I'm really sorry about the REALLY long wait. Hopefull,y when exams are up and I have all summer, I will be able to post more chapters quickly!
I hope none of you were too upset by the wait. I hope this chapter makes up for it. :)

Long as the day had been, Kate's fatigue couldn't match her frustration. Kate slowed down at the light. Her phone began to ring and she pulled it up, holding it just below her chin. "Beckett," she answered.

"So Javi and I made the round on campus and in the coffee shop. Apparently, our boy Tyson was causing scenes in different places to get attention. A few students recognized his pictured and confirmed that he had been there quite often talking to students."

"Why would he make a scene like that? Why would he want to draw attention to himself?"

"Beats me," he replied, "but we did get a lead. A couple of guys from the coffee shop remembered him mentioning something about a job offer and handed them a flyer and information on how to contact him."

"Did we get that flyer?"

"We did. I'm sending you a photo right now."

"No, don't bother, Ryan. I'm on my way to Alexis and I can't really do anything with that information right now. Call Karpowski and L.T and make sure they get that information so their teams can track him from the information." Kate said.

"Um, Kate. I really think you want to see this." His voice became low and sincere.

"Ryan. Not right now, okay?" Before he could answer, Kate hung up and threw her phone on the passenger seat. She pulled her car to the curb and turned the key, shutting it off. She turned to watch the bus roll by. She turned back to face the front and tapped her temple subconsciously. Her phone rang once more but Kate hit the end button and chucked it over her shoulder to the back seat. It took her a few seconds before she gave up on trying to stop the tears. She brought her hands to her face as the sobs made their way out.

"Have you ever considered having kids?" Rick leaned on his right elbow. He pulled his pillow closer to him, folded it in half and placed it under his head, causing it to lift him higher. "Starting a family?" He could sense her thinking. Kate Beckett was still a mystery to him. Even now, even after everything they'd been through together, he still found her unpredictable.

Her brow creased, "I don't know. I guess… yeah, I guess I've always seen myself wanting a big family but after everything, it just doesn't seem right."

"What do you mean?"

"When I was younger I always thought I'd live in the big fancy house with six kids and a huge dollhouse." Kate's eyes twinkled and Rick was captivated. "We'd all curl up on the couch after a long day at the office and watch movies until 2 a.m. on weekends. After my mother died I lost control." Rick stared at her. He was half amazed by her story. He was more amazed by her. "I mean, I had to hold strong for my dad. With everything he was going through I knew I couldn't flake out. With the drinking and me having to pick him up from bars early in the afternoon. I just lost myself. I vanished."

"You did what anyone would do in that position. You rose up to it. You took the responsibility when it wasn't yours to take. You were young, Kate. You were impressionable. You didn't deserve that. No one does." His left hand rubbed her arm gently. "You can't be afraid of the past. Not after everything you've been through."

"Castle, everything I've been through brought me here. It's made me who I am."

"But it doesn't have to determine who you'll be." Rick assured. Silence struck them like a chord. "You will be a great mother. You are caring. You are remarkable. You are extraordinary, Kate." Rick's eyes glistened as he urged her to see what he saw. "You are perfect."

"I'm far from perfect, Castle."

"Kate—"

"No, listen." Her eyes set straight into his. "A week after my mother died I went out with my boyfriend. After that trauma, I just wanted to feel again. He and his friends had planned to rob a drugstore. I tagged along." Kate's hand came up to brush the hair from her face, "saying it now, I feel like an idiot."

"You're not an idiot."

She smiled at him half-heartedly and continued, "as he and his friends took money from the cash register I snuck a few bottles of over-the-counter pain killers into my pockets." Kate didn't stop at the sight of Rick's confused expression, "I went home that night, sat on the floor in my room and popped the cap off. Almost smiling at the sound of the air as it rushed into the vacuumed-shut bottle. It had all played out perfectly. My dad was at the bar like he was every day at the same time." Confusion turned to concern. Rick wanted so badly to pull her close and never let go but he knew she had to get it out. He knew she had to say it. "I poured myself a few glasses of vodka. Glass after glass, the bottle began to look so small. So…harmless." Her eyes watered, "in that moment, I was ready. I was ready to go." A tear fell, hitting her pillow like a brick, "I was done."

Rick's hand slid to hers and he held it tight. A sign of hope in the dark. It was his way of letting her know she was never alone.

"I looked at them. Twenty-four little white capsules in my left hand and a glass full of vodka in the other. That's when I saw it, under a box I had placed on my table. A box of my mother's things.

She said, "…In the box were things I hadn't gotten around to going through. Photos of us skating, opening Christmas presents. A picture my dad took of my mom and I watching Temptation Lane. I was bundled up in a light blue blanket with a box of tissues beside me. My mom held a bowl of soup in one hand and had her other arm slung over my shoulder as I leaned into her." Kate smiled at the thought, "I knew it had been taken by my father because he always put his finger in front of the flash." She laughed. "Along with the pictures were a few taped episodes of Temptation Lane and a home video. We had gone out for ice cream after I won my first competition. That box is where I found this." Kate placed her hand gently on her chest. Her index finger slid into the silver circle and she played with the ring on her necklace. "I pushed the box over, freeing the books it had been sitting on. It was a book I had bought just a week before but hadn't gotten around to opening it. The authors name printed across its front cover in white block letters. 'Richard Castle.' I let go of my glass and put the pills on the table. I spent the next hour buried within those pages. I remember thinking, 'there has got to be more out there. There has to be something out there that would make me feel again.' Out in the world I had barely lived in." She blinked away lingering tears, "so no, I'm not remarkable. I'm not extraordinary. I'm damaged. You helped fix me." She finished.

"And I will be here helping until the very end. I'm with you until the wheels fall off. You don't ever have to feel that way again. I'm here. The real me."

Kate forced her head up and wiped her tears away. She glanced in her review mirror just as her phone began to ring. Kate unclipped her seatbelt and squirmed her way between the two front seats. Her chest pressed against her armrest as her fingers stretched out toward her phone. She prompted herself up on her elbow, giving herself more room to reach, and swiped her phone off the back seat. Kate looked at the caller ID and quickly pulled it to her ear and cleared her throat, "Alexis, I'm on my way to you now. What's up?"

"Okay, I just wanted to know where you were. Ryan called and told me you were on your way. That was half an hour ago," said Alexis.

"Yeah, sorry. I got a little sidetracked. I'll be there in two minutes. Is everything okay?" Kate asked as she put the car in drive.

"Yeah, everything's fine."

"Alright, I'm almost there." Kate stepped on the gas pedal and crossed into the intersection. She looked down, pressed end, and placed her phone in the cup holder beside her. The sound of a car horn stunned her ear. Kate turned her head to the left and watched as a set of headlights crashed into her sending her vehicle twirling into the side of a brick wall.