Like a Forever Wandering Bird

by AislinCeivun

Merlin is coping with living after the events of Camlann. With time, he realizes that the 'living' part is actually a lot more than what he'd bargained for. (Merlin/Arthur pre-slash; full summary inside)

3. That new thread, he picks up

3.

That new thread, he picks up

.

Merlin figures that the Great Purge of Camelot must have been something akin to this: forever hiding, learning to never trust anyone, lying rotten, playing fraud and masking yourself to the point where even you cannot tell the difference between self and disguise anymore. Getting used to the screams you hear at night, learning not to flinch at the reek of burning human bodies, burying your heart deep down so it won't shatter every time you see a weeping children being tied to stake.

It's like having hundreds of Uthers all at the same time shouting WITCHCRAFT! HANG THE WITCH, BURN THE SORCERER – THEY ARE WORSHIPPERS OF THE DEVIL! HANG THEM, KILL THEM, ERASE THEM!

Loud midnight interrogations and public tortures have become common. People are frightened to death if they have so much as a mole on their faces. And the saddest thing is that rarely – if ever – a real sorcerer is caught; the suspected are usually normal people who just happened to have a strange sign on their bodies, know a bit about practical healing or have unfortunate acquaintances. Merlin witnesses quite a few executions where the only 'crime' the accused committed is being a blood kin to another acknowledged magic practiser. When a real witch or warlock is caught, they at least have the means to escape.

Merlin tries fighting it. He tries saving everyone, but just like how it was at the time of the Black Death, this is far bigger than him.

In the first few years of the rapidly increasing witch hunts he uses his magic to save innocent captives, but he is quickly found out and thus has to flee. He soon realizes though that from this there is no escape– the mad fear of sorcery has spread out to every country of Europe. It is everything Uther has ever wanted and more. Merlin sheds angry tears at nights and grits his teeth together at days, feeling ridiculously helpless for someone with so much power. There's hardly any magic left in the world and even so, those fools at the Christian church try to erase it completely.

It's the nearing the end of 1610 when the tragedy that finally breaks Merlin apart happens. He lives in the Kingdom of France with a young widow named Lorraine who took him in and her ten-year-old son, Éloy. The boy catches a grave disease during the course of the winter and if Merlin wasn't curing him in secret with his magic he would surely die.

After that, it's the story of Gwen and her miraculously healed father all over again: the boy and his mother are taken away, interrogated thoroughly, found guilty and sentenced to death, all in two days' time. Merlin can't let that happen (he loves Lorraine deeply, probably because the woman has such a kind heart that often reminds him of Gwen) and so he sneaks into the cells to spring them at night, only to have five burly, well-armed guards rush after them in a second. Lorraine is crying heavily while she squeezes her son's hand and urges him to run faster, try his best because it's their lives that are at stake now… but the worn-out boy trips when they turn around a corner and falls hard onto the cold ground, dropping behind in the passage way.

"Éloy!" Lorraine cries in an instant, turning and running back towards the boy. "Éloy, sweetheart, you have to get up, you have to… NO!"

The guards appear behind the couching boy and corner him, raising their swords up while doing so. Merlin lunches forward and clutches at the screaming mother to stop her from running back.

"NO! NO, LEAVE HIM ALONE!" She screams, squirming desperately in Merlin's arms. "He's my boy, he's done nothing wrong, please leave him alone, plea…NO, DON'T, NOOO!"

Merlin's eyes turn angry gold as he concentrates on pushing three guards away and putting up a magical barrier around the boy against the two others, but when Lorraine accidentally elbows him in the stomach while trying to get out of the tight grip Merlin slips and gasps for air, and for a second his magic fades – leaving just enough time for one of the guards to carry out the fatal strike. The sword flashes and two voices scream into the air in union, leaving the warlock nearly deaf but he doesn't care; he just stands there, transfixed by horror and stares at the ever growing scarlet pond that's gathering beneath the boy's motionless body…

"NO, NO, ÉLOY! ÉLOY!" Lorraine cries, hot tears streaming down on her face. "Merlin, let me go, I have to go back to him, let me…!"

But the guards are now standing up and marching swiftly in their direction, and their expression is enough to snap Merlin out of the shocked petrify. He clutches the crying woman to himself and blasts the stone wall out to create a gate where they can escape. Lorraine shouts and screams but Merlin doesn't let her go even when she starts clawing at his arms so much that his skin breaks, even when she starts hitting him with all she's got.

"Lorraine. He wouldn't want you captured, either," he forces out of his gritted teeth while trying to drag to woman to safety. Sadly, this proves to be only adding fuel to the fire.

"What do you know?!" Lorraine hisses with broken voice. "Sorcerer! You had my boy killed, you heartless monster!" And the flood of tears start falling again. "To think that I let you into my home… You had him killed! You had him killed!"

Hearing those grief-sickened words spitted so hatefully at him breaks Merlin heart, but he doesn't say anything for he knows there's nothing that could make the situation reverse itself. As there is no reason now to hold back his magic, Merlin uses his powers to get Lorraine to out of the town, away from their pursuers. He leaves her in the side of the forest which surrounds a smaller village and disappears without a word, not leaving a trace of himself behind.

A couple of days later he visits the village under the disguise of an aged man, hoping to catch a glimpse of the mourning mother. However, he hears the villagers talk about a stranger that was found hanging from a tree in the woods two days ago. Merlin's body freezes and he can't help asking about that stranger. "A crazy looking wrench of a blonde woman" is the only answer he gets.

Merlin staggers to the side of the road and throws up. He vaguely feels a soft, concerned hand smoothing light circles onto his back, "Are you alright, old man?" while another distinctively male voice urges: "Get away from the beggar, Louie! Who knows what disease you'll catch from him."

Merlin leaves France and goes back to his homeland. Once he's there, he joins the Virginia Company and sets out to sail to the New World in one of the company's ships, leaving the whole bloody continent behind.

He only hopes he can forget.

---

Merlin spends the rest of the century in North American colonies, mostly Virginia and later, North Carolina. After his return to the British motherland in 1713, the warlock stays in Wales for a while and makes a living from teaching scholars. He heeds Aithusa's words and does not cut himself off of human contacts (or at the least, he tries not to), which leads to the start of a tentative (and closely guarded) relationship with a fellow tutor named Aeron. Witch trials are fading out across most of Europe by now, a fact for which Merlin is eternally grateful. This is the first time since Aithusa's death that he can lead a generally quiet and peaceful life – which he dedicates to the delights of learning and sharing knowledge. He digs up everything he can find on the Arthurian legend and dwells long upon the now strangely twisted but still so very familiar stories, feeling a secret joy and a pained heartache behind his ribs all at the same time while these new scripts and paintings merge with the distant images of his memories. He's not depressed, though, not anymore. Whenever distress and grief come close to overfilling his heart, Merlin touches the smooth pendant that still hangs around his neck, thinks about his loved ones, about the promise of the future, and the warmth of the scale dispels every bad thought away.

When Merlin resumes travelling, he starts off in the Kingdom of Portugal before moving onto eastern direction: the Spanish Monarchy, Savoy, the Swiss Confederation, Bavaria… By the end of the century and the beginning of the next, he spends most of his time in Vienna, learning a great deal about classical music and deciding that it is quite a bit like magic after all. (How come he has never displayed any real interest in it before is truly beyond him.) While the majority of Europe is preoccupied with fighting back Napoléon Bonaparte, Merlin admires great musicians and composers like Haydn, Boccherini, Cimarosa, Mozart, Salieri and Beethoven. He throws himself into enthusiastic learning about various musical instruments and a few decades later Merlin can play the clarinet, the violin, the cello, the harpsichord and the fortepiano quite confidently. (Furthermore, he struggles with mastering the art of the harp, too, because the sound of its strings absolutely mesmerises him.)

Merlin moves into Bohemia next year and applies to Charles-Ferdinand University of Prague, which he enjoys immensely since he never really bothered with schools before. (Well, there was this one time at Oxford after Aithusa's death, but things just didn't work out for Merlin back then and he dropped out after a year or two.) Decades later, when he resides in the Russian Empire he repeats the experience at Saint Petersburg Imperial University.

Life's changing drastically, and fortunately, for the better. New technologies are being developed, mankind is getting wiser and Merlin feels the need to keep up with expanding his knowledge about everything. He reads a lot nowadays, much more than he did before though he's always loved books; his friend Yegor even comments on that Merlin can rarely be seen without having his nose deep in a book. He reads Pushkin, Tolstoy, Dostoevsky and Gogol while walking down the snowy streets of Moscow, and when he goes back to his house he reads Tennyson, Austen, Balzac and Twain. When an acquaintance discovers his extreme knowledge of languages and asks him to translate books from Victor Hugo and Charles Dickens to Russian, Merlin gladly complies and promptly discovers that he loves doing this. He continues translating novels through the decades (under various pseudonyms so that no one will pick up on the strange guy who speaks nearly every significant language of the world quite competently) even as he continues moving on.

At some point, he sails to Australia to discover the only continent he's never stepped foot into (well, excluding Antarctica for obvious reasons) and spends roughly twenty years there. Odd as it is, time feels like it's moving quicker these days as the world grows and develops more rapidly than ever before. In the old days, Merlin could spend half a century in a country without many changes occurring but this is definitely not the case anymore. Sometimes he thinks that men are capable of nearly everything he can do with his magic – that technology is to replace spells make life easier. Electrification, steam and diesel engines, railways, telephones… inventions that a thousand years ago were not present even in the wildest of dreams. When news of the Wright brothers' first successful flight reaches Merlin, the burden of his terribly long age suddenly weighs on his shoulders stronger than ever before.

Then the year 1914 comes, and Merlin learns what living in hell must be like.

---

Even though he thought that the Black Death and the medieval witch hunts were terrible, Merlin has to realize that those were practically nothing compared to the World War which affects every country in some way or another – some much more than the rest. All of his life Merlin did his best escaping wars, never staying long in countries where fights and revolutions erupted but now he can't do this because it's too big this time… and far too close to home.

He's not suited to be a soldier, not exactly, but somehow he still finds himself in the middle of the world-changing conferences of the Triple Entente, acting as the best English-French-Russian interpreter for high officers. He tells himself that he serves for the good of his birthplace, but it's not enough by far to dissolve the heavy feelings that stir nervously inside his chest every time the United Kingdom declares war against another country. In fact, he feels sick every time he learns about a new battle. After spending such a long time travelling around the world and getting to know every country and culture, experiencing the Great War is like having all of his children fight each other mercilessly, to death. He can't sleep at night without having nightmares about tanks, battleships and gas masks.

Five years of absolute terror does Merlin in. He's not on the battlefield, not really, and he can't even begin to imagine how those soldiers who're out there must feel. It's bad enough to know how civil citizens feel. His magic is nearly uncontrollable these days, always trying to reach out and stop the horrible happenings around him and Merlin in turn can't do much beyond trying to hold it back fiercely, for nothing good would come out if thunders would start crashing and Merlin's magic would make all military vehicles and weapons disappear. (Frankly, it did that once. Merlin had to change appearance and name to avoid getting caught.) When he's not in the office he's out strolling about with food and necessary supplies for the wretched homeless, poor and frightened.

And the worst is that he can't hold back the questions that re-appear in his head from time to time, again and again, no matter how hard he tries willing them away: Where is Arthur? When will he arise if not NOW, when his country clearly needs him badly?

But if Merlin is convinced that there's nothing which could be worse than this, he gets a painful slap to his face from Fate: his rapid heartbeat is just calming down after the terrors of the World War when the Second erupts.

He doesn't let himself getting caught in the malicious web of the political spiders this time. He takes part in defending the habitants of the country to the best of his abilities… which in the present case means that he – under his newest alias "Wayne Williams" – joins the London Auxiliary Fire Service as soon as it's mobilized and completes the fireman training in a surprisingly short amount of time with exceeding achievements. He works through the forty-eight-hour shifts without a grudging word, no matter how many fires he has to fight a day with his comrades; he's always the first one that helps those who get stuck in the burning buildings, who doesn't hesitate to use a bit of more-or-less discreet magic when the situation demands so; he's the guy who when ensured twenty-four hours to regenerate does not go back to his house but instead works in a factory for at least half of his off-duty time to help producing various war goods. Merlin has had enough of being helpless. He does everything within his power to be to the aid of those are in need.

… And God help, there is hundreds and thousands in need, especially after the London Blitz begins. Enemy bombers are everywhere, and Merlin can hear nothing apart from the constant noise of sirens, bombs exploding, buildings crashing and people screaming in panic-stricken terror. "The whole bloody world's on fire!", comes the message to the alarm office. Merlin agrees that it sure as hell looks like it.

Merlin gains only one thing during the Second World War for which he's grateful; only one thing that makes him see the light in the thick, heavy darkness, that makes him feel warmth where he has thought there was nothing but freezing cold… A little girl named Bonnie.

They're battling the conflagration caused by the latest raid while Merlin lets his magic subtly check the houses for any signs of life, and his fingers twitch around the hard water pipe when he realizes that yes, there is someone in the building right in front of them.

"There's someone inside, I saw movement!", he yells through the heavy noise.

The Station Manager brushes the sweat from his brows and winks his eyes before turning his head to Merlin. "Damn if I can see a thing from those blasted flames! Are you sure you've got it right?"

"Positive, sir. Let me go inside!"

The burly man glares at him so hard as if he's sizing Merlin up, but then he evidently remembers all the time Merlin could get people out of the way of the fire to safety because he nods sharply and inclines his head to the house. "Cooper, Jones," he barks loudly, "you go with Williams. Morgan, Walker, Davies, get here and take over the pipe! Hurry, for god's sake!"

Merlin rushes to the house and swiftly makes his way to the stairs that leads the way to the second floor, mildly aware that Cooper and Jones are trailing cautiously behind him. He's not afraid, and let's admit, why would he be? He's magic – but in the ideal case he can use it, so he's trying to get his mates out of the way. "I'm not sure how many are still stuck here," he says. "We should separate and search the first two floors as well. The fire's coming from the roof; there should be still some time before it collapses down."

