The sun had just begun to rise, the morning still in it's darker early hours. Long shadows stretched across the fields, the only soundtrack was Helena's deep breaths as she slept.
T-Dog was being seen to by Patricia, and no doubt Alex was going to ask about getting out of his sling too.
"Hey." Came a voice from behind me.
I looked round to see Glenn standing behind me. I stood up and dusted myself off as I turned to face him.
"Can you help me with our tent?" He asked nervously.
"Sure." I smiled.
He jogged to his truck and drove it round, leaving it next to ours. He got out and grabbed his tent from the back and put in on the floor adjacent to ours. He then opened the bag and we got out all the components, as well as the instructions.
"Another tent to put up? Count me in!" Alex called as he jogged over to us without a sling on.
"You got your sling off!" I smiled as he beamed.
"Yeah, but I can't do anything too strenuous. Looks like I'll just be doing the instructions again..." He smirked, making Glenn laugh.
I looked Alex over with raised eyebrow. He seemed like a new guy. That temporary blues he was in now seemed to have been lifted ever since T-Dog and Glenn arrived.
"Okay, Glenn, grab that tent pole there..." He chirped, pointing wildly.
We got the tent up in a matter of minutes. Glenn had lost his inhibitions and we laughed a lot, but no matter how much Alex and I asked, he wouldn't talk about the group, which really set us on edge.
"So how come only you and T-Dog were here?" I probed, trying another angle.
"Well this woman came up to us on a horse and totally saved Andrea's life. She asked for Lori and told her about Carl, and got her in the horse. She gave us directions and then just rode off..." He trailed, staring into space.
I thought about his words that he had let slip about the group - at least Andrea and Lori are still doing okay. Well, as okay as expected. He said 'us' too - does that mean the rest of the group too or just him and T-Dog? I couldn't imagine Daryl getting...hurt, and dale was a smart fella.
I watched his far-off expression for a few seconds before reaching over and snapping my fingers in his distant line of sight. He looked back at me confused, but I merely raised an eyebrow and smirked.
"Yeah, that was Maggie. Nice girl." I said, watching his reaction. He remained fairly deadpan, giving me an absent nod.
"So only you and T-Dog came? What about the others?" I asked, trying to catch him offhand. He really wasn't opening up about the rest of the group.
"He needed medical help, so we came straight away." He said, becoming very interested on the tent pegs and guide ropes. I sighed and shook my head.
We sat around the freshly dug fire pit for a few minutes in silence before Alex began talking to Glenn about everything we'd been through since we'd last seen each other. Glenn looked completely entranced, and I couldn't help but laugh at his puppy-like expression. That expression vanished once I thought about the rest of the group.
Glenn and T-Dog had been our little glimmer of hope that the rest of the group was alright. But what about Dale? Daryl? Jacqui?
I got distracted in my thoughts when Helena rambled out of the farmhouse chattering away to a relaxed-looking T-Dog. It was a cute picture. It made me miss my camera painful amounts.
"Hey, T-Dog! Listen to this, they both fought off walkers with their bare hands!" Glenn yelped, and T-Dog smiled lazily.
"If you don't mind, I'm gonna lie down and listen. I can barely keep my eyes open." He muttered as he walked past us to his tent, but laid a hand on my shoulder.
"Good to see you." I smiled up at him, remembering I hadn't properly said 'hello' yet. He squeezed my shoulder slightly before disappearing into their tent.
Helena came to sit by my side, talking about everything Patricia had tought her about cauterization.
"It has to be really hot to work." She grinned, putting a lot of emphasis on 'really'.
"You sound like you're an expert." I said to her, and she giggled a little.
"Not yet. Tomorrow I learn some more about it and them after that I get to do stitching." She stated proudly, but my eyebrows creased.
"How are you going to do that?" I asked.
"On a piece of material, but she said it was just for practice. And how to work out if you need stitches or a butterfly." She explained.
"Butterfly?"
"Butterfly plaster. But it doesn't look like a butterfly at all." She sighed, but I could still see how excited she was.
"Oh well," I smiled. "At least you're going to be able to look after me."
