Here we go!

Sorry it's late, but at least it's here!

And like I was saying... I've been neglecting Riku.

So here he is!

:)

Enjoy!

Ten Reasons Why My Life Sucks:

A list by Riku Tatsu

1. I'm officially failing a college class and I'll have to pay to take it… again.

2. I'm failing because I'm distracted.

3. I'm distracted because I'm slowly becoming paranoid.

4. I'm slowly becoming paranoid because Sora is onto me.

5. Sora's onto me because I keep sneaking behind his back.

6. I keep sneaking behind his back because I have some serious issues.

7. I have some serious issues because of her.

8. She's creating my problems because she's an awful, awful person.

9. She's an awful, awful person because she knows the problems she's creating for me and she doesn't care one bit!

10. And I love her dearly.

Riku Tatsu was not an arrogant fool, no matter what those silly little ex's of his wanted to think. He knew that he wasn't God's gift to any gender that preferred him, and he understood that to some people he wasn't that attractive.

But he was also not stupid enough to think he was ugly.

No, no… Riku knew he was good looking.

Regardless, he didn't flaunt his looks the way that he knew some people –Axel –enjoyed doing. He knew the right amount of mousse to use in order for his hair to remain smooth yet tame, and he knew the right amount of cologne to tease without assaulting. He knew the right amount of skin to show when he wanted Sora to get in "the mood," and he knew when to tame it down if he just wanted to hang out. He didn't force himself on anyone that didn't want it, and he didn't shove his ego in everyone's faces.

With all of his knowledge of such worldly and profound things like mousse and cologne though, he had no idea what to do about Sora.

Riku, at this moment, was wandering around the main area of Twilight Town, avoiding going to The Strife Coffee House, and for many reasons. First, he was pretty sure that Larxene had the main shift and he didn't want to run into her and have his pretty features distorted with her fist. Second, he knew that if it wasn't Larxene it would be Roxas working the counter, and he didn't want his entire body distorted with Roxas' fist. And third, if it was Roxas then there was also a high risk of running into Sora, and Riku wasn't prepared for that.

He couldn't face him.

And it was pretty obvious why.

"God, why me?" He groaned, looking up at the sky as if he expected someone to poke their head out of the clouds and answer back. When no response came, Riku sighed and looked at the ground, half expecting some sort of answer there. Seeing none, he let out another sigh.

Seems no one wanted to help him out.

Stuffing his hands into his pockets, Riku shook his head in dismay, aimlessly wandering around the boring, quiet town. He'd always lived here, in Twilight Town. His father was born and raised here, and met his mother who was born and raised here as well. Both of their parents were born and raised in Twilight Town, and both of his parents' parents' parents were born here.

Needless to say, he had some roots here.

It wasn't that it was a bad town. Riku liked the close community feeling that was always around because no one ever left. Sure, the people always gossiped and knew everyone else's business like it was their own, but their nosy attitudes seemed a little… endearing at times. Riku felt that it gave Twilight Town character to have so many people that knew all about everyone else. It was one major family that banded together to help others since, let's face it, they knew everything about everyone.

However… now was not one of those endearing times.

No, right now Riku wanted to live anywhere but in Twilight Town.

"I heard he's cheating on him with two girls…"

"That's not what I heard; I heard it's an older, more manly-like man."

"No, it's that he's a double agent and he can't tell Sora or he'll have to leave."

"Ugh, where do you come up with these ideas?"

"The same place you came up with that raggedy-ass dress."

"Your closet?"

"I hate you!"

"I hate you too!"

Riku scowled and turned around; giving the two idiots the best glare that he could manage. No, it was no Roxas-worthy glare, but it did succeed in making them shut up. Their mouths clamped shut and they stared at Riku, awe on their faces as he gave them a once over and rolled his eyes.

"Yazoo, Loz, what the hell are you doing, following me?" He demanded, crossing his arms and glaring at his brothers. Their eyes lit up in mirth as they exchanged looks and leaned in towards him, attempting to be threatening.