"I don't think we ought to part," Jones says hesitantly but Cooper's already shaking his head.

"No, Williams is right. If we separate we can cover the floors quicker. Go on, guys."

Merlin doesn't look back when he runs up to the top floor. Once there, he quickly mutters a protection spell around himself and looks around, searching frantically for the small sign of life he'd felt earlier. The ceiling is rumbling dangerously above him, threating to fall down in any minute, and the heat of the burning orange flames are so strong that Merlin thinks his face might flare up.

And then he spots her, finally, as she tries to wriggle out of an enormous mass of debris dangerously close the ruins of what once must have been the kitchen furniture. Merlin races to her and starts clearing the shatters away hurriedly, trying not to harm the whimpering child in the process any more then how she's already injured. Great, shining pearls are already rolling down from her big, brown eyes, leaving long streams of wetness on her puffy, red cheeks.

"Don't worry, I'll get you out," Merlin says as he lifts a big stone from the girl's right leg and throws it out of the way. "How does your leg feel?"

"Hurts," the child answers with a breathless sob that ends up turning into a heavy cough. "Please help Mum and Carl, too! They're still in the bedroom!"

Merlin follows the child's eyes and looks back at the crumbling room that is now fully consumed by the madly licking flames. He gulps down the acrid taste in his mouth before turning back to the young girl. "I'll see what I can do. Now try standing up, love, will you? Here, grab my hand." He helps up the child but she lets out a pained moan and a rough cough, so Merlin quickly lifts her up into his arms. He feels stupid for underestimating her injury. "Ssh, it's okay, it's okay! I've got you."

The girl buries her head into Merlin's shoulders and clutches at him, rough ebony tufts flying everywhere on his chest as her whole body shakes with weeping. Merlin draws smoothing circles onto her back with his thumb, trying to hush her. "I'll get you out, I promise. Just close your eyes and hold onto me, okay?" The girl nods, and curls her tiny fingers into Merlin's coat. "Tell me your name?"

He can barely catch her whisper. "Bonnie."

"Bonnie," Merlin repeats softly. He keeps on talking as a way of averting the child's attention while his magic gently curls around the small body to protect her from the smoke and the fire. He starts making his way to the staircase, shoving flames and debris away with a swish of his hand, and he's grateful that Bonnie is too afraid to look up and catch sight of it. "You've got a real nice name here, my lady. And may I ask about your age?"

"I'm seven." Another cracked sob. "My birthday's on the day after tomorrow. Mum was going to bake me a chocolate cake, and I– I was…" And the tears start flowing again. "I was fi-fighting with her because I wanted strawberry…"

Merlin bites on his lip. He doesn't have a reply to that so he remains silent, but a quick peck still finds its way onto the top of the girl's smoke-smelling hair.

They're crossing the remains of the hall when they hear the urging shout of Jones from below. "Williams! You're still up there?"

"Yes!" Merlin shouts back before jumping to the right, avoiding contact with a particularly nasty piece of burning curtain only by mere inches. "I've found a child!"

"Then for the love of God, hurry up and let's get out of here before the whole bloody place crashes over us!"

As if it was is actually listening to them, the house starts rumbling and shaking viciously so much that an earthquake couldn't do it any better, and Bonnie lets out a frightened little scream when parts of the ceiling abruptly starts falling down, one after another, like it was raining. Merlin quickens his steps and races to the staircase, dancing around the crumbling shatters and the glowing, angry red flames that all seem determined to not let them through unscathed. He doesn't really care about caution by now – not when there's someone he has to get to the outside safe and sound. He suspects his eyes must be glowing gold constantly as he uses everything he's got to keep both of them safe, and observing the dumbfounded expression Merlin spots on Bonnie's face a second later as he blinks down at her, he knows for fact that it doesn't go unnoticed.

"Mister, your eyes…"

Merlin worries his lower lip for a moment before bringing himself to not chicken away from glancing at the girl. "Nah, not mister. Call me Merlin."

Bonnie stares at Merlin with her brown eyes widened from wonder; the orange lights of the fire can be seen perfectly as they reflect on the blown pupils. "Merlin? Like the wizard?"

That brings a small, tight smile onto the warlock's face.

Minutes later, they finally catch up to Jones and Cooper on the middle of the stairs, halfway to the first floor. Both men seem rather out of breath: with his coat ripped and smudged to a nearly black colour, Jones looks like as he's just stirred and battled an entire sleuth of angry grizzly bears while Cooper has dark smear of ash on his forehead and dusty, grey powder on his bushy moustache, which makes him look positively older than the thirty-six years he can actually claim.

"Three in the second floor rooms," Cooper stated neutrally, keeping his voice as calm and steady as he can manage while they run down the stairs. "Jones found one more at the first. Top floor?"

"Presumably two," Merlin answers just as tonelessly. He knows it perfectly well that there aren't any survivors; he'd felt only one sign of life before, and that was Bonnie.

His arms tighten around the child when he feels her fingers twitch hard on his coat, and as he looks down, he sees that the girl looks at him with trembling lips and renewed tears in her eyes.

"Maybe this should wait until we're outside," he says quietly to his mates.

Right in that moment the house quakes so strongly that if Jones wasn't quick on his instinct and steadying him, Merlin would perform an utterly pathetic display of tripping in his own two feet and – God help – drop Bonnie.

"Good idea," Jones says then, taking a step back from Merlin. "Let's streak off."

Ten minutes later they're already out in the yard, Cooper and Jones resuming their posts at the fire extinguisher. Bonnie burst in tears when the Station Manager attempted to separate her from Merlin so the warlock now sits on a bench with the girl, waiting for the ambulance to arrive. She has more or less calmed down; her feet shouldn't hurt now (not when Merlin's magic is flowing subtly into her body, gently easing the pain, healing the major injuries and charming away the remains of smoke from her lungs), yet she sobs quietly into Merlin's coat where she's leaning into him from under the blanket she got, her soft, tiny hands clamping his tightly. Merlin stares at the remains of the house absent-mindedly as the red-orange lights finally subside at last, giving place to the thick, heavy smoke that Merlin watches snaking its way up onto the dark, gloaming sky.

Bonnie's sudden whispering is so quiet that for a moment Merlin thinks he's just hearing things. "Mum and Carl are in Heaven now, aren't they?"

Merlin glances down at the girl but only sees her dark mop of hair as she glazes firmly at the ground. He looks back at the building then, at the coiling threads of smoke, and takes a deep breath. "Yeah." And then to divert her attention somehow, even for a bit, he asks: "Was Carl your brother?"

"Uh-uh," Bonnie hums quietly. "He's just turned four last month. He was always pulling my hair, I hated it." She lifts her face up, and Merlin can see her wet lashes as she blinks slowly. "What happens to me now?"

Merlin sucks in his lower lip, and he doesn't even notice when his hand comes to rest on the top of Bonnie's head. "I don't know. Where's your father?"

"Papa had to go away. I haven't seen him in a long time."

Must have been recruited, Merlin thinks. However, with this, things aren't looking exactly bright for Bonnie. If her father is out of the picture and Bonnie proves to be without any available relative she could go to, she'll probably be evacuated to one of those education camps – which in itself would be great since those rural camps are all designed to keep children safe from city bombings… But she'd be on her own there, and when she can come back to London after the war, surely she'll just get shoved into an orphanage.

The thought causes more distress to Merlin than it probably should.

"It doesn't hurt now at all, thank you," Bonnie says after a while, abruptly pulling Merlin out of his thoughts. He looks down at the girl who wiggles her bare feet a few times, testing carefully before reaching down and giving a wipe to the smudges of dried blood on her ankle. "You should leave the cuts and bruises to the doctor."

Merlin is caught so off-guard that he lets out a loud gasp (which he then quickly tries to disguise as cough but ends up sounding more like he's choking on his own saliva) and nearly fells down from the bench they're sitting on. "What…! I'm not…"

"You're a wizard, aren't you?" Bonnie continues, completely oblivious to Merlin's shock. "Isn't that why you told me to call you 'Merlin'?"

"I don't–"

"Oh, is it a secret? Don't worry, I can keep secrets." She clutches at Merlin's collar and pulls him down so they're almost eye-to-eye when she whispers, "Papa is Jewish… that's why he had to leave us. Mum said I can never tell it anyone." Suddenly, she furrows her brows. "Well, I'm telling you now but that's only because I know a secret of yours. And you don't look like a bad guy. You're not a bad guy, are you?"

"No," Merlin rasps with his heart hammering in his chest. "I'm not a bad guy. For the record, I'm an awfully nice guy."

That earns him the first small smile from the child. "Yes, I thought so. You know, you're not the first wizard I see. When I was five, Mum and Papa brought me to a festival where a man charmed me a flower. Right from the air! He wasn't doing that in secret, though. Oh, but I also never told anyone how Carl once peed on the armchair in the living room while I was looking after him, so you see, I'm a really good secret keeper!"

And Merlin can't help laughing at that, even though he knows that he should make fun of the girl, saying things like "Oh, come on! Magic? You can't be saying this for real" and "I was kidding you with the name, and if you think you saw my eyes glowing back there in the house, it was just the trick of the light". But Bonnie looks so lovely, with her brown eyes twinkling even though they're still rimmed red from crying that Merlin cannot bring himself to lie. He reaches forward and ruffles the black mop of hair.

"Wayne Williams!"

Merlin snaps his head up in time to see a large van wheel onto the yard and stop just a few meters shy of the fire engine. The Station Manager is already waving at Merlin pressingly. "Williams, bring the girl here!"

"Yes, sir!" Merlin shouts back, and then he stands up and turns to the girl. "Come on, Bonnie. They're taking you to the hospital."

"It doesn't look like an ambulance," Bonnie says while Merlin yet again takes her up into his arms and starts walking to direction of the van.

"No, well… The country doesn't have enough ambulances by far nowadays, so vans like this are commandeered and pressed into service. They'll take care of you, don't worry."

"Mmm." She fidgets, and trifles with the buttons on Merlin's coat. "Is Wayne your real name, then? Will you come and visit me if I have to stay in the hospital?"

Merlin opens his mouth to answer but he doesn't have the chance in the end because they reach the vehicle where a bearded, forty-or-so blond man is already watching Bonnie intently from behind his folder of papers. "Are you Bonnie Bennett?" The child hugs herself closer to Merlin's chest but nods.

The man gives a reassuring smile at her and opens his arms, a movement which Merlin translates as a cue to hand Bonnie over. "Nice to meet you. I'm Alan Hughes, and now I'm taking you to a physician, all right?"

Bonnie blinks up at Merlin with an alarmed expression in her eyes, but when Merlin pets her hair and mouths "don't worry" to her, she releases the warlock's coat from her grip and lets herself be handed to Hughes who then carefully places her inside the van. A moaning middle-aged man and a terribly pale teenager girl in bloody clothes are already lying inside.

Merlin doesn't pay attention to the small talk the Station Manager and Hughes make about the current terrible situation of London and, in general, Britain – instead, he fixes his eyes on Bonnie and tries to convey the messages "everything will be alright" and "I'm definitely coming to visit you" purely by the use of body language. It seems to be working, though, if the shy but pleased smile Bonnie rewards him with is any indication.

He waves a hand at her before Hughes closes the door of the van, and then stares after the vehicle for as long as it disappears from his sight.

The sudden clasp on his shoulder comes so out of the blue that Merlin jerks visibly.

"Whoa, mate, easy there," his distracter says with a small, knowing smile, and Merlin relaxes.

"Damn you, Cooper, you scared the shit out of me!"

"Sorry. So, is she the cause of the long face?"

Merlin bites on his lip. Really, he should have stopped wearing his emotions so obviously on his sleeves centuries ago. "Dale…", he starts, and it's almost comical how quickly the expression changes on Cooper's face. There's an unsaid agreement between the two of them never to address each other by first names while being in service. An agreement Merlin's just thrown out of the window. "Could you dig up anything you can find on her family for me? Any living relatives, someone who could take her in?"

"It's so… you," the man sighs, shaking his head. "Why do you even bother?"

Merlin shrugs. He doesn't really know. But he's always been like this. He thinks about the baby boy he rescued from another burning house a month ago and for whom he managed to find foster parents in three days' time. He thinks about how he won't grow up in an orphanage (given that his new parents won't meet their end during the war), and how he wants the same to apply to Bonnie.

So he only says, "Please, Dale?", to which the man shakes his head again – but this time, in acceptance.

"Fine. I'll have my connections dig the details up. But know that you owe me for this, Wayne. Again."

"Yes, yes, of course," Merlin says, grinning now. "Maybe I could make some amends… later, when we're off-duty?"

Cooper returns the grin. "Yeah, you probably could."

Merlin genuinely likes the guy. He's fit, fun to be with and trustworthy with a good sense of humour which is much appreciated during these dark times. His heart is made of gold, too, but Merlin doesn't really care about that because he's not interested in Cooper's heart, not really. They have a mutual attraction (the fact that Merlin's not using any glamour for now certainly helps with that) and they decided to act on in. Neither of them wants to have something real; in fact, Cooper wants to ask for the hand of his neighbour's daughter after the war ends – a plan he's shared with Merlin on multiple times. They can relieve their stress with some secret late-night fumbling though until that time comes, and it's more than fine by both of them.

And so, Merlin happily gives Cooper the date for when they can meet up in private.

---

Cooper's connections are fast. By the next day, all the wanted papers are already in Merlin's possession.

As it turns out, Bonnie Bennett is the first child and only daughter of Alice (née Jones) and Roger Bennett, sister of Carl Bennett. The death certificate of Alice and Carl arrives quite soon, and that's when Merlin discovers that terrible fact that no, Roger did not simply go away to protect his family – he was flitted away five months ago and then killed with a group of other Jewish people, including his own parents. As for the other set of grandparents, Merlin sees red when he hears that although the maternal grandparents were informed of the tragedy right away, they refuse to take care of the funerals and Bonnie. Apparently, they vehemently unapproved their daughter's marriage to Roger and now don't want to have anything to do with what happened. It's as if they would like to erase even the fact that Alice was of their own blood, and that's such a sickening thought that Merlin quite nearly throws up in a bin.

