"I'm so glad you called me Eddie!"

"Hey Tanya.."

I tried not to wince at the pet name I loathed so damn much as a familiar pair of tits came bouncing into view through my passenger side door.

I'd known Tanya since my senior year in college. We weren't friends. We never were. She wasn't my girlfriend. Never was. It was pretty clear to both of us what exactly our relationship was. We'd get fucked up, and then we'd fuck and go home.

Tanya wasn't the brightest bulb in the bunch, but what I appreciated about her beyond her body was that she didn't play games. She'd be my date for the night, bring me back to her place for casual sex, and then leave me alone. She didn't nag me to come and hang out with her besides the occasional hook up. I liked that. I couldn't offer her much more than that anyway.

I hadn't seen her in months until now.

I had dropped off Alice in a hurry, pretending to follow her babbling conversation about the baby line she was working on and how great Bella is and how Jasper should be home late tonight and shoes and work and baby's breath in the corsages and...blah blah blah. I was almost thankful she was so caught up in her own mess of words that she hardly noticed my anxiety, which I was certain was clear as day on my face.

I had said a quick goodbye, hardly waving from my window as I sped off towards home.

I needed to paint.

I only had a few hours before it got dark out, but I made the most of them. A lot of what I worked on was a blur. I was in motion as soon as I got up the stairs to the studio. Bosley watched me curiously as I started to sketch almost frantically. The rough lines taking shape underneath my hands. Pencil first, then ink, then stains, then ink again. Somehow, without my mind's permission, my hands had once again replicated Bella's face. Only this time the expression on it was heavy with want. The way she had looked up at me before I pinned her to the wall just hours ago.

I growled as I looked down at the piece, infuriated that I couldn't escape her the way I wanted to.

So I picked up Tanya early.

There wasn't much conversation between us. It didn't bother me. I could feel my nerves wound tightly, my blood moving quickly. Before she had even closed the door I had the car moving.

"It'll be good to see Garrett again. It's been like, forever." she said, obviously trying to break the silence.

Garrett had met Tanya once or twice before at some of his smaller shows in the college line ups. He was always a pretty social guy. And even though I knew he wasn't a giant fan of Tanya, he was always nice to her.

I nodded once, clenching and unclenching my jaw. I felt like I was going to explode. I hadn't had an anxiety attack in months, but this was feeling all too familiar.

"Edward, are you alright?" she asked, almost genuinely I thought at first.

But then she was rubbing my inner thigh over my jeans as I drove.

"You seem a little...tense."

Tanya was never one to waste any time.

I nodded again, surprised at my own lack of conversation. It was usually pretty easy to make small chat and flirt. But I had a lump in my throat from the mess in my head. My body was buzzing with energy that needed to be released. I was a live wire.

Soon Tanya's hand was rubbing over the seam of my crotch. It didn't take long for my body to react underneath her.

We were taking the back roads to the club and I knew not many people came this way. Soon the friction became too much to handle so I pulled the car off to the side with a screech of my brakes. I knew if I tried to drive while I was tense as hell and Tanya was touching my dick, I'd be a danger to society.

Tanya didn't ask why I'd pulled over. She just pounced. And it was a good thing too, because I was about to squirm out of my own body if I didn't move soon.

All at once her bubble gum mouth was on mine, her tongue moving with a force over my own. I kissed her back, roughly. My hands wound in her hair, giving it a light tug. She loved that shit.

She moaned loudly as my hands found her breasts. Fake as they were, they were the distraction my fingers needed. My mouth attacked her neck, licking and sucking as my finger tips searched for nipples and more bare skin.

Soon I could feel my belt buckle being undone, my pants being unzipped, my cock being freed. My breathing was shallow and fast, almost embarrassingly so. I didn't know how to stop an anxiety attack, but I did know that if I didn't get some form of release, I'd lose my shit.

Like an answered prayer I felt warm, wet mouth wrap around my cock.

My head fell back against the head rest, my eyes fluttering shut. I willed myself to just let go of everything and just feel this.

But that didn't work either, because soon I was just too fucking aware of everything. Tanya was moving quickly and sloppily. The sucking sounds, the fake moans, the heavy scent of perfume that I could practically taste... it all distracted me.

Focus Edward.

I shut my eyes tightly, trying to bring myself to the brink. Trying to make this feel good. Trying to let go.