The day was spend helping about the farm and the house, and introducing the residents to Glenn - T-Dog had fully passed out in his tent.
Hershel was as unwelcoming as ever, but took pity on T-Dog's situation, which annoyed me. He doesn't need pity. He needs compassion and help. But, yet again, I kept my mouth shut.
I was sitting at the dining table with Helena sewing up clothes, but my mind was wondering, making me prick my finger constantly.
"Damn it!" I mumbled for the third time, trying not to throw the shirt in my hands across the room.
"I'm sure you're not a woman." Alex said from behind me, and I heard Glenn chuckle.
"You try focusing on something this fiddly right now." I grunted, and I heard him sigh from behind me.
I heard him draw a breath to reply, but loud voices came from Carl's room stopping us all dead.
I span in my chair to look at the door. I don't know what I was waiting for - maybe Carl to just walk right out.
"Patricia!" Hershel called through the walls.
The woman scuttled past with a grim look on her face and I shut my eyes. I heard Helena's breathing hitch beside me and I winced, totally forgetting about her presence.
"Come on Helena. We'll take these clothes back to the tent." I sighed, picking the small pile of moderately fixed clothes.
As we reached the door, a cry echoed out that was unmistakably Carl's. I felt hope surface in my body.
"He's seizing! Patricia, pass me that.." Hershel yelled, and immediately any spark of recovery vanished from my body. The fading hope plummeted right into me, leaving me feeling winded.
"Helena." I croaked, reaching out to lead her forward.
She ran from the door and carried on right to the tent. I walked slowly in her wake, my stomach flipping rapidly.
Helena stopped short of the tent, tripping over and laying on the ground, sobbing in the foetal position. I faltered, watching in total grief as the girl's while body rocked.
I jogged to her side and put down the clothes, scooping her up in my arms.
I didn't appreciate how this whole situation with Carl would affect Helena. I guess I thought she wouldn't understand. But he was her friend, and she isn't stupid even though she's just a kid.
"Is he going to be okay Sam?" She sobbed, her voice stammering.
"I don't know." I confessed. I could feel the wetness pooling around my collarbone as she cried. I gulped hard, forcing back and cries that threatened to escape me. Not here. Not in front if Helena.
Shane had been hours, and by the sound of things, Carl's not getting any better. How long will he survive?
Or even worse, would it be better if he didn't?
I shook my head fiercely, diminishing that thought. Helena crawled out of my grip and bumbled over to the tent. She collapsed on her sleeping bag and gripped her bear tightly.
I went in after her, laying beside her and held her tightly against my chest. I felt that as she cried, her breaths getting heavier as her sobbing began to subside. She was falling asleep.
She was too young to be crying herself to sleep. But nowadays, what is too young? She had been exposed to all sorts of horrifying things.
Eventually, her crying had stopped altogether, replaced by her deep breathing and sighs. At least now she won't be feeling so turbulent.
I carefully unwound myself from her and crawled out of the tent. I grabbed the pile of clothes I had fixed and put them in the doorway. With one last look at her and T-Dog, I walked slowly back up to the house.
I wiped away phantom tears from my face as I walked, trying to create a mask of sheer indifference. I've got to hold it together. Just for a little while longer.
It was nearing midday now. This was going on too long. Carl better survive.
I entered the house again to see Alex and Glenn standing around in the sitting room awkwardly, both looking totally stricken.
Lori left Carl's temporary room at that point, stopping in her tracks when she saw Alex and me. I saw her red and puffy eyes widen. She was obviously contemplating whether we were real or how to react.
"Oh my god." She finally choked before launching at us, gripping us tightly one at a time. Her reaction really took me by surprise. I never thought she was bothered by us. Maybe it was because we were here with her boy. I wasn't going to question it, so I hugged her back.
"How're you holding up?" Alex asked as they withdrew from each other. She also hugged Glenn briefly. Rick had walked into the room too, wrapping an arm around his wife. His eyes and cheeks were puffy where he too had been crying.
"I'll let you know when Shane gets back." She sighed, her eyes fixed on her shoes.
