Bella sighed into my mouth as my lips clung to hers. I just needed to be kissing her.

All the time.

But tonight I was feeling more vulnerable than I was ready to handle. I felt as if I were on the edge of a cliff surrounded by fog, pacing back and forth, unsure of whether to jump or not. I couldn't see far enough ahead to know if I'd be jumping onto soft grass, or if I was just about to fucking rip myself apart on the rocks.

There was so much that needed to be said. And there were so many questions I had for Bella as well. The two of us so full of our own haunted histories that beginning to even tell the tale felt like the most daunting task I'd ever encountered. Even the baby steps I knew we had to take needed to be weighed and measured before being taken.

But right now, all of it was lost on me as Bella's mouth moved with mine. The kiss grew from gentleness into neediness. I could feel my chest pounding at the sound of Bella's breathing picking up its pace. Warm, wet tongue caressing mine, kissing me more firmly. A challenge my tongue answered.

I felt high.

Surrounded by the smell of her hair and the softness of her skin. A moan escaped my throat as Bella's hands tangled in my hair, nails gently scraping my scalp. I moved forward as her arms wrapped around my neck. She leaned back in her bean bag chair and I came to my knees on the floor, leaning over her. Her knees were now on either side of my body. I supported myself with one arm planted in the chair behind her head, and one wrapped tightly around her, pulling her chest against mine.

The curve of her...it drove me fucking mad. I could feel the want begin to accumulate in the pit of my stomach. Bella was letting out these little sighs, these tiny moans that just about killed me.

I began to kiss her neck, breathing in her scent as she arched her back, her breasts rubbing against me. I could feel my cock stiffen as her movements against me continued.

This girl was going to be the death of me.

I'd been with women before, I wasn't new to this. But Bella made me feel as if I was. Like every cell in my body had come alive. Every part of me engaged in touching her, being with her. There was always a half present state I felt with the girls I had taken home in the past. My body knew what it wanted, and it took it. There was an excitement in the spontaneity of it, in the raw sexual side of it. But I knew now that I had been missing something. I couldn't tell you what it was, only that nothing compared to this. I was here. This moment was all there was. And Bella felt as beautiful as she looked.

My tongue found its way down her neck, over her collar bones and clavicle. Then lower still.

But as I came to her cleavage, I felt Bella's body freeze and her breathing stop.

Pump the brakes, Edward.

I pulled away, immediately thinking I'd gone too far. Fuck, I ruined it. Fuck, fuck, fuck! I pulled back and turned from her, my hands yanking at my hair.

"I-I'm sorry...I didn't mean - I mean I did...but I shouldn't have fuckin...ahh shit."

I felt her hand on my back and turned towards her, still looking at the ground. I didn't want to see the disappointment in her eyes.

"Edward, look at me...please?" her voice was calm and steady.

I finally met her gaze. She wasn't angry, or disappointed. She looked unsure of herself and a little embarrassed, but she wasn't upset. My heart was ramming itself against my ribs, every molecule in my body sent into a tailspin from a moment of fear and embarrassment.

Why do I have to be such an asshole?

"I'm sorry, Bella..."

"It's okay...really. That felt...amazing. Y-you are...I just..." her face turned red and she searched my eyes. She looked like she was searching for the right words. She was considering them carefully.

"We'll take it slower, I promise." I said.

"I-I know...it's not that...I just..." she let out a sigh and looked down, holding her palm against her forehead. "Edward...I didn't want you to stop."

My breath caught in my throat.

When she looked up again, she had a defeated look on her face and that blush illuminating her cheeks. "There are just some scars I'm not ready to show you yet either, you know?"

Of course my curiosity spiked, wanting to see, to know what had happened. I watched her carefully, coming closer to her. Face to face.

"From...when you were sick?" I asked quietly.

Her eyes darted everywhere but me before locking into mine again. She nodded. She was biting down on her lip anxiously.

I wanted to take away her uneasiness. This treehouse was always a safe place for me, I wanted her to know it was safe for her too.

Before I could chicken out, I rose up on my knees and took off my jacket. Bella watched me, puzzled and curious as I unbuttoned my button down. I smirked at her, earning me a bright red pair of cheeks once again. I wondered what she was thinking.

