AN: I really debated on the title of this chapter...it was between Worlds and Costs, let me know which you think better sums up this chapter :)
Chapter 15: Worlds
Belle woke to sunshine streaming through her window and digging into her brain like many clawed birds. She groaned loudly. Her body hurt. Her head hurt. Her freaking hair follicles hurt. Every single damn one of them. She could probably count them and every little nagging ache and pain radiating from them.
Her mouth felt like cotton, nasty vomit flavored cotton. Her face felt swollen and tight. She groaned again, turning over onto her back. It took a Herculean effort of course, but she got over on her back and slowly opened her seemingly glue shut eyes.
Her world was fuzzy and the light from the window pierced her eyes like hot flames. She quickly closed them again.
This almost helped with the sudden nausea that started warring in her gut.
Along with all the bumps, bruises, strains and pains that were all over her body Belle was also experiencing a wicked hangover.
She silently swore to never, ever, again, drink scotch. Well, at least not bad scotch. If there was any chance of going through this again she wasn't going to do it over bad scotch.
She wanted nothing more than a shower and then to die. Not necessarily in that order. She was still in her now completely ruined yellow sheath dress and it was saturated in wine, scotch, blood, spit, and whatever awesome grime she picked up in the holding cell. It was torn and busted at the seams. She felt disgusting and her hair was crispy with dried blood, chicken Marsala and again, whatever grime she had managed to pick up during the previous nights activities. It was beyond gross to think about.
Not that the pains in her head were really conducive her to thinking anyway.
If groans could kill and thoughts maim the person that decided knocking on her door was a good idea would so be six foot under by now.
There were not words for the effort and resulting pain that Belle experienced as she staggered to her door after it became evident the caller was not going to stop knocking.
She figured it was probably going to be Mary Margaret behind the door and while she appreciated the thought...
"You are not Mary Margaret..." Belle opened her squinting eyes wider at the person on the other side of the door.
Mr. Gold smiled faintly, "No, dearie, I'm afraid not..."
Belle licked her lips and hissed as she aggravated the spit in her lower lip, "What are you doing here? I thought I told you to call me?"
It went to Belle's clearly befuddled state of mind that she didn't immediately notice that Mr. Gold was not in his suit.
"Hey, you're not wearing a suit..." Belle finally commented as she got tired of standing and limped back into the room leaving the door open as the only invitation to Gold to come in. She wasn't feeling much like playing hostess but she wanted to hear what he had to say too badly to go through the effort of sending him away. Despite her horror at her appearance. She hurt too badly to care all that much anyway.
"I am not, I didn't think anyone would be in any shape to be doing business...and you left your cell phone at the sheriffs office, I tried calling you," Mr. Gold went into the apartment, closing the door behind him.
"I took the liberty of retrieving it," he furthered and handed it to her as she curled up in a small, tight ball on the end of her sofa.
"Thank you...you look really nice in jeans by the way," Belle added as an afterthought. He did look good. Today they were light blue and he wore them with an untucked loose fitting white oxford, cuffs turned back. No undershirt, she could see peeks of his chest in the V created by the top button being unone. He looked younger, less severe, and more approachable. He looked a man that would sit with her and go on a picnic.
Belle French liked picnics. Belle French also seemed to be having a hard time focusing. She was blaming the hangover and the maddening view of his quite lovely chest.
"You my dear, I'm afraid look terrible."He laughed softly, un-mockingly when he said it but it still made the overly sensitive, tired, hurting Belle cry.
"I know! And I feel worse!" she sobbed clutching her knees to her chest tighter.
"Oh Belle, I'm sorry, I...I didn't mean...You could never look awful, ever." He gently tucked a ratted clump of hair behind her ear.
Belle sighed raggedly. They had touched so little; every little touch from him sent her body into overload. She was so wholly in love with this man and yet to truly kiss him, she had barely touched him. Innocent brushes of hands, accidently glances that felt as tangible as touch but actually skin against skin? So little between them and how she relished it, it was magic of an indefinable kind. She wanted to lean against his hand that was now pulling away, forever.
"I do though...I really do...I just want a shower and to sleep...but I am happy to see you...and I'm...sorry for how I acted last night," she rushed, tears still falling down her face, making the dirt and other grime run down her face.
Along with what remained of her raccoon eye makeup.
