a fucking fork in his eye socket!" Roxas reached up to grab at his hair and he jerked around, his pacing not stopping though the words had cut off with a strangled grumble.

It was… enlightening. But, troublesome. The fork thing… bad mental image.

"So just leave." Axel said simply. Roxas stopped walking immediately, rounding on the red head like he'd just asked for his first born child. What did he mean, leave? Roxas glowered, but it was obvious that it didn't have the passion in it before. There was truth to the words that Axel said, though the angry teenager didn't want to admit it.

"What do you mean, leave?" Roxas asked suspiciously. In truth, the idea had merit. Leave. Just leave, and never return. The way he'd just said it so simply was like genius. But, he couldn't let the red head know that he had plotted that idea since puberty. Then he might think that they thought alike. And then, the stalking would continue like he'd just invited him to bed. Oh, Axel would like that, wouldn't he? Yes.

"I mean what I say, blondie. Just leave." Axel examined Roxas pacing with a slightly perturbed look on his face. "What, you've never left town to go to a party or something?" He asked. Roxas stared long and hard at him for a second before comprehension dawned. His face lost some of its luster and he seemed a little dejected as he scuffed his shoe, hands stuffed into his dress pants' pockets.

"Oh… when you mean leave town… you mean just for a little bit." Roxas said slowly, biting his lip and not realizing the way that it was slowly turning Axel into a frenzy by that act alone.

"Well, yeah, what… did you think I meant leave for good? Get real, kiddo." Axel grinned and leaned back against the brick wall. Roxas nodded dumbly, but inside he was crumbling a bit. Of course he meant leave for a little bit. No one who grew up in Twilight Town left and never returned. Hell, he'd even seen his older brother's ex-girlfriend, Maleficent come back to visit after she'd left for a few years. No one could escape the horrors of small town syndrome.

"Haha… yeah…" Roxas nodded and rubbed the back of his neck, not wanting to admit that that was not what he meant by leave. He meant never having to darken the doorstep of The Strife Coffee House again. He meant never seeing The Burrow for the rest of his days. He meant never thinking about his childhood, moving into a fast paced city like Hollow Bastion, and avoiding anyone from his youth. That kind of leave.

"Well, so why don't we just leave for a bit? Just me and you?" Axel suggested. Roxas turned a sour look to him, face twisted like a rotten prune. Of course the guy had to suggest they go and do something. He couldn't be normal, could he?

"I tolerated you because you weren't being a pervert. Now, kindly leave." Roxas turned away from him and kicked the tennis ball roughly, watching with satisfaction as the green ball was launched across the hideout and smacked against the brick wall.

"Hey, watch-"

THOCK!

"OUCH!" Roxas crumpled dejectedly as the tennis ball smacked him squarely in the forehead. Once again he tenderly cradled his head as he watched the triumphant tennis ball roll away with watering eyes. Oh, that ball was of the devil. Letting out a less than manly whimper, he held his head that had been roundly abused by his sister's foot and a tennis ball, hardly aware that Axel was leaning over him, pushing a smirk away as he pushed Roxas's hands from his head to softly caress the bump on his head.

"You've got a thing for karma." Axel said conversationally. Roxas groaned.

"Why can't you just leave me alone?" He whined, jerking away.

"I told you, I can't just leave you here. It wouldn't be right for the stalker in me." Axel grinned cheerfully, but crouched down on the balls of his feet, hands resting easily on his knees as he squatted.

"Funny." Roxas ground out miserably, not at all amused. How was it funny? His brain felt addled, like he had shaken it around a bit too much for it to be considered healthy. Made he had a concussion? No, he couldn't have a concussion, not in the situation he was in. God wouldn't hate him so much as to give him a concussion when he was alone with a potential stalker/ creeper, right?

Well… they do say that God has a sense of humor…

"Come on, now I have to do the good thing and make sure you're ok. Come with me." Axel goaded as he leaned in to watch the pain fade into misery and annoyance of the acutest kind.

"You're not going to give up until I give in." It wasn't a question, and Axel let out a soft laugh as he said it, blowing smoke from his mouth.

"That would be correct." Axel agreed, brushing Roxas's hair away. Roxas jerked back and landed flat on his ass, peering up through his lashes and hands to observe Axel looking at him differently. It wasn't the whole perverted, I-just-want-to-screw-you-so-you-lose-your-mind look… it was something different. Nicer. A little less rapist scary. When had that look changed? Had it been when he'd spewed an entire monologue about how his father was an ass? Or was it the nasty little tennis ball incident?