Once I was just in my t-shirt I turned my arm to show her the scar on the back of my elbow.

"I got this from crashing my bike into my dad's mailbox." I explained. Bella smirked and ran her fingers over the aged, raised lines on my elbow.

I hesitated for a moment, swallowing hard. Bella's face fell as she took in my serious expression. I took a deep breath and turned my back to her, lifting my shirt so she could observe the scars littering my lower back. They were much uglier. I had one on my shoulder and side as well, but those stories were for another time.

"These," I said, referring to the small patchwork of jagged scars, "were part of my punishment for breaking that mailbox. I was ten."

I couldn't see Bella's face but I could hear the small gasp she tried to hide. The marks were old and most of them had faded, but they looked almost claw like. I almost jumped out of my skin when I felt her cool fingertips on my back, running over my past with feather like softness. The trail of touches she left on my back had my skin prickling and alive, all the hairs on the back of my neck stood at attention.

"Edward..." she whispered, her voice sounding pained. I put my shirt down and faced her again, sitting on the floor in front of her bean bag chair. Her eyes looked glassy as she watched me, waiting to hear more.

"It...it was...It was a metal rake." I explained.

"No..." she breathed. Disbelief coloring her voice.

"You don't have to show me yours now...That's not why I..." I started to say. Worried that maybe now she thought I expected her to show me her scars. I didn't want her to do anything she wasn't ready to do. I just wanted to show her I could try. That I wasn't going to run from her. And that this place was safe for us both.

I watched as Bella thought to herself for a moment before rolling up her sleeves and showing me her arms. In the crease of each elbow were just a few pink little marks, some raised, some old and faded. I had never noticed them before.

"IVs..." she said. It would have to take a lot of IVs to leave a trace on her skin like that forever. In some small places, it looked as if they had been yanked, small tears of the skin that had been raised. They weren't noticeable if you weren't looking for them, but now that I'd seen them, I couldn't look away.

What happened to her?

Her arms were lean and delicate in my hands as I reached out to hold them, running my thumb over the scars. For a moment, I couldn't even feel her breathe. When I looked up at her, her eyes were on the floor. I calmly let go of her and she wasted no time rolling her sleeves back down.

"When I was younger, I used to have nightmares and try to rip them out." she explained.

She didn't linger on the subject for even a beat before she was asking me about mine again. She seemed to struggle finding the right words, wanting to ask me but unsure of how to do it.

"Your dad...he just...I mean...why?"

"He was sick." I explained. I took a deep breath and let words pour out of my mouth, surprised when it wasn't as difficult to do so as I thought it might be. "He had dissociative identity disorder...basically multiple personalities. He was undiagnosed for a long time."

Bella was quiet for a moment before she spoke. She pulled her knees up to her chest and wrapped her arms around them, speaking from behind her knee caps with her eyes glued to me.

"It must have been confusing as a kid...trying to figure out when he was your dad and when he was someone else."

I swallowed hard and nodded, remembering fragments of who my father really was.

"When I was younger, it was easier. Dad's temper still flared up from time to time, but I think back then he fought harder to stay himself. At least around me. He was...he was a good dad."

I could still picture in my mind the good days we'd had at the beach. He would spend hours with me outside, building sand castles and hunting for treasures. It was his idea to build the treehouse in the first place.

"But by the time I turned eleven, he was giving up. And it didn't help that he was untreated. Then, by the time I turned thirteen, he was gone all together. He just retreated into himself and let whoever else was in his mind just fucking take over. And those personalities all had mental instability of their own. Paranoia, manic depression, bipolar disorder, rage..."

"H-how many did he have do you think?" Bella asked quietly.

"Only a couple...they all blurred together for me." I shrugged. "Once in a while I would classify a few traits and be able to identify the switch if Dad had one...but for the most part, he just became a monster to me. My mother was the one who was good at sensing who Dad was, or when he was transitioning to a different personality."

I took a deep breath through my nose and blew it out through my mouth, closing my eyes as I did so. I could smell the damp woods around us, the mustiness of the treehouse and the light, floral scent of Bella's hair. My blood was pounding in my ears, but I felt a strange sense of stability.

I was okay. I'd jumped and landed on soft grass so far.

