It was the most perfect Sunday.
It really and truly was.
And now it was Monday.
I let out a long sigh as I worked on the arrangement in front of me, clipping the stems of some deep red roses. A new order had come in early this morning around 4am. I'd bundled up to meet the delivery man and loaded the back coolers with my new seasonal selections and a few other new plants. Cymbidiums, dahlias, asters, clematis seeds...There was work to be done.
I forced myself to do my week day morning run after the delivery. I had a feeling that once the snow really started to come down, I'd probably have to become a member at the local gym. But I was putting that off as long as I could. I loved the outdoors and the chilly air forced me to focus. I always loved running in the cold rather than the heat. It keeps the senses sharp.
When I'd finished and showered, eaten a quick breakfast and made tea, I came down to the shop and started early. I needed to do something to snap out of my daze, wandering around a now Edward-less apartment.
But my mind was lost in the day before and I missed him already. Though, even away from him, I was still grinning like an idiot as I replayed making love to him repeatedly the afternoon before. We'd come back from the festival, and I couldn't keep myself in control - I needed him too badly.
The first time we had sex when we got back - it had started out so playful and turned into this intensely intimate and raw moment. I wasn't just feeling him physically, it was as if I could feel his heart. I was still learning him as a lover, but Edward was passionate and strong, gentle as well as dominate when he wanted to be. He had this confidence with me that made me trust him completely in the bedroom - an arena I was still getting used to.
And then in an instant, I caught a glimpse of the boy in him - scared and unsure. He did his best to hide this from me, but I knew it wouldn't be long until I needed to know more about what happened to him. All I could do in that moment was hold him and let him know I wasn't leaving him.
The sweetness of him laying his head on my chest and falling asleep was so perfect to me I could barely stand it. I'd fallen asleep shortly after him, watching the snow fall like confectionary sugar outside and listening to the heater hum in the apartment.
...only to be roused an hour later by Edward's mouth and tongue, leisurely roaming between my legs. Which led to another round in my bed, and then a follow up round in the shower afterwards.
I could not. Stop. Touching him.
And it thrilled me that he seemed to be the same with me. After we had showered, we made a warm meal and played a pretty hysterical game of gin on the kitchen island counter.
"Damn...you beat me again...what the hell..." Edward laughed.
"Eat it, Masen." I laughed, gathering the cards in front of us and shuffling. "Best three out of five?" I offered with a raised eye brow.
"You're on."
I dealt the cards out in front of us, watching Edward eye his hand, and then watch me intently as he made his first play.
My hair was still wet from the shower and I shivered as I felt a water droplet fall down between my breasts. I looked up to find Edward watch the drop fall and then grin to himself.
My curiosity about him was always burning, and I found my mouth opening before I could stop it.
"Have you been with many women?" I blurted, immediately blushing and staring at my cards, picking one to lay down and taking my turn.
Jesus Christ. Why do I speak.
"What?"
I finally met his eyes. He was looking at me with a curious expression.
Can't back out of it now.
"I mean...I-I-I was just wondering if you've been with m-many women..."
Edward sighed and made another play.
"I didn't date much - or seriously- until I was in college. Even then, I was a horrible excuse for a boyfriend."
I put down my next card and picked up another, listening intently as he spoke, trying not to seem too concerned.
"I was detached and cold. My relationships were...uh...they were purely physical, superficial things. Convenient. I have been with several women. I'm not proud of this, Bella."
He looked so defeated as he took his next turn. I didn't quite know what to think, but somehow I was not bothered by knowing he'd been with many women.
"Have you never been in love?" I asked quietly.
We stopped and looked at one another softly.
"Not before you." he smiled. "Never before you."
I couldn't contain my smile.
"If you don't love something, it can't hurt as much when it's gone." he said simply. "But now... I'm starting to realize why it's worth the risk."
"Me too." I whispered.
Edward cleared his throat, as he rearranged the cards in his hands.
"What about you?"