"You won't leave me alone until I go on a date with you." Again, not a question. Axel would have laughed if he didn't see that Roxas was seriously trying to get his head around that. Maybe the tennis ball had really done a number on his poor, sexually frustrated uke? Wait, no… he was the sexually frustrated one, not Roxas.

Hard to remember, sometimes…

"That would be correct, too. You're really good at this!" Axel said cheerfully, making Roxas groan and fall back, head smacking the ground dully as he held his fingers to his battle scar. He was sure he had the bump of the century, and just wanted to be left alone. Was that too much to ask?

"So if I went with you…" His voice trailed off, and he saw a shadow over him. Roxas kept his eyes firmly closed, knowing that if he opened his eyes he'd see Axel leaning over him, probably entirely too close. Like he usually was.

"I can guarantee that you'd be getting out of this town for a little bit. One date with me, dear Roxy, and you won't have to deal with me for awhile." Roxas couldn't help it. His eyes popped open and he stared up at the Axel that was-like he suspected-less than two inches away from his face. The red head was leaning over him, hands on either side of his head, eyes roving his face as his trademark smirk graced his features. His cigarette dangled from his lips, glowing lightly as he breathed in slightly.

What was he going to do? He could say yes… but then he'd be stuck with his stalker for an entire evening. An entire evening of sexual innuendos and winking, hand groping and discreet pelvic thrusts. Could he handle that? What else was he going to do? Go back to work with his perfect and happy sister and idiot of a father? Roxas inwardly blanched, unwillingly finding himself attracted to the idea of the date over the idea of working.

Axel did say out of town… where would they go? Roxas didn't really care; he could feel the tug inside of him, commanding him to get up and get as far away from Twilight Town as he could. Axel was that way out. Axel was that ticket. Never mind that he might be raped by said red head, he just wanted to get away for a little bit.

Call it the concussion that mottled his mind, but that two paragraph internal monologue was actually making sense.

"Fine… I accept." Roxas groaned as he felt his freedom and sanity fall away. The date hadn't even started, and he was sure he was about to kill himself.

Axel was suddenly off him, and pulling him gently to his feet, his wide and happy grin almost too infectious for Roxas to handle. Was he really that happy? Or maybe he took pills to make himself feel like the intolerable ass he was, 24/7. Roxas frowned as Axel grabbed his hand and began dragging him from the hideout, his long legs causing Roxas to have to struggle to keep up.

"You're going to have loads of fun, Roxy. You can count on me!" Axel exclaimed, kicking the tennis ball out of their way as he raced around a corner. Roxas threw one last helpless glance to his sanctuary before he gave the tennis ball one last withering glare.

That tennis ball was so going down.

If he made it back from this date alive, of course.

Five Reasons Why My Funeral will be the Funeral of the Century:

A list by Roxas Strife

1. I'll have an entire chain coffee agency mourning my coffee making skills. They'll come from miles around to mourn the one coffee maker who really could do it all… for 1/4th of the price of cheap, metal machinery.

2. Axel will be arrested at the funeral for attempting to hit on the corpse. On the way to the jail house, said Axel will attempt to use pick up lines on the cop to get away. Will probably work since most of the guys in Twilight Town are gay or bi.

3. My head stone will request the banning of all tennis balls in Twilight Town for the safety of future children. No more shall tennis balls pelt unsuspecting, innocent bystanders who did nothing wrong.

4. My father will mourn me because now he'll have to pick one of the kids that he actually likes to inherit the shop that no one wants but keeps running for the legacy. Who wants to ruin legacies? Well, me, obviously, but besides me.

5. I will die by suicide from stuffing a tennis ball down my throat in an attempt to escape a hand holding stalker who doesn't know the meaning of personal space. That will also be on my head stone as well.

So, like? Hit or miss? Pass or Fail? Let me know in a review!

After all, just seeing that people like or hate this is what keeps it going. :)

And I stayed up late from my sister's reception to type this up... I almost had a similar occurance with a small, decorative bauble for one of the tables. I was tossing it in the air, but when someone called my name, I turned and didn't remember to catch the said bauble. :( It whacked me on the top of my forhead, and I had to use cover up to hide the red mark.

If that story isn't review worthy, I don't know what is!