"What was your mother like?" Bella asked.

"Beautiful. Stubborn." I said. "She held out for Dad for a long time - longer than she should have. She just wanted the man she fell in love with to come back. She wouldn't accept that it wasn't happening. And the personalities that had replaced him...they hurt us both. Often. It put both of us in a bad situation."

I could still picture my mother's sweet, sad, smile after Dad had an outburst. She was so hopeful. Even when he'd kicked the shit out of me and moved on to do the same to her. She'd often send me to Carlisle and Esme's for the weekend to get me away from it all. But I'd come home to find her more bruised and broken than before. I stopped going...believing I could protect her if I stayed. I was just a stupid fucking kid.

"I didn't start to get angry about it until I was a teenager. And even then, it was impossible to be mad at my mother. Not for too long anyways."

I winced remembering the last time I'd been angry with her. It didn't know then that it would be the last time I ever spoke to her. I swallowed the lump in my throat.

"Did Carlisle and Esme know?"

"I think they both had their suspicions. But Mom kept it to herself and begged me to do the same. She was so sure Dad would turn around. That there would be no need for the family to know. No need to embarrass him."

My eyes shut, remembering how cryptic my mother was on the phone. How her eyes were always on the look out and she spoke in hushed tones as quickly as she could. She kept all of her phone calls short. The more paranoid of my father's personalities was good at accusing her of things and punishing her for it, no matter how innocent her actions may have been.

I opened my eyes to find Bella watching me. There was so much going on in her mind, I could see it. I could practically hear the wheels turning in her head and it made me worry for a moment, that I'd said too much. The silence lasted a beat longer than it should. I grew uncomfortable under Bella's stare and tried half heartedly to joke my way out of it.

"Well, that's enough about me..." I chuckled with uneasiness.

"No."

I swallowed my laughter to look at the beautiful woman sitting in front of me, completely engaged in me. She looked shy, but determined to hold my gaze.

"I feel like I can't...get enough of you, Edward." she confessed in a voice that was small but firm. A small smile appeared in the corners of her mouth.

I stare back at her, in disbelief that she hadn't freaked out yet. That she wanted to know me as badly as I wanted to know her - good or bad. That she wasn't planning the quickest escape route home. The light from the windows illuminated her porcelain skin. Her eyes shone at me, reflecting diamonds in the light. I could feel the intensity of the moment we were sharing. It should have felt stressful, rehashing pieces of a dark history. And while I did feel tense, Bella was bringing that aura of soft, peacefulness to the little room in my tree.

And she was just so goddamn beautiful.

I came forward and gently kissed her forehead, lingering there to press my nose to her temple and breathe her in.

"I'll never have enough of you, Bella."

It was true. Everything about Bella Swan drew me in, made me want, made me care. And when she kissed me...all I could think was...how could I ever get tired of this? I'd only known her for a few short months, but the thought of Bella not being around anymore...I couldn't...I just...no.

No.

My nerves tingled beneath my skin. Each one hyper aware of Bella's proximity and also jacked up on the adrenaline of the story telling I so dreaded.

I knew I had more to tell her...so much more. My chest hurt at the thought of the confessions I would have to make that might make her run from me. I couldn't handle thinking about it tonight.

Instead, my burning curiosity about Bella was overpowering me. I wanted to know more about her too.

I sat back in my bean bag chair, a little embarrassed at how pre teen the damn things were. But I was close to Bella, our knees touching right across from one another... and that was what mattered. She was still curled up into herself, her chin resting on her knees now. She was watching me carefully, waiting for me to speak. She looked innocent and wide eyed. And I tried imagining her as a child, what her family pictures looked like. Who took care of her.

"What were your parents like?" I asked softly.

She paused a second, surprised that the conversation had been turned to her. But then she smiled sweetly at my question, remembering things I couldn't see behind those eyes.

"My dad, Charlie...I think you'd like him a lot." her gaze turned meaningful as she looked at me. "I owe him everything. He's a good man."

I could see that her connection to her father was strong. I had noticed it the night I saw them leaving the hospital. I hadn't gotten a good look at him in the shadows of the parking garage but it was obvious from how they spoke to each other how close they were.

"And your mom?"