"Oh my dear, dear Belle...you've absolutely nothing in the world to apologize for. If anything I should be begging your forgiveness. It was rather my ex-wife that was the cause of all the trouble."
Mr. Gold pulled her close to his chest where she settled very comfortably. Or as comfortably as a woman who had been through a fight and was nursing a wicked hangover could be.
"Your ex-wife and David's bad scotch," Belle mumbled against Mr. Gold's very warm and surprisingly muscled chest. It felt even better than it looked, if that were possible.
Said chest rumbled with laughter under her cheek, "Yes, I'm afraid Mr. Nolan's taste in scotch is rather poor...I've a thought I might have to buy him some proper stuff as a way to apologize for some of this mess. Then there is also the added bonus of there being better scotch should I ever again be allowed to step foot on the premises as a guest."
Belle snorted.
"Not that you really had any say in all that mess, I mean other than being married to the woman...but this whole buying up Storybrooke business...you might want to explain that rather quickly before they start coming at you torches and pick-axes."
"Yes...yes, I do believe an explanation is in order. Why don't you shower and I'll whip up something to settle your stomach and we'll talk then, hm?"
Belle nodded against his chest, "Yeah... Wait," she pulled away to look up at him, "You cook too?"
"Bachelor dearie, I dislike having too many people under foot and do not like eating out...it was learn to cook to starve. I elected to learn to cook. Never mind when I was first starting Baelfire I was more hatchet man for hire than anything and had fired at least one person in all the major fine dining restaurants around my residence. Doesn't make you feel cozy sitting down to eat the food prepared by disgruntled employees."
Belle tried to laugh, but it hurt, so she ended up just nodding.
Mr. Gold stood and offered her both hands to help her stand, "Come now...you'll feel like a new woman after a shower..."
Belle frowned, feeling entirely doubtful but rose with his help and let him lead her to the bathroom.
It wasn't a large apartment by any stretch of the imagination but it was slightly unnerving how well he seemed to fit and how at ease he was. There was no hesitation as he led her to the bathroom, sat her on the toilet and turned to retrieve towels from the linen cubby just outside the door.
"You're awful comfortable in here..." Belle grimaced as she stood and struggled with the short zipper on the back of her dress. Seeing that it was virtually backless it was a tiny, tiny zipper and being as stiff and as sore as she was, she was struggling terribly to get it undone.
"It's just how I am dearie, comfortable no matter where I am...or at least I've the skill to appear that way," Mr. Gold whispered coming up behind her.
Belle shivered as she felt his fingers brush against her back.
"My confident crocodile..." Belle found it hard to breathe as she felt him run
a feather light finger down her spine, it raised gooseflesh on her body and red flush on her cheeks.
"You've no idea..." He found the zipper she had been struggling with and lowered it.
Belle was already feeling a bit faint from the pounding headache and
Mr. Gold's heat and clean overwhelming scent was driving her libido and senses mad. She hunched her shoulders as much to try and hide the shivers he was causing as from the pain in her muscles, her dress fell forward off her shoulders, she held it in place with her hand.
"You're wearing the necklace..." Mr. Gold said softly, Belle detected barely hidden pleasure and a bit of pride.
"I am...it's beautiful, I love it...I don't know that I actually thanked you properly really..." she turned around to face him.
He smiled down at her, lips turned on the side in that crooked little way of his that made Belle's heart break.
Break in the most wonderful possible way.
He started to lean forward and Belle's eyes instantly fluttered closed as she lifted her face, expecting a kiss. When it didn't come and she heard water rushing instead she cracked an eye open.
"Shower...talk...then...then we'll see what we can come up with..." Mr. Gold trailed, pulling back from reaching around her to turn on the shower.
She pouted.
"Slow and right my Belle...slow and right. We'll do this right...and I don't feel right kissing you with secrets and questions still between us."
"Sometimes I kind of almost hate that you're so perfect..."
Mr. Gold laughed, "I'm so far from perfect my dear...I'm just trying really hard to convince you I'm worth taking a chance on."
"Get out, get out, get out! I can't take it! You're perfect!" Belle playful pushed him away before she tackled him, full body pain and throbbing headache be damned, and do unspeakable, improper things to him.
Mr. Gold laughed again and it was a bit unsettling in a way, he was such a different person when he laughed and smiled. The years and worries fell away. She quietly promised herself to do everything in her power to always keep him laughing and smiling. She could be his heart and happiness.
