Shavneral

Chapter 14 – Vegeta

I watched Kakarot sleep. Amazing, really, that he could even find enough peace to slip into whatever dreams lurked in that haunted mind of his... and I wondered if his mind would in fact give him a dreamless sleep to relieve him from the nightmares of his waking hours.

Studying his reposed face, I allowed myself to think about what I was gradually accepting I felt about him. I never would have thought I'd admit it, even to myself, but I cared for him a lot... in more than a comradely way, even. After getting closer to him when he'd allowed me to touch him, I'd verified that there wasn't a thing about him that I found unappealing, even with the deep scars and mutilations of his flesh... I was able to see past that, and even apply them into a rather strange form of distant beauty that I was unaccustomed to. The scars told a story of his enduring strength, of his struggle against those that treated him like less than dirt. And each fray of skin was unique, though they were painful to look at and I wished with all my heart to make them disappear.

It was complicated, I suppose. Like almost everything about Kakarot now, it was controversial and confusing. I wanted Kakarot, but I doubted I'd ever get close enough to have a chance. And I certainly didn't want to push the limited amount of acceptance, maybe even trust, that he'd given me now.

Still, my eyes were drawn to the curve of his sleeping cheek, the skin weathered where once it had been smooth and soft; the gentle sweep of eyelashes beneath a perpetually furrowed brow. The tiny flaw of a scar under one eyelid, the cropped remainder of his nose.

As my thoughts drifted without pattern, I wondered... would he ever be able to step outside this house again? Would he ever look upon his sons and actually recognize them? I sighed with a feeling similar to pity to envision the reaction of Gohan and Goten if their father shrank back from them in fear... Of trying to explain to the younger of the two why he looked so different and where the scars had come from. Everyone Kakarot had known before was a stranger to him now... the thought made me sad for my friend, as well as for his loved ones. But there was nothing I could do in that regard. I couldn't fix what wasn't mine to fix; broken relationships required a different kind of healing.

My gaze returned to Kakarot's face in time to see his eyes snap open, briskly, but without any drama. His midnight pupils wandered briefly before landing on me, and I distinctly saw his wrist shift to tilt the blade on his thumb, letting it catch the moonlight and flash just slightly. Slowly, he sat up and looked at me, and I swallowed a bizarre sense of amusement that his hair was even more unkempt than usual with lingering sleep.

His tail flicked once, but he remained silent, his gaze eventually dropping to the sheets beside him, which he had lightly gripped in his fingers, as if trying to anchor himself here...

"Sleep well?" I asked automatically, unsure if there was any right answer to that question where Kakarot was concerned.

His shoulders lifted a little in a shrug, "I don't know." he said quietly.

It occurred to me that he might not even know what sleeping "well" felt like... the experience of such things was beyond his reach.

I rephrased the question into something he could understand, "Did you sleep at all?"

He nodded once, not looking at me.

It seemed that he was acting different, and I was confused by his behavior.

"What's wrong?"

Kakarot met my gaze gradually, uncertainty and a tint of what looked like comprehension in his eyes.

He seemed about to speak, but then closed his mouth and ducked his head away.

"I was being stupid." I heard him mutter softly.

My eyebrows drew together in a frown, "How so?"

"I've been so afraid you would..." he began hesitantly, trailing off, "I've been watching you and threatening you... and you never did anything wrong... You've done nothing but help me..."

I was silent, waiting for him to go on with forbearance.

"And then I woke up and I felt... safe." he murmured, barely a whisper. He almost seemed to be in awe of that small but crucial fact.

I didn't say anything. I was afraid if I did convince myself to speak that I'd shatter the spell that had been cast by Kakarot's words. He felt safe... with me? I could barely believe it.

My eyes were once again riveted to his face; studying the uneasy honesty in his gaze, the strangely adorable way he bit his lip in thought that detracted from the overall fierceness of his visage significantly. I was aware of how close he was to me... closer on the whole than he'd been even when I'd explored his shoulders with my hands. I could feel his gossamer breath against my skin, the feverish warmth of his body heat; and I could sense that he was studying me, scrutinizing me even as I did the same to him.