"Attempting to warn you, little brother." Yazoo replied in a singsong tone.

"There is talk on the street-"

"That you're nothing-"

"But a man-whore." Loz grinned, his mouth curling into a cruel smirk.

"Like that Axel kid."

"Heard he's not a man-whore anymore though… not with that Roxas kid taming him."

"What?" Riku interrupted them, surprised and appalled. If Roxas was truly giving into Axel's wily charms, then Sora would lose his main distraction from wondering why Riku was always gone.

And that was when he'd get caught.

"Yeah, word on the street is that Roxas and Axel are slowly becoming a little more 'chummy' with each other. They even had a romantic date at Axel's house." Yazoo supplied, bored with the fact that he wasn't discussing Riku's turmoil.

"And maybe more," Loz winked.

Riku rolled his eyes and turned away from them, hating the fact that his brothers were so obviously weird. He suspected that it had something to do with the fact that Kadaj had once attempted to teach them to fly by giving them garbage bags and pushing them off of the roof, but apart from a few broken bones they seemed alright. Kadaj had even apologized and attempted to make it up to them by cooking that night.

Little did they know, Kadaj had put laxatives in their food.

"We just came to tell you, little brother, that there's talk of your promiscuity." Yazoo walked up on Riku's right side, Loz flanking him on the left with an equally creepy grin.

"And we're concerned for your social life." Loz nodded in agreement with Yazoo's words.

"If I were you, I'd be concerned with the fact you two are rumored to be involved in some serious brotherly romantic-like love." Riku snapped, annoyed. His patience with his brothers was always, at best, at a low level. They specialized in annoying him, pestering him, bothering him, and making his blood pressure rise to breaking point.

Yazoo and Loz looked accordingly horrified as he spoke.

"You mean…" Yazoo began.

"That people think…"

"We're together?" They spoke at the same time, sounding appalled. They looked from Riku to each other, eyes wide and faces matching in utter disgust as they imagined actually being romantically involved with one another. Riku, glad for the distraction, made a speedy getaway and quickly turned down Sugarhill Road, finding solace in the peace and quiet that he'd received.

Riku quite enjoyed Sugarhill Road. It was a nice, peaceful and quaint area of town where the houses all looked like gingerbread houses that people made around the Christmas holiday. Now that it was getting colder and Christmas was fast approaching, Riku could really appreciate the quaint, holiday feel that the road gave him.

Of course, when he saw Roxas and Axel walking down the road, he felt that peace and serenity shatter like sugar-spun glass in action movies.

Oh, you didn't know?

In action movies, when the good guy bursts through the window, it's actually sugar. That's why he comes out unharmed.

Riku felt panic ripple down his spine, and he did the first thing he could think of to escape.

He dove headfirst into a trashcan.

Now, do try and imagine what exactly could be in that trashcan. Used diapers that mothers had carelessly tossed away after changing their child; suckers that had been half devoured before the child could manage to move on to something far more tasty; a hamburger that had been rejected after the potential owner of it discovered a hair in the ketchup; a smoothie that was tossed away after the teenage girl realized how many calories were in a single sip.

Needless to say, it was not the ideal trashcan to jump into and hide in.

"I'm telling you, you're going to love it. It's the best way to really get into the holiday spirit, Roxas!" Axel exclaimed from not too far away. Riku curled up in a ball, closing his eyes. He always had the belief that if he couldn't see them, then they couldn't see him.

If only it worked that way, Riku.

"I'm not going to make a mini gingerbread house with you." Riku heard Roxas' short reply and had to laugh a little, albeit silently. Yeah, Yazoo and Loz had to be hearing lies when they said that Roxas and Axel were really going to become a couple.

"You know you want to. We can even doodle icing clothing on the gingerbread people so that they're clothed! See? I'm not being perverted."