"You can't do anything about that," Cooper says later that afternoon. "People are frightened. These guys? They probably just want to avoid ending up like that Roger bloke's parents. You can understand that."

"They are family. I will never understand how they can refuse helping someone from their own family. A child!"

Cooper shrugs his shoulders. There's a deep, tell-tale furrow on his forehead which proves that he's not exactly happy with the current situation either, but he does better than Merlin accepting it. "What do you want me to say, Wayne? I know it's not right, but there's so much an auxiliary fire-fighter can do. Either you go and adopt the girl yourself, or face reality and hope that she'll do alright growing up in the orphanage."

"You can't possibly know what–," Merlin snaps but then the words suddenly sink in, leaving him gaping. "Hold on. What did you just say?"

"I said… Oh, no." Cooper points a sharp, piercing look at Merlin and just stares and stares. A few minutes later, he pinches the bridge of his nose and groans. "Blimey. I've just given you an idea, haven't I?"

Merlin grins.

---

Merlin is excited, frightened and has quite possibly gone mad from thinking about what he's about to do. What he's about to propose and – depending on the answer – might do, to be precise. Still, it's a highly mind-numbing idea that leaves Merlin high on adrenaline and his heart hammering crazy behind his ribs.

Part of him thinks that it's utter bollocks, but he knows he could never leave it at that without always feeling regret from now on for letting this charming little girl into an institution where hundreds of traumatic war orphans are packed together in tight little rooms with no one who'd love them for real.

Merlin thinks he could do that. Probably. Just look at how he already feels connected to the child, even though they've hardly spend more than an hour together. And he's a goddamn immortal, for crying out loud! In thirteen years, Bonnie will be able to stand on her own legs and won't need Merlin anymore, and that's not even a relatively long time for him.

Reason says that Merlin's just high from the life-saving experience. Reason also says that Merlin's just happy there's someone out there who knows… has certain suspicions… about his secret, so all things considered, taking Bonnie in is not a very wise decision to make in the spur of a moment.

But then Intuition decides that it has had enough of this crap and punches Reason hard in the face – laughing while doing so.

… That's how Merlin ends up standing at the door of Bonnie's (and a whole lot of four other, currently sleeping children's, but that's beside the point) hospital room with an awkward smile on his face and a strawberry flavoured fairy cake in his hand.

"My real name is Merlin, not Wayne," he says as soon as he gets to the girl, even though that's not what he planned on saying the first place. Bonnie clearly doesn't understand Merlin's odd way of greeting her (which isn't a greeting at all, now that he thinks about it); she looks up at him with her brows knitted, questions piling up behind the warm chocolate-coloured eyes like buzzing honeybees. "I, too, have lost my family, and although it was a long time ago I'm still not over it – and frankly, I think the feeling will never go away completely, but it's fine because remembering them is part of me. I know what it is like to be alone, but I also know what it is like to be with someone who cares for you… and I'd prefer if you only came to know the latter of those."

Merlin is aware that he's rambling, throwing his carefully prepared speech right into the bin in the process, but for once he doesn't mind it. He may give off the appearance of a crazy child molester – and really, he shouldn't be surprised if Bonnie was scared shitless of him – but he doesn't think that's the case. He can see it in the way her eyes soften, how the tiny little sparks of hope flash across her pupils, and Merlin has lived long enough to know when to follow his instincts. His magic is already reaching out, and upon finding the girl, it touches her hair and curls protectively around her hands. This cannot be a coincidence.

"If you want it, Bonnie, if you trust me… then I'd be happy to take you in," he finishes clumsily.

"I could… I could live with you?" Bonnie's round eyes are like shining plates as she breathes the questions like she can't believe she's offered this chance. Her rosy little lips tremble a bit, and warmth creeps up Merlin's spine at the hopeful look she gives him. The feeling highly resembles what Aithusa's scale always pours into him, and from that he knows that he's made the right decision. "We could live together? Really?"

"Yes," Merlin answers, smiling. "If you want to, that is."

"I want to," Bonnie says immediately, brown eyes filling up with relieved, grateful tears. "I really-really want to. I– I want to live with you, Merlin." Her voice hitches, and she lets out an angry groan when tears start falling down her cheeks seemingly on their own accord. "So-sorry, I don't know why I'm crying… I'm happy, I really am, I ju– I just–"

"Ssh, it's alright. It's settled, then: I'm taking you home." Merlin sits down beside the sobbing child and strokes her head soothingly before putting the fairy cake onto her lap.

Bonnie wipes her eyes and gawks down at the small, pink cake with a stunned moan and a look that one would reward nothing less with but a new-born phoenix nestling at the very least.

"Happy birthday, Bonnie," Merlin says with a quiet smile, to which the child resumes weeping.

---

Merlin sells what he can (which is not a difficult act as he's used to moving, after all; he never has many properties) and buys a raunchy little house in a small village of Marlow Urban District, Buckinghamshire. As soon as Bonnie's released from the hospital (two and a half days after she's first brought in by a surly doctor who comments on how her injuries were not so bad after all, unlike as it was reported) Merlin takes her to his flat where they stay for as long as Alice and Carl's funerals are properly held. Bonnie doesn't cry during the short ceremony, but she kisses the headstones once before walking back to Merlin and sliding her warm little hand into his.

When they go back to Merlin's later that afternoon for the very last time, Merlin sits down with Bonnie for The Conversation.

"So, you said you're a really good secret keeper?" he asks, to which Bonnie replies with the widest grin he'd seen in her face for days.

"The best!"

"That's good. Great, actually, because we'll be need to keep some secrets. A whole lot of that, in fact."

"Like your magic?"

Merlin smiles. "Like that, yes. Can you think of what would happen if people would realize that I have magic?"

Bonnie sucks in her lower lip and looks down pensively, fingers twitching as she scratches her lower arm absently. "They would want you to do magic for them. They would make you do things."

"They would try," Merlin punctuates. "It is my decision whether I do magic or not, and trust me, I wouldn't let anyone use me or my power if I doesn't consent to it. But now that you're here with me, I'm responsible for you as well. Bad people could use you to make me 'do things', as you've said, and I don't want that to happen." He looks into the girl's eyes and holds her gaze firmly for a long time. "I don't want to get you in trouble, Bonnie. I took you to live with me because I want to protect you, but I can only do that for as long as no one knows about me. Can you help me with that?"

The child nods so fiercely that her neck gives out a small crack. "I promise I won't tell anyone! I pinkie-swear! I want to stay with you, Merlin. You can trust me!"

The way she says it is so heated that Merlin can't help reaching forward and ruffling the dark ebony tufts with a smile. "Thank you. That brings us to the other thing we need to discuss." He licks his lips briefly and looks away for a moment, a deep, aching pang suddenly stabbing sharply into his chest. "I've already told you that I've long lost my own family. I still remember them, but I doubt anyone else does so I abandoned my name and tried to restart things under a new name, a new life. Hence the 'Wayne Williamson' scheme."

"Do I need to restart things, too?" Bonnie asks with a long blink, looking up at Merlin's face questioningly. "Should I call myself Bonnie Williamson from now on? Or will you give me a completely new name? Papa used to say that they almost named me Margaret…"

"Gods, no!" Merlin says laughing. "I don't want to change your name. That's exactly what I was trying to get to: I want you to never forget who you are and where you come from. Your parents named you Bonnie, and this name is something that holds their love while your family name holds their memories. No, I'd very much like you to keep all of it. I was only wondering about–"

"Then why did you…?"

"–whether you'd find it a terrible idea to share it with me," Merlin finishes with a somewhat plastered smile.

Bonnie closes her mouth, blinks, and that opens it again. "You want to share my name? My family name?"

"Only if you don't mind. I reckon it would be the best if I could somehow take care of you legally, and the best solution to that would be if we'd manage to sell people that we're family. I could adopt you, I suppose, but frankly, I never was the daddy type... and I don't want to take your parent's place. Also, you'd have to take my name which is rubbish because Williams is not even my real name. No, I want you to stay the way you are now, and for that I figured it would be the best if I took your surname. I… I could be your brother. On paper, I mean." Oh gods, and Merlin's now blushing furiously because even though it has sounded perfectly logical and absolutely great in his head, saying all of that out loud is just… embarrassing.

Bonnie evidently shares this thought because the next moment, she laughs out. "So you'd be Merlin Bennett? That sounds silly!"

"Yes, well." Merlin desperately wills the heat away from his face. "I need a new first name, too. While not so long ago Merlin was a really popular name, now it's quickly going out of fashion."

"Oh." And at that, Bonnie actually smirks. (Merlin's brows rise up on his forehead, because really – how can a seven-year-old child even do that?) "And only the most fashionable name does it for you," she says, teasing.

"But of course!" Merlin chuckles and he's glad to see the pink flushes of mirth on Bonnie's cheeks. She was awfully pale before and during the funeral, but now colour is finally finding its way back onto her face. "But, really. Using my true first name is not easy for me, given the way I am."

And it's not an exaggeration. He's been using aliases since his time in America, and it's fine because pretending to be someone else makes it easier to put his past behind. General knowledge of the Arthurian legend is quite big, and Merlin really doesn't need any more senseless jokes about his name and his "namesake", thank you. At first he'd thought that it would be strange and weird, listening to people call him by another name than his real one but he got used to it in a surprisingly short amount of time.

He meant what he said to Bonnie. She shouldn't forget who she is, and the same goes for Merlin as well. But his name holds all that history and that is something Merlin treasures in secret, in the private chambers of his heart. He can't tell Bonnie about that, but he hopes she'll understand.

And maybe she already does. The way she looks up at him is not teasing anymore; there's just warmth, trust and fondness in the mirrors of her eyes. "So what name will you go by?"

"I don't know yet," Merlin answers with a shrug of his shoulders. "Do you have any ideas?"

"Hmm." Bonnie sucks in the tip of her thumb as she thinks, her brows knit in concentration, and Merlin can see the exact moment she comes up with something by the way her whole face lights up like a Christmas tree. "I know! You should be Russell! I used to know a Russell who had big ears just like you. And he was a kind boy."

"Let's see, kind with big ears… Okay, bought."

Bonnie laughs at that and Merlin finds himself joining in.

"Oh, but aren't you a bit old to be my brother?" The girl asks suddenly. "You're probably around the age of Papa."

"Ew, thanks no," Merlin says, sticking his tongue out. He closes his eyes and concentrates on the trick he's used so many times, but now he tries to will it to work conversely. For a moment nothing happens, but then he feels his magic stirring up and then it flows into every part of his body, filling and rejuvenating all of it. When he next opens his eyes, he can read his success clearly on Bonnie's awed expression. "I think I'm really only old enough to be your brother."

"Wow," she breathes. "You… Wow. How did you do that?"

"Not telling," Merlin sing-songs before standing up and walking to the large mirror on the wall to inspect himself. Facing his reflection, he feels a strange sting upon seeing the same lanky boy with the gaunt face and woeful bow-cut hair who first stepped foot into Camelot. "Gods, I've never noticed how much I've filled out. I look ridiculously skinny at eighteen!"

At some point Bonnie stood up and walked to Merlin, and now she's standing next to him. The flabbergasted expression finally left her face, and now she blinks up at the warlock with joy dancing vividly in her eyes. "I think you're cute. Actually, this way you just resemble my Russell all the more."

"Do I really," he sighs with mock irritation while he continues inspecting his new body. He knew there was a reason as to why he only ever aged himself backwards when he attended schools, and even at those times he never went back to more than his early twenties. "You know, with our dark hair and light skin tone, we really look like relatives."

"Yes, I think so too," Bonnie says with a smile. She reaches up and Merlin takes her hand without a word. "Hey, about your appearance before… Was it… Was it also a magical glamour? How old are you?"

Contentment slips out of Merlin, leaving only a heavy, sore point in his chest. He can't be completely honest with her, not yet. He's not ready and maybe he'll never be. It's hard talking about his age, and even though he knows it's not his fault and he shouldn't feel ashamed, he still does.

"No, that was my real appearance," he says after a while and that at least is not a lie. He does have the body of his twenty-eight-year-old self, after all. And if he keeps the little fact that this has been the case for more than a thousand years to himself, well… there's no hurting in that.

Bonnie nods, and Merlin doesn't want to notice how relieved she looks. "Okay, then. Hello, brother!"

Merlin shares her smile. "Hello, sis."

And thus Russell Bennett is born.

Merlin uses his magic to make sure they have all the official documents ready to prove their relation, and that he – as Russell – is now Bonnie's legal guardian. He meets up with Cooper that evening (not in this new, younger form of course) to explain the situation briefly and hazily. Cooper shakes his head in disbelief for long moments before stating that he's not even surprised for he'd always suspected that Merlin (well, he says "Wayne" but that's beside the point) to be the biggest idiot he's ever met. Merlin cannot really counter to this, so instead he just shrugs lightly and wishes Cooper luck in whatever he'll be up to. They part as friends, and when Merlin goes back to his flat and finds Bonnie already sleeping soundly on his bed, he once again reassures himself that he'd made the right decision.

He spreads a warm blanket on the girl, turns off the lights and then settles himself to sleep on the creaky coach in the living room.

Next midday finds the two of them already halfway to Marlow, rattling along on a train to their new home.

---

Getting used to living with someone else is not something Merlin has been worried about. While it's true that he's always preferred living alone (so that he don't have to be worried about lights going out seemingly on their own accord whenever he falls into bed tiredly, his toast heating itself while he takes a shower, the messy nest of his room cleaning itself up or other equally little and trivial displays of practical magic), he's had his share of flatmates. Once, he'd lived with various families back in the early years that had very definite routines and Merlin learnt how to accommodate to them. Whenever he attended a university, he lived in dormitories where he had to share a room with at least two other blokes. And he had flatmates three times since he last came back to Great Britain. (The last one was truly, utterly unbearable and Merlin vowed that never again will he share a house with a bluecoat.)