But there she was. In the space behind my eyes I pictured Bella. She was everything Tanya wasn't. Brunette, soft, natural, beautiful, porcelain pale.

"Cum for me, baby..." I heard Tanya purr, her hand pumping me. The sound of her voice was yet another distraction. Everything was too much.

I kept my eyes shut, my mind and my body in two different places. Too different.

I couldn't do this. I had to slow down.

I stopped her hand with mine, earning a quizzical look.

I let my lungs inflate with air and willed my chest to find calm. Suddenly being in the car felt tight, trapped, suffocating.

"Edward...what.."

I could see the hurt starting to creep into her eyes. One thing about Tanya was that she couldn't bear rejection. Especially when it came to sex. Sex was what she thrived on. She was good at it. Damn good. I knew this from experience. But in situations where her sexual power was taken from her...she could turn on you pretty quickly.

I don't know why, maybe it was my own ego I needed to save, or Tanya's feelings I needed to preserve. I just told her I didn't want to cum yet. I wanted to wait till later when I was inside her.

The dirty response seemed to be enough to placate her. She grinned at me while I refastened my pants and belt.

"That can be arranged, baby..." she winked.

She readjusted her top as I sped towards Eclipse, the light from my car the only light on the back roads.

During the darkest part of the nights, the stars out here away from the downtown lights would be incredible. Billions of tiny stars littering the sky. I used to walk out along these roads on nights I couldn't sleep during the summer. Or I'd spend early morning hours out on the boat, trying to catch a cloudless night to see them.

I wondered if Bella might like that.

Fuck. I needed to stop this. My goddamn brain was ruining me. Turning me into a fucking chick.

I raked my hands through my hair and took a deep breath after I pulled into a parking space behind the bar. Tanya was already out of the car, checking her lipgloss in my side mirror.

"Eddie, are you coming?"

Jesus Christ.

I could hear the band playing from outside. Familiar melodies came pulsing through the windows and the doors of the bar. When we stepped inside, we became a part of the pulse. It was one thing I loved most about live music. I loved feeling the bass in my chest and the buzz of the crowd. It was easy to lose yourself to it, to just fade away and become part of the sound.

As Tanya weaved towards the stage, dragging me behind her, I saw Garrett spot me from up front. He tossed me a wink before breaking into his refrain.

I stopped at the bar to grab a drink...something strong. I knew I needed to take the edge off before I could even begin to have any fun tonight. I bought Tanya something fruity looking. She always liked colorful drinks with umbrellas or cherry swords and shit in them.

Girls.

We found a spot up front towards the left of the stage. A table with tall barstools along the wall.

Tanya scooted her chair close to mine. Luckily, she didn't feel like talking much, but that didn't mean she wasn't constantly touching me.

From where we were I couldn't see much behind me other than the crowded bar. The booths and tables in the back were shielded by the wall that tapered inward, enclosing the stage area just slightly. I liked our spot against the wall. I felt like it was a good place to hide. All I was concerned with was relaxing and listening to some music. I needed my body to calm down.

And I needed Bella Swan out of my head.

I had been so sure that Tanya could do that for me. But now, when I felt her hand on my knee, I wondered what it would be like if it were Bella's hand instead.

It took me the entire first set to calm down. I finished my drink, trying to take it slowly, knowing I'd be driving home a rather inebriated Tanya. She'd been back and forth to the bar a few times within the first hour and a half. Finally, she dragged me with her, insisting I was being a pussy and needed another drink.

We weaved through the masses, arriving at the far end of the bar. The long, shining oak wood was riddled with wet napkins and half finished drinks, tip change and lemon wedges. I recognized James, the bartender. I'd seen him around the bar at a few shows.

The dude was kind of a dick. He had an arrogance about him when it came to the ladies. He thought he could have anyone. I used to think he was an ass hole, until I realized that anyone could say the same thing about me. Since then I didn't think twice when he delivered some heinous pick up line or flashed his arms. I was in no place to judge him.

That was until I saw him leaning over the bar, smirking ostentatiously at the little brunette I'd become so attached to so quickly. I knew I fucking hated that guy for a good reason.

Bella.

What the fuck was she doing here? Could I not escape her? And why the fuck was James looking at her like she was his last meal? I felt my heart rate jump again when I saw her face in the crowd. The blood in my veins picking up speed again as soon as my body recognized her.

