a/n: the conversation they're referring to is from Pax, one of my other fics (shameless self-promo), but it's not really necessary for you to have read.

twenty-one – suffocated

James looks over at Sirius, who's lounging on his bed with the hangings hooked back, and he knows he needs to say something, because things haven't been the same between them since he started going out with Lily, really. He frowns at Transfiguration Tribulations: how to avoid the pitfalls of NEWT level Transfiguration! and scribbles a few words, then, taking a breath and aiming for would-be casual, mentions, "She told me about the after-party."

Sirius is pouring over page three of a copy of The Sun (he'd asked James to get him the Muggle newspaper at King's Cross when he went down to drop off Lily for the Christmas holidays) and doesn't look up. "What?"

"Lily," James reiterates patiently. "She told me about you two...talking the night of the Quidditch after-party."

"What a grass." His gaze doesn't move to his best friend, but his eyes stop flickering over the page. "Remind me not to talk to her again, yeah?"

James throws his quill down, closing the textbook he had been attempting to make notes from. Truth is, it's been playing on his mind for some time now and he doesn't want it to drag on any longer. A straight and to the point kind of bloke he is - which possibly explained why he'd asked Lily out when he had her best friend strung up in a tree not five feet away.

He tries to repress that memory, he really does.

"Why can't you just -" James breaks off. "Look...thanks," he tries. "For - well, you know."

Now Sirius looks over.

"What?" he repeats.

James shuffles uncomfortably. "Thanks, mate. For talking to Lily."

Padfoot shrugs. "Oh. S'alright."

"I mean it." The Head Boy crosses the room to his old four-poster and sits down on the edge of the mattress, kicking off his shoes. "I know you don't really like her. But it means a lot. So…thanks."

There's a pause while Sirius tries to articulate what he wants to say. "It's not that, Prongs." James receives his friend's undivided attention for the first time. "I just - we're different. That's all. It's been weird, not having you here, and you're always with her even when I do see you, and..." he trailed off. What he really wants to say is I miss you, Prongs, and I don't want to lose you to some girl because you're my best mate and in a funny kind of way I love you, but he doesn't know how to express it without James calling him a wet blanket and tossing a pillow at his head. And besides, it isn't just any girl, is it? It's Lily bloody Evans.

"I'm not with her all the time, Padfoot."

Sirius rolls his eyes. "Name an occasion when you're not with her. Taking a piss doesn't count."

James thinks for a moment. "Quidditch."

"Nah, she comes to practises. I've seen her."

"Only some." James sees the look Sirius gives him. "Fine. Thursday evenings."

"You patrol on Thursday evenings," Padfoot points out.

"Yes, but before patrols she takes Further Charms, so I don't see her then."

Sirius takes it back. He suddenly thinks James might be the pathetic one.

"She's got you wrapped around her wand good and proper, hasn't she?"

"No," he protests. "I just like spending time with her."

"There's a difference between spending time with someone and being joined at the bloody hip."

"We are not -"

"You gave her the sodding two-way mirrors to take home over the hols so you could still speak to her, Prongs!"

"Three weeks is a long time, and it's Christmas." James is on the defensive, but he's also getting annoyed at the other boy's childishness.

"You have other people here to 'spend time with', mate. Moony. Pete." He pauses. "Me."

Sirius winces at how needy he sounds and turns his attention back to the newspaper on the bed in front of him.

"Padfoot, you're starting to sound like a jealous girlfriend, you know."

"I'm just saying."

"Right."

There's silence. James sighs, sprawling forward into the pillow. Sirius turns a page and asks, "You aren't trying to suffocate yourself, are you?"

The reply is muffled. "No."

a/n: The Sun is a British tabloid newspaper, and on page three they feature topless women known as page-three girls. It seemed like something Sirius would be interested in seeing as he has pictures of "scantily-clad Muggle girls" on his bedroom wall. Also this might be the last update for a while (cry cry) because I have exams coming up in January so I gotta get my head into my books. Leave me reviews? :3