Disclaimer: The Show Victorious, its characters and other associated copyrights are property of someone else.

Shock Value

Chapter 9 – Fear

Jade's POV

Any doubts I had about me being gay were pretty much obliterated the first time Vega slipped her tongue in my mouth. Just the way it gently caressed my tongue sent me almost up the wall. It was an earth shattering experience. For once I was being kissed and I not only liked it, I couldn't get enough of it. I felt oddly complete as Vega put her arms around me, pulling me tighter into her embrace.

We made out in my car for almost 10 minutes, parked in front of Cat's house. I just couldn't get enough. Her lips were so soft and inviting. I felt this almost magnetic pull to her.

I'm not sure why, but some part of my mind, the more cynical side of me urged me to slow down. Maybe that was a good idea, as my mind was spinning like a top. It was all too new and too much. I was feeling a tad overwhelmed. A person who is starving will gorge themselves on food until they get sick. They need the food to survive, but too much too fast can have ill effects.

I broke from the kiss and smiled. "I'd better get you home."

In Vega's eyes, there was only the slightest hint of disappointment. I think somehow she sensed I was starting to feel over my head.

"I don't want to push you too far into unfamiliar territory, pardon me if I did tonight." She said, with a thoughtful look on her face.

"Unfamiliar but nice" I said with a reassuring smile as I started the car.

We drove in a comfortable silence, back to her house. Tori's hand resting on my leg. I liked the way, her hand's presence made me feel. It was a warm comfortable feeling.

"I looked at her with a smirk. "I hope you realize that you've very much caught the attention of a woman, who's a bitch about 90% of the time."

I felt obligated to give her this warning. It's only fair.

Tori leaned over and kissed my arm. "I think you're more than worth it." She smiled and leaned over again. "Ill let you in on a little secret. "

I narrowed my eyes. "What's that?"

Tori whispered. "I don't think she's really a bitch at all."

I just burst out laughing. "If you say so."

Tori leaned back and smiled. "I know so."

I pulled up in front of Tori's house at this point. "Well for you sake, let's hope your right."

Tori gave me a coy look. "Would that mean that big bad Jadey, actually want to spend time with me?"

Instinctively my hand shot out and lightly grasped her under the chin. "Ooohh…one kiss and she thinks she can call me Jadey. I think someone has a rather high opinion of themselves. I don't like being called Jadey. Bad things happen to people who call me Jadey." I said rather acidly.

That was my rather formable defenses kicking in on autopilot. It sort of came out of my mouth before I even realized I said it.

I quickly released her chin and carefully studied her reaction.

Her mouth hung open for about a second. She then smiled and leaned in for a short but tender kiss.

"You're so cute when you flush red with anger. I just love it." A confident look came to Tori's face. "The day will come when I call you that and you won't mind."

My eyes narrowed. "You'll have to win my heart first."

Tori's smile widened. "Oh I plan too"

My face took a serious look. "Tonight I kicked in the nuts someone I was once very much in love with. Someone I thought I knew. This breakup is not without pain. So it won't be easy. You want my heart you'll have to earn it. That may be unfair but that's the way it is."

Tori took her hand and gently cupped my cheek. "What ever it takes, however long it takes, because you, Jade West are most certainly worth it and don't you forget it. Call me when you get up."

I nodded. "I will, I promise"

"She then gave me a quick kiss and got out of the car. I quietly watched as she walked up and entered her house before I drove away.

I drove straight home; all I wanted to do was get to the solitude of my room. My head was going in a thousand different directions at once. I needed some time to think digest it all.

I arrived home to find my parents were gone. My dad who is a doctor, was at the hospital. My mom was probably screwing some 22 year old she picked up. My parents marriage is a laugh.

I grabbed a beer from the fridge and went up to my room. As I entered I shut the door and leaned against it. I slid to the floor and opened my beer. Taking a long drink I started to think what had happened.

I had taken my first steps into a new world; a wonderful new world which I suspect I belonged in. The thing was that it was scary as hell. For a while I sat there, two words rolling round and round my head.

"I'm gay" It was both thrilling and terrifying all at the same time. I'm human, to be afraid of something new is very natural. I knew there was no doubt anymore. Just feeling my nipples harden as Tori kissed me.

On top of that, was something else that worried me. I knew that Tori could rev my engine and she certainly did. Leaving Beck's, previously clumsy efforts far behind in the dust. But my more defensive side, was cautious about the whole thing.