"No, but I can just see you licking all of the icing off of the little gingerbread men, claiming that's what you were going to do to me." Roxas snapped in reply.

"… Touché."

Riku gagged silently at that, shaking his head. He didn't want to imagine Axel doing anything to Roxas, let alone picture it as though they were both little delectable gingerbread men. Riku quite liked gingerbread men, and it ruined his appetite to think of either of them as edible cookies.

Though, it was hardly conceivable to think that he could have any sort of appetite as he wallowed in soiled diapers and waste.

"Come on Roxas, please?" Axel whined, and Riku could almost imagine him poking his bottom lip out as if something like that actually worked. If Riku wasn't scared to breathe, he would have laughed out loud at the thought of Roxas falling for something like that. Roxas was stone. Roxas was granite. Riku had once seen Roxas watch Moulin Rouge and yawn when the gorgeous yet oh-so-dirty prostitute died in her lover's arms.

What weak minded individual could yawn at such a traumatic end?

No one. That's why Riku was so sure Roxas wouldn't give in.

"God, fine, just stop looking at me like that!" Roxas snapped. "But I swear to God that if you do anything remotely perverted or sexual when we make them I'll stuff your head into the garbage disposal."

Oh.

Riku was wrong.

Don't worry; it's not the first time that Riku's been wrong. And it won't be the last.

You could call that foreshadowing, and I wouldn't disagree with you.

"I'm serious, Roxas, you stay stuff like that and I get turned on." Axel stated with a smirk in his voice. Gagging, Riku covered his mouth with his sleeve and then nearly threw up as he breathed in the slick, reeking smell of a banana that he had unintentionally smashed into his shirtsleeve in his panic.

This was not a good day for Riku.

Okay, in and out… breathe slowly in and out… now is not the time to be caught with your pants down, so to speak, Riku. If Roxas finds you in here, not only will he throttle you, but he'll let Axel spread it all around town that I skulk in trashcans…

He wasn't doing a good job of reassuring himself, either.

"Axel!" Roxas hissed, and there was a thud as he most likely smacked Axel's shoulder. "Shut up! You say shit like that and people will hear you!" He sounded mortified and embarrassed, but Riku could almost suspect that he was smiling a little as he spoke. Call it the fumes of the trashcan getting to his head, but Riku would almost bet money that Roxas was a little pleased that Axel was saying things like that to him.

"Isn't that the best part? We look like we're out here all alone, smiling at the quaint little Sugary goodness that is Gingerbread land, and we're talking about dirty things." Axel laughed, and Riku could almost see him wrapping his arm around Roxas' shoulder, attempting to make a move.

"No, you're talking about dirty things. I'm trying to imagine that I'm somewhere else."

"Like my bed?"

"More like an artillery room." Roxas' voice was cold as steel.

"What for?" Axel asked, confused.

"Because then I'd have easy access to weapons that would dismember you with a flick of my wrist."

Axel sighed, and Riku nodded in agreement. This was the Roxas that he knew; the insane, off of his rocker sort of person that was all too willing to commit a murder and escape from jail to do it again.

"Again with the different threats that only make me want you more… when are you going to realize that this only makes me want you more?" Axel asked teasingly.

"I'm going to have to change my entire personality just to rid myself of you, aren't I." It wasn't a question. If anything, it sounded like a declaration of dismay.

"You'll never get rid of me, Roxas!" Axel exclaimed cheerfully. "I'll always want you. You just have this… sort of magnetic pull and I can't help but want to be around you." Axel's voice suddenly turned serious and, if Riku wasn't just delusional from the reeking fumes around him, it seemed almost serious. "I don't care how long it takes to show you. I'll do what I have to do to show you I want to be with you. It's not just some excuse to have sex."

Roxas was silent, most likely thinking of a way to reply without threatening violence or sarcasm.

"… You can't be surprised that I'm wary. It's not even your reputation that makes me hesitant."

