Those blue and white tiles are flickering past me again. Long tubes of fluorescent light flash as I am moved forward, rolling swiftly down the hallway on my gurney. Panic fills me as I realize where I am. Where I am going. I can feel the pressure in my chest and the scratch of my paper thin gown. Foot steps, voices, medical speak I don't understand.

Why am I here? Why am I here again? Oxygen comes to me slowly by way of the mask on my face. No.

No.

This can't be happening. Not now...after all this time. I've done so well...I've done so well...

I try to think back, to remember how I got here...but I can't. What the hell happened?

The words 'organ rejection' seem to make themselves bold amongst the garbling voices around my head. I somehow find the coordination to lift my hand to my chest only to feel the thick, flowing consistency of my own blood.

My chest is a gaping wound.

Panic freezes the blood moving in my veins and I can feel the warmth disappearing from my body, starting at my toes...then my legs...my arms...until there is a cold vice grip on my neck.

Is this what it feels like to die?

Somehow my eyes and mind are still working, looking around frantically as we come to a stop in front of the surgery ward doors. I hear his voice and my eyes seek him out.

"Who is that?" he asks.

"Sorry, sir...we're going to have to ask you to head back to the lobby..."

"Bella?"

And there he is, looking down at me in recognition. I want to speak but my throat is closed with ice. I can hear myself sputtering and wheezing. I taste blood on my tongue.

Edward.

He looks young. His face is still boyish and his frame is skinny. His face fresh with youth but his eyes still the green gems I love. He looks as though he barely recognizes me, but continues to ask if it's me.

"Bella is that...is that you?" he asks again. For a moment there is a flicker of doubt in his eyes.

Yes. Me. It's me!

But I cannot answer and the hole in my chest aches. What happened to me? My silence leads Edward to second guess who I am. He looks reluctant.

"Kid, she can't hear you...she's in shock. She's missing her heart...the trauma is too much for her to understand."

"She's missing her heart?" his voice sounds innocent, curious. Like a little boy.

What do you mean...no I'm not! I have one! Its just not mine...

"Yes."

"Why is her chest open like that if you haven't found it?"

"She lost it. It's her own fault. The one she had didn't belong to her. We removed it. She shouldn't have had it in the first place. Are you sure this is ...'Bella,' as you called her?"

"No...it can't be my Bella."

My Bella? But...but it is me. I'm still me...Edward...

I am startled awake as my mind forces me to consciousness.

A dream...Bella, it was only a dream.

The blurriness of my vision clears as I blink, taking in the faint light of early morning that splays across the wooden ceiling.

I feel the pleasant weight of an arm around me give me a squeeze closer.

Edward.

I let out a shaking breath as I finally realize where I am. I lift my head to look around. Edward has stretched his legs across the second bean bag, making the two of them together the lumpiest, most awkward bed imaginable. I am still curled tightly into his side, snug underneath the blanket he covered us with.

My eyes fall on his sleeping face. He looks so peaceful. There is a trace of the boy who I saw in my dream...but he's different. There's a memory I cannot place. A picture of him I cannot quite get right in my mind.

Out the window, the rain has quieted. The morning is misty and gray and still dark. It must be almost 6 am. A chill runs through me as the cold registers. The space heater must have shut itself off.

My dream lingers in my mind and the fear of telling Edward that my heart is not my own, swells within me. He was patient with me last night. But I knew he was anxious to know.

Besides wanting to keep my business to myself, there was a reason I didn't tell people about my transplant. I was afraid they would leave me. The thought was ridiculous to most, I knew that. I also knew I was probably wrong, and should try and trust people more.

But my own mother couldn't deal with me because of this. The one person who is supposed to love you unconditionally...left me because of my condition. I always wondered why...

Was it the cost of medical bills? The stress? The possible complications in my future? The fact that I wouldn't be normal until my heart was fixed? Renee wanted a kid who could do things. Who could live a normal childhood, go to school, play sports, go to prom...and that wouldn't be me.

And I worried about Edward. If anyone needed normalcy, it was him. My heart ached at the thought of him as a child. Of the pain and confusion he must have felt - what he must still feel. I know last night was only the tip of the ice burg, and I shuddered to think of the horrible stories I knew I had yet to hear.

When his lips and tongue caressed only inches away from my scar last night, I froze. Out of fear and out of want. And I knew then that I wanted him so much I had to tell him. Had to explain what he would see. But what would he think?

The intuitive part of me was sure he would be perfectly understanding. Impressed even. I was a small person who had survived a big thing - as he had as well. I was probably over thinking all of this.

But a small, nagging part of me, was throwing a shadow over the idea of revealing my past. Something was missing. Something I was sure I needed to remember, but couldn't.