She fidgeted in her seat and the smile fell from her lips.

"Uh...I don't know really." she sighed. "She left when I was young...maybe four or five. I don't think she could handle my...condition. I don't have very many memories of her."

"She never tried to contact you?" I asked. Unable to hide my shock. How could she just abandon Bella? How could she just leave her? How could anyone...?

"I got a Christmas card for a while...a birthday card too. I never responded and they stopped coming when I was around 12. By then I was...I was spending more time in bed...and I was angry with her for leaving my father more than I was for her leaving me. My illness took a toll on him...and he was alone all that time."

I wanted badly to ask Bella about what her condition was...but I could tell by her already vague answers that she wasn't ready to get into the details.

I had to remind myself that we had time. That this was only our first date. But God, I craved more of her.

I knew once I looked up at her that she could see my conflict... my want to know more. She swallowed hard once before speaking.

"Heart condition." she said simply. Her eyes pleading with me for more time. "It's a long story."

I nodded in understanding, looking at Bella in a new light. I had seen only her fragility for as long as I'd known her. I'd thought her to be delicate ...not weak necessarily. I knew from her spitfire attitude with me that she was far from weak. But I was beginning to see this other strength shine from her.

It was survivor strength.

She gave me an apologetic smile. "Soon." she promised.

"Soon." I promised in return.

The quiet between us was comfortable and we were easing out of our intense conversation. Somehow I knew we had both taken pretty significant steps tonight...no matter how small they may have seemed.

But before I could move on from this...I had to know.

"Bella?"

"Hmm?"

"Are you...are you okay now? You're not going to...I mean..."

Could she die?

Her eyes widened as she realized what I was asking. I felt my neck heat up.

"Oh...no I'm alright! I'm not going anywhere. I'm very careful." she smiled softly at me. "You don't need to worry, Edward. But it's sweet that you do."

It was no wonder Bella took such care to eat well and to exercise. I'd figured as much from the way she kept her fridge and cupboards full of healthy items, and she kept a pair of running shoes by the door. I'd noticed them the first time I'd come over. She really was careful.

It became quiet between us and my mind was begging me for some relief. It was mulling over everything we had talked about tonight. While it was all necessary, I still wanted Bella to have a good time. It was a date after all. I was in the middle of trying to think of the best way to change topics and lighten up the mood when Bella did it for me.

I felt cold wetness on my nose that startled me from my thoughts.

I looked to find Bella smirking at me with a finger full of whipped cream from our abandoned desserts. Some of which was now on my nose.

"You were thinking too hard." she shrugged playfully.

"Oh is that right?"

"Yup." she nodded, a flood of laughter leaving her pretty mouth.

I swiped a large finger full of whipped cream from on top of my half eaten cheesecake and moved towards her, only making her laugh even harder. She had her hands up to protect herself, catching my wrist in her grip, keeping the whipped cream at bay.

But she was no match for me. I came so close to getting her cheek once or twice, but Bella was trying desperately to hold me back, squealing and squirming underneath me.

Then she did something that surprised the hell out of me.

When she realized she wasn't going to get away, she leaned up and wrapped her soft, pink, lips around my finger. Sucking away the whipped cream and eliminating the threat. I could feel her tongue swirl around my finger tip and my eyes almost rolled into the back of my head.

Holy. Fuck.

Our laughter stilled. My eyes glued to hers. She was laid back in her bean bag chair and I was over her, only a breath away. I could see in her expression that she hadn't originally intended to be sexy, but the heat of the moment was unmistakable. I watched her swallow the sweet cream slowly, running her pink tongue over her lips once. Her eyes were a dark, espresso color. And they were fixed on my lips.

"That's not playing very fair, Miss Swan."

She smiled sheepishly, but then reached up to remove the whipped cream from my nose. Her touch was gentle and almost...reverent. She made to bring her finger to her own mouth, but I caught her hand first and exacted my revenge.

I watched the blood rush to her cheeks as I took her finger into my mouth. I did the same torturous swirl of the tongue before swallowing the whipped cream. I barely had time to give her a smug smirk before her mouth was on mine. Kissing me firmly, the two of us breathing in each other as we moved our mouths. God this...this was everything.