She was looking up at him through her eye lashes, biting her lip in a way that made my jeans tight. She was flirting back.

Rage flared behind my eyes.

Tanya's agitation at not being served was getting on my last nerve. Soon she was clearing her throat...loudly. And whistling like James was a dog to be summoned. I currently hated the guy for even being close to Bella with any remote ideas of getting into her pants...but Tanya's whistle in my ear was annoying as shit.

I backed away from the bar when I realized Tanya was drawing attention with her irritated behavior, including the attention of Bella. I wasn't ready for her to see me. That - and Alice was with her. Alice hated Tanya.

My date didn't seem to notice much as I turned and walked briskly back towards our table, mumbling some excuse she probably didn't hear about saving our seats.

I looked over my shoulder about a million times, catching glimpses of Bella. She looked amazing tonight. I wasn't sure why I was surprised. Every time I saw her she looked more and more beautiful to me. As if her familiarity just made her more stunning. She looked happy and confident.

I was almost back to my table when I spotted a young couple sitting down in our seats.

Shit. Too late. I found a place off to the side of the stage, trying to focus on the band. Garrett was wrapping up a song and the crowd was swaying to the slow ballad beat. After singing the last notes of the tune, he promised the crowd he'd back after the next band with more music.

I scanned the crowd quickly, trying to spot Alice and Bella before they spotted me. I heard my sister's voice cut through the noise before I could see the little pipsqueak.

"Garrett!"

I breathed a sigh of relief, shrinking back just a little. It looked like Alice was introducing Bella and her friend to Garrett. I thought maybe I'd sneak out past them, grab Tanya and leave, but Tanya had other ideas.

Before I knew it, she was coming right at me out of the crowd, drinks in hand. The liquid from the glasses dripping down her wrists.

"There you are! I thought you were right behind me at the bar. You disappeared!"

Her drunken volume and sudden movements were enough to catch a lot of attention. Older men were staring at Tanya's tits and ass, younger women were sneering at her, and Bella Swan was watching me.

Ah shit.

I was frozen. I didn't know what exactly to do. I'd felt all night that bringing Tanya was a bad idea. But now I felt it more than ever. I winced as Bella watched Tanya take a long lick up my neck before kissing it.

I saw the hurt flash in her eyes before she turned away from me. Steeling her gaze and pointedly ignoring my presence just several yards behind her.

Tanya's breath smelled heavily of alcohol as she whispered in my ear. "Baby, can we leave? I want to get out of here so you can fuck me already. I've been so good all night..."

She looked up at me through her eye lashes, smiling innocently and wrapping her lips around the straw in her drink.

Any guy in the bar was probably thinking what a lucky bastard I was. No one could deny Tanya was enticingly beautiful. But her game wasn't cutting it tonight. Not for me.

I could feel Alice's eyes on me before I even looked up. She was glaring at Tanya and looking at me expectantly. She was not about to be ignored. Her hand came up and waved me over, summoning me. My feet felt like they were stuck in mud as I made my way over to my sister. Bella was right beside her, looking everywhere but at me, as if it were her job to avoid me entirely.

"Edward, I didn't know you were coming tonight! Why didn't you tell me?" Alice said.

Because I didn't need you judging me for calling a fuck buddy.

"I just needed to get out for a night. I figured I'd come hear some music. Haven't seen Garrett in a while..." I let out a long breath through my answer, trying to calm myself down a little.

Bella still wasn't looking at me. She had her eyes glued to the stage, watching the mediocre indie set filler band warm up their guitars and test mics. I knew she was listening. That band sucked anyway.

Tanya caught me watching Bella and immediately was sizing her up.

"Did you have to bring the whore with you?" came Alice's voice.

Here we go...

"Oh fuck you..." Tanya spat. I watched Bella look up at me then look immediately away as Tanya's voice directed itself at her. "Edward needed to spend time with a real woman tonight...of course he'd call me."

I felt the spite behind her words and immediately became defensive on Bella's behalf. She seemed to take it all with a grain of salt, not reacting to Tanya's commentary.

"Enough." I said, willing the bullshit to stop with the tone of voice I used. I raked a hand through my hair again - a nervous habit of mine it seemed. I looked up to speak again and hopefully make a polite but hasty good bye, but was stopped short by the sight of Bella's face.