I wipe the sleep from my eyes as quickly as I can, but settle back down to rest on Edward's chest. His breaths are steady and even until he feels me move against him. I hold my breath, praying I didn't wake him.

He simply turns his body towards me, wrapping his other arm around me. But as he adjusts, the bean bag underneath squeals against him loudly and he groans.

"Goddamnmotherfuckingshitchair...." he grumbles almost inaudibly into my hair.

With that, I cannot help but laugh. I try to control it, but my body shakes beside him and soon I feel his chest moving too...chuckling along with me, and I know he's awake.

I pull my head up to face him, resting my cheek on his shoulder and arm. His eyes are still closed but there is a trace of a smile on his lips.

His eyes crack open just slightly, heavy lidded and looking over my face.

"You're still here." he whispers. He eyes are serious and penetrating as they look at me. A look of relief flashes in his expression and I wonder if his dreams weren't pleasant either. I wonder if in his dreams I wasn't still here.

"I am." I smile.

The two of us stretch our sore limbs and laugh as the bean bags groan beneath us. I roll my eyes as Edward tries to apologize about falling asleep before taking me home. He tells me he can't believe he let me sleep on those "goddamn bean bags." His ears turn red and I know he truly is feeling guilty about it.

I told him it was really him I slept on, not the bags. And I felt just fine. That comment earned me the most radiant smile I'd ever seen from him.

He was so beautiful.

He climbed down the treehouse ladder first, warning me of how slippery the steps were. The rain had put a fine gloss over each one. I managed not to kill myself when I reached the last step. But I remembered how high off the ground the step was and hesitated for a moment to get my bearings.

I felt his hands wrap around my waist and lift me safely off the ladder and down onto the ground like I weighed nothing. Warm fingertips on the sliver of skin exposed at the waist of my jeans.

I turned around and looked up at him bashfully. I could feel my cheeks turning colors.

He took my hand and we made it back to the cottage to let Bosley outside, who was happily barking hello at our arrival. I couldn't even describe how content I felt in that moment. Arriving to the cheerful welcome of this giant puppy dog, while holding on tight to Edward's warm hand.

I couldn't pin point why, but this moment felt special and rare. A simple happiness that I could tell Edward felt as well. It was one of those ordinary moments that put a smile on your face.

I watched Edward's grin as he bent low to scratch Bosley's ears. In the morning light he looked sleepy and happy, unguarded. Free.

Bosley took off into the woods and Edward laughed as his dog's waddling behind disappeared into the greenery.

He brought me inside and the two of us took a few moments to freshen up. He in the bathroom upstairs and I in the bathroom on the first floor.

My hair wasn't too badly ruined and my make up hadn't smudged enough to look awful. I splashed my face with cold water and rummaged through the cabinet for a squeeze of toothpaste. I used my finger to brush my teeth quickly and rid my mouth of sleep breath. Once my mouth and face were clean I ran my fingers through my hair and looked myself over.

Decent. I looked decent. But when I looked at myself in the mirror, more than anything else, I looked at my own eyes. My face. I looked...different. Brighter.

Hopeful.

Smiling to myself I came out of the bathroom to find Edward letting Bosley inside. The clouds outside had cleared up within the hour and bright sunlight was streaming through the front door and windows, painting Edward in this golden light that took my breath away for a moment.

He turned to look at me, the rays of sunshine beaming behind him. I was hyper aware of the new level of intimacy between us after last night. I had feasted on the information he gave me last night. Even when I knew this was only the beginning of what I might come to learn about him. I was hungry for every detail he gave me.

Like how his full name was Edward Anthony Masen and he was an only child like me. In fact, though our childhoods were very different, they were similar in the sense neither of got to experience things normally. We'd both missed out on a lot of common kid things. He'd never been to a zoo. He never went to prom either. He used to collect pieces of colored sea glass from the beaches by the cottage. They were scattered along the window sills of the treehouse, along with shells and funny shaped stones.

When he was older and on his own, he finally got to travel out of Riverdale and spent some time in Europe. He studied at an art school there for a while, but made few friends. He spent most of his time exploring alone. It made me think of all the times I'd wandered off by myself in college. It seemed we both had become far too good at being alone.

He had a new favorite color every day because he couldn't possibly pick just one for the rest of his life. A perfect response for being an artist. Last night his favorite color had been chocolate brown.

When I asked him this morning what his favorite color for the day would be, he reached up and stroked my cheek with the pad of his thumb. I felt my skin glow hot under his gaze and his touch.

He answered, "Rose."

Bosley came racing over to me, his coat still damp from the outdoors. He really was the sweetest thing. I crouched down to run my hands over his ears and say hello.

"I know you have to get back soon..." said Edward. "But I could make you some coffee before you go?"