I wanted badly to take her right here in the treehouse. To strip her clothes from her body and worship every fucking inch of her. To make her cry out my name. To feel her heat around me. I could feel my cock throbbing in my jeans as Bella's legs wrapped around my back and pulled me closer to her.

Jesus... fuck.

Her sighs and little moans were all I could hear. I just wanted her. I wanted her so much.

I was becoming more and more wrapped up in her embrace, the two of us sinking into the damn bean bag chair as the rain came down harder outside. Somewhere in the back of my brain, a tiny voice was telling me to stop now, before things went too far. I ignored it, soaking up my time with Bella's mouth.

It was a crack of thunder that startled us apart this time. I felt Bella jump in my arms and gasp at the sound. Both of us started to laugh. We took a second to catch our breath, our noses touching, eyes searching, before I reluctantly eased back into my own chair. We both knew we had to ease up.

It was not. Fucking. Easy.

I grabbed my dessert and finished it, trying to think of everything but the pulse in my groin. I saw Bella following suit and we grinned at each other knowingly.

We decided to wait out the rain in the tree house and the rest of our night was a rush of conversation. It was comfortable conversation, much like an extended version of 20 questions only neither of us acknowledged that we were actually playing. We simply couldn't stop talking. The questions were simple and light. It was a way to learn more about each other without necessarily jumping too deep into the dark stuff.

I learned that her full name was Isabella Marie Swan. Her favorite color was green and her first and only pet was a cat named Edgar, which her mother Renee took with her when she left. She had an extensive list of music she loved, and used to collect stamps when she was little. She tried to learn how to play piano once but 'failed miserably' at it. Fall was her favorite season, and classical music helped her sleep when she was in the hospital.

She liked to run early in the morning. She never went to prom. I got the sense that Bella was used to being alone and didn't always mind it. Much like me. Her first car was an ancient red chevy truck that she named "Beast." She always wanted to travel when she was younger, anywhere and everywhere - just to get out of her bed. She had yet to leave the state unless if was to visit medical specialists, which surprised me. But she seemed content, telling me she had quite the bucket list.

"You have a bucket list?"

"Yep." she answered. "I have two."

"Two bucket lists?"

She didn't bother to explain, she simply promised she'd show me sometime. I watched her shiver just slightly and wrap her blanket around her torso across from me. She felt too far away. While we talked I'd draped a blanket of my own around my shoulders. She caught me noticing her shiver and blushed when I opened my arms to share my blanket. She observed me for a moment carefully.

"Are you sure there's room for me on that bean bag?" she smirked.

I made a show of smacking the bag into shape in the space next to me, which caused her to throw her head back and laugh.

"See? Perfect." I said, landing one more elbow into the bag.

She rose and carefully settled herself into the little burrow I'd made in the ridiculous chair we were sitting in. It brought her much closer, her legs in my lap and her shoulder tucked into the space underneath my arm. I brought my blanket over the both of us and took a deep breath, inhaling the sweetness of her. My arm was locked firmly around her and she seemed to fit flawlessly. The rain continued to fall on the roof above us and on the ground below.

I looked down to find her watching me carefully. Eyes roaming my face and lips. The corners of her smile raised in a peaceful sleepiness. She let her eyes close once and burrowed even further into me.

"I should take you home..." I whispered, noting her fatigue.

"Not yet..." she whispered back. "Just a little while longer...please?"

She sounded so child like, so pure. And I was not about to argue with her. I pulled the blanket even tighter around us and felt her hand come to rest on my chest.

The steadiness of her hand there, the security I felt...was something I hadn't felt in a long time. It was like she was anchoring me to our spot, guarding my heart with her hand. Her body was reinforcing the fact that I didn't need to run anywhere. She was warmth and patience. She was beautiful. Any tension still left in my body was leaving me, letting go of me so that I could hold onto her.

I felt a sense of strength as she laid in my arms. I could protect her...I could. From our demons, from our pasts. I knew as I looked down at her sleeping face, that I would do whatever it took to keep her from ever hurting again. Neither of us had to be alone anymore.

In that moment, the knowledge that I was in this way over my head...didn't fucking matter. I let my head fall back against the chair and smiled at the ceiling until the hum of Bella's soft breathing against my chest carried me to sleep.