"It's not?" Axel was incredulous.

"No, that just repulses me." Roxas replied blandly.

"Oh,"

"No, it's… I mean, look at my family." Roxas explained. "You've got Leon and Cloud who are so stuck on being manly-men that they can't realize they love each other, you've got Demyx who is going out with someone that, before he sang him some corny love song, didn't even notice him, Naminé is being stalked by your sister, don't even ask about Larxene, and Sora is being cheated on by some two-timing ass wipe that doesn't even have the balls to leave him! No, instead of that he hurts him by continuing to keep up the façade that he's in love with him." Roxas' voice was low and harsh as he described his family, and Riku felt a pang of guilt as he described Sora. He almost felt the urge to jump out of the trashcan and accost Roxas for saying that to Axel.

But Riku was smart.

He knew jumping out of the trashcan meant death.

"And then you had the relationship with that one guy, Diz, and all bets were off for you, huh." Axel's voice was soft.

Roxas' voice was venom.

"What did you just say?" He hissed viciously.

"I live in Twilight Town, Roxas. Even the best kept secrets are common knowledge here. I remember the old talk that you'd gone and involved yourself with some older guy named Diz. You thought he could help you get out of here, and he ditched you and left you instead." Axel didn't sound triumphant at knowing, much to Riku's surprise. Instead, he sounded regretful, almost as if he didn't want to recite the information he knew.

"What does that have to do with anything!" Roxas shrieked, and Riku knew that he had his fists clenched, prepared to battle it out if Axel didn't stop.

Axel however, wasn't as smart as Riku.

"It means that you're scared to be with me." He declared. "You think I'll do the same things Diz did, and that I'll leave you hanging here. The funny thing is, Roxas –I have a feeling that you'd be the one to leave me, not the other way around. I'd never leave you."

There was a stunned silence, and Riku took that moment to shift around in the sludge, settling instead in the old slushie someone had abandoned. He couldn't help but feel a sense of indignation that Roxas and Axel were purposefully having a discussion by the trashcan, and that because of it he was stuck listening and wallowing in filth.

Who held serious conversations by trashcans?

Apart from that though, he also felt extremely uncomfortable, and it wasn't because he'd just sighted the now smushed and oozing diaper. No, he felt uncomfortable listening to their conversation. He didn't want to hear Axel pinning Roxas down and pointing out his fears like a boyfriend would. He didn't want to hear Roxas vulnerable and clearly upset. He didn't want to hear their conversation because it reminded him that he himself had a boyfriend that he was reducing into an emotional state of unrest, and there was nothing he could do to fix it.

No, she kept too much of a hold on him. He couldn't leave her, even if he wanted.

"I'm not scared." Roxas snapped. His voice was shaking slightly –in fury or in emotional turmoil Riku couldn't tell.

"You are, Roxas." Axel was gentle as he spoke, and Riku could almost imagine him pulling Roxas into a hug. "That's okay –I'm scared too."

"I won't be like Sora." Roxas mumbled, his voice muffled like he was speaking into someone's shirt. "He's a pathetic wreck right now." Axel picked up on the subtle subject change and dutifully changed topics.

"Well here, how about we go on a Riku hunt and castrate him? Would that make you feel better?" He asked kindly. There was no verbal response, so Riku had to assume he'd nodded his head. A cold chill ran down his spine, and Riku could almost imagine getting jumped by Axel and Roxas, their violence so overbearing that he'd probably end up in a full body cast.

"I just know that if I do end up seeing him, I'm going to reach down his throat and rip out his vocal cords." Roxas snapped. "If I see that bastard, he's dead."

Riku's blood turned to ice.

"God I love it when you get violent like that!" Axel crowed, and then laughed as another thud sounded, probably him getting smacked in the shoulder again.

"I'm serious, Axel!"

"So am I, Roxy!"

There was silence.

"What the hell did you just call me?" Roxas asked, incredulous. He didn't sound angry at the nickname. If anything, he sounded confused and baffled, unsure of himself.