He sounded a little nervous and unsure of himself, waiting for my answer.

I nodded, smiling up at him. It was still very early and my eye lids were still a little heavy. As I rose to my feet to follow him into the kitchen I felt the sluggishness in my limbs and knew I needed to get home soon to take my medication. I usually took it within the first hour after I woke up.

I watched him rummage through his cupboards - which I noticed were mostly bare. So was his fridge. When Edward set a steaming mug in front of me, I breathed in deeply and let out a slow sigh. I was strangely calm. This morning had me content and relaxed. Maybe part of that was the fact that my fatigue was up a little, putting me into this happy sleepy mood. He was leaning over the counter across from me on his elbows, gripping his coffee close.

"Did you...did you have a nightmare last night?"

Edward's question threw me completely off guard. He had asked quietly, looking at me with curious eyes. I swallowed a sip of my coffee and kept my eyes on the table.

"How did you know?"

"I have them too." he said. "All the time."

I looked up to see him staring into his mug.

"Last night...you too?" I asked.

He nodded, swirling the coffee in his cup. I didn't know what to say. I wanted to say something worth while. Something that would comfort us both. But I knew that this was our reality. I wished that I could banish the doubt and fear my dreams left me with. But I wished more that I could bring some small peace to Edward and his mind.

I leaned forward on my elbows and across the counter top, bringing my face close to his. I feel him breath out slowly as I place my forehead against his, nuzzling my nose once against his before placing a soft kiss on his lips.

The contact is so gentle. So gentle...

I had been anxious to kiss him all morning. I've felt a lot of things with my new heart. But nothing felt this good.

"Bella..." he breathes. "When can I see you again?"

I opened my eyes to look at him, our foreheads still touching. A strand of my hair in his fingers.

His green eyes were so full of an emotion I couldn't place. But I was sure I was reflecting it with my own gaze. I didn't want to wait until tomorrow or the next day to see him.

"Tonight." I smiled and thought about his empty kitchen. "I'll make you something to eat."

He grinned and kissed me once more.

We talked until the coffee had been drained from our cups and the clock said 8 am.

As Edward drove me home, I felt my body become even heavier. I knew I could have been tired because it was early, but there was a familiar feeling in my muscles and a pressure in my chest that told me it was time for my dose. It was nothing like it had been that night at Eclipse - that had been serious because I'd skipped my meds twice and then went into a panic attack. Now it was simply the fatigue that made my bones feel weary. Normally by now, I would have panicked. But Edward was with me. And though we still had so much to learn about each other, I just knew he wouldn't let anything happen to me. I closed my eyes.

I must have drifted off on the drive home because the next time I opened them, Edward was running his thumb over my knuckles.

"I-I'm sorry I..." I started to sputter as I realized we were parked on the curb outside of my apartment. I felt a little disoriented.

I needed my meds.

Edward laughed. "No, it's fine..." he reassured me. "It's my fault for keeping you out late and making you sleep in a treehouse." He looked up at me a little embarrassed.

I shook my head at him. Squeezing his hand once, I unbuckled my seat belt and opened my door.

"Seven?" I asked.

"Seven."

He stayed parked until I was safely inside my front door. I watched his car until it disappeared around the bend.

I dragged myself up the stairs and went straight into my cabinet for my morning doses. The dream I'd had flashed in my mind and I placed my hand over my chest, making sure it was all still real. That it wasn't a gaping hole.

I closed my eyes and banished the memories of my nightmare. I tried to replace those thoughts with all of the good things that had happened last night, this morning. With thoughts of Edward surrounding me, I buried my doubt for another day.

I ended up curling up on my bed for a mid morning nap in the sunshine, giving my body a chance to rest. The warmth that prickled my skin happily in the golden light felt comforting. But now that I had slept beside Edward, even just once, I found myself imagining his arms around me while I slept. No nightmares came for me this time, but I woke up longing for him to be there. I ended up sleeping for a few hours.

When I woke, I felt much better and headed to the shower. I was sure to shave every possible unwanted hair off my body. I scrubbed down with my favorite lilac soap and made sure to moisturize like a mad woman afterwards. Angela told me once that being a lady is about taking good care of yourself. When I stepped out of my bathroom, ready for the day I was soft all over and smelled as good as my flower shop down stairs.

I called my dad to say hello, which I usually did on Sundays.

"Hey kiddo," he answered on the first ring.

"Hey Dad." I laughed. "Waiting by the phone for me, huh?"

He chuckled sheepishly through the receiver.

"Well...you usually call around nine. It's getting to be almost one. I was worried, that's all. I'm your dad, it's what I do."

"Oh, I'm sorry about that Dad. I slept in late today."