"You need some adhesive ducks for your shower love, you don't want to slip," he said as parting comment.
She huffed and gave him a small push to leave the bathroom.
Some time later Belle emerged feeling mentally better at the very least and most happily, clean. She was still battered and bruised and fighting a hangover, but being clean helped tremendously. It felt like there may be light (that didn't hurt her head) at the end of tunnel.
"Perfect time...breakfast is ssss..." Mr. Gold turned around at hearing her footsteps and stumbled over his words quite inarticulately.
"My clothes are over there..." Belle, clad only in a short towel wrapped around her pointed to the closet of her loft style apartment.
"Rrrright," Mr. Gold actually stuttered which made Belle grin. She actually flustered the great man.
"It smells incredible..." she decided not to prolong the apparent torment of Mr. Gold and quickly selected under garments and a pair of yoga pants to go with the basic pullover.
"I'll be right out, two minutes."
It took about 90 seconds and Belle was back, seating herself at her small kitchen table across from Mr. Gold and his breakfast offering of pancakes, scrambled eggs and bacon.
"You did not have to go to all this trouble..." Belle smiled despite herself. Her stomach was still trying to decide between being starving and being upset but her mouth was salivating.
"You had pancake mix and whipping up some eggs and frying bacon isn't exactly rocket science, my dear."
She smiled faintly, dishing up her plate, "Well it is still very much appreciate, and very impressive."
Mr. Gold make a sound in the back of his through, a very Scottish thing do Belle thought. It was funny how a small little sound could say so much. She wondered if it was a purely Scots thing. Either way though, Mr. Gold was very good at it.
They ate quietly and sipped perfectly made tea for several minutes before Mr. Gold started to speak.
"I'm not entirely sure where to begin, last night was..." he struggled for words, "In all my life I could have never come with something like that. I'm still processing it actually..."
Belle struggled not to arch an eyebrow in disbelief. To look at him you'd think he didn't fluster at anything. Unshakeable Mr. Gold.
"My boy...he's something, no?" Mr. Gold's face broke out in a huge glorious smile.
Belle easily returned it, his smile was so magnetic, so engaging she couldn't help it. One just really couldn't help smiling when he smiled, it was magic.
"Oh, he certainly is...looks very like his Da, I have to say," she grinned as he lit up again at the sound of the sentimental endearment.
"I haven't tried to get in contact yet, I thought maybe he might need some time to process...and Milah is still in the hospital so I'm sure he's there with her. But I hope to start getting to know him soon."
Belle struggled to keep her face from betraying her, "I...I am so, so sorry about that, about Milah I mean. I really hope we didn't...didn't make Neal leery of you. I mean he won't hold it against..."
"Hush dearie, you're fine. Really. Milah didn't get anything she didn't royally deserve. If I hadn't of been disorientated from it all and behaving like a coward, I would probably have caned her, well if she were a man. I'd never raise a hand to a woman in anger. But it's one of my faults I would do best to confess...I do have a wicked temper when I'm pushed too far. It takes a tremendous amount to get me there but I'm shameful to admit that, especially in my younger years, fighting was a bane for me."
"I appreciate what you said...what you did for me. Standing up for me I mean. I...I find don't really even have words for it actually. You defended me...you were outraged, for me."
Belle felt tears stinging again. He sounded so lost, so completely in awe over the idea that someone would defend him. The very idea that everyone wouldn't be outraged at a woman lying, hiding a man's son from him...and saying those spiteful things enraged Belle. Her heart hurt for the man.
She reached across the table, like she had done times before and gripped his hand, "Mr. Gold...I will always stand by you. I will always defend you. What she did was wrong. So wrong. So hateful and vengeful and she didn't hurt just you, she hurt Neal. He grew up without his father. No matter what you might have done ...no matter any of that, what she did was wrong. Period. What I did as far as getting into a fight...that was also probably wrong but," she paused to grin and bite her lip, "I'm not really sorry. Sorry for any negative affect to you yes...but not actually sorry for the completely out of character and unladylike brawl."
He smiled at her, "You were rather magnificent my dear, incredibly so."
She giggled blushing. They sat like that for a couple minutes just holding hands and sharing a grin. Belle sobered though.
"There is lots we need to talk about still...but I think first I want to know about you paying off Milah. I am ...conflicted at best about that."