Shane and Otis. They'd been gone hours now. I took a deep shaky breath and blew my cheeks out. If anything had happened to them, someone else would have to go. And that was probably going to be me.
No. They'll come back.
"They can't be that long now." I offered weakly, my voice barely louder than a whisper.
Alex and Glenn walked out to the porch and Lori walked back in to Carl, and I watched as she looked back at Rick with a questioning gaze. He looked down before catching her eyes and nodding. She then left us, the room painfully quiet. Rick stood looking at me - well, through me. I didn't blame him.
On impulse I stepped forward and hugged him tightly. He wrapped his arms around me, cradling the back of my head. His forehead fell on my shoulder and he took long, unstable breaths. I shut my eyes tightly. I guess I kinda knew what they were going through because of Alex's injury, but at least I tried doing something right there and then. This was agonising. He was helpless.
"I don't know, Sam. I don't know what to do..." He whispered, and I was struck again by his honesty. He'd always tried to maintain this 'strong' and 'in-charge' image, but at the end of the day, he was human. I began struggling with how to respond, but ultimately I didn't have to.
Thundering steps came towards us, breaking off the contact between me and Rick. Alex threw open the door and stated wildly.
"Shane's back!" He gasped.
Rick ran into Carl's room to get Lori and they both ran out of the house. I followed behind them, my eyes searching. The truck rolled up and stopped in front of the house. Shane got out and limped round the front of the truck looking completely haggard. He was engulfed by Rick and then Lori. He dragged himself round to the back of the truck and began passing out equipment wordlessly.
There was no Otis.
"Oh god.." I whispered, swaying.
Alex wrapped an arm around my shoulders, holding me tightly.
"What happened Shane?" Alex asked.
Shane stopped in his tracks and looked at us all before averting his eyes. He didn't say anything for a minute, and none of us prompted him.
"He couldn't.. keep up."
A wave of nausea hit me, making me bring a hand up to my mouth. Alex gripped me hard, letting out a harsh sigh. Something else hit me then too. Something that I didn't really understand. It wasn't pain or worry. It was something unfathomable.
Hershel came out and started bringing the equipment in. He too saw that there was no Otis. He hung his head and sighed deeply.
"Patricia needs to know-" Hershel started.
"But can't it wait so she can help you operate? Please Hershel." I heard the plea in Rick's voice.
"Okay. But we've got to move quick." Hershel nodded as we all racing back to the house with arms full of apparatus.
Alex finally steered me back out to the stairs of the porch, sitting us down. Glenn sat the other side of me, dragging his cap of his head. Lori and Rick eventually emerged and had perched behind us while Shane was directed to the bathroom.
Otis was gone. I mean, I didn't know the too guy well, but he was a good man. He taught me some basic survival hunting and tracking skills, and I'll forever be grateful. I didn't even get to thank him.
I pushed my hair out of my face and sighed.
We all sat in silence as time ticked by. I crossed my arms tightly, and crossed my fingers even tighter. If Carl didn't make it through this, then Otis would have died in vain too.
What a stupid fucking mess.
Alex had removed his arm from my shoulders, and was now idly playing with his hands. Glenn had put his hat on the stair next to him and had his head sat in his hands.
Minutes ticked past, and all we could hear was the movement of objects which I assumed was Hershel operating on Carl.
And so we waited.
The sky had turned from orange to purple and then a deep, dark blue. The evening starting to get cooler, and no one had moved. Not an inch.
I kept my eyes on the road, waiting for Otis to walk up and tell us he's fine. I don't know why. I didn't expect Jim or Amy to come back to us alive. I knew they were gone. I saw them go. But with Otis, he left perfectly alive, and now he isn't back at all. I just didn't know.
I was so engulfed in that thought, I didn't hear Hershel approach us from behind. He cleared his throat, and we all stood and turned to face him.
"He's safe. For now." He said eventually, and I sighed in relief. A weight felt like it had come off my shoulders, but I knew things could still go wrong. They usually did.
Rick and Lori hugged each other, their tense postures relaxing. They began thanking Hershel the best way they could, but he wouldn't take it.
"I was glad I could save your boy... But now I've got to tell Patricia." Hershel sighed, rubbing the back of his neck.