"I'll say...Had a late night?"

"Yeah, I did." I laughed.

"Is Angela in town with you again?"

"No, she'll be around soon though."

"Oh, I see. Did...uhhh, did you-did you have a date?" he stuttered.

My cheeks were on fire. But, I was a daddy's girl. I could never lie to my father.

"Uh...I did, actually."

"Did it go well? Do I need to do a background check?"

"Dad, it went fine. Actually better than fine. It was great." I admitted.

"What's his name? Am I going to meet this boy?"

"Geez, Dad. We've only been on one date. Calm yourself. His name is Edward. Edward Masen."

There was nothing but silence on his end of the phone.

"Dad? Are you there?"

His throat cleared loudly. "What's his name?"

"Edward Masen..."

No response.

"Dad?...what is it?"

"Oh, nothin' sweetheart. Just sounded familiar that's all."

"Oh... okay. Well, he did live in Forks originally, so maybe you've heard of him."

"No, I don't think I have. But I'm sure he's a nice kid. He better be, if he's dating my daughter..."

I wondered briefly if Charlie knew of the Masens. If there had any been any records of assault or domestic violence. I didn't know enough from Edward to find out if there had been any police involvement at anytime.

But my dad's memory was razor sharp when it came to his work. He remembered the names and faces of every case he worked on. In a way, he was often haunted by them. If he didn't recognize the name by now, he didn't know the Masens.

He changed the subject almost abruptly though, which had me curious for a moment. But we soon fell into our usual ease of conversation and I didn't think any further on it.

The afternoon passed slowly - too slowly. I was counting down the minutes to when Edward would get here.

The sky began turn orange when I finally started to put dinner together. I settled on a stir fry recipe I thought he would like. My tiny apartment began to fill up with the heavenly scent. I realized I hadn't eaten all day. I'd been so distracted.

It was 6:45 when the bell rang from down stairs. I had to keep myself from flying down the stairs to my front door.

There he was, in all his perfectly tousled glory, raking his hands through his hair with his eyes on the sidewalk.

He was fidgeting. I thought of the anxiousness he seemed to have at the restaurant the night before and realized his anxieties must have been triggered a little. Although I didn't know what had caused it yet.

I opened the door, and his head shot up. There was relief in his eyes, mingled with a slew of other emotions I hardly had the time to read before he spoke.

"Sorry, I know I'm early...I just..." his ears turned red and he shrugged.

Oh. That was what the trigger was. He was nervous and anxious...to see me. Against my own will I started to laugh. How silly we were. We were so alike in so many ways. And because of that it was just ridiculous how worked up we both seemed to be in the anticipation of seeing each other. It made me happy to think he was just as nervous and excited about seeing me as I was for him to come over.

He looked at me bewildered as I laughed at him on my front step. And I couldn't keep from smiling because I was just so elated to realize once again how much we actually liked each other.

I threw away my nerves, my fears, and my doubts for the night. Locking them away for another time. Because right now I just wanted to kiss Edward.

So I did. I bounced forward and got up on my tip toes to place a kiss on his mouth. He certainly didn't object.

When I pulled away I could still see the surprise written all over his face.

"What was that for?" he asked.

My mind flashed to dessert last night. How I'd distracted him with a dab of whipped cream on his nose when his eyes felt too far away.

"You were thinking too much." I shrugged, repeating my silly excuse from the night before.

My cheeks grew red as I remembered the whipped cream on noses and fingers and tongues. I felt an increasing warmth in my center at the very thought of it. Edward's tongue swirling around my finger tip. The look on his face when I'd done the same to him...

Angela would have been so proud.

I pulled him inside with me and we disappeared up the stairs and into my apartment. He started to groan as soon as the scent of our dinner hit his nose. Of course my mind put his groaning into a very different context and soon it was hard to think about anything else.

Watching Edward eat had the same effect on me. The way he wrapped his lips around a fork, or moaned in delight at a good bite. He had an ease about him as we ate. I could see all his previous agitations leave him the more we talked at my little kitchen table.

When dinner was finished, I refused to let him help me clean up - no matter how many times he offered. I sent him to my living room to find a movie for us to watch - secretly excited to get cozy on the couch beside him. My heart was set on more of the kisses I seemed to be collecting like treasure.

But that wasn't going to happen.

He'd been calling out movie options from the living room while I put each dish away, asking me silly questions about each selection.

But suddenly it became quiet.

I tilted my head to listen for his next cheeky comment, but it never came. I set the last dish away and went out to the living room to find him frozen in front of my fireplace. I came up cautiously to his side, fear igniting in me when I saw how ghostly white his face had become.

I followed his line of sit to the small picture frame on the fire place mantle.

It was a picture of my father.