Chapter 5: Heartache and Despair
Naruto's POV
It was 8pm when I got a text from Sakura saying that Hinata had arrived home safely. I was so relieved, but at the same time I still felt horrible for making her go through that. I didn't care if it wasn't my fault that I like Kiba; Hinata is just so sweet I never would want to hurt her. But what was I supposed to do? I had no choice. The shower was finally hot, so I got in. This rush of hot water got rid of some of the tension from earlier. My showers gave me time to think things out, and I know now what I will say to Kiba tomorrow. I have the courage to do it, and I will. I have also decided to come completely out to everyone, because if there's the slightest chance Kiba will love me; then I will want to have an open relationship with him. I doubt that will happen, I have a really bad feeling that I will lose my best friend tomorrow. I have to give it a shot though, and if it fails I have to deal with it. The thing is, I've never been good at dealing with things; Kiba has always been the "chew toy to my puppy", if you will. He's the person who gets rid of all my problems when I'm around him.
I finished planning out my way of telling Kiba and turned off the water. I stepped out and wrapped the towel around me. I went into my kitchen and it was filthy, I really need to clean all of these instant ramen packages. After getting my pajamas on I got into my bed. My mind was still wondering when I fell into a deep sleep. I opened my eyes and SHIT! I forgot to set my alarm. I'm fucking late for school; I got up and rushed to get my clothes on. I ran out the door like a maniac, I got to school moments before the bell rang. When I got to my first hour, Mr. Kakashi scolded me for almost being late. I apologized and took my seat next to Ino. This hour just went by so fast, I guess it did because I zoned out. When being so nervous does that to a person I guess. The bell rang and I dreaded going to my next class; I considered skipping, but I want to not get in trouble this year.
I arrived at second hour and changed into my gym cloths. I rushed upstairs trying to avoid Kiba. After roll call Mr. Guy told the class to divide up into groups. He told us we were playing dodge ball; I made sure I got into the opposite group of Kiba. After about 45 minutes of me kicking the other team's ass in dodge ball; we were told to go the locker room and change. I felt a lot more useful today in gym, because I didn't have to be extremely close to Kiba. I went to my locker and began disrobing from my gym cloths. I got extremely nervous when Kiba entered the locker room. I was hoping that Kiba had a locker far away from mine. Damn, Kiba approached me and said our team only won because he wasn't trying. I called him a sore loser. I began dressing when Kiba took off his shirt, then his shorts. OH MY GOD I couldn't help but steal glances at him. I made sure to be discreet, but I sure did take more looks than I expected. Kiba had such a nice body, and I held back chuckles when I saw that he wore power puff girls boxers.
The rest of the day was really boring, and in most of the classes the teachers still neglected to plan something for us to do. I think it's only because they wanted to wait to do anything important until everyone's classes were corrected. I was just listening to my iPod in sixth hour, trying to build up my courage even more, I didn't want to chicken out and change the subject. I'd considered bailing on the plan several times through the day, but I have put too much mental preparation into giving up on myself. I played some upbeat songs and by that time I was beyond ready; I could have fought a bear, I felt so pumped up. After the bell rang I sent a text message to Kiba telling him to meet me in the same spot Hinata met me, but hopefully it wouldn't end badly. I arrived the same time as Kiba when he asked what I needed to talk about.
Kiba's POV
I wonder what Naruto wanted to talk about; maybe he needs to talk about girlfriend problems or something. Maybe he wants to talk about why he was so distant today. He is my best friend and we've been through a lot, Naruto knows he can tell me anything. I don't think there's anything he could say that would split this friendship apart. I walked up next to Naruto and asked him what he needed to talk about. He had this unusually nervous facial expression. "I need to tell you something important" said my blonde haired friend. "Sure, you know you can tell me anything." I responded, then he opened his mouth but words didn't come out.
