"Hey Rick, it's my shift." I sighed, sitting down next to him on the old tractor by the barn.
He lazily looked at me with red eyes and smiled. It was an alarming look for him. He'd been crying, that much was evident. But it looked like he hadn't had any sleep either. My heart shattered a little at the sight of him. He looked broken.
"Rick, are you okay?" I asked, shifting to face him.
"Yeah. Long night, long, well, argument with Lori." He sighed, rubbing his eyes.
My immediate thought was that she told him about the baby. I hope she had taken the advice I gave her.
"Ah, I'm sorry." I said, putting my arm round him and rested my head on his shoulder.
"It's not your fault. I've just got a lot to think about now." He trailed, and I lifted my head up. She told him, then.
"Is there anything I can do?" I asked slowly.
"Just... Just keep an eye on Lori for me please?"
"Oh, I know. I already am." I blurted quietly, his head snapped round. Oh, shit.
"You know?" He gasped.
"Yeah. She... Slipped up. I'm sorry-"
"Don't be. I'm glad you know, out of anyone else." He said, his head low. His words shocked me, but caused a warm glow to course through me.
"You know you can talk to me whenever you want, right?" I confirmed, and he nodded.
"Thank you Sam. I might take you up on that one day." He said, standing.
I looked up at him and smiled as he laid a hand on my arm.
"Go get some sleep. You look awful." I grinned. He laughed a little before trudging away up to camp.
I watched him go, out once he was out of sight, my eyes fell on the barn.
Maybe I shouldn't have told him about me knowing about Lori's pregnancy, but I couldn't help it. The guys face looked harrowed. He looked like he could use someone to fall back on. I mean, who else had he got? The woman in question and his easily ruffled best friend.
Speaking of which, I hadn't seen Shane since our argument the previous morning. That was probably for the best.
I hadn't seen Dixon either. That was probably for the best too.
Quite honestly, I was fed up. I was constantly walking on eggshells. And then there were walkers. Sometimes I feel like I'd rather face walkers than stay with some members of this group. It'd probably be safer.
After that showdown with Shane, It was obvious that he was so much more volatile than he was before. He's got less grip on himself - he just flew off the handle. When I first met him, sure, we argued, but he was never that cutting.
I pulled my legs up tightly, huddling myself on the small tractor seat.
My eyes flicked over every aspect of the barn, repeating it several times, looking for any weak spots.
With this new watch, keeping an eye on the barn was going to be the start of a long day.
I slumped in one of chairs by the fire, water bottle tightly clutched in my hand.
I was tired. There was no reason - it was probably stress, combined with the heat or whatever.
I brought the bottle to my lips, eager to cool myself down.
"Sam! Come check the perimeters with me." Alex called as the bottle lid touched my lips.
"Fine." I grunted, throwing my head back and all but gulped the bottle down in two mouthfuls.
I stood and picked up my machete, jogging over to Alex's side. I chucked the empty bottle down by a tent as we walked, Alex's pace slightly leisurely. It was different, but I revelled in not having to race anywhere.
He silently led his was round the perimeters of the farm, his face grimacing slightly. Eventually I huffed and rolled my eyes.
"Come on then. What's up?" I sighed.
"I'm just worried." He said slowly.
"No kidding." I said impatiently.
"Sam." He warned, and I sighed, blowing my cheeks out.
"Are you going to tell me, or am I going to have to beat it out of you?" I demanded.
"It's just this group. Everyone's different from when we saw them last, but in some people it's drastic." He eventually said, mystery plaguing every word.
"Anything or anyone particular in mind?" I asked, my eyes scanning the nearby area.
"I think you know. Shane. Daryl. And even you."He listed, the final word making my head snap round, utterly shocked.
"Me?" I gasped, my jaw hanging open.
"Yeah. You're... I don't know. It's. It's not like you're a bad person now, I think you've just adapted to this lifestyle. You're a killing machine, you risk your like everyday. You're a practical thinker. But you're still emotional all the time. I can see all this just by looking at you. By knowing you." He sighed, reaching his hand out to squeeze mine.
"What do I say to that?" I asked hollowly. His words felt like an attack. Like a kick in the teeth.
"You don't. It was merely an observation. And I don't love you any less for it. It just seems like you're more liable to get hurt, and I don't want that." He sighed, and I swallowed hard.
"You don't have to worry Alex. I can take care of myself."
"I know you can, but you shouldn't always have to. You should be able to rely on others to help, and I'm sure that there are some people in this group that won't step up to that." He said lowly, his voice deep.
"I've been thinking like that too. I know things weren't always going to be perfect, but something just feel... Different about them all. I'm not surprised though. So much has happened." I garbled, words flowing out of my mouth as I began to work myself up.
What if we've lost our touch? The group is different. What if everyone has different ethics? We all seem to stand for different things.
No. It's black and white. Us and them. The living and the living dead.
"Look, it doesn't matter. This is just the stress of our situation talking. And I've got your back." He smiled, putting an arm around my shoulders.
I gulped and nodded, my gaze flicking up to him before continuing to survey the area.
My mind raced with a million problems and conversations I wanted to talk about with Alex, but I couldn't muster anything.
"Helena seems to be doing pretty well." I ventured.
"Yeah, I'm surprised. Apparently she's really learning a lot from Patricia." He said slowly, his arm slipping of my shoulders.
"Do you think she's going to be okay?" I asked, thoughts tumbling through my mind at a thousand miles an hour. I probably had PMT or something with the rate of emotions and thoughts I was experiencing.
"Yeah. She's got a good grounding with these people. And us. She'll be just fine." He sighed, nodding to himself.
"Good. Good.."
"Are you okay Sam?" He asked, stopping and turning me to face him. I shrugged and hesitated before answering.
