It was still dark out in the early morning when I laced up my sneakers and stretched out my calves. It was Monday morning. I breathed in deeply, my head still a little fuzzy with sleep.
New week. New start. So much to do.
I liked to run in the early mornings during the work week. Monday through Friday I was most likely up early, checking the seedlings in the shop window and throwing on my running shoes. I'd been out of my usual routine for the past week or so while I got unpacked and the shop got up and running. But now I was settled enough where it was time to get back at it.
I knew it was important to take care of this borrowed heart of mine.
Jake had mentioned a beautiful trail by the river the week before and it sounded like the perfect place to run. Locking the shop up behind me, I grabbed my bike and rode through the sleeping town towards the river.
It was chilly this morning. I loved it.
A beautiful, white misty fog rolled along the tree line. The early traces of sunlight illuminated the dew on the grass and trees like diamonds settled in mossy green beds and dripping from chandelier branches.
I no longer brought my ipod with me while I exercised. If I was outdoors there was no need. Nothing sounded better to me than the wind through the tree branches, the soft roll of high grass, the sound of water over stones. I wondered briefly if the owner of this heart had loved any of these things as much as I did. It was always when I was outside that I felt the most connected. The most tapped in to the universe.
Mornings like this were heaven to me.
After about a twenty minute ride, I found the mouth of the trail. It was marked by a wooden post sign that was splintered and aged by the weather. 'Stonewood Trail,' was crudely carved into its surface. I used the trail marker to chain my bike and without a sound, I set off.
The trail dipped down a slight slope, weaving through trees and a few large boulders. Sunlight flickered through the spaces between the branches above me. My eyes wandered over moss covered wooden tree trunks, tangled weaving roots littered with orange and yellow mushrooms growing along the surfaces. Ferns and Ivy growing at the bases of saplings and fully developed oaks.
I was about ten minutes into my run when I heard the sound of water. The current moving over stones, trickling and dancing across drifting wood and through tall river grass.
Soon I could see it as the trail moved downward to eventually run parallel to the river bank.
The trees cleared alongside the water and soon I was staring at a long, stoney beach, with the river still as glass on the surface beside it. The fog hanging over it and flirting with the opposite bank on the other side.
I jogged leisurely, feeling the heart in my chest beat and work, pumping my blood. My muscles sang with the early morning physical activity.
Sometimes I couldn't help but smile as I ran. Only 9 years ago I could hardly breathe well enough to speak. And now I was running.
I listened to the sounds around me. The call of several different birds, the splash of water when a fish broke the surface, the rustling of leaves as chipmunks ran from roots to forest brush.
I was about a mile into my run when I started to hear the sound of breathing just behind me. The deep panting breaths accompanied by the shuffling of brush on the wooded side of the path. The woods sloped downwards until they hit the beach and it sounded like something was skipping the trail all together and just coming straight down the hill.
I started to get a little nervous and picked up my speed before turning to look behind me.
I could have laughed out loud when I saw the happiest, dopiest, and the fattest looking golden retriever bounding down the slope towards me. A thick golden coat, floppy ears and a pink tongue flapping outside his mouth as he ran towards me.
I came to a stop and giggled as he almost waddled over to greet me. I offered the back of my hand carefully as he approached. He licked my knuckles happily and pushed his wet nose to my palm, begging to be scratched.
"Well hello there..." I murmured softly.
I knelt down to give him a good ear scratch. He gave me a kiss on the cheek and put his head back as if to say, "my neck please..."
I laughed and scratched under her chin and down further until the jingle of his collar caught my attention. I looked around, checking to see if maybe his owner was near by. I didn't see anyone on the trail or in the woods.
I lifted his tags into the light to see the name Bosley etched in the little silver, dog bone shaped plate.
"Hello Bosley, I'm Bella." I said with a grin, patting his head softly.
He barked once happily, his mouth open. I could swear to God he was smiling. He nudged me once in the knees and took off towards the beach.
I started to follow after him, curious as to where he would go. He jumped playfully on top of a piece of drift wood, picking it up in his mouth and shaking it to death back and forth before running to me with it.
Bosley wanted to play.
We played tug of war with the poor little piece of wood before he let go and let me hurl it down the stone beach.
Back and forth we played, moving further down the beach each time. Soon the sun was fully awake and up over the trees, a brilliant orange against the blue sky. It was probably around seven am now.