I was amazingly relieved to see a good deal of the fear from before absent from his gaze, but instead of being harsh and sadistic like they'd been in my nightmare, or gentle and kind like they'd been in years past; his eyes were simply uncertain... a trace of isolation and loneliness that I hadn't expected. Despite being calmer than he'd been in a long time... Kakarot looked lost.

Dazedly, I felt myself lean forward just slightly, and my lips touched his tentatively. Chapped and cracked, they were anything but welcoming, but beneath the lingering taste of carnage that made its way into my mouth, there was something familiar... something sweet.

Kakarot gasped after only a brief moment of contact and broke away, and my eyes flitted open slowly, realization sinking in.

I knew that Kakarot flinched if anyone so much as touched him... and without thinking of what I was doing, I had actually kissed him.

I hadn't really meant anything by it, though the dissipating taste still faint on my lips suggested otherwise... He'd just looked so alone. I had wanted to do something to somehow show him how I felt... but I hadn't expected to actually act on it.

I chanced a glance at Kakarot, wishing I could take it back, but at the same time wishing to do it again. Wishing for more...

His eyes were wide, but rather than being fearful or offended... they were utterly confused. His lips slightly parted, startled and perplexed. Out of the corner of my eye, I caught the perhaps unintentional wink of the steel blade on his thumb as he shifted.

"Kakarot..." I began, seriously considering just apologizing and retreating to leave him be. I had a feeling that would make whatever circumstances I'd created worse, though. So I waited nervously for his reaction, whatever it may be.

"Wh..." Kakarot stammered, seeming unable to speak for a moment, "What was th-that...? What d-did you just do...?"

It occurred to me quite suddenly that he had no idea what a kiss was. In his memory he'd never experienced such a thing. It must have seemed terribly odd to him then, what I had just done... But surely some instinct was telling him that it was a gesture of compassion and not, say, an attempt to suck the life out of him or something.

"I..." I said hesitantly, not wanting to scare the other off accidentally, "...I kissed you, Kakarot."

Granted, I had considered that for a while now; since I'd realized that my caring for Kakarot exceeded a simple comradely bond... And I'd had my fair share of dreams that would probably never become real since then; always waking with an ache, wanting what I shouldn't have.

"...Why?" Kakarot asked quietly, adjusting his weight uncomfortably, drawing attention yet again to the fact that he still wore only the dark, gold-fastened loincloth from Shavneral around his hips as a semblance of clothing, refusing any suggestions to change his attire. I felt the ache beginning to return...

"Because... I care about you..." I said waveringly, unsure how to explain what didn't need to be explained to anyone else on the planet... how does one simply explain something that's universally understood...?

Kakarot touched his fingers absently to his lower lip, conflict and confusion warring in his black, endless eyes.

"...I don't want to make you uncomfortable, Kakarot," I muttered rigidly, getting to my feet to leave, despite a tiny impulse arguing that I stay for Kakarot's sake.

"Wait -!" I nearly jumped out of my skin as a callused hand grabbed my wrist, stopping my retreat.

I turned and looked at Kakarot, aghast... He blinked once forcefully, as if shaking off a nagging doubt; and to my shock, he leaned up and uncertainly brushed his lips against mine, as if trying to imitate what I had done, and my whole body shuddered at the ethereal touch. Gods, I had never even dared to dream that he might kiss me back...

The contact vanished after only a moment, and I looked in his ebony eyes, surprised to see a tiny flicker of desire there.

"...I don't think..." Kakarot began carefully, "I mean... would you...?"

I blinked, "Would I what?"

He swallowed hard, "...Do that again...? ….'Kiss' again?"

I noticed the hesitant stress on the word; the kind used when a definition is not quite understood.

There's so much that he doesn't know... I thought incredulously, So much that he doesn't remember...

And I was conscious that he was really only asking out of confusion; wanting to understand this concept he was unfamiliar with...