Of course, Bonnie is completely different from having another person with whom he shares his house. Bonnie is a child who need protection, attention and care – and that is something Merlin is worried about. He always had a knack with children but it's different when he has responsibility as well. He wants the best for the girl, and he can only hope that he won't mess up raising the child.

Fortunately for him, it turns out that Bonnie fits into Merlin's life easier than he'd have ever thought. She's generally quiet but very cheerful and absolutely lovable. When Merlin takes to tutoring her at their new home, he also discovers that she's exceptionally bright for someone her age. He learns that Alice and Roger couldn't afford to send her to school, but Alice taught her reading and basic calculating at home – so Merlin starts completing her home teaching with the hope that she can go to school when she feels ready. (He considers sending her to one of the educational camps, but Bonnie starts crying when he mentions it, saying that she doesn't want to leave Merlin. Merlin himself is not really keen on the idea, either, because that was one of the very reasons in the first place as to why he took the girl in, so they dismiss the idea altogether.)

They spend a lot of time together, Merlin only being away while he's at Mr Hall's workshop where he works as an assistant for the clockmaker man, during which Bonnie's staying with the kind, elderly neighbourhood woman. Their time in the countryside is relatively quiet, the dreads of the war not reaching as far as here quite as strongly. Merlin follows the news and takes on volunteer works, but otherwise he dedicates himself to Bonnie. She speaks a lot about her parents and little brother, and while it comes in handy because Merlin's ought to know about them, playing a Bennett boy, he's just happy that Bonnie feels comfortable enough talking about her lost family and doesn't close herself off.

Unfortunately, the same cannot be said about Merlin. He still finds it incredibly hard to talk about his past, so while he lets out snippets about his mother or Gaius, he never states anything in details and generally avoids talking about his family. It doesn't really escape Bonnie's notice.

"Hey, Merlin," she starts one day while tapping on the keys of their new piano, playing out the notes of Twinkle Twinkle Little Star absently. Merlin does not look up from the clock mechanism he's currently assembling but hums to let her know that he's listening. "How come we never celebrate your birthday?"

Merlin's hands still on the mechanism.

"Just because you baked me a cake this year, and you brought me one when we met at my birthday, too, but I don't even know when yours is."

He doesn't know either. He can't remember. It was such a long time ago that he last bothered with his birthday… He vaguely remembers that the last one he commemorated was when he turned one hundred, but as to what day Hunith brought him to life… well, Merlin hasn't the faintest. He doesn't even remember what year it was.

He briefly considers telling a false date to the girl, but shakes his head with the same breath. He doesn't want to lie to her. "I don't really remember," he says instead quietly. "I haven't celebrated my birthday in a long time. I haven't felt the need to."

Bonnie leaves the piano and walks to him. The look she regards Merlin with is far more understanding than a child's face should be.

"You should celebrate with me, then," she says dead-seriously. "I'd happily share my day with you."

And with that, the sudden melancholy leaves Merlin without a trace. He smiles, and fondles the girl's shining ebony hair.

Bonnie is really mature, especially considering her age. Merlin was first worried about what to do if she slips and forgets using his alias but that never happens. She always calls him "brother" or "Russ", save for when they are alone together in their home; there she never uses anything but Merlin's real name, like it's a secret between the two of them. She never really talks about magic, either, even though the topic clearly fascinates her. She likes watching Merlin do small charms, though, like heating up her bath or making her doll wave and smile, but she never addresses the matter by herself and she never asks Merlin to do things for her. The only time she mentions it directly is when she asks Merlin one time if she could learn to do magic.

"I'm afraid not," Merlin answers honestly. "For the most part, you have to born with it. You must have at least a spark of magic, and then there's a chance that maybe you could do things with using spells. But I haven't met anyone with magic in a really long time. Seems like it's disappearing from the world."

"Spells? I've never heard you using spells."

"Well. I'm too awesome for that."

"Show-off!"

All in all, after Bonnie enters Merlin's life, living doesn't feel so dull and troublesome anymore like it did before, and if there is one good thing the Luftwaffe brought to him, it's her. He has never really found himself after he'd lost his long-time companion, friend and sibling Aithusa, but now… now Merlin feels like that he's doing well again. Finally.

---

When Bonnie joins school – immediately in Year 4 – all of her teachers sing odes to Merlin about how clever and well-educated she is for someone who's up till that point has been home educated. At first she's afraid of leaving home, but soon finds herself rather enjoying school life after she makes some friends. She's still too mature and adult-like compared to other children, who play silly games all the time and don't really understand serious issues like the on-going war, but Bonnie still fits in quite well and Merlin's happy for her.

When the Second World War ends, Merlin asks Bonnie if she'd like to go back to London, to which she firmly says no. Merlin can understand it – they've built up a life here, at this quiet rural village, and neither of them feel the need to go back to the busy capital where everything is in ruins, the habitants just catching their breaths after the terrors of the war. So in the end they stay at Marlow UD, Bonnie goes to secondary school and Merlin buys his very first car, a Ford Model 48. (With which Bonnie instantly falls in love, and she always grins and chirps whenever Merlin takes her to school with it after he completes his driving education.) He's no longer an assistant but a full-time employee at Mr Hall's where he restores and repairs antique and modern clocks quite competently, and in addition he starts translating literature again, sometimes spending long hours in the library until Bonnie comes and points out the time for him.

… Looking back now, Merlin thinks that he should've probably seen trouble coming. Everything was running too smoothly. Something was ought to crack.

---

"There's this guy who always makes eyes at me. Could you turn him into a toad for me, please?"

Merlin looks up from where he had been eyeing his ravioli hungrily (honestly, it smells wonderful, he has no idea how Bonnie managed to make it so tempting) and raises his eyebrow, unimpressed.

Bonnie bobs her head, long hair falling onto the dining table like a dark curtain. "No? Well, you're right, of course. Toads are cute. What about a rat?"

"Bonnie."

The girl sighs and drops her eyes. "Sorry. He's just really irritating, the way he stalks me like he could do however he pleases. And a pissed sailor would blush at the dirty way he sometimes talks to me!"

Merlin knows Bonnie well, and so he knows that she wouldn't be complaining if the guy in question wasn't really as horrible as she tells it. He guesses he should've been prepared for this: Bonnie has grown up to be quite a beauty after all. At the age of fifteen her slender form has started to fill out at the right places, her hair is so long now that it's brushing her hips, and her face as beautiful as it always was – honestly, she's just shy of being a woman but no longer a child. It was obvious that she'll soon attract the attention of her male peers, but that's something Merlin doesn't want to think too deeply about… especially when those attentions are evidently unwelcome and improper.

"Who are we talking about?" he asks while he forks a big portion of ravioli into his mouth and hums happily at the fantastic taste of it. "Gods, Bonnie, this is heavenly."

"Kenneth Brown," she says, dismissing the heartfelt complement altogether. "You know; the guy who sometimes comes to our school to harass the girls under the pretence of helping out the teachers."

"Isn't that the son of Colonel Kenneth Brown who gives crazy amount of donations to the school?" To Bonnie's wry nod, Merlin raises his eyebrows once again. "But he's twenty-one! What in the world does he think he's doing, coming onto a girl six years his junior? Besides, I thought he's out in the army."

Bonnie shrugs. "He was demobilized a few months ago. Even the military couldn't put up with him, apparently."

"Great. A trained punk. Maybe I really should turn him into a rat." That gains him a bright smile from Bonnie. "But jokes aside, you're to tell me the minute he does anything more than ogling and foul-mouthing, okay? One misdoing and he'll be bacteria on a rat's flea sooner than he could say 'abracadabra'."

Bonnie laughs out so hard that she accidentally spills half of her tea onto the table, quickly soaking her napkin with big, brown puddles of steaming liquid.

"Why would he even say that?" She asks, still shaking from laughing. "Saying 'abracadabra' is your resort, Merlin."

"You're deliberately ignoring my point!"

Bonnie continues chuckling all throughout their dinner, and as he eases into the light mood, Merlin finds himself not minding it so much after all.

---

Merlin knows it the minute Kenneth Bastard Brown Junior does something more.

He's at home making his evening tea when Bonnie's anguished scream cuts into Merlin like someone plunged a dagger into him and sliced his chest open. It disappears in a second but the echo of the sound makes blood drum loudly against his ears as the unmistakable feeling of desperate terror floods his soul, and Merlin knows that something has gone terribly wrong.

He closes his eyes and reaches out for Bonnie to find her location. It's not strange that he experiences the emotional state of her soul: this has happened couple of times before, usually when the girl was having extreme emotions. (Merlin figures that what's responsible for this occurrence is their connection, which is quite similar to what he had with Aithusa, albeit – for the lack of magic on Bonnie's part – not nearly as strong). He's never experienced such fear though, not even through her. When he gets the first glimpses of her state, the flashing images of Bonnie slapped and pressed down onto the mud by three young men makes Merlin's blood boil with fury.

Not even for a millisecond does he hesitate. As soon as he grips the gleaming light of Bonnie's soul – bright and pure, even though it currently flutters fiercely like a frightened little bird –, Merlin lets his power run wild in his veins: he surges for Bonnie and in the next moment he's standing at the village border in the light autumn rain among tall trees, expression darkening rapidly as he takes in the scene that plays out in front of his eyes.

He recognises Brown right away – he has seen of the jerk's arrogant face enough times. Merlin clenches his fists so hard that all his knuckles go white when the bastard looks up from where he's forced his way between Bonnie's legs, kneeling, hands gripping the pale tights of the girl strongly beneath the shattered remains of her skirt. There are two other guys, equally large and well-built to Brown, who're holding Bonnie down by her arms while one of them presses his palm to her mouth, but Merlin doesn't pay more than a fleeting glance to them because as soon as he appears, his eyes zoom in on the girl he couldn't have come to love more if they were really of the same blood.

Bonnie, who trembles all over and whimpers loudly when he sees Merlin. Bonnie, whose face is soaked in tears, whose right cheek is swollen and angry red where she must have received a blow, whose eyes are dim and grey and absolutely terrified. Bonnie, who is looking at Merlin with such a broken plea in her eyes that the warlock's fury makes wild thunders crash loudly in the sudden storm.

"What the…!" The brunette one of Brown's mates shouts as he snaps his hand away from Bonnie's face. "That's her bro, isn't he? How the hell did he get here?"

Merlin takes a slow step towards them as Bonnie coughs, spits, and gets on her elbows. "R-Russ…" she chokes out on a rasped voice, and that one word just adds fuel to Merlin's anger, seeing as to how she keeps on protecting him, sticking to their cover even at a time like this.

Brown doesn't look scared or abashed at Merlin's sudden appearance – if there's one thing, he just seems irritated at being interrupted.

As much as Merlin would like to rip off the bastard's fingers one by one for touching Bonnie, he steels himself and forces his face neutral, his voice calm and collected – but freezing like ice. "You've got exactly three seconds to step away from her with your limbs still intact."

That earns him a loud snort from the three men. "What was that?" Brown laughs. "You guys heard something?"

"A mouse squeaking?" the other bloke, a blond – the one who hasn't even loosened his grip on Bonnie's arm – joins in. "Oh, wait, no. It's just the skinny stick of a man from the old geezer's workshop."

"Two."

"Ooh!" The brunette whistles. "Look at him! We should take shelter or else he'll throw bits of clocks at us!"

"Mummy, I'm scaaared!"

The guys laugh and laugh, and apparently don't notice how the storm becomes stronger and the thunders more frequent in sync with the darkening of Merlin's face. Bonnie however does. She can't seem to stop crying, but she bites on her lips and slowly shakes her head. Don't expose yourself for me.

And that does it.

Merlin steps in front of the bunch of jackasses and slowly raises his hands. "I've warned you," he starts, and even he himself is surprised at how dangerous he sounds. "Step. Away. From her."

The amused smile drops from Brown's face as he finally stands up, adjusts his trousers and turns around to face Merlin. He's still not worried by far; he just leisurely crosses his arms in front of his chest and regards Merlin with a biting, arrogant look. "Fuck off, Bennett, you sound ridiculous. You know we could take you apart and throw in the Thames sooner then you could blink, so who's this show for? Just turn around and wait patiently till we finish with your sister, and if you're good, then perhaps you'll get a go, too, after that."

"I don't do fags like him!" the blond snorts immediately. "We should–"

In the end, it never comes out to the light what he thought they should do because in that moment, Merlin waves his hand and the guy flies across the field until he slams hard into a tree with a loud crash, collapsing helplessly at the roots.

"What the hell?!"

And really, that's the only thing the other brown-haired man manages to shout out before he meets the same fate as his mate. When he drops to the ground and doesn't move anymore, Brown lets out a strangled groan and snaps his head to Merlin, the first signs of puzzled fear of not understanding the situation finally filling up his face. It catches Merlin by surprise how much he enjoys watching the way Brown's mouth trembles; the way he starts backing away instinctively as Merlin approaches him slowly with intent; the way he gapes and the shocked moan escapes his lips when he catches sight of the gleaming gold of Merlin's eyes. It makes the warlock feel powerful, confident and justified.

Merlin throws Brown to the nearest tree and pins him there, adjusting just enough pressure to his lungs to have him panting harshly, fighting for air.

"Russ," Bonnie says in a trembling voice, and though Merlin doesn't pulls his eyes away from Brown, he knows that she's watching him worriedly. "Don't do anything stupid, please!" And he understands that what she's really saying is 'Don't kill him – you don't really want to, you're not like that, you'd regret it.'

He could do it. It wouldn't be the first time that he kills for someone he loves. But Bonnie deserves better than watching it through from the first row.