I could feel the pink on my cheeks and the light sheen of sweat on my brow. I couldn't help but smile at my morning. I was truly content. And now I had a new friend.
As I slowed down a bit to catch my breath, I started to wonder where Bosley's home was.
"Bosley come here, silly." I sat down on a toppled tree trunk beside the water. Bosley obediently came to my side and sat down, placing his head on top of my knee. I watched his big brown eyes as I scratched his head. I'd never met a sweeter dog.
"Where's home, Bosley hmm? Where's home?"
To my surprise, his ears perked at the word 'home.' He immediately got up and trotted down the beach, stopping to turn and look at me expectantly, waiting for me to follow.
We stayed on the stone beach, following a bend in the river. Bosley took me on a little hike through the rockier part of the shore which had me climbing over boulders and wading through some shallow water.
I picked up some wildflowers along the way. I couldn't help myself. I had a handful of purple and blue small budding flowers, a couple yellow buttercups. They made me smile.
As we came around the sharp bend, the trees on the shore side cleared to reveal an old stone cottage right on the water.
It was gorgeous.
It was a perfect little place. Not too big, not too small. Private that's for sure. The beach between the water and the front steps was only a small distance. There was a quaint little dock that stretched out into the water, but no boat in sight.
I hesitated only a moment before following Bosley across the beach until we reached the front porch of the little house.
The porch itself was interesting. Paint jars lined the rails almost all the way around. A wind chime sang lightly in the breeze. It looked hand made with shells and bike gears, metal washers and odds and ends tied with fishing wire.
It was weathered little porch. It needed a good sweep. Intricate cobwebs decorated each corner post.
Bosley was up the stairs in an instant and burying his nose in a dish with his name on it just to the right of the front door.
I figured I'd at least say hello if I could, so I knocked on the door. It rattled a little as the screen inside shook. I didn't hear any movement inside but tried again.
"Hello?" I tried using my voice, but it was pretty clear no one was going to answer. Bosley had finished slurping up his water bowl and groaned to get my attention. He laid down beneath a swinging wooden bench on the left side of the porch.
I left my little handful of wildflowers in a paint jar on the porch railing before I came over and sat down on the bench, feeling it sway slightly. Bosley took this opportunity to hop up beside me and lay down on the bench with his head in my lap.
"Oh you like the swing, huh boy?"
He licked my knuckles in reply. I leaned my head against the back of the swing just for a moment, using my heels to give us a push, setting the swing into a calm, rocking motion.
Not realizing that this would put me fast asleep.
Oops.
I was startled awake by the sound of someone clearing their throat. Loudly.
But what was more startling was the fact that Edward Masen was standing in front of me, arms crossed over his chest with an eye brow raised at me.
He looked glorious. His hair was in this beautiful disarray and his cheeks were just slightly pink from the cold. He had a rather perfect amount of scruff on his jaw and chin. He was wearing jeans and a comfortable looking plaid flannel. Black converse smattered with paint. Both knees in his jeans were ripped.
"Can I ask what you are doing sleeping like the dead on my front porch?" he did not sound friendly this morning. But then again, I had yet to see him be friendly with anyone.
I blinked rapidly, willing my brain to wake up and explain myself articulately and NOT like some bumbling idiot.
"I-I was...This is your...?"
Nicely handled, Bella.
I was distracted by Bosley licking my knuckles again. Edward watched the interaction, not looking amused whatsoever. I cleared my throat and got it together.
"I'm sorry, I was out running earlier when I found Bosley. Or rather - he found me. I, um...well we played on the beach for a bit and then I followed him here. I wanted to make sure he got home to someone. Whoever he belonged to. I didn't know it was you."
I stuttered only a little and stood up off the bench, Bosley hopping down beside me. I still felt so small in comparison to Edward. He towered over me, almost as tall as Jake. He had to be 6'2 or 6'3.
"I came here and no one was home. I sat down for a minute to rest and I must have passed out entirely. I'm so sorry about that." My face was turning pink, I could feel it. Dammit, why did I have to be so stupid and fall asleep. Why did Bosley have to be Edward's dog?
How was Bosley Edward's dog? He was the sweetest dog in the world and Edward was the biggest grouch I'd met in Riverdale.
I looked out to see that the dock now had a pretty beautiful boat pulled up beside it. Edward must have been out on it this morning.
