I don't own it. I never will, if I did own it things would have gone A LOT differently
Please read, enjoy, review. This is very angsty some of this is true. I will not tell you what parts but I hope you can feel the strength of the emotion that went into writing this.
Today was the day that broke me. The sobs that rose in my throat were followed by the wretched taste of bile. The was another knock on my door as I peered out the front window into the street in front of our modest two bedroom house. A house that was not yet a home. A house that could not be a home without my Marine sitting on the couch yelling at the "New Jersey Shore" rerun that boggled his mind.
The bland beige car that sat parked in front of my mailbox could only belong to one person. The Casualty Assistance Officer. The one person you never want to see if your spouse is deployed.
The mug I had been clenching between my hands fell and shattered at my feet.
Time stopped. My heart began to race.
Stepping over the splintered ceramic my steps were robotic.
Every move I made to open the door was by my mental auto-pilot.
Gunnery Sergeant Mike Newton, a man who I had eaten dinner with a man whose grin could lighten even the worst of the moods, stood at my door in his service Charlies, his white cover in his hands. His face was twisted in a bastardized version of the smile I knew so well, it was the smile of someone who is bearing the worst news of all.
Before he could speak there was a rushing sound in my ears. All the blood drained from my face and I collapsed on the hardwood flooring of our entryway. He stooped down grabbing my elbow as I fell to brace me against his body to lessen the impact.
My hands immediately went to my stomach. To reassure myself that my baby was okay. With the help of the hand at my elbow I allowed myself to be led to the kitchen table. I sat down in shock and looked at the man who seated himself across from me.
Then I broke.
"What happened to him, why are you here" my voice came out in a wail abusing my vocal chords and his eardrums.
Anger and fear poisoning every word.
I wanted to lunge across the table at him. I wanted to wake up from this horrible nightmare. It couldn't be real.
"Bella, I was sent by your Jasper's command to give you some news." Gunny Newton's voice was gentle like a father soothing a fussy baby.
"As you may know his unit went out on a recon mission six days ago."
I nodded dumbly. Jasper always told me before he went off the grid. I never knew when he would be back but I always knew that I wouldn't hear from him for a while. Hours, days, and weeks spent waiting by the phone and my laptop for word from him. Word that they were back and safe. My nails were chewed down to the quick and my face was always raw from the endless tears of not knowing if he would come home to me. Whenever I spoke to him I could begin to function again as usual. Life started up as if it never stopped.
"We lost contact with them three days ago. When another team was sent out there were signs of a fire fight. We recovered six bodies from the scene. I can reassure you that your husband was not among them."
His said this as if it would make me feel better. The worst thing to give a wife is hope.
"So what you're saying is he is missing?" My voice was cold and bitter.
"Yes Bella. We have people searching for them now. We have high hopes that we can track them and find the location where they are being held."
"Who was lost?" Even in my despair I knew there were going to be women and families I would need to be with. To help them through their losses while I was being ripped apart by the fear of not knowing where my soul mate was.
"I can't release that information yet as some of the families have still not been contacted. I think the command is having a get together tomorrow at Master Sergeant Thomas' house. Hs wife will be calling everyone later to give them the details."
I nodded contemplating what would be needed of me. I will volunteer to help one of the wives. It is something I knew one of them would do and could possibly have to do in the future for me. Groceries would have to be bought, funeral plans made, the rest of the family would need to be contacted. We stood with each other as our husbands stood together. Loyal and committed to the cause we were pawns in. The silent supporters always moving behind the scenes to stay strong for those who were risking everything to make the world better for us.
"If you need anything at all you know Jessica and I are here for you. If you need to talk or just get away for a while. Jasper is a good man and a strong Marine. If anyone can survive and keep the rest of the guys safe it will be him. You know that." His voice broke as he hung his head burying his face in the hands in grief.
Mike and Jasper had served two deployments together. They had seen so many things. Jasper had saved Mike's life on the last trip over and we became close with their family. They were always here for us as we were for them.
Mike stood brushing the non existent wrinkles from his trousers and moved around the table to hug me.
"I'll have Jess call you later on and we'll see you tomorrow at the lunch," he mumbled into my hair.
I shut the door behind him and fell to my knees. The weight of what just happened settled down on me.
I cried.
I cried for my husband and myself.
But most of all I cried for the men who were lost. Some of them were fresh out of boot camp and excited to be Marines.
The next few days were a blur. We were given the names of the men we lost and everyone mobilized to help out their families. One wife in particular shredded my already broken heart.
Jane was 18. He husband Garrett joined the Corps fresh out of high school to help support his family. His dad had left and his mom was left to raise four children on her own. He wanted to set an example for his young siblings. That there was something worth fighting for. That there were real heroes in the world.
Garrett and Jane were married at the courthouse a month before they were due to deploy. We all went in support. Garrett had given his enlistment bonus to his mother to help her pay the bills. We all chipped in to give them a reception, it was a fun day. We barbequed, laughed and for a while the weight of the impending deployment was gone.
The glow of their faces when they had their first dance was a heartwarming sight. They were made for each other. It reminded me of our wedding.
But now.
She sat ramrod straight in her chair. Tears silently pouring down her face as plans were being made all around her. One of the older wives held her hand but her grip was lifeless.
She is too young to be a widow.
Too young to know the devastation of this type of pain.
I volunteered to be by her side and to help her through the next few weeks. I would put aside my pain and shoulder some of hers for a while. I would help her carry this burden.
Days passed and no word. The funerals were beautiful. Each ceremony truly honored the men who had fallen. There was a light mist falling over the few days that the services were held as if God himself was crying for our losses.
Garrett's family came and thanks us all for our help. His mother told us stories about Garrett and Jane in high school and as children. They had truly been meant for each other.
The day before we laid him to rest Jane never left the side of the coffin. She stayed in the chapel that night reading the letters her had written her and clutching his uniform he wore before he left.
She never spoke a word.
Two days after the wedding she left their apartment. She drove to their hometown which was just an hour from where we were and went to their special place. A small clearing in the forest.
That's where we found her. In front of the oak tree where they had carved their initials into the bark. She looked like she was just sleeping. In her arms was a picture of them at their wedding and his dog tags. Rather than live without the love of her life she took her own. They were buried side by side.
The loss of such special people gave me motivation to drive forward.
I could not give up on my husband.
I would stay strong for him just like I knew he would expect me to do.
I would wait as long as I had to for him.
I have a lot more to write. A lot of what goes into these segments has come from real life experiences but I also feel like they are actions that a true to the character's canon personalities. I hope you enjoyed. Please let me know if you did.