"Get the hell away from my sight," Merlin hisses at Brown instead, stressing the words with clashing waves of raw magic that hit the pinned guy like biting lashes of a whip. "You and your friends leave this place and for all I care, drown yourselves in a lake. But never again will you force yourself on someone, do you understand? Or else I'll hunt you down, all of you. Is that clear?"

Brown chokes out a whimper and nods, clawing at his own chest until Merlin finally releases him so that he can gasp for air. The warlock doesn't spare any more glances at him or his mates who're by this time slowly coming to themselves; he turns around and hurries to Bonnie. He kneels down beside her and collects her into his arms, not a caring a bit for how the mud soaks through his trousers, how the wet remains of the girl's clothes makes him wet and cold.

"Me…. Merlin…" she whispers into his ear, and she finally lets it go, leaving the dreads of the events bursting out at last. She groans and buries her head into Merlin's neck, and she sobs and weeps furiously.

"Ssh… I'm here," Merlin whispers back, hugging Bonnie tight to his body as if to shelter her from the entire world. "I'm here. Everything will be al–"

A load bang cuts into the air, the like of which makes all the other noise seemingly go dead, and Merlin goes rigid around Bonnie's fragile little form as a terrible, shooting pain stabs into the back of his head like someone has plunged an axe into his skull.

His arms fall down to the side of his body, and fuck, that hurts like hell.

He's vaguely aware of the shouts around him, but to be honest, the only thing he can focus on is how Bonnie's red-rimmed eyes widen in terror.

"MERLIN!" she screams in dread, the same time as the other guys start shouting rapidly in alarm,

"What the fuck have you done, Ken?!"

"Jesus Christ, you've shot him! Right in the head! You're completely insane, man?!"

"I'm not going to jail because of you, you shithead! I'm no fucking way going to jail!"

"Shut your bloody gobs, would you?!" Brown shouts back angrily. "Nobody's going to jail! We hide the body, chop it up and burn it, if we must, and nobody will ever find it!"

"But the girl–"

"Oh, for fuck's sake, just grab the chick and bring her to the…"

The sounds which were dull and distant-sounding at best up to this point are sharpening again, and Merlin blinks slowly, pulling himself back to reality from the dip, dazed state the pain put him in. He's aware of how Bonnie's crying, repeating his name again and again in a broken whisper, pleading and begging, and he's aware of how those bastards are talking about taking her away.

Taking her away…

No. Never. Over his dead body.

… Merlin almost laughs at that. Obviously, the odds are favouring him.

"That fucking HURT, you twat!" he groans loudly, touching the back of his head where hot, liquid wetness coats his palm. As soon as the words are out of his mouth, he can hear four sharp intake of breath simultaneously.

The way the entire place goes dead silent like every sound is sucked out of air is almost funny, except that considering the current situation, it really isn't.

Bonnie's the first one to recover. "Merlin?" she stammers, fear, wonder and hope making her voice tremble, and Merlin reaches out to touch a warm palm to her tear-soaked cheek. "You… You are alright? Really?"

"No. Fucking. Way!" someone – Brown, by the sound of it – shouts in disbelief before Merlin could answer her.

Merlin sends Bonnie a warm look before his expression transforms into that of a vengeful warrior. He lets his arms drop, stands up and brushes his trousers before turning around with a deliberately unhurried motion, ice-cold eyes falling one by one onto the seemingly petrified young men, finally settling down on Brown who's staring at Merlin with his mouth agape, face so white that he could be mistaken for a ghost.

… Maybe he'll turn just into that soon.

"You really have no idea who you've messed with, kid," Merlin says slowly, and his voice is practically dripping of barely guarded venom.

As if to support his point, lightning strikes the earth just behind Brown; an angry red flame sparks into life instantly, causing the stunned man to shriek and jump in shock and his two mates to moan in fear, pressing themselves to the nearest trees as if those would protect them from the warlock.

When Merlin takes a step towards Brown, he shudders visibly and tentatively raises his gun.

"Oh, you're not," Merlin says, eyes narrowing onto the violently shaking hand. "Once was enough, thank you." His eyes flicker, and Brown cries out in agony as his wrist breaks with a sickening crack, gun falling onto the ground uselessly.

He nears him, solidly closing the distance between himself and that sodding jerk as lightning continues striking to various places all the while, slowly setting up a fine wall of licking fire around the three bastards. His feet don't make any sound on the sloppy, wet ground; it's like he's floating, and he's vaguely aware that he (or Bonnie, for that matter) is not a bit soaked from the heavy rain, unlike the rest of them.

Brown outright squeals when Merlin comes to stand right in front of him. "Wha– What kind of monster are you?" he whimpers, dark eyes huge from fear as he takes in the formidable figure of the gold-eyed warlock.

Merlin doesn't need any time to think about his answer. "A protective one." And he shoves his fist into the guy's chest.

Visible, golden magic bursts out of Merlin's hand and curls itself chokingly around Brown's form, worms its way into the clothes, beneath the skin, and spreads out inside his body. Merlin grabs the soaked, black shirt of Brown and pulls him close; close enough so that he can pierce his eyes into Brown's own as he stares down hard at him without blinking.

"Merlin…?"

Merlin can hear the tentative, questioning voice of Bonnie not so far away from him, and he wishes he wouldn't have to do this in front of her. He's not killing the bastards, although he could do it with a snap of his fingers – no, he's only punishing them, but well enough so that they will never be able to forget about what they did this night.

Two brilliant trail of light stretch out of Merlin and surges to the side until they find the two other men who shriek and beg but can't do a thing to avoid magic hitting and connecting them to Brown, damning them to the same fate.

"You all are so full of your dick that you need to learn to live without it," Merlin starts in a dark, unforgiving tone, glowing eyes never leaving Brown's for a heartbeat as his magic corresponds eagerly to his words, working them true. "You will never have any use of it from now on. You will feel a sharp pain in your chest whenever you look at a female for more than five seconds, the pain increasing significantly the more you let your eyes linger." A beat. "The same goes for when you look at a male with certain intents."

"Physical touch will never bring you pleasure anymore, but that won't stop you from craving for it. You will turn into humble monks, my friends." Merlin all but spits the last word as he finally releases his hold on the man, who in turn gasps for air like he's just reached the surface of a lake he quite nearly drowned in. He and his pals look like they've just witnessed a bloody gore of a murder and the perpetrator himself is now standing right in front of them.

The storm has subsided by now but the flashes of lightning and the thunderous crashes in the sky remains. Merlin hasn't let out this much magic in what feels like forever, and he takes a moment to appreciate it, to let the raw power fill his body until it feels like it'll spill – he closes his eyes and lets it shine and blaze like the sun, making the trees and the earth beneath his feet sing with from welcoming the long-forgotten, ancient magic.

He blinks his eyes open and looks forward with a swift motion, and watches the trembling three men sternly as the wall of fire that was previously caused by the strikes of lightning opens a gate, revealing a pathway to the direction of the village.

"Disappear from my sight," Merlin hisses then, and they jump like they've been hit by a whip. "But remember this: you can't talk anyone about what happened here tonight. You can't talk about it, nor can you write or express it in any way, in any form. You will never be able to forget, however, for I will haunt your dreams every night and make you regret a thousand times over that you ever thought about touching and forcing an unwilling girl this way." He waits a moment, letting the words sink in before he steps to the side and indicates to the gate in the massive fire wall with his head. When they still don't dare to make a move, Merlin snaps impatiently, "I said bug off!"

And they don't need to be told a third time. They dash without looking back as though they're followed by an angry pack of wolves.

Merlin stares after them before taking a deep breath, and when he sighs, all the charged tension evaporates from his body. His magic stills and crawls back into him as he runs back to Bonnie and takes her hands to help her stand up.

"Oh, gods, Bonnie," he breathes when he discovers the bright red patches of blood on her tattered skirt and the similar dark smears on her inner tights. "I'm so sorry, I should have come sooner, I…" There are no words that can make it right, even though Merlin knows that he's not a seer, he couldn't have known – that he came the moment he noticed that something was amiss.

The girl is shaking wildly in front of him and when Merlin looks searchingly at her face, he's shocked to see the expression of sheer fear reflecting in her dark eyes. For a moment he freezes, terrified at the thought that with this display of extreme magic he made Bonnie scared of him beyond repair. Up till now she only ever saw him do lovely charms and useful little tricks, nothing this big and destructive… What if she's scared to the bones of him? What if she'll never trust him again? He'd promised to keep her safe after all, and failed…

Merlin's on the edge of hyperventilating when the stupor leaves them and Bonnie chokes out a sob before she throws her arms around Merlin and pulls him into an embrace.

"Oh my god, Merlin…" she sobs in a hardly comprehensible voice. New tears are streaming down her face and soaking the warlock's shirt. "Oh, god, I thought they've killed you, I thought I've lost you, I– I…" She bites on her lips to stop herself from crying, but she can't help it, just like she can't help the furious shaking of her body. When she continues, it's nothing more but a broken whisper, "I thought I've lost my only remaining family…"

And Merlin understands that Bonnie isn't scared of him – she's scared for him.

He hugs her close as he returns the embrace, and places a soft kiss on her forehead. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry." He turns his apology into a soothing mantra. "I'm so sorry, Bonnie."

They stand like there for a long time, clasping at each other until the ragged breathing of Bonnie finally calms down. She takes one last shaking breath and looks up at Merlin. "You came," she whispers, and Merlin can't fail to notice how her eyes shine like brilliant gemstones under a fine layer of wetness. "I was so afraid… I…."

Her voice falters and breaks, so Merlin takes her hand and presses another light pack at her forehead.

"And what if they don't do what you told them? What if they tell someone about you? If they..."

"They can't," Merlin interrupts in a firmly reassuring way. "I charmed them. They literally can't let others know about me, so don't worry. It's over now. Let us go home."

Bonnie makes a choking noise that could either be an agreeing hum or a sobbing sniff, but she leans onto Merlin as he winds his arm around her slender form and starts walking her out of the woods. The wall of fire is still present, though, so Merlin glances at it and attempts to make it disappear with a swish of his hand.

The fire however doesn't die out. Instead, it wobbles as if strong wind was running through its entire extent, and abruptly collapses to the ground – only to explode into a single giant flame the next moment, brighter and hotter than anything the warlock has ever seen before. The flame flutters and dances and actually sparks, and before Merlin and Bonnie's dumbfounded eyes, a pair of wings suddenly appear within the mass of fire, followed by a ruby-coloured head of a bird and immediately after, a red-golden feathered body.

The creature lifts its head and looks directly at Merlin, and he lets out a strangled moan of shock when he realizes that they've just witnessed the birth of an honest-to-god phoenix.

"Oh my goodness," Bonnie exclaims in a breathy voice, clearly fearful but still awed. "Is this a…?"

But Merlin can't seem to find the ability to answer because he's shocked right to his core. He had assumed that all magical creatures have already become extinct – and yet here is one, standing in front of him and what's more, looking him in the face while doing so. It's a shocking and wonderful and scary and beautiful… and absolutely indescribable moment.

And it just turns more all the more shocking when the phoenix bows its head slightly and the next moment a soft, silky voice starts ringing in Merlin's head. :: I greet you with honour, Emrys. ::

Bonnie lets out a tiny, surprised moan. Apparently, Merlin's head is not the only one were the voice appeared in.

"Wha– How did you–," Merlin stutters, completely taken aback. "I mean, I thought phoenixes reproduce the natural way and not just… just…"

:: We do, :: the phoenix answers calmly as it – he, by the sound of it – steps out of the flame, which then once again collapses onto the ground and disappears. :: But sometimes, very rare times, when natural fire mingles with powerful magic, the unique mix breeds a new life that is unlike the rest of us. :: He blinks slowly at Merlin. :: I am not a nestling, nor an elder. I hold all the memories, flaws and wisdom of my kind, and when I die, I will not be born again from my ashes. I am what we call an Enphionix – a phoenix of higher entity. I had been called forth by you, great Emrys, and for that I thank you. ::

"No," Merlin says instantly, shaking his head even before the phoenix finishes his speech. "I'm sorry, but had I known about this before I'd have been careful to not bring you to life. I don't mean to sound unappreciative but… you are not safe! The last magical creature I knew died more than three hundred years ago, and to my knowledge, she was the very last one. The world has changed drastically since the ages of your kind… there's hardly any magic left in it, and if humans learn about you, they'll try to capture you." Merlin takes a shaking breath. "I don't want that to happen to you. Can you hide away somewhere? Somewhere, where no one can find you and you'll be safe?"

The phoenix watches Merlin for a long time before he leans down at touches its beak to the earth for a second. Something flashes, and when the fire-bird next looks up, Merlin can see the answer in the amber pools of his eyes. :: Yes. I will hide in the mountains and make myself invisible for the duration of the years I have before me. ::

Merlin wants to reply in some way, he really wants, but his tongue feels heavy and numb inside his mouth. This is the first time he sees something from his old life – a being that is magic like himself, almost a kin – since Aithusa, and he should be happy, delighted even... but the only thing he feels is pure fear. Once again he caused a disturbance in sensitive balance of the world by bringing a long-forgotten being into life, and now he must condemn this beautiful creature into a long, lonely life of hiding because of his carelessness.

As if the he was reading Merlin's distressed thoughts, the phoenix says with a new breath, :: I am aware that my existence means a great discomfort to you, Emrys, but do not regret creating me. There might come a time when I can be off assistance to you, and if that time do come to pass, you will discover that nothing happens without a reason. ::

With his throat impossibly tight, Merlin can only manage a nod.

The phoenix opens his large, shining wings and bows again to Merlin before making a long glance at the petrified girl beside the warlock. :: Through the memories of my kind, I can remember that for a long time, phoenixes saw Emrys walk very alone and very pained. I am glad that you are here now, young lady, to put the smile back onto his face. He was in high need of that. ::

:: My name is Epheral, :: he says as he takes off, and for a second Merlin sees a bright stripe of dancing flame sparkling in the sky as Epheral flies higher and higher up. :: If our paths cross each other again, it will bring me great pleasure. :: And with a final blazing flash, he disappears.