He seemed to be contemplating my explanation as he looked me over, his eyes lingering over my body. Finally, he let out a sigh. I was prepared for him to tell me to fuck off and leave him and his dog alone. Instead I watched as he crouched down and Bosley ran right up to him, loving him up just as he had me this morning.
Not even Edward could keep from smiling at that big puppy. It almost made me catch my breath when I saw him grin. He patted Bosley's head and stood up.
"Well," he said, clearly his throat again and looking everywhere but my eyes. "I guess I should uh... thank you for looking out for him."
"Of course." I said, looking at the ground. I gestured to the swing behind me. "Sorry about that, I guess the rocking motion just puts me out."
He nodded, a small twitch of a smile in agreement on his face.
There was sort of an awkward silence that settled over us. He finally looked up to meet my eyes. His expression was cautious now instead of hostile. There was an unreadable emotion there that I couldn't place. But his gaze made me uncomfortable. I felt bare in front of him with the way he looked at me.
I couldn't handle the quiet.
"Well I guess I should head back. Um..sorry again. Have a good morning, Edward." I said. "Bye Bosley" I smiled at my new little fuzzy friend.
Edward nodded at me, looking reluctant. I turned on my heel and headed down the stairs. My foot had just hit the bottom step when I heard him call after me.
"Bella?"
Gosh, my name sounded so much lovelier when he said it. In that moment I wished I knew him. Really knew him. This mysterious, brooding, incredible beautiful man was driving me mad with curiosity.
I turned to see him leaning on the front post of the porch at the top of the stairs.
"Did you...did you want some coffee before you go?" he shrugged and shifted his feet a little as he spoke. "I mean, its getting cold as shit out here by the water...I just figured..."
I was bewildered that he even asked. I should say no. I should just go home. Serves him right for being an asshole the other night.
But everything in me was screaming "say YES." I was much too curious to refuse him.
I must have been staring blankly for a tad longer than I thought. Edward winced ever so slightly, shrugged again and looked down.
"Okay, never mi-"
"Sure!" I blurted out. Louder than I wanted to. "I mean sure, I'd love some."
Good Christ.
He nodded and turned to go inside. I watched Bosley waddle loyally behind him before I followed them up the stairs and into the house. I tried to steady myself a little and take a deep breath. I'd been nothing but a stuttering idiot since I woke up on that damn bench.
I had to stay on my toes with Edward. I wasn't sure what to expect with him. The fact that he was actually being pretty courteous with me right now had me reeling. I was prepared to be defensive. I wasn't prepared for coffee inside his house.
But I wanted to come inside.
The entry way was a simple little mud room. A few pairs of beat up boots lined the wall adjacent to the inner door. I took a moment to take off my damp shoes.
I grimaced when I realized I was wearing the socks Jake gave me last Christmas. Bright, neon blue with daisies all over them. I still didn't know what it was with Jake and his undergarments. If it wasn't crazy underwear, it was crazy socks. I'm pretty sure he got them in the kids section since my feet were small enough. They definitely looked like socks for an eight year old. Great.
I caught Edward smirking at my socks.
"Hey. It was dark when I woke up this morning okay?" I defended. He gave me a crooked smile, but didn't comment.
We entered his kitchen. It was pretty small, but so cozy. Alice's kitchen was designed to perfection, but everything about this little room made me feel warm and safe and happy. I would cook here over Alice's any day. The back splash was a hodge podge assortment of different ornate tiles. It looked like someone had taken a whole bunch of sample tiles from around the world and stuck them together. It was actually quite fitting.
The wall paper was an old vintage pattern in shades of green and aged blue. There was a small island in the center with random papers scattered about. It looked like Edward had been doing some sketching. But before I could get a glimpse of the sketches, he was hastily scooping them up and putting them away. I thought I saw his ears turn a darker shade of red as he did so, but I couldn't be sure.
"Have a seat anywhere you like." he offered. I took the stool across the island from him. Bosley came and laid down on the hard wood floors beside the base of my seat.
I watched as Edward moved to the cupboards, opened the aging doors to find two ceramic mugs. He wordlessly set up the coffee maker and turned it on.
The silence was just about killing me.
"Thanks for this...I mean, thanks for the coffee." I said quietly, trying to break the silent tension.
Nod.
"Um...how long have you had Bosley?" I tried.
"Since he was a puppy. He's about four years old."
No real eye contact. Nothing to say unless I asked a question beyond a 'yes' or 'no' answer. This was horrible. I had so many questions I wanted to ask him, but didn't know where to start or what he would think of me. And now I was sitting in his gorgeous little cottage with absolutely nothing good to say.