I once felt something very real with Beck and it went to shit. Just because I like women doesn't mean Vega and I are even remotely compatible. I'm not sure, but some part of me wanted to keep Vega out. To protect my heart, if not for anything else.

I finished my beer and went to bed. Sleep didn't come easily. I kept thinking about the thrill of holding her hand, the intensity of her kiss, the fear of getting my heart crushed, the fact that I realized I was gay. Too many things were swimming around in my head.

I did manage to drift off, after about 2 hours of lying in bed, only to dream about Vega. I was chasing her though the halls of Hollywood arts, never quite able to see her. I would only hear her laugh in the distance. I kept running into Beck however. Every time I turned a corner, there he was. He said nothing, but there was a smug expression on his face.

Waking up in the morning, I was groggy and tired. What sleep I got, was restless and filled with images of Tori and other women. I was wanted to call Tori but somehow I chickened out. I still was a bit stressed, scared and a bit freaked out.

I spent the morning doing homework and trying to get my mind off things. At least for a while.

Vega texted me about 10 am.

From Tori: "Would you like to do something today?"

I didn't respond and continued to do my homework. The part of me that wanted to shut her out won and I just ignored her.

She called me about an hour later but I didn't answer. Part of me wanted to and part of me didn't. I just didn't know what to say, do or think. I wanted her, I was scared. I was still feeling a bit overwhelmed from last night.

After lunch I decided to soak in the pool, to try and relax. It was a hot sticky day already so a swim would feel good regardless. I took some time and swam some laps to burn off some of the excess nervous energy that I seemed to be plagued with.

Then I parked myself in a floating char and put my head phones on. I had my phone next to the pool, but had no intention of answering it. I just closed my eyes and tried to force it all out of my head. I just needed to relax.

After about an hour I finally began to relax and I could feel the tension start to leave my body. I heard a noise on the patio and opened my eyes.

The tension immediately returned when I saw Beck standing next to the pool.

"What do you want?" I growled. "You more than anyone else know that I don't like to be bugged while I'm in the pool."

When I am in the pool, I like to be alone. I don't normally like to have people in the pool with me.

A look of uncertainly quickly flashed cross his face, as he nervously ran his hand through his hair.

"Look Jade, I'm sorry about last night, I was drunk and … Look, I was only thinking about us. Jade I love you." He said trying to look remorseful. I doubt he actually was.

"Well I don't, so fuck off!" I growled.

He quickly seemed grow angry, as I expected he would. "Look Jade. Tori was interfering and I was defending us. Unlike you, I don't want to give up on our relationship."

If it wasn't for the fact that I was on a floating chair in a pool I would have kicked in the nuts again.

"Get the fuck off my property Beck, and if you so much as even look at Vega cross eyed, I'll kick your ass right into next week. Get it through your thick skull. We are broken up, once and for all. "I barked at him.

He looked like he was going to come after me for about a second but suddenly turned and stormed off.

"Back to square one" I said to myself, now angry, tense and worked up. "So much for relaxation."

I suddenly found myself, wanting to hear Tori's voice. As scary as it was, I needed to give her a chance.

I retrieved my phone from the side of the pool. There was another text.

From Tori: Are you mad at me?

I suddenly felt terrible. I had promised to call her this morning but hadn't.

I picked up the phone and dialed.

"Hello" She said. Her voice had a hopeful tone to it.

I suddenly felt more relaxed, just hearing her voice. All that calm I was looking for, I found when I just heard her voice.

"Sorry for not calling you earlier. I don't really have an excuse." I said honestly.

"That's ok. I expect that you have a lot on your mind." She answered. "I just hope you're not mad at me."

"A new world" I thought to myself. I can't my fears and anxieties get in my way of exploring it.

"No, in fact, grab your swimsuit and get your talent less sister to drive you over." I said.

Her voice seemed to perk up. "Sound fun."

I thought for a moment and decided to take a few more steps.

"Bring some decent clothes, after we swim, I was wondering if you would like to go to dinner with me?"

"You mean like a date?" I hear say in an uncertain tone of voice.

I resisted the temptation to say something snarky. "Yes"

"I'd like that" She said quietly.

So they have their first real date planned. Jade is feeling a bit overwhelmed but is continuing to take steps into this new world.

If you're reading my story called Reunion. I posted chapter 12 this weekend.