Merlin gapes after him for a long time, and judging by the desperate grip of Bonnie, he thinks that she might be doing just that, too. After some time however, he becomes painfully aware of how they are alone now – alone with all the secrets Merlin couldn't quite confess up to this point now out into the open, swirling and rustling distractingly around them in the air.

He can feel Bonnie's long intake of breath, the way her fingers tremble as she releases her dead hold on Merlin, and panic fills Merlin's chest the third time this evening.

… But a second later it becomes apparent that Bonnie released him only to turn around, so that she can wrap her arms around Merlin's shoulders. Suddenly, her face falls like all the dreads of the past hours are just coming back to her after the shocking last-minute events, and she looks exhausted beyond measure.

She presses her forehead to Merlin's chest and nuzzles close as if looking for protection, like she did when she was a child. "Take me home, brother," she mutters quietly.

And Merlin does.

---

They don't stay at Marlow after that. Bonnie can't bear it, and if Merlin is honest, neither does he. They sell their house (undersell, more likely, but that doesn't really matter since Merlin had more than enough time to gather up a sufficient amount of savings) and everything they don't need, and the next month already finds them in Ferns, a quiet Northern-Ireland town in County Wexford.

They haven't really spoken about what happened that night, though Merlin was – and still is – anticipating it nervously. He knows Bonnie like his palm, and he's sure that the girl must have figured out everything by now, so he doesn't understand why she doesn't question him, why she doesn't address the matter like anyone else would. Maybe she thinks it's easier for Merlin like this, but it really isn't.

Maybe it's the same as with what those bastards did to her. Bonnie tells Merlin that a fellow classmate, Thomas asked her out that evening, and she went out with him without suspecting anything. It turned out that Brown and his mates paid that guy down to bring Bonnie to them.

Merlin doesn't track this Thomas bloke down, but only because Bonnie had made him promise not to.

She doesn't answer however when Merlin asked her if she would want him to restore what Kenneth Fucking Brown took away from her by force. She said she doesn't know; throwing away what is part of her is never justified, no matter how unwanted or ugly that part may be – is what Alice has always taught Bonnie. Merlin tells her that whenever she decides that she wants to, she just has to let him know and Merlin will do it in a second. Still, he has a sigh of relief when Bonnie doesn't say no to the spells that guarantee that any diseases or a potential child conceived by the unsought act will vanish without a trace.

Five months fly by, which they spend mostly with adjusting to their new place of home and leaving the fresh wounds heal. By this time, Merlin has given up on being on constant standby for the case if Bonnie suddenly decides that she does want to have that talk after all, and due to this, he's much calmer and decidedly less clumsier these days, not anticipating an attack on his sanity every other day.

… This is the reason for why he's absolutely not prepared for when Bonnie abruptly drops the bomb on his head in a nice, sunny afternoon.

"You're the real deal, aren't you?"

With his nose buried deep inside Sir Doyle's His Last Bow (which he reads for at least the umpteenth time but that doesn't stop him from being completely engulfed in the stories), Merlin doesn't actually pay attention the question at first.

"Mmm, yes…" He mumbles slowly, the question doesn't registering in his head at all. At the irritated puff of air however, which is usually the accompanying sign of Bonnie rolling her eyes, Merlin forces his attention away from the lines. "Sorry, what did you say?"

"I said I know that you're the real deal," Bonnie says loud and hard, looking determinedly at Merlin's rapidly paling face. "Not just someone who happened to be named after a great wizard… You are the great wizard. Am I right?"

The book falls from Merlin's suddenly frozen hands and falls to the ground with a sharp bang that seems to be sounding far louder than how it realistically should. Merlin blinks and gasps, but he can't really catch his breath because his lungs are suddenly so tight and pained as if an overweight hippopotamus was currently stomping on them cheerfully to the rhythm of La Marseillaise.

"I'm…" And that's it – the question he's been anticipating for months, the question to which he has a long and detailed speech prepared in at least five differently altered variations, one of which he planned to put into use depending on the type of situation in which Bonnie brings the issue up… yet now that she does bring it up, Merlin finds himself gaping like a fish out of water, his well-practised pre-invented speech slipping away from his brain like it was never even there. "I…"

"No, let me talk."

Bonnie sits down on the couch in front of Merlin's armchair with an earnest expression on her face, but the tense folding of her hands and the way she worries his lower lip with her teeth tells Merlin that she's just as nervous about having this conversation as he is.

"I have kind of already suspected it," she starts, not quite looking into Merlin's face but not completely averting her eyes, either. "Even before… that happened. For all your nice and cheerful personality, there was always something dark and heavy around you, something that I could feel but not grasp… something that I knew you didn't want to talk about. You wanted to lock it and keep it away from me, like your birthday and age, your numerous aliases and old friends and family… Even as a child, I knew that you only let bits of your past slip and I learnt not to ask. You were my saviour, after all," she adds with a small shrug and a light smile. "You still are."

"At school, we used to talk about Arthurian legends with my literature teacher. She told us about the great wizard Merlin who had so immense power that he could control the forces of nature – make the sky crash at his will, get flowers blossom in the middle of winter and have raindrops freeze midway in the air. I thought it was funny, how you're a wizard yourself and named after such a person, and I really wanted to know if you could do things like that, too, but I never dared to ask."

Bonnie wets her lips and looks down at her hands which have somewhat stilled now that she has warmed up to talking. She seems lost in her thoughts, as if she's trying to go over the thousands of things that are circling restlessly in her head, and when she finally looks up, Merlin can see that the light smile that teased her lips while she was reminiscing about her younger days has all but disappeared by now, being replaced something heavy and sad.

"After that what happened with Kenneth," she continues in a quieter voice, "I realized I was deliberately ignorant about the whole issue, trying to hold onto the pretence of having a carefree, wonderful older brother who happened to have charming magical tricks up in his sleeves. I didn't want to see how you could be something so much more... someone that I wouldn't be able to have and keep. I was afraid that if I confirm that you are the same powerful hero of the ancient world legends and myths are full of, I lose my chance to have you and you will have to leave me. I'm still afraid of that, to be honest," she adds, and it doesn't escape Merlin's notice how her voice trembles at that. "I'm scared of the thought that I could lose you who have become my brother in everything but blood. But… I won't be ignorant anymore."

Merlin is absolutely abashed by the sheer force of determination that outshines fear in Bonnie's dark brown eyes. He takes in the tense set of her mouth, the way her fingers grip the folds of her skirt, and he knows that no matter what happens, what Bonnie says to him after, he will never leave her alone if that's not what she wants.

"After we have moved here, I started frequenting at the local library. I tried to dig up everything I could on Arthurian legends so I could confirm once and for all if I'm crazy for thinking if you're a thousand years old sorcerer or not. But it wasn't… Books didn't really help me. You know, old texts say absolutely nothing about whether the great wizard Merlin was a lame cook, who snored awfully loud whenever he got flu. Whether he messed up the lines everyone knew while puppet-playing to kids. Whether he was really terribly clumsy, and had ears that would make Dumbo jealous…"

She cracks a small laugh and to Merlin's utter shock he spots the shine of unshed tears in Bonnie's eyes when she looks at him, smiling while being on the edge of crying. As she keeps on talking, her voice become impossibly tight from emotions and it makes Merlin feels strangely overcome by feelings.

"But the texts do say that he had the kindest of hearts," Bonnie says, watery eyes never leaving Merlin's, "and the gentlest of souls. That he was powerful but compassionate, and so very humble that he never ever took any credit for all the good things he did for Camelot. That in the beginning, he was only a mere servant, but with time he became the most trusted friend and advisor of King Arthur. That he helped him build his kingdom, and when King Arthur died in a battle, Merlin too had all but disappeared and, presumably, died in solitary."

"But then I found this book that speaks about an accompanying legend. It says…" Bonnie bites on her lip and puts her hand on Merlin's, and only then the warlock realizes just how very much he's shaking. He tries to stop it, tries to make himself calm down but he can't, he really can't. Blood drums madly in his ears, and Merlin almost misses what Bonnie whispers next. "It says that Merlin hasn't really died, because he was none other than Emrys – the mighty figure of ancient Druid prophecies who was told to be one side of a set that would bring Britain to glory twice through the ages, with the other side being King Arthur. It says that even though Arthur was a mortal man, when he lost his life, he was put into an age-long sleep at an otherworldly place called Avalon, so that he can rise again when his land needs him the most. It says that Merlin was promised Arthur's return, so he left… and started his lonely, ageless wandering around the world, always, always waiting for his King…"

His eyes sting, even though Merlin has thought that he doesn't have any tears left for his old life. His nails dig painfully into his palms as he clenches his fists, and he can't swallow for the heavy lump in his throat, can't properly breathe for the crushed feeling of his lungs.

Bonnie throws her arms around his neck and pulls him close, and it's strange and weird because it was always Merlin who'd pulled the girl close for comfort, not the other way around. He can hear Bonnie's shaky intake of breath in synch with his own laboured breathing, can feel the soft caress of the end her long braid on his skin.

Bonnie's practically crying as she chokes out, "I didn't want that to be true. I didn't want to accept that you could be the same Merlin because it would mean that you had to endure life for such a long time I can't even bear thinking about it… that you had to watch everyone around you wither away and die, leaving you all by yourself… I didn't want that because that would mean that I, too… that I will– that the same thing will happen to you again, and I don't want that, Merlin, I don't want that!"

Merlin wraps her arms around Bonnie and hugs her back earnestly, shaking as he feels her wet cheeks sliding against his neck. "I don't want to make you go through that again! I've always thought I was so fortunate for having you find me, but if I accept who you are, I also must face the truth of that by choosing to stay with me and coming to care for me, you have put your heart at the risk of getting it broken again, and I don't want to hurt you, Merlin, I… I don't want to hurt you. But I will! I will–"

"Ssh…", Merlin breathes out, and even that quiet sound is so scratchy and raspy that he shudders. "Bonnie, I… Please, don't think that for a second. I never once regretted coming to know you, coming to love you. Yes, I've lost many people I cared for, but… but it always worth it at the end, because my memories of them will always be with me. I…" He takes a deep breath, and slowly lets it out. His hand comes to rest on her wet cheek, and he forces her to look into his eyes as he speaks. "Bonnie, I can't even begin to tell how much you've given me. I'm the fortunate one for finding you, and I will be forever grateful that I was granted this chance of knowing you. Unless you send me away… if you want me to stay with you… I will do so for as long as you live, and I won't be sad at having my heart broken, because that will mean that I had something precious before." He manages a teary smile at the girl. "I'm sorry for not telling you sooner."

Bonnie shakes her head and sniffs. "I understand. It was hard for me, coming to accept it, so I understand it must have been four times as hard for you. But why–" She sniffs and sobs again and quickly scrubs at her reddened eyes. "Why would you think I would ever send you away? You know I love you like family."

"Yeah, of course I know, but still…" Embarrassment and lingering fears make Merlin cringe uncomfortably. "I was afraid that once you learn who I am, you'll be scared of me. I didn't… I wanted to avoid that at any cost. That night when… when that happened, I saw fear in your eyes directed at me for the first time, and you've no idea what that did to me." The confession burns his tongue like acid as he remembers the terrified look on Bonnie's face. "I know now that you were scared for and not of me, but… still, I couldn't let that happen. And then the whole thing just came out to the air nothing like the way I wanted it, and then you never spoke about it after, and I just…" His voice halts, Merlin not being sure how he'd want to finish the sentence.

Bonnie looks searchingly at his face. "You thought the reason I haven't brought it up sooner was… this? That I was scared of you?"

"Dunno." Merlin lowers his eyes. "I couldn't be sure. Nobody would judge you for getting scared. I did get a hole in my head, after all."

Even though it must be a terrible memory for Bonnie, Merlin's happy to note that she can manage a gasping-chuckling sound at that. "Yes, well. That wasn't a very nice sight."

When Merlin doesn't really reciprocate the light tease of a smile, Bonnie takes Merlin's hands and looks fiercely into his eyes.

"Merlin, the only reason I haven't brought it up sooner is because firstly I had to come to terms with it. If I had known it was eating your heart out like that, honestly, I wouldn't have waited this much. There's one thing we have to get into that thick skull of yours, though: I would never be afraid of you. Okay?" She leans in and places a light peck on Merlin's cheek. "'Once I learn who you are'… What on earth, Merlin? I know who you are! You're the kindest, sweetest person ever to walk the globe, and a bit of a dolt, really, but you wouldn't hurt a fly without a good reason. Yes, you have terrific power and you could probably make people blow up just by twitching your eyebrow… but the important bit? You don't do that. Even Kenneth and his buddies… What they did was more than enough to have someone else kill them on the spot, and after what Kenneth did to you I'm not sure even I would have stopped you from finishing them off. But still you didn't." She caresses his face for a moment, the heaviness finally leaving her expression when she smiles. "So, you see, I really have no reason to be afraid of you."

Merlin sighs out one last deep breath, and with that, all of his fears melt away into contented happiness. His whole body feels so light with relief that he thinks he might just start floating like a balloon. It's so different from his first and last great confession… that time all he got was rejection, hurt and fear. Merlin never wanted to hurt Arthur, much less make the him fear him, and it's only now that he's survived confessing to Bonnie… only now does he dare to admit that he was terrified of getting same reaction from the girl.

Sure, Arthur forgave him in the end, after he had time to understand and accept. But then he died. With Bonnie, Merlin will make sure that it ends differently. They still have much time ahead of them… And yes, it will cause an unimaginable amount of pain to lose Bonnie too in the end, but Merlin didn't lie when he said it will worth it. He got used to dealing with watching his loved ones go many centuries ago. It never gets less painful, but maybe a bit easier, once he learns how to handle the loss.

"So," Bonnie starts, after she blows her nose loudly and offers a clean handkerchief to Merlin, which he reluctantly (and very embarrassedly) accepts, "will you tell me about your life before I met you?" When their eyes met, she hastily adds, "You don't have to, if you don't want to. I just… I just want you to know that I'd be happy to listen. You can't tell me anything that would make me love you any less, you know."