"What about me?" I teased.
"How many hearts have you left in your wake, Miss Swan?" he said dramatically, wagging his eye brows at me, trying to lighten the mood a bit.
I laughed.
"Two. But I hardly think I broke their hearts."
"Really?" he seemed shocked.
"Really." I said. "One was simply my first time, and the other was my only serious boyfriend. It's embarrassing to admit, but I haven't had much...um... experience...it's hard to keep a man interested when you're having sex in the dark and insisting on keeping your shirt on. That gets old I guess."
"So, they didn't know?"
I shook my head.
"I was very careful. And very insecure so we didn't sleep together often. If he ever felt or saw a glimpse of my scar, he didn't really care enough to ask, I guess. A-a-and my boyfriend was fine with...uh...well, for lack of a better term, ...doggy style."
My cheeks were burning with embarrassment. But Edward didn't even flinch. He looked smug, even.
"Poor bastards." he scoffed.
"What?"
"Any guy is lying if they tell you that doggy style isn't enjoyable, but these idiots missed out. Watching your face, your eyes, your expression when you come...Bella, it's the sexiest thing I've ever seen."
I was speechless.
"To know that I get to see it. To do that to you... To know that you trust me with your history...I'm just - I'm amazed by it all. And terrified. There's so much I need to tell you..." he trailed off. A distant, worried look in his eyes.
"Have you ever been in love, Bella?" he asked, his insecurity flashing momentarily in his gaze.
I grinned.
"Now that I know you, I'm sure I've never been truly in love. Not before this. This is new for me too." I assured him.
Edward dropped his cards and moved closer to me, cradling my face in his hands. I leaned into his touch, looking up at him from my chair. His eyes were searching mine, filled with questions.
"Does it bother you? That I...that I've been wi-"
"That you've been with women?" I finished his sentence for him, sensing his discomfort.
He nodded.
"No."
He visibly relaxed.
"They may have had your body before me, Edward. But I have this first." I said, placing my hand over his heart.
He leaned forward and kissed my forehead.
"D-does it bother you that I'm...that I'm not very...I mean I'm not as..." I stuttered.
"Experienced? No. I wouldn't have known that unless you told me. It actually makes me feel closer to you...I get to know you in ways that others never have. We can discover things together, you know?"
I breathed a sigh of relief.
"Besides, even the idea of another man's hands on you...makes me fucking crazy. The less I have to imagine in my brain, the better." he laughed, but his protectiveness was apparent in his expression.
It made me want him even more. Love him even more. He was terrified, no doubt, of loss. Of losing something like this. This thing we had between us. Love was new to me too, but where we differed was that I believed in it's strength. He treated it as if it were this fragile treasure. Maybe he was right to think that way. Maybe I was naive. Or maybe we were both wrong. Whatever it was, we would find out together.
I pulled on his shirt, bringing him towards me so I could kiss him soundly. I wasn't ready to come down from my cloud. I wasn't ready to think about anything else but the gorgeous man in front of me, whose mouth was heaven on earth.
I could kiss Edward Masen all day long.
He hummed against my mouth as his hands trailed down to my neck. His lips moved against mine in a way that made me burn with want. I wanted to have him. To please him.
I let my mouth separate from his only to move to his neck, and then to his ear, sucking on the soft flesh there.
I felt his breath stutter and a low groan resonate from his chest.
"Bella..." he murmured, in a poor attempt at a warning tone.
I ignored him, letting my breath flutter in his ear and then down his neck, making my intentions known.
"fffuck..."
In an instant his mouth was on mine again, moving with an urgency, a passion that overtook me. It was the kind of full bodied kiss that takes your breath away. The kind that makes the world right.
The kind that makes you want to get naked immediately.
"E-Edward?"
"Hmm?" he hummed against my neck as he kissed me there.
"You know how you said...y-you said we could discover things together?" I asked with burning cheeks.
He stopped and looked me in the eyes, waiting for me to continue.