Mr. Gold nodded, "Perhaps you'll be put at ease to know that while getting you, and Mrs. Nolan and Mrs. Hopper out of jail was certainly a great motivating factor it was not the only one. I didn't want this to go further as much because of Neal as anything else."
"While I am not ashamed to say that I despise and loathe Milah with ever fiber of my being she is still Neal's mother and I did not want to distress him further by dragging out sins and putting him through having to defend a woman who is, in my opinion without justifiable defense, simply because she is still his mother."
"The cost of this, of saving Neal, of wiping away, at least of the cost to you for defending me...well it is hardly any cost at all. It was, it is, my greatest pleasure to do it."
Belle bit her lip, "May I ask...is the cost great? It was still my doing that you had to pay it at all."
Mr. Gold gave a hesitant smile, "I am striving to be honest with you, in all matters. There would not be any cost too great for me to pay to achieve what I have, so it's simply a number...nothing more nothing else. But I think that is too broad answer for you isn't?"
Belle shrugged and nodded "Yeah, it's obviously not truly my business, but I would like to know what I cost you because while I understand your motives for wanting it to go away...it was still my actions, my friends defending me that caused the problem in the first place."
Mr. Gold sighed, sounding very long suffering, "I thought you'd think as much. In truth, and I am being honest with this, the timing couldn't have been more apt. I had tied up a great deal of my assets in the purchasing of the properties here. I had no truly liquid assets to liquidate, except I did... I had just put my home in Boston on the market. The Dark Estate has been rather sought after and an offer was made yesterday, which I accepted. That was what was tying me up all day before dinner. Finishing paperwork and arranging for my things to be moved into storage as the new owner wants to take possession immediately."
Belle's heart was pounding rather hard in her chest, "You sold your home?"
"I did. When I went to Boston, I went with a heavy mind and more problems than I really wanted to deal with. I still have a few to sort out but I think I realize quite clearly when a certain woman texted me almost immediately the author of a certain quote I had inquired about... My mind, my life is no longer in Boston. I no longer want that world. I have sold The Dark Estate, I am stepping down as CEO of Baelfire, though I still am majority owner and stockholder. I am giving up all that..."
Belle was starting to feel faint, "Why? I am mean...what are you giving it up for?" she breathed, heart in her throat and stomach in knots.
"A new world...a chance with...with you."
AN: I know...this feels kind of like the dinner party, I keep drawing out why Mr. Gold bought up Storybrooke. It's coming, I promise. I think probably y'all have sussed out what he's planning annnnywwwayyyy but I kind of didn't want this chapter to get too far away from me lol.
Hope y'all had a FANTASTIC Valentine's day and I know you all have to be as excited for Sunday as I am! Seriously, I can hardly stand it and I keep walking this line between wanting to know spoilers...and not. It's awful. 2 more days though! ALMOST HERE!
Thoughts on Chapter Title: Ya may or may not have noticed my efforts to name my chapters with one word I think best sums up the content or feeling of the chapter... If you have, kudos! If not...that's okay too lol, it has no real bearing once so ever... This chapter I really debated mostly because I wasn't entirely sure on what I was trying to convey. I think Worlds won out over Costs because this chapter is about Belle and Mr. Gold's changing Worlds. Obviously Mr. Gold has been doing a lot thinking and change making in the background to accommodate his new perspective...now he just found he has a son... Belle has this new reality of her life being affected and in effect owned by Mr. Gold...her world is changing.
But there was also talk of the Costs. The Costs that come along with change...I'm still not sure which better summed up with this chapter (maybe it's not Worlds or Costs at all, but Changes!)...since I'm still writing, both of these ideas will be further explored...but I'd be curious on your thoughts :) ...didn't know someone could spend so much time worrying and thinking on a fanfic...let alone a single chapter title huh lol! Welcome to my OCD head!
Now, the most important part of my far too long AN's... My THANK YOUs! Seriously you guys...the love for the last chapter? GAH! You made me smile like I was looking at a picture of Robert Carlyle, no joke. You are all so freaking fantastic. I love each and everyone of you, even all y'all 'Guest' reviews, I love you. I LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE YOU! And to those that referring this story...dude, I'm humbled and all giddy. THANK YOU! I, as always, endeavor to write for you and hopefully entertain you. I'm so glad this story seems to be doing that :)
Much, much love and happy reading! - RA