And Merlin nearly weeps again as love fills his heart so much that he thinks it might tear apart from fullness. He never realized how much he missed this – having this kind of honest and raw connection with another being. With Aithusa, they never talked about the love they felt for each other. It was just there, an unsaid secret between the two of them that they hadn't the need to address because they could feel it day and night whenever they were connected. With Bonnie, it's different: more human, and therefore more fragile. It's odd how Merlin feels more related to a dragon then he feels to a human, but maybe that's just because he and Aithusa both were broken relicts of a long-forgotten time. However, Bonnie is born of this world, and that she's willing to share it with Merlin is so astonishingly wonderful that he can't help but laughing out loud.

He still laughs when he wraps an arm around Bonnie and pulls her close, so they're pressed side-to-side in Merlin's armchair that really wasn't designed to the breadth of two people, and the goofy smile doesn't leave his face for the rest of the afternoon.

Sherlock Holmes' adventures all but forgotten, Merlin tells Bonnie stories about his life in Ealdor, his life in Camelot and then his life in various spots of the Earth. He feels light-headed in a way that is almost like being pissed, but it's a good kind of feeling, an easing kind of feeling. He can't remember the last time he went all nostalgic without feeling the constant throb of heartache in his chest. It's like it doesn't even hurt now when he shares it with Bonnie. Like he's just found an old photo album he didn't even remember of, and now pleasure makes his heart swell as he flips through the pages.

At Bonnie's request, he talks about Arthur as well, and really, it's like visiting an old friend whom he still misses dearly but can see past the pain of not being by his side.

Merlin does his best to destroy the girl's clearly over-esteemed opinion of Arthur by telling her stories about how he was a right prat, always ordering Merlin around and never once listening to him ("Yet always blaming me for whenever lightning came struck for his own hard-headedness – see what happened with the unicorn, with Aggravaine and Mordred, and a thousand things in between that I warned him of!"), how he never dared to stand up to his father, and danced around a whole lot of ridiculous women before finally proposing to Gwen ("Everybody called her Gwen, she preferred that, too, yet that posh git was always going about 'Guinevere, Guinevere', like it was hotter"), how he would chase Merlin with a skinning-knife whenever Merlin reminded him the time Arthur got turned into a half-donkey hybrid ("That was bloody hilarious, I'll never forget that one!"), and how he was actually pouting like someone has just kicked his puppy when he lost to Merlin in a dice game.

Bonnie chuckles and laughs and snorts together with Merlin, and as the man eases into talking, he doesn't even notice when his Let's Wreck King Arthur's Image campaign gradually loses its bite. All he knows is that one minute he's talking about Arthur's imaginary but oh-so-amusing obesity, and in the next he's bragging about how a really great and noble man Arthur was, always putting the interests of his kingdom above anything else; how compassionate and honourable he was, with a deep-rooted trust in others that was unbelievable considering the way he tended to surround himself with people who ended up betraying him in one way or another; how he made Merlin proud and happy by becoming the King he's always wanted to serve, the truest friend he's ever had, the most wonderful, gorgeous and admirable man he'll always–

"Merlin?"

Merlin breaks off in mid-sentence, blinking down at Bonnie like he's forgotten that she's there and was actually talking to himself loudly. The girl is leaning close to him, one arm thrown casually around his hip as she looks up at Merlin with a light, secret – almost teasing, but really too solemn for that – smile on her lips. "You're in love with Arthur."

It's not a question, not by far – just a simple observation stated with honesty and a bit of shyness, and Merlin's breath hitch when he realizes just how besotted he must have sounded. He blushes a furious shade of red that has Bonnie grinning like she's just received an early birthday present.

"Yeah," Merlin breathes, because he doesn't see the point in denying the obvious. "Yeah, I am."

And maybe it's all a bit too much for one day, because doubts and fears start clawing at his heart again, dangerous what-ifs and nervous oh-my-gods that have Merlin on the verge of hyperventilating – again…

Until Bonnie laughs out loud and that breaks the final stupor.

"Are you kidding me?" she asks cheerfully, winking up at Merlin with joyed stars glimmering in the warm chocolate of her eyes. "I have an immortal, thousand-year-old gay wizard for a brother! How much cooler I can get?!"

And that makes Merlin join in with her laughing.

---

Merlin doesn't like the idea that a being so similar to him should be alone its entire life. He knows it better than anyone how lonely and painful that can be.

So the next time there is a storm at night, he goes out into the forest, alone, gathers together a bundle of dry leaves and directs nature so that a lightning strikes right at the centre of it. It should be strange, how natural it feels to control the elements of the world, but it really isn't. It comes to him like breathing, and it doesn't leave his heart beating crazy and his blood flowing insanely like that one time when he clashed with Nimueh. It was a hundredth times easier when he controlled lightning on the night of the Battle of Camlann, but now… it's a millionth times more. Not a bit trickier than flicking a candle to light.

When the leaves hiss and a small fire flares up on them, Merlin extends his hand – only out of habit, mind you – and hits the orange flames with a wave of gentle but powerful magic.

He doesn't even think about not succeeding, because, honestly. How could he not?

The flames collapse and then immediately flash into new life, dancing vividly as the new life is created within its warm cocoon. When the amber eyes of the new-born Enphionix open and look directly at him, Merlin bows his head slightly and lowers his arm.

:: Greetings, Emrys, :: the phoenix – a female this time – says, silken voice echoing long inside Merlin's head as she steps out of the fire which then quickly disappears. :: I am Sphera. ::

"Hello, Sphera," Merlin answers. "I wanted… I don't know, are you aware of everything that has happened, as well?"

Sphera closes her eyes. :: I know what has happened to my kind, and I also feel the presence of a kin of mine. Yes… :: The eyes open. :: You have brought him to life by accident. Me, on the other hand, on purpose. ::

"Yes. I didn't want him to be completely alone, so I created you. Can you find him?"

:: Can one half of a pair of wings find its other half? ::

Merlin takes that as a yes. "Then go to him, please."

Sphera bows her head in the warlock's direction and disappears with a flash.

---

The first time Bonnie fell in love, she was ten. Merlin thought it was sweet how she and – what was his name? Bobby? Toby? – the object of her crush went to school hand in hand. When the girl came home with a flower pinned into his hair, practically beaming, Merlin cooked her hot cocoa and sat down with her to listen to how Bobby/Toby started courting her. The children's dating went on for exactly three weeks, after which they mutually decided that they have more love for playing and they should resume being only great friends.

When Bonnie falls in love the next time, she's seventeen, really not a child anymore, and Merlin knows that he must take it seriously this time. When a blushing Bonnie tells Merlin that Eugene Turner has asked her out to dinner, Merlin's stomach does things that it didn't do the last time when she went playing in the sand with Bobby/Toby.

He knows that Bonnie has changed a lot after that thing with Kenneth Brown. She somewhat lost her trust in men, became wary of them and so if she sees something in this Eugene, than Merlin should trust her judgement. He should be glad that Brown couldn't manage to scar her for life.

When Merlin finally meets Bonnie's beau, all of his previous worries fly away within an instant. Eugene is a gentle and nice young lad, only two years older than Bonnie, and a journalist at the same publisher where Bonnie has just started working at. The tall, ginger-haired man is polite and respectful, and Merlin is all but delighted when Eugene himself states that he'll bring Bonnie home by ten. He's all lovely and clearly head over heels in love with Bonnie, so Merlin puts only the smallest of tracking charms on him. (There's still such a thing as precaution.)

Merlin waits up for Bonnie that night, and when she comes home, there seem to be a permanent flush to her cheeks.

The first successful rendezvous is followed by several others, and so Merlin really shouldn't be surprised when one night in the week of Bonnie's eighteenth birthday she storms into Merlin's room screaming, "He proposed to me! Merlin, he proposed to me!"

Merlin, who's somewhat fallen asleep in the middle of translating a Russian book and now sports a bright red print line on his forehead, stretches. "Who pro'ssed wha'?" he yawns.

"Eugene! Eugene proposed to me, aren't you listening?"

"Eugene proposed..." And suddenly, he's not drowsy at all. "What? Eugene proposed to you?!"

Bonnie rolls her eyes, but the grin doesn't quite leave her face. "That's what I was saying, you daft!"

"Oh my god," Merlin breathes. "I'm marrying you off. I'm marrying you off! I mean, you certainly said yes, haven't you? Eugene's as good of a guy as you can get, even better, and you're clearly smitten so you'd be a fool to turn him down. Oh, but I can't make speeches at the wedding, I'd fret, you have to ask someone from Eugene's side for that. And the meal, Christ! Whatever will we serve to the guests? How many guests are you inviting, anyway? Maybe we won't even fit in the…"

"Good grief, Merlin, don't you start going all hyper before me!" Bonnie shouts and springs at Merlin, laughing.

They end up sitting on the carpet, with their backs leaning against the side of Merlin's bad, both panting heavily from laughing and tackling with each other.

"I guess a congratulations is in order, isn't it?" Merlin asks after a while, making a side-glance at Bonnie.

"I guess." Bonnie makes a small, happy laugh, but then the smile withers from her face. She drops her eyes, and when she next speaks, her voice is really quiet. "Merlin, I… I wanted to talk to you. About, well."

Merlin moves closer to her instinctively. "What is it?"

"If we really get married with Eugene, then… Well. You know. My– my wedding night."

Bonnie won't meet his eyes, staring a hole into the carpet, and Merlin can kind of understand that because "Bonnie" and "wedding night" and "all the things implied" together in his head are just a bit too much for him. For a moment he starts fretting that she's asking for certain details, but that can't be because they've been through the "birds and the bees" talk before she hit puberty, long before that thing with Brown…

Oh.

"Is this about Kenneth Brown?" Merlin asks as gently as he can, and he can see Bonnie sucking her lips in.

"Yes."

"I can still do that spell, that repair I offered back then," he says quickly and reassuringly. "It wouldn't take a second, and Eugene wouldn't have to know. You know; if you don't want him to."

"But that's just it – I want him to know! I…" Bonnie sighs before finally lifting her chin to look at Merlin. "I thought it through tons of times, and I decided that I won't have you do that, simply because for all your magic you can't give back my innocence. Not when you can't erase it from my head." She tenses for a moment. "Well, you could, probably, but…"

"I wouldn't ever, you know that."

"Yes, I know. What I'm trying to say is that the way Kenneth forced me has left a scar in me, and you can make it invisible, you can make it undetectable, but it will still be there. I want Eugene to understand me, to know exactly why he gets what he gets in place of what he's surely anticipating… and for that, I need to be honest."

Merlin puts his arm around her shoulders and she leans into him instantly. "So you're going to tell him?"

"Yes." Bonnie draws her legs up and stares at her feet absently. "Do you think I shouldn't?"

"No. I think you choose to be very brave and absolutely admirable. He'll understand it. He's a good guy," Merlin adds, and he's sure that Bonnie understands it clearly just how much of a blessing it is. "And what about you? Are you… Well, you'll be alright?"

Teeth scrape against her lower lip. "I hope so. I'm… scared, to be honest. That first time didn't exactly leave me with pleasant memories. But… I want to. You know. Be with him." She swallows, and a small smile finally finds its way back to her face. "I love him."

"Yeah, I know," Merlin answers with a smile of his own. "He's one lucky guy."

They keep sitting on the carpet for a few couple of minutes in silence before Bonnie slowly lifts her head from where it had been resting against Merlin's shoulder and looks at him with a strange expression. "I… Um. Merlin, do you feel up to being brave with me?"

"What do you mean?"

"I want to tell him about you, too."

Merlin nearly chokes on his own tongue. He can sense that Bonnie is watching him warily, so he tries to get back his composure while the girl (well, young woman, really, even if it's hard for Merlin to admit it) starts with a hasty explanation, "We don't have to tell him everything like you did with me. I just only want him the have a general idea about who you are – 'Merlin, the ageless warlock and clutz of our century'. If I marry him, it won't be just the two of us anymore. He'll be family. And family members don't lie to each other."

"It wouldn't be lying! Just… not telling the exact truth." He sighs when he sees the dark scowl Bonnie regards him with. "Okay, I get what you're saying, but… Have you really thought it through? What if he freaks out? You couldn't blame him. And if he decides that he's better off without you because of me…"

"He won't," Bonnie interrupts firmly, and there is so much blindingly obvious faith in her voice that Merlin can't help but shut up. "I mean, he may freak out at first, that's not to be unexpected, but he won't leave me because of you. He might need time, but eventually, he'll understand. He's a good guy." The playful wink she's giving Merlin while echoing his words from before doesn't go unnoticed. "That's why I love him."

Merlin leans back until his head lies on the bed, and he gazes at the ceiling pensively so long that when he next look at Bonnie, he finds her kneeling and watching him worriedly.

"Come on, Merlin," she says at last, one hand coming to rest on Merlin's. "Be brave with me."

The warlock closes his eyes, but his hand folds itself around Bonnie's. "But I'll let you know that if this does end up in a disaster, you'll be cooking me Italian for the rest of your life."

Bonnie's grin is positively blinding. "Deal."

---

It doesn't end up in a disaster. Eugene takes it relatively well when "Russell" and Bonnie sit him down in the living room with a large pot of tea and a bit of brandy. Bonnie starts talking, and though she doesn't go into details, she tells him everything that she thinks he needs to know. Merlin's oddly nervous even though he finds comfort in the thought that if all hell breaks loose, he can wipe the boy's brain clear of this conversation anytime.

But it never comes to that. Eugene's first reaction is disbelief, then (after a small display of magic which includes a floating pot that fills Eugene's cup with hot tea all on its own) absolute shock, which then quickly evolves into outright excitement as he exclaims, "Wow, that's so cool! I bet it comes handy in everyday life!"

Bonnie bursts in laugh, and practically flies to Eugene's open arms, pressing a big kiss on his smiling mouth. "I think I have just fallen in love with you again."