Think, Bella. Think.
I took and deep breath and looked at Edward. Really looked at him. He looked tired and worn out. He looked ...sad.
Maybe he wasn't speaking to me since I embarrassed him the other night in front of his family. He was just offering me coffee to be polite. The Edward in front of me now was shy and withdrawn. I'd taken the wind out of his sails.
God, I'm such a jerk.
"Listen Edward...I'm...I'm really sorry about the other night."
His head popped up and his eyes met mine for the first time since we had come inside. He looked surprised and confused.
"I shouldn't have embarrassed you like that in front of your family. I feel awful about it. It was rude of me." I looked down at my hands, laughing humorlessly at myself when I realized how stupid I must have looked this morning. "And then I fall asleep on your porch this morning...God, you must think I'm an idiot."
I chanced a glance in his direction. He had his arms crossed over his chest, leaning back against the counter, smiling at me.
His smile broke out into a laugh. A real laugh.
"W-what are you laughing at?"
"You are the strangest woman I have ever met, Bella Swan." he replied, still grinning. He turned to filled our mugs with coffee.
"Cream and sugar?"
"No thank you, black is fine." I replied.
He raised an eye brow at me for a moment before shrugging and loading his coffee with cream and numerous packets of sugar.
"How do you mean I'm strange? I mean, sleeping on your porch, I'll admit was a little weird but I didn't realize I'd pass out like that. And I had no idea it was your house."
"You clearly heard me make an insulting assumption about you to my sister, you deal with my badgering all saturday night, you bring my dog back to me after he chewed his way out of his leash this morning and yet you are the one to apologize?"
Oh.
"Ummm...yes?"
He laughed and shook his head at me, taking a sip of his coffee. Or rather, his cream and sugar with a hint of coffee.
"The first time I saw you you were riding your bike through town with a big grin on your face like that happiest person on earth. All by yourself." he laughed.
"You saw me before you came into my shop?"
He stopped laughing and looked down at his mug.
"Well yeah, uh...I mean, just once. I was in town to pick up some stuff. Like Alice said, I'm a local. You'll see me around."
He cleared his throat once and then looked at me, more serious now.
"I should be the one apologizing for the other night, Bella."
I almost choked on my own tongue when I heard him say my name again. I took a sip of my coffee and waved him off. Water under the bridge. Especially if he says my name like that.
"I'm sure your boyfriend doesn't like me much." he said. His eyes darkened as he watched me, waiting for an answer.
Now it was my turn to laugh. He looked at me curiously until I answered him.
"Jake is definitely not my boyfriend. But you're right. He doesn't like you much."
Edward nodded in defeat with that crooked smile again.
"Alice likes you." he said simply.
"Well, I'm glad. I like her too. You have a lovely family, Edward." I said genuinely.
The expression on his face didn't change, a small smile of gratitude on his lips. But I could see in his eyes that something had shifted.
"You made quite an impression on them." he said.
"I don't know how I managed that, but I'm happy to have new friends in a new town."
I smiled at him, reaching down to rub Bosley's furry head. I liked this Edward. Though he was still hauntingly mysterious, he was calm. He was present. And his voice sounded soothing to me. Unlike the other night when it was arrogant and sarcastic.
Perhaps I misjudged him. Perhaps he was realizing that he misjudged me as well.
"Maybe you and I should start over then." I offered. "Friends?"
Edward's smile weakened just slightly, disappearing all together as he took another sip from his mug. He set it down slowly on the counter top and looked up at me. His eyes were dark and penetrating, but they looked to be pleading with me. For what, I didn't know.
"We shouldn't be friends, Bella."
The little glow of hope I had felt just a moment before went out like a light as he spoke.
"And why is that?" I asked, a hint of annoyance ringing in my tone. Why couldn't we be friends? Was it that hard for him to try and be social with people? Why did he even invite me in if he didn't think we should be friends?
"It complicated."
"Complicated..."
He nodded in confirmation.
I looked down at my mug, feeling a little pang of hurt that I couldn't explain. I shouldn't care so much. But Edward had me more intrigued than anyone I had ever met before. And if I wasn't mistaken, he was curious about me too. Even with all of his attitude, here I was. He invited me in. Why do this only to tell me we couldn't be friends? Why did he dig around asking questions about Forks Saturday night? Why did he watch me the way he did? The way he's watching me now.