"I called you Roxy! I think it's a cute name." Axel was excited, probably attempting to cross Roxas' barriers in order to make a pet name like most people in relationships did.

"Don't ever call me that again, or I'll shove your head in the iced mocha blender and press shred." Roxas growled.

"I wouldn't have it any other way, Roxy." Axel gushed.

Riku prepared himself for the onslaught of violence or verbal threats that would incur.

Instead, he heard Roxas laugh softly,

Riku gasped in shock and then promptly gagged as he inhaled the reeking stench of a rotten burrito.

"Oh Roxas, you make me-"

"What was that?" Roxas' laughter immediately stopped and his voice turned suspicious as he looked around. Riku clamped his mouth shut and closed his eyes tightly, sure that he would be caught. There was no way that Roxas' wolf-like nose wouldn't smell him out now that he was on the prowl.

Better yet, Riku was positive that Roxas could smell fear a mile away.

"What was what?" Axel asked. It was obvious that he hadn't heard Riku close to puking.

"I heard something…" Pebbles scraped against the sidewalk; the bushes nearby rustled. Roxas was peering around their area, looking for the eavesdropper that had heard their conversation. Panicked, Riku ducked his head more, trying as hard as he could to silently brush things over his head so that if Roxas looked in the trashcan he wouldn't be found.

"It came from over here…" Roxas mumbled, his voice growing closer. Riku curled up tightly, holding his breath as best as he could. It was difficult; the fumes from the trash seemed to soak into his skin, letting him know just how stinky the entire situation was.

Shit, if Roxas finds me, I'm dead! God, and then it'll spread around the entire town that I skulk in trashcans! Sora will find out, and so will she and I'll never live it down! Hell, I'll never live again if Roxas finds me in here!

His self confidence was one to be marveled at.

"What came from over there?" Axel asked, baffled.

"The weird noise that someone makes when they inhale the smell of rotten food." Roxas snapped in reply. "It means someone was listening in… and whoever was listening, is going to feel pain."

Riku died a little on the inside.

"Roxas, I think you're paranoid." Axel laughed and then there was a sound of surprise as he most likely wrapped an arm around Roxas' shoulder. "Let's go make gingerbread men, okay?"

"I'm not paranoid… but fine." Roxas sighed. "We'll go make your damn gingerbread men cookies…"

"And a house! A gingerbread house!" Axel asked hopefully.

"Yes, yes, and a house…" Roxas laughed a little.

"Alright!" Axel gave a crow of delight and a loud thud followed, a jump of triumph, most likely.

"You're so weird…" Roxas grumbled, but there was a smile in his voice. Riku, feeling like a crisis was averted, smiled a little as well, but promptly closed his mouth as he felt the sticky feeling of the smoothie on his lips.

Yeah… he was taking a shower when he got home.

There was a slurping noise, and then Axel laughed along with Roxas.

"Alright, let's go Roxas!" He exclaimed brightly. There was the sound of a straw sucking in something, and then a whoosh of air as Roxas and Axel walked off.

Riku was then smacked on the head by a cup of hot chocolate.

His eye twitched as the lukewarm drink slithered through his hair and down his face.

"Well… at least it can't get any worse." He comforted himself quietly.

"Oh my god, mom! There's a man hiding in the trashcan!"

Five Reasons Why My Life Sucks:

A List by Riku Tatsu, Continued

1. I will have to take at least five showers before the stench begins to rub off of me.

2. I will have to brush my teeth at least ten times before I feel like they're clean.

3. I will have to try harder to avoid being seen by Roxas.

4. I will have to try harder to avoid being compared to Axel.

5. There is now a rumor circulating around town that I creep and skulk in trashcans.

Hit or miss?

Let me know in a review!

Also, a major thanks to Coconutjelly596 and Azure Teriques for editing this!

:) I'll update... sometime not now.