Her eyes were blinking in rapid succession and the color had drained from her cheeks. She seemed to sway where she stood and her eyes looked unfocused.

Something was wrong.

"Are you alright?"

She nodded quickly at me, her face flushing in the dark as she heard me speak. She dismissed me with her expression, trying hard once again not to look at me. There was so much I wanted to say but I had absolutely no idea what that was. I just wanted to talk to her.

"Wait so, whose the whore? I heard someone say whore..." The girl I had spotted previously with Alice and Bella slid into the conversation, wrapping a protective arm around Bella. I knew already that these two had history together just from the way the girl stood around her now. Bella was not to be trifled with.

This must be Angela.

Tanya was furious with Alice, who was laughing like a hyena.

"Fuck off, Alice. Seriously, Edward. Can we get the fuck out of here already? I didn't come here for this..."

My eyes caught Bella's body swaying forward slightly again before leaning back into the support of her friend. Her eye lids were starting to sag and her mouth opened just so before she was forcing herself to blink again. Her chest was rising and falling faster than it had been a minute ago.

"Are you sure you're alright, Bella?"

Her eyes finally met mine, giving me some small sense of relief once I could finally look at them. The deep pools of chocolate brown seemed raw, vulnerable only for a moment as she looked at me. Everything about her was so real at times, in small moments like these, that I had to be on my game before I let myself feel for her any more than I already did.

She let out a breath and swayed again. Something was definitely wrong. I was afraid she might fall flat on her face right in front of me. Just looking up at me cause her to tip. Before I knew what I was doing, I had my hand on her arm, holding her steady.

I felt her suck in a breath as she looked up at me. Her eyes were on my lips.

"Yeah, she's just had a bit too much to drink. I've got her, Chief." I felt the girl beside Bella pull her back into her side, away from my hand.

"Bella doesn't drink."

"Sorry...and you are?" Clearly she was annoyed with me.

"I'm Edward."

"Oh so he's the fucker..." she mumbled with her head turned towards Bella.

"Excuse me?" Had Bella been talking about me? Part of me felt strangely hopeful. Even if I was a fucker, I had been on her mind. She'd talked about me.

"Nice to meet you Wardo, but we gotta run. Hope all your future std tests run negative. Peace out cub scout." she winked at me and blew a kiss at my date, who was red with rage and way too much alcohol. I would have laughed out loud if I wasn't terrified of what Tanya might do to my dick.

The girl, pulled Bella in close to her waist, clearly helping her stay upright as they bolted for the exit.

"What the fuck, Edward. Really? I know you aren't my boyfriend or anything, but you could at least stop staring at that mousey brunette long enough to tell Alice to fuckkkk off. She can't just talk to me like that." Tanya slurred.

I was listening, I swear I was. But I was also watching to see if Bella would make it out the door. Was she sick?

I started unconsciously following in her direction.

"Edward! Seriously?"

Tanya needed to be distracted.

I grabbed her by the hand and led her from our spot by the stage out the side exit instead of following Bella out the front doors. Shrugging my keys out of my pocket, I hit the lock on my car, hearing the familiar beep from my parking space by the dumpsters.

"I'm sorry, T. Just give me a minute, okay?" I tried to say it as gently as possible, but I'm sure she noticed my hurried tone as I helped her into the passenger seat.

She sighed and rolled her eyes. I was lucky she was drunk. Her head was already dipping as I lifted her long legs into the car.

"Just wait here, okay? I'll be right back." I promised. She nodded at me, waving me off and reclining the seat. She'd be passed out by the time I turned around.

I locked the car behind me, knowing she'd be safe until I came back. My legs carried me quickly around the side of the building to the front curb. I could see Alice with her back turned towards me, standing by the passenger side door of a dark blue toyota. I craned my neck to see around her, spotting who I assumed to be Angela crouched down in front of the open door.

I couldn't see much. I couldn't hear much. Before I knew it I was pacing back and forth. I wanted to go to her, but I didn't know if I could handle it if something was seriously wrong. What was wrong?

Was she okay?

What was happening?

I hated waiting. I hated not knowing what was going on even more. I remember waiting in a hospital 9 years ago for nothing but horrible news. Fuck waiting.

It felt like hours had passed, but after only fifteen minutes of wearing the curb thin, I checked my watch. It was late. It looked as though Bella had calmed down enough to slide into the drivers seat.