I reach forward and popped the button on his pants.
"Can we discover them here?" I started to laugh as I finished my sentence, because Edward was already lifting me on to the kitchen counter.
"And what are we grinning about over there, Miss Bella..."
Alice's voice cut through my little day dream as the ding of the welcome bell chimed loudly in the shop.
"Alice!"
She was her beaming self, wrapped in a perfectly tailored black coat and a shimmering pashmina. She bounced over to me and wrapped her arms around me. As I hugged her, I noticed Rose coming in too, glowing in her dusty pink peacoat. She smiled at me and gave me a hug as soon as Alice was done squeezing me to death.
"Hi, Bella." she said with an eye brow raised and smirk in the corner of her mouth. I realized Alice was looking at me the same way. The two of them stood before me expectantly.
"What..what are you two looking at me like that for..."
Alice let out a loud, dramatic sigh.
"Your date! How was your date! With Edward! God, we're both dying to know. And no one can get a hold of Edward as usual..."
Edward had left late last night. He had a meeting with a gallery owner today in Lifton, about an hours drive from Riverdale. My insides warmed at the way he had untangled himself from me so carefully. Leaving the warm little burrow in my bed and kissing my shoulder before pulling the blanket back over me.
I started to laugh at my two endearingly nosey friends, unable to really make a full sentence as I was smiling so widely.
"It was...I mean...it was just...so perfect. And he...I don't know...it was so..."
Rose smiled and shook her head at me, chuckling to herself.
"Oh boy, she's in trouble."
Alice observed me closely before nodding in agreement.
"Yep. Definitely."
"W-what do you mean?" I asked.
"Oh please, Bella. Edward has been crazy over you since he saw you. Now it's clear you feel the same. You're in love!"
I didn't argue. I only shrugged and continued to beam.
I was in love.
Alice squealed and hugged me tight again. I didn't mind one bit.
Rose was happy, but remained more reserved. I felt her eyes on me even as Alice continued to talk, asking questions and mooning over my romantic weekend. I didn't spill too much information, but made it clear that we'd become worlds closer to each other. That Edward and I cared for one another very, very much.
I saved all the dirty details for Angela. I couldn't wait to call her.
"Oh! I'm so happy! Isn't that amazing Rose?" Alice squeaked.
"It is. I'm very happy for the two of you." Rose said simply. She seemed genuinely happy, but her eyes were clouded with the faint trace of concern.
"Anyway...now that we know your date went well, you should come to Mom and Dad's this friday! It's sort of a holiday party for some of Carlisle's closest colleagues and their families. Esme throws one every year and Edward never comes. But if you go, then I'm sure he'll go! What do you think?"
The thought of a holiday party with the Cullens sounded quite nice. Especially with Edward there. I wondered what it would be like to be there as his date, rather than a family friend. Would it be different? Would it be weird?
Or would it be even better?
"Sure, I'll come." I said.
"Perfect! Now Edward can't say no. Esme will be thrilled." Alice said. "Wednesday night, after you close up give me a call. We need to go shopping for something festive to wear! It's a formal party."
"Okay, sure. Sounds great!" I replied. Shopping with Alice would be helpful. I wasn't the most patient shopper in the world. With Alice's eye for fashion, she could help me pick what to wear in no time, rather than me digging through the sales racks.
Rose and Alice chatted a little while longer before heading out. Alice had a business lunch and Rose was meeting Emmett at the station. It was nice to talk to someone about Edward, about the weekend that had changed everything. But it made me miss Ang.
After finishing up a few arrangements and selling two to the sweet older woman from down the street, I dialed Angie's number.
"You did what?"
"Mhm."
"How many times!?"
"A lot...?"
"And there were L- words involved!?"
"Yes."
"Well smack my ass and call me Sally..."
I giggled, happy to give her the details of the weekend. She teased me and made some priceless dirty jokes at my expense - but that was Ang. She was thrilled that I was happy.