Scarcely believing it, barely able to comprehend that I actually had his permission... my hand shook slightly as it gently wrapped around the back of his neck – a vulnerability in a fight, and he knew it, tensing a little at the touch – and slowly pressed his mouth to my own, searching for any sign that I'd overstepped a boundary or that Kakarot didn't want this. For a long moment he didn't respond at all, his mouth unyielding and even resisting... but then I realized that it was because he didn't know what to do... he didn't know how he was supposed to respond.

Trying to show him, I moved my lips gradually, tangling my fingers in the base of his hair and tracing his lower lip with my tongue, tasting the copper of old blood and the hint of sweetness from before.

After a minute or two, he slowly began to participate, adding his own pressure, and then covering my mouth with his.

Oh, gods...

I felt his tongue searching for a taste, and willingly surrendered to him, amazed and slightly afraid that I would go into shock. I hadn't expected to get this close to him, to be allowed this moment of escalating passion from him, for months or years... or at all.

And yet... there was a dim awareness that he didn't truly know what the action meant. He must have had some inkling, able to infer from the sensation that was surely being caused in his body... but he didn't know about the intimacy implied by the kiss...

But I did.

X

-Kakarot

So this was what a kiss was. I was confused... questioning... but at the same time, I was anticipating, appreciating... and I felt hot all over. Sweat dripped down my forehead, every inch of my skin sweltering... and somehow the overheating sensation was strangely wonderful.

I had never known that these kinds of feelings even existed...And Vegeta was showing me, teaching me and letting me catch up to him and explore, experiment, understand...

I felt his warm tongue easing slowly into my mouth, somehow intensifying the heat and sensation... I heard the low groan from his throat, but it wasn't a pained one like I'd heard from those who were injured in a fight... It was... pleasure.

I didn't resist as he leaned over me, laying me down on my back and kneeling across my chest... though some niggling instinct was warning me insistently that he could easily hurt me, break me, destroy me... I shoved the thought aside, almost irritated at the primal edge of fear itching at my skin.

Vegeta's tongue stroked against my own, and the prick of fear was washed away. His breathing was rough, short bursts of air released from his nose as his lips enveloped around mine over and over, as he tilted his head alternately to change the angle.

Soft tail fur brushed against my cheek, and my eyes blinked open to see the auburn tip of Vegeta's tail feathering over my face, and he withdrew his lips from mine after a moment; though he seemed reluctant.

"Are you alright, Kakarot?" he asked in a quiet murmur, stroking his tail against my cheek again.

"F-fine," my voice was unsteady and dry, it barely sounded like my own.

A look came into the other's gaze; a look I didn't recognize. It was a nice expression, but it seemed just on the edge of pity somehow. I wondered what he was thinking about to put that expression on his face.

"Do you want me to stop now?" Vegeta went on, his voice carefully controlled, "Did you get what you wanted to know?"

I felt something like disappointment, though I wasn't entirely sure of the cause.

"Is there... is there more to it?" I asked uncertainly.

I contained a shiver as his tail brushed my bangs away from my eyes.

"Much more..." he said softly, "But if you don't want to know any more, we can stop here. Even pretend it never happened if you like. Whatever will make you happy."

I looked at him calculatingly, considering what he said. There was still a tiny whisper in my mind telling me to back away from a potential threat while I had the chance, but nothing I'd seen and felt of what Vegeta had shown me had seemed threatening at all. Quite the opposite; it was soothing...

I couldn't remember the last time I'd actually felt this good. I hadn't even really known that I could... Even if he did end up hurting me; which I seriously was doubting he would now... it would be worth it in my mind, just to feel that way again.

I met his eye decidedly, making up my mind.

"Show me."

TBC

((Gods, it has been forever since I updated anything, namely this one. And I think it (again) escalated too quickly. Too short. Awkward wording. Other such complaints. But I figured I've done enough fillers to warrant a kiss...About time something made these two remotely happy. They're both far too lonely, even with each other.

Sorry my inspiration's been really off lately, I'm a bit off my game... I'll get back on it eventually.

Thanks for reading and reviewing and putting up with this... and we might even get a little love scene in the next chapter, since they're still in Veggie's bed and all... but the conflict is far from over!

-Shinsun))