Part of me wished that I could take her home. Angela was too drunk. And Bella wasn't well. Whatever had happened though, she made quick work of getting out of the parking lot and back on the road. I watched her tail lights disappear around the corner before meeting my sister in the parking lot.

"Alice, is she okay?"

"I don't know...I-I think so? It happened really fast... Hey, where's slutzilla?" she slurred.

"Should she be driving?" I persisted.

"She seemed okay once Angela gave her the pills. She has lots of em." she shrugged. "Bella has lots and lots of allergies. Lots and lots..."

Yeah, Alice was ready to go home.

"You're wasted, Al. Lemme take you home."

"Shut up. And I can't leave without saying good bye to Rosie and Emmett."

I followed her short little self back into the bar. We ran into Rose and Emmett right as we walked in.

"Hey, Edward!" Emmett's booming voice sounded. He clapped me on the back and gave me one of his famous goof ball grins. "I didn't know you were here tonight..."

"He was here with skankasaurus rex..." Alice explained politely for me.

"Does she get a new dinosaur name every time?"

"Yep... valasaCRAPtor."

Rose rolled her eyes and gave me a look. "Ew, Edward...Tanya? I thought you were past all that..."

"Jesus fuckin Christ, guys. Gimme a break. She was my date tonight. And now she's piss drunk in my car and I've gotta go..."

Rosalie looked disapproving but didn't push any further. Tanya had a nasty attitude with Alice and Rose more than anyone in my family. Alice made the mistake of assuming she was my girlfriend once, and when Tanya explained our relationship for what it really was, Alice had no qualms about telling her how she felt about it. She was disappointed in me more than anything else, but she took it out on Tanya. And of course, Tanya hasn't had a nice thing to say about her since. Rosalie was always a fiercely protective person by nature, and without hesitation came to Alice's side every time.

"Where's Bella and Angela?" Rose asked Alice.

"They went home. Bella didn't feel very well..." I heard my own voice answer the question before I could help it. Rose looked up at me, surprised that I had answered for her.

"Oh, well I hope she's okay..." Rose said, still watching me. I glued my eyes elsewhere. "Alice, we can take you home. Edward probably needs to get back to his date...."

"You mean the bitchapottamus?" Alice piped up, laughing wildly at her own joke.

She wrapped an arm around Rose's waist and waved at me. She would be fast asleep as soon as she got into the back seat of Emmett's car.

"Good to see you, man." said Emmett, fishing his keys out of his pocket.

"Bye Edward..." Rose and Alice said in unison.

I watched them disappear out the front door and took a deep breath. Tonight had not gone at all as I had expected.

I didn't know what I actually had expected. I just wanted...shit....I didn't even know.

My mind was full of Bella and pill bottles by the time I made it back out to the car. Tanya was dozing in the passenger seat, just as I had expected. She stirred when I got into the drivers side seat.

"Heyyy..." she mumbled. "Weren't you going to fuck me tonight...?"

I laughed, humorlessly, looking out my window instead of at her. I could hear the band still playing inside. Garrett was well into his last set by now.

"You're drunk, T. I'm taking you home."

"Home with you?"

"No. I'm taking you back to your place."

"You never take me to your place..."

I started the car, not bothering to answer.

Luckily Tanya was drunk enough not to argue much as I helped her into her apartment. She had a nice little place south of Riverdale.

She was leaning on me heavily, giggling a little as I helped navigate her keys into the door. Her mouth was close to my ear, her breath warm and stale.

"Stay, Eddie..."

I didn't answer her. I simply focused on finding the light switch once we were inside. When the apartment was lit enough to see the way to the bedroom, I helped her take her heels off. She was a little more steady on her feet now.

She stumbled her way to her bedroom.

"I need my tooth brush..." she mumbled, pointing me in the direction of the bathroom.

I sighed. I wanted to leave, but I didn't want to leave her like this. I was an asshole, but I wasn't completely heartless. Tonight hadn't exactly been fair to Tanya. I owed her this much.

I walked into the bathroom, flipping on the light and finding the medicine cabinet. I pulled out a bottle of aspirin and poured some tap water into one of those dumb little dixie cups. I pulled out her tooth paste and tooth brush, bringing both along with the aspirin and water with me out to her room.