"Wow. It sounds like an amazing weekend, B. Can you believe its been almost ten years now since your surgery? And you're doing so well. Look at you..."
She was right. The 21st of December would be my anniversary. I'd come so far. I was living on my own, I owned my own business, I'd finally found someone I cared about...
"I can't believe it either, Ang."
She promised to come visit next week, spilling some details about Garrett's visit to her place last weekend.
"Let's just say...we stayed in. All. Weekend."
"Right on." I laughed, understanding now what it meant to have a weekend like that with someone you're crazy about.
Feeling refreshed after a lengthy catch up session on the phone with Angela, I finished up some work for the day.
As I was putting the next days finished orders in the cooler, I heard my phone beep from the front counter. It was a text from Edward.
"On my way back now, will stop over when I'm in town...miss you. - E."
Before I could text him back a loud banging on the shop door had me jumping out of my skin and falling right on my ass. I pulled myself up to my feet, peeking over the counter to see Jake holding his stomach, laughing at me through the glass.
"You know it's open, you ass hat!"
He swung the door open, still barking out a laugh.
"Priceless, Bells."
I scowled at him, rubbing my tailbone. Dammit, that hurt.
Jake sauntered over and gave me a kiss on the top of my head. He was still in his work clothes and his jeans were covered in grime. His fingers were blackened and he smelled like motor oil.
"What do you want...?" I asked, grinning at him even through my scowl. It was always good to have Jake around.
"Nuthin! What - I can't come visit you anymore? You've been off the grid all weekend. Where have you been?"
My cheeks grew red instantly. Jake caught it immediately and his eyes sparked interest. He gasped, "Isabella Swan..."
"What!?"
"Was there a boy in this apartment this weekend?" he had his goofy-pretend-stern face on.
"Maybe."
The genuine surprise was evident in his face. His smile turned to a bewildered look. He crossed his arms and leaned against the counter, watching me carefully as I cleaned up. He seemed to be struggling for words.
It pissed me off.
"What? Is it such a big surprise?"
Was it? Was it shocking to think of me not here by myself? That someone might want to be around me? See me as more than a friend? Did I have nothing more to give than that?
"O-oh no...I mean kind of? I just didn't think-" he stammered.
"You didn't think what? That anyone would be interested in me?"
Jake sighed. "No, that's not at all what I meant and you know that...I just didn't think you were like that."
"Like what!?"
Jake rubbed his face with his hand in frustration, successfully smudging dirt on his cheek.
"Shit, I don't know! It's just weird for me to handle okay!?"
"Jake. I know you've always been protective of me, that I'm like your little sister. But I'm also a woman. A grown woman." I pointed out. "And I did not come this far in my life to spend it alone. I have every right to spend a weekend with someone I love - just as much as you! No one questioned you and Leah when you guys started sleeping together!"
His voice softened when he spoke again. "It's just...you have been...alone. For a while. I didn't expect it, that's all. I never said I didn't think it was possible."
I opened my mouth to speak, but then decided against it. He was trying to make himself clear. He never meant to be hurtful.
"Hold on a second." he said, his eyes snapping up to mine. "Did you say love?"
"Uh...I..."
"You did. You said you have every right to spend the weekend with someone you love...who the hell was here? How did I not know you were in love?"
Ah shit.
Jake and I had never really had an opportunity to discuss boys. (Besides when he was threatening Mike Newton back in high school. That conversation was very brief and ended in an unconscious Newton.) He only knew vaguely about the relationship I had in college and never really asked me about it. He was a lot like Charlie, he just left it alone.
"Well...he's.. I mean, it didn't just happen...we've been getting to know each other for a while now. And it just...grew."
"Who is it?"
Before I could answer, the shop door chimed.
Speak of the devil.
Edward's eyes found mine before resting on Jake. His eyes were curious and concerned.
"Hi." I breathed.
"Hey" he said, managing a smile for me.
Jake started to laugh.
"You gotta be fuckin' kidding me."