"I'll come with you." I offered, and he nodded. I took a shaky breath as I thought about what I had just agreed to.
I stepped forward and followed him into the house. I looked back at Alex briefly who nodded at me. I sighed and walked in Hershel's stead as he wound through the house, my mind racing.
Patricia was standing in the kitchen, washing her hands vigorously.
"We really rushed into that one! I'm just glad he's okay for now." She sighed as she dried her hands in a small towel. She looked between me and Hershel with an optimistic look on her face. I felt that all-too familiar pain in my chest. Deep-set sorrow.
"Patricia, I need to talk with you." Hershel sighed, walking to stand next to her. I went to stand by her other side, trying not to make eye contact.
She looked between both of us, her arms lowering, the towel dropping from her hand. She'd twigged.
"Hershel. Please don't-"
"I'm sorry Patricia. I.." Hershel faltered.
"O... O... Otis.." She stuttered, and I could feel my eyes begin to well up.
She shook on the spot as she began to cry, tracks starting running down her face in torrents. Her hand came up to cover her mouth as she gasped between her cries, the other shakily reaching out for something to steady her.
She clutched my arm tightly as she heaved large sobs, her entire body becoming overwhelmed. A few trickles of tears dribbled down my cheek and I wiped them off. This wasn't my place to cry.
"Please god, no.." She gasped, struggling to get air to fill her lungs.
Her clutch from my arm slipped as she leant on the table. Her arms trembled there and she slipped, laying her torso on the table as she continue to cry out for Otis.
Hershel backed himself against the counter, staring at his feet. He shut his eyes and shook his head to himself. I swallowed back bile that rose.
She slipped of the table and slumped to the floor, hugging herself tightly. I finally moved to do something by kneeling by her side, wrapping my arms around her shoulders.
She didn't respond to me for a second, before curling herself around me, sobbing against my chest. Her skinny fingers gripped at the material of my shirt, pinching my skin.
In a weird twist of mind, I thought of how it wasn't the first time today I'd cradled someone who seemed completely gone. I ignored that ironic thought and hugged her tighter, my eyes fluttering shut.
We sat until she couldn't cry anymore, her tears stopping and her breaths raspy. She took her head off of me and glanced at Hershel. He held out his hand and gently pulled her to her feet.
"Will you be okay in your own bed? You're welcome to take mine-"
"No, I want our bed." She whispered, her voice cracking and barely audible. He nodded at me as he led her out of the kitchen, her shaking frame shrouded by his own.
I stayed on the floor for a second, a dull ache setting into my limbs. I pushed myself up, ignoring the clicking of my bones and the dull pain that shot through my knees.
I rubbed my temples and gnawed my lip as I left the kitchen, yearning to just crumple in my sleeping bag and go numb.
As I walked towards the front door, I caught a movement out of the corner of my eye. I turned to see Shane walking towards the room the Grimes family were in. Something was odd about him and it clicked - he had no hair.
I looked at him, puzzled. He met my gaze with a curt nod before knocking and entering Carl's room. I didn't respond at all as my heart and head were hammering. His eyes had a weird, far-away look in them.
He was just off.
Everything about him seemed strange. His eyes, his sudden lack of hair, the limp. Everything. It made me completely uneasy. It was like he had shed a skin.
I dragged my eyes away from the closed door he just went though and back out in front of me. I could asses it tomorrow. I just needed to shut down.
The night had come quickly. The whole day had, but time felt as if it had been so slow. The waiting, and all the pain. It had almost all happened in one day.
I let my body mechanically move me towards my tent, subconsciously saying goodnight as I got ever-closer to my sleeping bag.
Helena was still fast asleep when I lay next to her, and she wasn't going to wake up anytime soon.
I zipped the sleeping bag up right and pulled part of the duvet over me, feeling incredibly cold all of a sudden.
I suppressed a shudder and waited for sleep and sheer exhaustion to take its hold over me, with a underlying want to never wake up again.
Cheery one, eh?
Let me know your thoughts, I'm ever excited and grateful to hear what you think!
- Loré. X