And there was Tanya, stark naked on the bed. She was stretched out leisurely, watching me.

I sighed, unsure of how I felt. Tonight just felt so wrong in so many ways. I should be fucking stoked as shit that this girl was naked and waiting for me. But I wasn't.

I set the aspirin on her night table along with her tooth brush.

"Eddie...you're wearing too many clothes."

I looked down to see her smiling seductively up at me. She reached her long, slender fingers down between her legs, touching herself for me.

Goddammit.

"I've been wet all night..."

She sat up on the bed until she was up on her knees. Her face level with my chest. She grabbed the fabric of my shirt, pulling me forward. Her fingers scrambled to unfasten buttons, her breath was hot against my chest.

All I could think of was how this should feel good and it didn't. All I could think of was Bella. The way her face had turned to ash at the bar tonight. The way her body looked so fragile so suddenly. In a moment, she reminded me how people weren't permanent. I had learned that lesson in the hardest ways, and I didn't want to learn it again.

"Edward..."

My mind was running through lists of allergies...something must have set her off...

"Edward."

I looked down to see Tanya looking up at me, annoyed. Both her wrists were caught in my hands. I released her, gently.

"What is with you tonight?" she spat, retreating from me and moving further back on her bed.

"I'm...I'm sorry, I'm just not feeling like myself."

"Obviously. I'm mean, I'm making this pretty fucking easy for you..."

I could see the hurt in her eyes, masked carefully by annoyance and arrogant, indifferent humor. I only recognized it because I myself was good at hiding things that way.

I knew I couldn't do this.

I kissed her on the cheek, earning me a wide eyed look of surprise. We were never affectionate with each other that way.

"I'm sorry, T. You're beautiful. But I have to go."

She looked utterly baffled as I found my keys and handed her the dixie cup of water.

I knew where I needed to be.

Leaving her apartment quickly, I was on the road again and headed towards the west side of Riverdale. I felt like my body and my brain were both on autopilot. I'd just check and see if Bella was alright, then I'd go home.

Then be done with it. That's it.

As long as I knew she was still alive and well, I'd go home and stick to my word. Leave her alone. The dark blue sky ripped by me and into nothing as I sped through the empty streets.

It was around twenty minutes later when I rolled to a stop in front of the unlit shop windows.

Was she home? Was she at a hospital? Was she sleeping? Was someone fucking taking care of her or was she alone?

It was beyond me how my body even knew to knock. My brain was in so many different places. I knew I needed to take some anxiety meds when I got back to the house. I needed to calm the fuck down.

I could feel my heart rate pick up and my senses tighten, listening for sounds of Bella inside. I knocked once more for good measure.

And then I heard it. Noise from inside. The squeak of her door up the stairs. The soft padding foot steps and the groan of some over trodden floorboard just behind the door.

The door in front of me disappeared into the darkness of the building, revealing Bella's face illuminated by moon light.

I felt my body let out a long breath simply at the sight of her.

"Edward?"

She whispered. It was her eyes that spoke to me the most. She was surprised, confused. From her stance I could tell she was ready to defend herself should I say something or do something offensive.

My eyes scanned her face. Her color had returned, she looked alert and awake. She was standing with her feet firmly planted. She was okay.

"Edward...what are you doing here?"

"Right...I just...uh. Yeah, just..."

Shit, Fuck. Mother... I forgot about the talking part.

She looked at me with a cocked eye brow, waiting expectantly.

"Alice wanted me to check on you. Uh..yeah I was on my way home. She went back with Rose so... She thought I should make sure you're okay."

Understanding lit upon her face. She almost looked...disappointed.

"Oh. Well I'm fine. No reason to worry." she said, wrapping her robe tighter around her little body and laying a hand over her chest.

"Right. Well, I'll tell her you made it home safe then..." I gave her a weak smile.

Fuck. I am absolutely 100% certain I look like an idiot right now. I knew this was the part where I said I'd leave, but I so wanted to just fucking stay. Bury my nose in her hair and stay.

"I'll let you get back to sleep." I said, realizing that it was becoming increasingly uncomfortable to stay - even when I really wanted to.

"I wasn't sleeping." she said simply. She looked down and shuffled her feet once before looking up at me again, cautiously. "I'd invite you in for tea but apparently we aren't supposed to be friends. Funny, considering how much I've seen you today."