They are both blushing like the enamoured lovebirds they are, and it does not help when Merlin mockingly groans and covers his eyes. "Please refrain from progressing things to X-rated in my presence or I will not be able to look my little sister in the eye anymore!"

Eugene flushes an even brighter shade, Bonnie however drops her eyes.

Oops. They still have to have another conversation, Merlin remembers, one which that does not concern him however, so he gets up, takes his empty teacup and excuses himself. "I'll leave you kids to yourselves, then. I'll be in my room if I'm needed."

"Russell!" Eugene shouts after him, to which Merlin halts and looks back at the guy with raised eyebrows. "I mean… Merlin. Sorry, it will take a while to get used to that." The warlock waves the apology away and motions for Eugene to continue. "I just wanted to thank you for trusting me. Not only with your secret… but with Bonnie as well. I promise that I will never let you down. I will never let her down."

Merlin just stands there, staring hard, as if he's sizing the man up, and somehow it's like he sees the boy for the first time and yet feels like he's known him forever. He takes Eugene in from the perfectly combed, ginger-coloured hair to the black-framed glasses and the determined face, the way the tip of his ears are still bright red, and Merlin knows that he really couldn't have asked for more for Bonnie. They're in love, and they'll be happy.

"I know," he answers softly after a long while, and it doesn't escape his notice how Eugene lets out a relieved sigh at his words. "I really know. Because, frankly, I can't imagine you fancying yourself my toilet brush for the rest of your sorry life in the case you do end up abusing my trust after all."

It's highly amusing to watch how Eugene's face falls so low that his jaw practically touches the floor, and a stunned and even fearful expression fills his face… until he discovers the playful glitter of mirth in Merlin's eyes which makes him promptly realize that the warlock was just teasing him.

… Well, mostly.

Merlin hums cheerfully to himself as he goes back to his room, takes out his violin from its case and after a few adjusting moments, starts playing the first movement of Vivaldi's Violin Concerto in A Minor (L'Estro Armonico Op. 3, Concerto number 6, RV 356, to be completely precise.)

Before he loses himself completely to the melody, he silently wishes Bonnie luck.

---

Bonnie and Eugene get married after the last of the winter frost leaves, at the first sunny day of springtime.

The last wedding Merlin attended was both joyous and harrowing, so to speak: he had to watch as someone he loved dearly got married to someone he loved – and still loves – more than his own life. The royal wedding of Camelot was a grand and shining occasion, with more food and drink he'd ever seen in his life, and he remembers quite clearly that he was the one who had to make stupid excuses for His Royal Arseness who got so pissed in the first wee hours of his newly-wed life that Merlin had to hide him from Gwen for hours until he more-or-less sobered up.

Bonnie and Eugene's wedding is much smaller (the attendants being Bonnie's only relative, Merlin; Eugene's only relative, his widowed mother, Helen; their mutual friends and colleagues from the publisher; and last but not the least three friends of Merlin from the cake shop he works at – so really no more than fifteen person altogether), but with this small number, the ceremony has an intimate, homely feel to it which makes it much lovelier than any grand occasion could feel.

"Oh, Russell, Bonnie looks beautiful," Helen whispers to Merlin as they both watch the bride and the groom with a touched smile on their faces. "And I've never seen Eugene this happy. I wish Jack could see them!"

Merlin knows by now that Helen's late husband, Jack Turner, fought in both World Wars and lost his life on the battlefield during the Second. He can offer no comfort for the woman, but he touches her shoulder for a second. "I'm sure he'd say the same. Just like our parents would," he adds, thinking about Alice and Roger, and even little Carl – people Merlin never met, but he keeps wishing he could now even for a second so they could see what a wonderful young women Bonnie grow up to be.

Bonnie is indeed beautiful in her snow-white wedding dress, her shining ebony hair braided into a complex bun on her nape and decorated with the flower-shaped silver barrettes she got as a present from Helen, a constant pink flush present on her cheeks. Eugene is really quite handsome and perfect as he stands by her side and keeps glancing at her like he can't believe it even now that he got so lucky as to win her over, like she's the most precious thing in the world… and Merlin feels extremely fond of the guy for looking at Bonnie with such an open and expressive love.

Merlin steels himself and does not cry during the ceremony (well, maybe he tears up a tiny little bit, but that's just because Helen is sobbing and weeping without a break next to him, so it's really not his fault), and later that night he's the first one to dance with Bonnie at the dinner party.

"I'm so proud of you," he says softly after kissing her cheek. "You're beautiful, Mrs Turner. Would it be really lame of me to be sort of jealous of Eugene for having you completely to himself now?"

"Belatedly developed sister-complex? Absolutely lame," Bonnie says with the same wide grin that has been plastered to her face since the priest proclaimed them married. "And besides, you are aware that he didn't really take me away from you, don't you? I'm not changing family. I'm just expanding it."

"Yeah, I know." Merlin says, but he has to fight back the sigh that wants to escape his mouth when he thinks about a confession he's due to make to the new married couple. "I'm sorry, it's just… strange. I have never married anyone off like this before."

Bonnie's smile is pretty and brilliant. "Well, I have never got married before either, but so far, I rather enjoy the feeling."

They finish the dance, and Merlin gives Bonnie's hand to the next dance suitor before walking to the corner where he spots Archie and Sally, his mates from work.

"Hi, Russ," Sally greets him with a warm smile. "I think I haven't congratulated you yet."

"Oh, never mind," Merlin says, laughing. "Have you seen Gary? He promised me a beer," he looks at his watch, "half an hour ago. Where the hell did he disappear to?"

"I reckon I saw him pestering a friend of your sis," Archie says with a malicious chuckle. "Poor girl has all but fled to the restroom."

"I told you it was a bad idea inviting him," Sally chippers in. "He hasn't got any social manners. What were you thinking?"

Merlin shrugs and admits, "He paid me."

"In what? Marzipan cupcakes?"

"Hey! That only happened once, and I though we agreed on not mentioning it again!", he exclaims, and he seriously hopes that he can blame the light heating of his face on the champagne and his current anger, and not on embarrassment. Besides, she's not even right – it wasn't marzipan cupcakes. (Gary appeared in his doorstep with three large boxes full of caramel milk fudge candies, to be honest, but Merlin would bite his tongue off sooner than admitting it to Sally.)

He thinks he can't fool them though. After Archie and Sally stop chuckling at last, the woman turns to Merlin with a suddenly serious expression. "Have you finally told Bonnie that you are leaving?"

His embarrassment and discomfort escalates. "Not really. I mean… No. I haven't. Yet."

"Russell! What on earth are you waiting for?"

"She's right, you know," Archie joins in, and Merlin shots him a very dark look because honestly, he thought he could count on at least this man on not chivvying him. "You quit your job weeks ago!"

"I know, I know. I just didn't want to… You know what she was like this last month, always floating with happiness. I figured my grand announcement can wait until we're finished with the wedding at least."

Sally crosses her arms in front of her bosom and regards Merlin with a sharp stare that raises goose bumps on his body. "Well, it's your sister and brother-in-law… The wedding's over, you can start explaining yourself tomorrow."

Merlin sucks in his lip and in that moment he spots Gary approaching them with a nasty grin and two large jugs of beer.

"If I survive my hangover," Merlin adds with a groan that has both Archie and Sally laughing.

---

"What do you mean by that you're leaving?" she demands on a slightly panicked voice that has Merlin cringing like a child caught stealing in a shop. "Are you really leaving us? You can't do that, you promised me that you won't unless I–"

"Bonnie, calm down, it's not– it's not like that, I swear!"

One and a half week has passed since the wedding. Bonnie and Eugene have just returned from their honeymoon and Merlin (who has spent the last week with being sick to his stomach and rehearsing his leaving speech) finally forced himself not to chicken away.

Unfortunately, Bonnie took the news in the exact way Merlin predicted it: badly.

"I told you I don't want anything to change! You're still my brother, I still need you and I don't want you to go away…" She breaks off, and Eugene's right there by her side in an instant to pull her into his embrace. "Merlin, why do you want to leave us?"

"You totally misinterpreted my intention," Merlin says quietly. "I really am not leaving you. I never could – you're my family. But think it through, Bonnie: you've just married this wonderful guy. Surely you don't want me hovering around while you guys are easing into this newly married life?" Eugene's face heats up at his words and he glances at Merlin, but the warlock indicates not the interrupt him. "And despite what you seem to be thinking, you don't need me anymore. You have grown up, and you have a loving husband now who will protect you in my place. I won't disappear from your lives, I swear – I wouldn't want to. But I need to go on; I need to keep on expanding my universe until…" He takes a deep breath, and he knows there's no need for him to finish the sentence because all of them knows perfectly well what (or rather, whom) he's talking about… but he still wills himself to say it out. "Until Arthur returns."

"But you won't know when will that happen," Bonnie counters silently, and Merlin might just hate her a little bit in that moment for stabbing that dagger in him, even if he understands that she doesn't do it to cause him pain but to stop him from leaving. "And you said you never liked travelling around. You said you liked it here."

"I do like it here. But it's not the travelling I disliked… it was the feeling of being constantly alone, separated from everyone else. You can't even begin to imagine what a wonderful present you gave me, how I feel in every moment I think about how I have a home now where I can return to. That's more than enough for me." He steps closer to the young woman, who lifts her head up from where it had been resting against her husband's chest and looks up at Merlin with unshed tears in her eyes. "And I will come back home. Frequently. I promise."

"Where will you go?" Eugene asks, still caressing Bonnie's back soothingly, and Merlin is glad for the slight distraction.

"To the States, eventually. I've only ever been there during the early years of colonization, after all; I really want to see it myself what had become of it. But first I have to make a short trip back to England." He thinks about his place beside the Lake, and warmth creeps into his chest.

Silence falls down on them, and it stays for long moments Bonnie reluctantly breaks it.

"The States are really far away," she says quietly. "You couldn't come home often."

"I could in every third or fourth month for at least a week. But trust me, once you settle in with Eugene, you won't even notice my absence."

"That's not true. How could it be?"

Merlin almost can't hold back the smile that threatens to break out on his face when Bonnie starts pouting. Suddenly, it's like the mature woman was completely gone and she was a small child again who's afraid of letting go of her big brother's hand.

Merlin touches Bonnie's arm and she flies from Eugene's embrace to Merlin's in a second, her arms wrapping themselves strongly around the man. Merlin returns the hug firmly and presses a light peck on the top of her head. "You can't honestly believe that I would leave you if I thought for a second that you still needed my constant protection and guidance."

"…No," Bonnie agrees after a sigh. "You wouldn't. It's just… weird. Thinking about how you won't be here always."

"I know. It's weird for me, too. But I trust you, both of you, so you should trust me as well."

"Aaand, before we get really embarrassingly emotional," Merlin says then with a new breath, swallowing down the tight feeling that was making itself detectible in his throat," I have some presents for you."

He sits the young ones down on the couch and sprints for his room, only to emerge with his hands full of folders and papers, all of which he then promptly drops down on the desk in front of the couple. (It was a fully intended move on his part; he wasn't tripping in his own feet again like Bonnie says he did.)

"There," Merlin says, grinning down at the others like Santa Claus on Christmas Eve. "It's my wedding present for you. A bit belated, I know, but I was holding it back for the right time."

Eugene's the first one to move. He picks up the heavy folder that's on the top of the pile and curiously flips through the documents inside. Merlin can see the exact moment realization hits him.

"Merlin, are these…?"

"Yup!"

"What? What are these?" Bonnie demands, and she quickly snatches the papers away from her spouse's hands. After hastily reading through them, her eyes widen and she nearly drops the folder down from her lap. "Christ, Merlin! You have… You've transferred the deed to the house… to us?!"

"Sure!" Merlin confirms, grinning. "It's all yours now, with all goods inside, including the piano, the television set and the radio. Just like the car and the contents of my bank account."

"What?" Bonnie shrieks in disbelief.

"Oh, and you should probably know that I put some handy warding charms around the house. Nothing fancy, you don't want to draw attention to yourselves, but believe me, no burglar can get past my spells. In any case, an alarm will let you know about any failure-doomed attempt at a break-in."

"You can't be serious," Bonnie says at the same time as Eugene starts a flabbergasted, "Merlin, we appreciate your kindness, but we really can't accept your–

"Oh, shut it, both of you!" When they do (hey, maybe he should snap like this more often), Merlin states it as calmly and slowly as he can manage, "I didn't do it to make you feel indebted, pitied or whatever. It's simply my present for you as a big brother who can go without this much. Really, I don't need any of these. In all my life, I've always moved on with only so much money that would be enough for a ride or a train or something. But you, kids, you need this so you can start your new life together. I don't want you the have need for anything I can give you right now. I won't make you lucky with magic, you know, I won't help you manage your work or gather up your assets and possessions. You have to make your own fortune. But I will give you all you need for the start, and that's something I'm not willing to have an argument about. Is that clear?"

When (after a few weak attempts at kindly rejecting his presents) they finally admit defeat and Merlin can collect a nod from the both of them, the warlock pulls another paper out and hands it to Bonnie.

He can see the confusion on her face. That's just an empty piece of paper, no text, no doodle, no anything.

"I charmed it," Merlin says finally, when he can't keep the smile away from his face anymore. "Whenever I write you a letter, it will appear on this immediately and vice versa; you can always write to me through this. I thought it'll be good deal faster than waiting for posts."

He's not even finished with his explanation when Bonnie springs up from the coach and throws her arms around Merlin once again, this time with so much force that Merlin nearly ends up lying with his back on the floor.

"Thank you," she whispers into his ear, voice tight from emotions. "I'll miss you so much."

"I bet," Merlin says with a wide grin, and because he feels light and relieved and happy, he cheerfully adds, "Just so you won't forget it: I'm coming home for Easter, and I want a whole lot of chocolate eggs!"

They all laugh, and the fleeting thought of 'Me, too; I will really miss this' runs through Merlin's head.