"I've just got a lot on my mind. Things have happened that have made me question this group. And I guess after what happened with Shane, I'm starting to feel that my concerns are right." I said, avoiding his eye contact.
"Who else are you thinking about?" He asked shortly, and my eyes quickly snapped up to his.
"What?" I gaped.
"Who else are you concerned about?"
"Oh. Shane. Daryl. The usual suspects." I said as i tried shrugging indifferently, starting to walk off again.
"What about Daryl?"
"I don't know. Look, can we drop this? I didn't realise how draining this conversation was going to be." I said, spinning back to face him.
He stared at me for a few seconds before nodding slowly. He sped up to my side and started walking next to me, changing the subject completely, but his glances grew more concerned and curious.
"So... How're your ribs?" He offered.
This sucked. I've never struggled with conversation with Alex. Never. Maybe he's right. Maybe I have changed.
"Sore. I just want to do stuff now. I want to go out and search for Sophia but I can't."
"Why not?"
"Because according to Hershel I need a few weeks rest to properly heal. And in this world, we haven't got that kind of time." I moaned, throwing my hands up.
"You've always been the most impatient person I know." he chuckled.
"Hey! I'm very patient with people... But with nothing else. I'll admit that." I smiled.
I pulled a hairband off my wrist and tied my hair in a high ponytail, smacking the strands out of my hot face.
The rest of the perimeter check was uneventful, but everything was alright.
We got back to camp as the day had crept on. It wasn't long until the sun would start to set.
"How are the perimeters looking?" Rick called as we got to the tents.
"All good. No signs of disturbance or anything." Alex replied. I span and raised an eyebrow at his wordy observation, but he merely smirked.
We sat down by the fire, my head throbbing slightly from the amount of focus and observing I'd done that day. My ribs also were sore, my laboured breathing and constant movements not helping the pain.
"Sam, can you take the next shift please? Daryl isn't back to take over yet." Glenn called from the top of the RV and I groaned.
"Fine!" I grunted, standing and trudging over to the ladder.
I climbed up and threw myself into the chair, my eyes glued to the horizon.
Glenn silently passed me the binoculars and gun, his face amused.
"What?" I snapped.
"Are you okay?" He asked. I looked up at his concerned expression. I sighed long and harshly.
"I'm sorry. I'm shattered. I've been doing watches and stuff all day." I muttered, turning back to face the fields.
"Well as soon as Dixon is back, I'll get him to take over." Glenn offered, but I shook my head.
"Don't worry about it." I shrugged, looking up at Glenn, fixing a smile on my face.
He smiled and nodded before disappearing down the ladder.
When he was gone, the smile dropped from my face and I sagged in the chair.
I know there's no fairness and rest in this new world, but I never got a break. I thought that now were all back together, we could have fair turns and I'd get some rest. I could take my guard down.
But now there's even more watches and work to do. I know it's for the best and its the safest, but at some point I was going to crash. Why if that's the wrong place at the wrong time?
But eugh, I can't keep thinking like this.
It'll work out. We'll make it work. I'm just tired, and this is just one shift. Just chill out.
I shut my eyes tightly for a second, before I began my watch over the fields as the sun crept out of sight.
It didn't even take long before Daryl had come back.
I saw his movements through the trees, the binoculars confirming it was him.
He lolloped across the field, his injuries obviously hindering him. He shouldn't be going out as he's still healing. But then again, you can't talk to him about it. He's Daryl Dixon. He'll do what he wants.
He walked straight up to camp, not even registering me. He went into his tent, left it again and entered the RV.
Then I could hear voices. His and Carol's.
I wanted to get off the RV then. I didn't want to hear what they had to say. I didn't want to hear silence even more.
Thankfully, the talking didn't last for long as I saw him walking away towards his tent.
Thankfully? I don't mean that. I don't care.
I shook my head and pulled my feet up, wrapping my arms around my legs. The air got cold quickly, and I immediately regretted not getting a jumper and wearing shorts.
The sun had totally disappeared, and I was counting the minutes until I could get off watch.
A quick glance back showed the group congregated round the fire, their faces glowing and warm-looking against the black backdrop of the night.
I faced back round and groaned.
I fought off the urge to shiver and scrunched myself tighter. My blinks were getting longer and I was yawning frequently. I was considering calling out for someone to take over the shift when I heard someone climbing up the stairs.
"Thank god! I thought you'd never come and I'd have to watch.. All... Night. Oh." I trailed as Daryl got to the top of the ladder.
I stood up and stared at him, slightly irritated.
"Don't worry. I covered your shift for you." I spat sarcastically. He didn't reply, but merely stared at me.
I laid the binoculars on the chair and held the rifle out to Daryl. He took it slowly and edged away from the ladder, his eyes attached to his feet.
I shook my head and squeezed past him, my heart hammering wildly in my chest. We'd been in that situation before.
He doesn't want to talk to me? Fine. Two can play at that game.
I scampered quickly past him and down the ladder and walked away without a single look back.
I decided to go straight for my tent and sleep - I could just eat tomorrow. I was too tired to chew.
"Sam?" I heard, and span to see Lori walking towards me. She had a plate in her hand and held it out to me.
"I'm not hungry." I smiled, although I don't know if she saw it in the dark light.
"You have it." I said. She smiled and nodded. I returned the smile, before laying a hand on her arm and walking away.
As soon as I got to my tent, I looked back at the group and up to Daryl. After some awkward eye contact and silently cursing to myself, I shivered and crawled into my tent.
I laid down on my sleeping bag, not bothering to get in or even take my shoes off. I ignored the cold that tightened my chest and curled up tightly, my exhaustion overcoming everything.
A little fillery, I know. But you'll need it!
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Until next time, my pretties.
- Loré. X