Damn.

Please let me in, Bella. I'm not worth much but let me in anyway... Maybe just this once.

"Well, maybe we could be acquaintances. Acquaintances occasionally have tea." I offered. Wanting more than anything to come inside, even against my better judgement. I was here wasn't I?

She seemed to work it over in her head.

"Maybe."

She looked past me, back at my car.

"Didn't you have your girlfriend with you?"

"She's not my girlfriend."

"Hm."

She observed me carefully again before moving backward and out of the way of the door, silently telling me to come inside.

The lights in Bella's kitchen were the kind you could dim down with a twist of a knob. The apartment was quiet and she kept the lights a low hum instead of a high beam glow. I watched silently as she moved around her kitchen space. She pulled out tea from the cupboards on her right, while simultaneously twisting the stove knobs to get the kettle heated.

"You can sit, you know. Acquaintances usually sit while having acquaintance tea." she said with a snarky smile.

I couldn't help but grin as I pulled up a seat at the little kitchen table.

"Are you sure you're okay?" I asked quietly, noticing her body pause to listen to me. "You didn't look like you were okay tonight."

"I'm fine, Edward. It's really none of your concern." she said dismissively.

She held her hands out to the the kettle, feeling the heat radiate from it. It was chilly tonight. She stood profile in front of me and I could see the faint outline of a straining nipple beneath her robe.

"I can't be concerned? I thought we were acquaintances!" I scoffed, trying to joke my way out of her defensive disposition.

A smile cracked in the corner of her mouth, but she remained quiet.

A calm settled over me as I looked at her. I couldn't fix this by being funny. I didn't want to pretend I was anything other than exactly what I was. I was too tired. I was too fuckin tired of myself. I just wanted to be. I wanted to be with Bella.

"Bella... I'm sorry about this morning. At my house. And this afternoon...I don't know what I..." I took a deep breath. "Its just...there's a lot you don't know about me. Certain things about me that could hurt you."

She turned to face me directly now.

"But here you are." she said.

I swallowed, looking down. Should I leave?

"Here I am."

She nodded once, smiling just faintly. The kettle began to whistle. Turning from me she lifted it with a thick pot holder, pouring the hot liquid into two mugs and plunking tea bags into each one.

"Do you like honey in your tea?"

I nodded. She pulled a golden little bear with a spout for a head from the cupboard above her. Popping the cap she let the honey pour in a long stream down into her cup. Her spoon looped around and around her mug, stirring.

I had a feeling she wasn't about to press me any further. It seemed we had both given up trying to figure out what this thing between us was and now just wanted to relax. We didn't need to define anything. Not tonight.

She passed me the honey. Somehow I was comfortable. It felt as if there were a million things to say, but we didn't need to say them now. And I didn't think either of us knew what those things were exactly. But I think we both knew then that something was between the two of us like a third connected soul. We didn't know what it was. I only knew I needed to be near her. I needed more of her.

I squeezed some of that golden honey into my mug, coating the bottom in a thick syrupy sugar. Just the way I liked it. I looked up to see Bella watching me.

"Want some tea with that honey? Or a giant biscuit?" she laughed.

"No thanks, I prefer my honey untainted."

"Ahh I see. A purist."

"Only when it comes to sugar." I winked.

"Yeah, don't think I didn't see the way you were looking at my cookie tray on Saturday. I'm on to you..."

"I'm guilty, I'll admit it. But I was just looking after them. I mean, your man child friend was tearing that shit up. He ate like six cookies at once. I watched him."

She let out a bell like laughter that made me smile. The grin on her face was one I wanted to see more of. She held up a finger, motioning to wait a moment. I couldn't help but let my eyes land on her perfect ass as she bent into the refrigerator and pulled out a small plate. There were four mini chocolate cupcakes, frosted with white, thick icing.

My stomach audibly growled. Bella grinned.

"I normally don't eat sweets after dark, but...I think having an acquaintance over is a good enough excuse. Especially one who is apparently a sugar whore."

She took one of the small cakes, unwrapping the festive yet untimely valentines day foil bottom before taking a bite. I watched her mouth wrap around the dessert, the frosting lingering on her soft pink lips for only a moment before her wet tongue came to retrieve it.

Fuck.