His mouth tells me one thing, but his eyes tell me something entirely different. The plea in them made sense now.
"What are you so afraid of?" I asked.
He swallowed hard and his jaw clenched. His eyes, once briefly vulnerable, hardened. His gaze dropped from mine.
"It's not fear, Bella. It's just how it is. Like I said, complicated."
He wasn't budging. He had shut down. And so quickly. I was disappointed. More than I liked to admit. Did he not have close friends? Or did he just not want to be friends with me?
I nodded only once, showing him I understood. Though a part of me knew he was full of shit. I laughed once, without humor, letting him know his answer was one I didn't buy.
But somehow, I didn't have the right words to argue with him. I couldn't convince him to like me. I wasn't about to make anyone be my friend.
But the disappointment was more than I wanted to admit.
I certainly didn't feel like sticking around. I felt the heat in my face and warm prickle in the back of my eyes.
Stupid.
I bit my lower lip as I stood awkwardly from my chair, walking around the little island to put my mug in the sink.
Edward stood right beside the faucet, almost entirely in front of it. I expected that he might move to the side in order to let me rinse my mug and leave, but he didn't.
I hesitated for a moment before reaching around him. He never moved, he only watched me.
My face was inches away from his shoulder, my body facing his, twisted just slightly in my reach to the sink. I could smell him. Like clean linen and only a tiny hint of pine.
My breast grazed his arm accidentally as I turned on the faucet. Goosebumps broke out along my collarbone, where I could feel his warm breath.
In my peripheral vision I saw his eyes, watching me as I swished the water around in my mug before dumping it down the drain and turning off the water.
I set my mug down carefully, blushing the entire time at the awareness of how close we were.
I realized that if I turned my head and looked up, our faces would only be inches apart.
I couldn't do it at first. I felt him watching me, neither of us breathing. It was as if I had entered his orbit and was now subject to his current, his energy, this magnetic pull.
The desire to kiss him was overwhelming. I looked up just enough to lay my eyes on his lips. They looked so soft, Parted the tiniest bit. I felt his eyes on mine too and finally chanced a look up into those emerald orbs.
His pupils dilated as our eyes connected and he swallowed thickly. He didn't move or blink, he just looked at me. He was searching me. For what I didn't know, but I felt more vulnerable than I had in years. It was unsettling.
It was exciting.
He seemed to have a moment of clarity and started to blink before clearing his throat and looking away from me.
Ahh. That's right. Edward doesn't want to be friends.
My heart dropped a little, realizing that this palpable tension between us could never be ignited because it was complicated.
Time to leave, Bella.
I didn't look him in the eye as I took two steps backwards and away from him. His body was still leaning in towards me, though his eyes were now looking everywhere but me.
"I'll just..." I didn't even finish my sentence before I was walking out of the kitchen and into the mud room, hastily putting my damp sneakers on.
I struggled for a moment, almost falling over trying to wriggle into the damn shoes. I knelt down quickly to tie them up.
Something caught my eye and stopped me.
Just above the baseboard trim on the wall next to me was a faint little drawing. It looked as though time had faded the purple crayon that adorned the small space. Three stick figures held hands in a row. Two larger stick figure people and one smaller one. Each had their own little label, written by what looked like a 4 or 5 year old.
"Momma, Daddy... Edward."
I reached my hand out to touch the family portrait. I ran my fingers underneath it reverently, careful not to let my fingers cause it to fade any further. I lingered beneath the smallest little figure.
What happened to them, Edward?
I rose to my feet, startled to find Edward in the mud room door way, looking down at the wall where my hands had been. His face was paler than before. He looked like a lost little boy.
"Edward I..."
He looked up at me, emotionless.
"Goodbye, Bella." he said. No tone attached to his voice at all. Just a flat, resounding, get out.
He turned his back to me and disappeared into his kitchen again.
In less then about ten seconds I was out the door and down the stairs, my feet moving swiftly across the sand and pebbles back in the direction of my trail.
The sun was brighter now, the morning in full swing.
But the joy it had brought me earlier was gone. My mind was consumed with Edward.
What the hell had just happened?
That moment between us...it was...it was undeniably intense. There was no way he couldn't have felt it too. The drawing on the wall...his face when he saw me touching it. Maybe I shouldn't have. What was I thinking?
Complicated. Complicated. Complicated.