Naruto's POV
Ahhhh! I'm so nervous I can't even get the words I need to come out. "Kiba you have to promise you won't hate me if I tell you this." I said "Of course, I could never hate you." He reassured "Well Kiba I'm just going to come out and say it, without regretting the consequences, Kiba Inuzuka; I Naruto Uzumaki am a homosexual. I also am in love with a guy. This guy has been with me through thick and thin. He has always stayed by my side no matter what. I would even say he's as loyal as a dog, which is ironic because he cares so much for his dog Akamaru. The love of my life has helped me through the most terrible and emotionally draining parts of my life and I never want him out of my life. I have a feeling that he will want me out of my life, but I have to speak all of my feelings. Kiba Inuzuka I am madly in love with you, I have loved you since the very beginning, except my mind didn't comprehend it as love; I just thought we were close friends. I mean we are close friends, but I am in love with you, and I want to be with you. You don't have to say yes, I know you're probably straight; Kiba please don't hate me, I'm truly sorry I burdened you with all of this.
Kiba's POV
What?! What just came out of Naruto's mouth? He what's me? Maybe he is just confused; yeah he's just a little bi-curious. I need to help him; I will try to snap him out of it. "Naruto, you're confused you don't love me. You are just confused; do you know how discriminative some people can be in Konoha? I really want to help you but if you're truly gay, then I can't." I said "I am truly gay, and I can't change that about myself." My best friend told me "If those are your true feelings, then get out of my face. Naruto you are a disgusting fag and you make me sick." I yelled
Naruto's POV
"But we've been friends for years! You can't say that to me! Kiba I can't change the fact that I love you, but even if you don't feel the same way I still want to be friends with you. I won't let my gayness affect what we have" I said while I was on the verge of tears.
Kiba's POV
"I will not be friends with a fucking fag Naruto, let alone love one. I am straight; Naruto you need to sort out your feelings. If you can't stop those feelings, you can just get out of my life you fucking faggot." I said, waiting for Naruto to finally snap out of it.
Naruto's POV
"You can just get out of my life you fucking faggot" Kiba yelled at me. "I'll love you forever, and I will get out of your life if you really want me to" I said in the most heartbreaking voice I could verbalize. I slowly walked away from Kiba, waiting for him to say something. After I heard nothing one lone tear fell from my face right when I started running away from him. What do I do now? I want him in my life, but he doesn't want me in it if I act the way I was made. Am I really just confused? No I am not; I'm just a disgusting failure in his eyes. I need to get to a peaceful place before I really do rid Kiba of myself.
*an hour after school ends*
Sakura's POV
"Umm hello, who is this" I said when I answered my phone, at the same time I was shushing Ino and Hinata; they were over to hang out "Its Kiba. I don't know what's gotten into Naruto, but he says he loves me. Long story short I sorta called him a disgusting faggot, and that if he was truly gay I would want him out of my life." Kiba said "YOU ASSHOLE! Tomorrow at school I'm going to kick you fucking ass, there is nothing wrong with being gay! If you hate gay people so much and think its gross then it's most likely because you have some hidden feelings of your own. If Naruto does something stupid, then you'll have to answer to me. You don't want to see me when I'm mad, I'll make sure you end up in the hospital." I said and then hung up on that dickhead "Who was that?" Hinata and Ino said at the same time. I told them it was that ignorant fool, Kiba. I inform them that Naruto is missing and of what Kiba said to him.
Hinata's POV
"Naruto is missing? Naruto feels like me, depressed heartbroken and lost?" I think to myself. I don't want Naruto to feel like I do. I he even feels worse than I do. I need to find him, find him and help him. I know he broke my heart, but at the same time I am his friend. I would never break this friendship, because maybe were only meant to be friends. I did a lot of thinking last night after that nice guy walked me home. I thought that maybe I could have the courage to move on, but on the other hand I have a supporting family and am significantly closer with Ino and Sakura. I mean Naruto was pretty close with Sakura, I think I know more about Sakura than Naruto. I needed to focus on how to find my blonde friend, but I just realized I didn't thank Shino for walking my home today, I at least actually noticed him in my classes today.