An hour ago I had a naked woman touching herself for me and I couldn't care less. This woman takes a bite out of a cupcake and my cock is ready to go.

Bella blushes and I can't take my eyes off her mouth. She grabs her tea mug and moves to the adjacent room to the couch. I note her silent invitation and I'm only seconds behind her, stopping only to grab the entire plate of cupcakes.

I watch as she curls herself up, knees to chest, burrowing into the couch cushions like a cat. I sit down slowly beside her, hyper aware of how close I am. I should sit close, but not too close. Right?

She doesn't mind me as I struggle with the space between us. She grabs the remote and flips through the stations, landing on I Love Lucy re-runs. The old black and white sitcom brings a grin to her face.

I take the wrapping off a cupcake and pop it into my mouth in one bite.

Holy. Fuckin. God.

I groan in delight as I chew. I can hear Bella giggling beside me.

"Ohmyfuckin..Jesus...these are amazing. Where did you get these..."

"Made em. You should have been here when they were warm. Even better." she winked.

"You're my favorite acquaintance. Ever."

She smiles at me again and I feel content.

So this is us, hanging out. I can do this.

I settle back into the couch, feeling my contentment turn to sleepiness. I hear Bella yawn beside me. On the tv screen Lucy and Ethel are stuffing their shirts with chocolates. We watched in a strangely comfortable silence.

"I love this show. It was on at St Mary's all the time." she murmured. I watched her eye lids start to droop. It was making me even more exhausted.

"St Mary's hospital?"

Bella was suddenly more alert, words seemed caught in her throat.

"I meant St. Maria's. I uh...went to sunday school there. Local church."

"You watched I Love Lucy in Sunday school?"

"Apparently it was easier than teaching us songs about Jesus."

I laughed. I tried picturing Bella as a little girl. I was so curious about her.

I thought about the night again, running down Bella's symptoms in my head. The breathing, the rapid blinking, the unsteadiness.

"Was it anxiety?" I guessed quietly.

She turned her head to look at me, but didn't answer. Somehow I knew I had guessed right. At least half right.

"I have it too, you know." I admitted, focusing on the tv screen. I crossed my arms over my chest and leaned back farther. This couch was indescribably comfortable. I could feel Bella's eyes still on me.

"We're not so different, Edward." she whispered.

It was late. Somehow between the hum of the tv, Bella's breathing beside me and the warmth of the couch, I was lost. The sleep felt nice at first, comforting and safe. But just as they usually did, the nightmares came.

They weren't as horrific as the worst of them...but they always ended with the same gruesome image.

I found myself panting and shaking, reeling from my subconscious. I tried to focus and remember where I was.

I hadn't moved from my spot on Bella's couch. Thank God. I could only imagine how fucked up it would be to have a full blown night terror the first time we were actually nice to each other. I looked down to see Bella's socked feet tucked underneath my legs. She must have gotten cold. She still had her robe tucked soundly around her. Her head was facing me, resting on the couch cushion. She was so still. I was almost afraid for a moment. I had to listen hard just to hear her breath.

She slept like the dead.

I pulled my phone from my pocket to check the time. It was 4:47 am. Shit.

What I wanted was to pick her up and take her to bed. I wanted to sleep next to her without battling with myself about how close or not so close to her I should be. I heard the faint sounds of snoring coming from the bedroom. I forgot Angela was staying the night here.

I fought with myself for a moment, unsure of what to do.

The darkness outside the windows was becoming a light hue of blue. I knew I had to go.

I noticed the fleece blanket on the back of the couch, pulling it down carefully to wrap around Bella. She didn't flinch. Nothing. I tucked the fleece around her arms and legs, making sure to cover her feet.

Still no movement.

I leaned over her to pull a couch pillow closer to her, trying to be careful as I came precariously close to her face.

I could feel her warm breath on my cheek. She looked serene, innocent...just fucking stunning.

I held my breath for a moment, willing myself to stay invisible. With every once of gentleness I could manage, I placed my lips on her forehead.

Still, absolutely no movement.

Can I have you, Bella? Even just like this. Even invisible like this, I needed to know. I just needed.

Not daring to breathe, I lowered my lips to hers.

Hey everyone! Thank you so much to those of you who have rec'd my story recently. You didn't have to do that and it was awfully nice of you. I'm sending love your way with this extra long chapter. More to come! Reviews are wonderful little things. xoxo