Sakura's POV
"Sakura, I know he has his phone because he updated his Facebook." Ino said to me. She said he changed his orientation to men on the website. I immediately called his phone and tried to get ahold of him. He didn't answer, not that I expected him to. Me, Ino, and Hinata split up to search for him but he was nowhere to be found. We stayed on a three way phone call the whole time we were looking and came up with nothing. It was getting dark and close to curfew and we needed to find Naruto soon. I know he is stupid enough not to go home; I'm so worried I couldn't handle a funeral for such a close friend.
Naruto's POV
I am alone, all alone and I lost someone close to me today. It was my best friend Kiba Inuzuka, the guy I was in love with. What do I do? I guess there's nothing I can do. *Naruto gets out a razorblade* Kiba always said I sort of had the personality of a fox. I guess I should show my fox like personality by giving myself whiskers, It will be my symbol of love towards Kiba. It is also a sign of change, and the fact that from now on I am out and if you don't like it, I don't care. The only approval I will strive for is Kiba's…but he hates me, after that I start to sob again. *While crying, Naruto cuts 3 deep slashes on each of his cheeks, deep enough to where they would leave a scars* I can feel the blood dripping down my face, I don't care about myself right now. All I care about it Kiba. *It begins to rain, and starts sobbing significantly loud*
Sakura's POV
I, Ino, and Hinata meet up at the last place we could look, around Konoha's elementary school. We open our umbrellas and hop the front gate. We look around our old school and seen nothing. I call out Naruto's name, hoping he would respond. I got nothing in return.
Hinata's POV
Hey guys, I'm going to check in the back corner of the school. I told them this because I think that's where Naruto is, because when I used to watch him in elementary; he would always be swinging on this swing near the back on the school. I arrived to where the swing was in my sight, and didn't see Naruto. As I got closer I made out the shape of a body. "OMG NARUTO!" I screamed. When I got to him he was unconscious and there was blood all over his face and neck. "You guys! He's over here, and he's bleeding!" I desperately cried to Ino and Sakura.
Sakura's POV
What? Naruto is bleeding? Please don't be dead. Please don't be dead, I'm thinking to myself. When I got over to him I was relieved to hear breathing. We needed to get him to a hospital I stated. Me and Ino picked him up and carried him to the nearest hospital, a half a mile away. The doctors said that he was fine, just unconscious from the pain of cutting his face. They said he'd lost more blood than he should have, but he would be alright. I was relieved he was alright.
Ino's POV
Yes! He is alright, I may not be the closest friend with Naruto; I would never want him to die. I need Naruto's friendship and funny antics in my life. He is so funny, even though he had that tough life. I wonder what Hinata is thinking. She hasn't said a word since we started to carry Naruto to the hospital. I wonder if she's glad that Kiba rejected Naruto. No, she's not that way I bet she is just really worried about Naruto.
Hinata's POV
The doctors said that one of us could stay with Naruto for the night. I wanted to, so I suggested that it be me, because my parents would be the most likely of our parents to let one of us stay. They agreed and left because it was past curfew. I just sat there looking at Naruto; he looked like he was in a deep sleep, occasionally having a pained face when his wounds opened. I wonder why Naruto gave himself those cuts on his face. If he was going to cut himself why didn't he just cut his wrists, knowing Naruto I bet there is some symbolization behind these marks. I still think it was very stupid of him to do it, I don't like calling Naruto stupid but he was stupid for that. If he was going to mark his face why not do it with something a little more sterile than a razorblade? He could get an infection.
Naruto could have died if he wasn't careful. I am just glad that isn't the case, because I still cared deeply about Naruto; and even if I wasn't in love with him I'd still be worried sick. I love Naruto as a close friend, as well as in a romantic way. I knew I had to get over the romantic feelings soon, but I didn't know how I would go about doing that. All I knew is that I would stay by Naruto's side no matter what he went through. I am going to help him through this heartache Kiba caused him. I am going to help him be happy. *Hinata drifts off to sleep from her exhausting search for Naruto*