Chapter Four
Eligible Humanoid: Jacob Taylor and Kelly Chambers
Not finding Mordin in the lab was something Shepard did not expect. The Salarian was glued to the lab and rarely left it except maybe to have a meal or two in the mass hall. He had a fixed routine which he kept straightly and right now was his "time in the lab" routine. Yet, the lab was empty when Shepard walked in.
Shepard stood by the Research Terminal and wondered where she should go next. She did not want to go to the CIC because she did not want those expressive eyes of Kelly Chambers watching her every move. Not right now. She was not in the mood to hear the woman speak at the moment. Shepard had walked out of the elevator just now to see Kelly opening her mouth to speak and she had shushed her immediately. Most people who got the Shepard Shush would immediately shut up, at least for a minute or so, but not Kelly Chambers. She just went on talking as if she had not heard Shepard hushing her. Right on with her little "professional" take about Shepard's feelings after meeting Kaidan Alenko again on Horizon. Along with those one liners about her team. Shepard did not have the patience for Kelly Chambers.
Shepard wondered if Chambers just based her stuffs about each person she brought back simply by reading the psy reports sent her because it was impossible to do an evaluation of a person in such short a time that the Yeoman took. Shepard would be back on the ship with a new addition, jumped into the elevator, head herself up to the CIC and bam! Kelly Chambers would have something to say about the newest addition! Shepard sworn that woman had some unspeakable talent to allow her to be able to psychologically evaluate her team's mind without speaking to them or she was The Illusive Man's ultimate spy... or she was an ultimate floozy. Ultimate psychological genius or the ultimate spy or an ultimate floozy, Shepard did not want to know. She just did not want to be near her Yeoman right now unless she absolutely had to.
Next on the list after Mordin would be to visit Joker. But that would mean walking past the CIC to the cockpit. Not happening. Going down to the Crew Deck? That would go past Kelly Chambers too. Not happening. Why was she positioned at such a central location?
There was not much places left that Shepard could go. She could hide here till Mordin came back into the lab but then she might not be able to stop herself from going through his experiments. Called it natural curiosity. But whatever Mordin was always doing, they looked very tempting to her to want to touch and play with. Very colorful...And swirly... Staying in this room would most likely cause an episode in which Mordin came back to find that blue stuff in that flask over there had turned green. He might end up hunting her down all over the ship, only to find her hiding in the Main Battery. And then, Mordin might just kill her, along with innocent Garrus for being the eye witness, with some anal probe that he doubled as an assassination weapon.
The only place left for Shepard to go then without needing to walk passed the Yeoman, was the armory. Jacob Taylor. The most boring person on the ship, taking the top spot even though Garrus was a close second with his "in the middle of some calibration" line. At least Garrus never took every line she said as a proposition. And she had been using quite a number of lines which very well could be! Jacob, on the other hand, took even her "I just want to find out more about you" line as one!
Jacob or Kelly? "I'm not big on forcing these talk" or "I always have time for you, Commander"? Shepard checked the time. Thirty more minutes before Kelly Chambers went for her lunch break. Hell, Shepard would just have to go see Jacob for a bit and let his discriminatory accusation reduce her into feeling like a cheap hooker for thirty minutes and then she would be free to fool around with the map and not have those Chambers eyes staring at her while she was at it. She was Commander Shepard and she could handle a couple of judgmental words now and then. Jacob Taylor it was. Shepard left the lab through the door that led to the Communication Room, almost did a double take to not fall over the crotched form of Mordin in his lab coat or came face to butt with the Salarian scientist.
Mordin was squatted with his back to Shepard by the side of the door of the Communication Room, holding a device. Little sizzling sound was coming from the ground where he had angled it. Shepard twisted herself a little to the right to see what the scientist was doing.
"Outside Communication Room? Unexpected. On the floor. Waste of resources. Brilliant though. Never would have thought them be on the floor," he said to no one in particular.
"Mordin," Shepard strained her neck a little more to see the Salarian' face. "What are you doing?"
"Checking for surveillance devices. Invented scanner while waiting for lab results from Kaidan Alenko's biology scans. Handy contraption. Not Alenko. Although ability to break free of seeker swamp paralysis intriguing. Alenko not likely to be handy if made into contraption. Speaking of scanner. Able to scan anything. Anyone. Going to scan Agent Jacob Taylor for surveillance gadgets later. First, scan here. Interesting find."
"You look like you're trying to... no, you look like you ARE frying ants with a magnifying glass."
"Do not get reference. Scanner does not work like magnifying glass. No sunlight inside ship. No Earth insects either. Heat emission of scanner not oil caused. Scanner burns devices when in contact. Disable the black nano transmission fiber optics inside. Immediate disabled. No worries of it reenabling after. Yes. Found out devices reenable themselves even if stomped on. Nano technology. Well made. Scanner can locate and destroy," There was a sharp intake of breath. "Scanning organics may bring slight discomfort. Sizzle devices when in contact. Might cause tiny burns if nano technology used to enable device in organics. Set mode to burn only cheaper and shorter ranged devices. More expansive range will be extracted and returned to First Officer Lawson. Save time to scout for devices and disable. No need to stomp on them. Roasting them more efficient. Less physical strength. Needed."
"You intend to use that scanner to probe Jacob?" Shepard asked, trying hard not to giggle like an idiot hearing about Mordin's newest invention and his plans on using it.
"Yes and No. Scan, not probe," Mordin corrected her. "Scanner too big to use as probe. Tearing would be uncomfortable. Walking around bow legged for days while on mission, inadvisable. Problem?"
"So, let me get this straight," Shepard said. "You scan Jacob. If the scanner find an expansive device, you cut Jacob open? If it finds a cheaper variety, it burns it right off his ass?"
"Again, yes and no," Mordin corrected again. "Yes, scanner burns and disables. Immediate disability. Slight discomfort, not life threatening. May surface tiny burnt marks if near skin. Depending on how deeply imbedded device is. Electric shock. Nothing serious," Mordin inhaled sharply again. "Yes, if found more expansive devices, will open to extract. Ask permission first. Only right. No. Scan may not reveal devices in gluteus maximus. May be in other areas. Problem?"
"Nope," Shepard shook her head. "Don't let me stop you. Go probe Jacob."
"Scan, not probe," Mordin corrected her a third time.
Shepard was about to back away and entertain herself watching the Salarian did his scanning when suddenly, she decided to use the scanner to settle her little problem.
"Wait!" Shepard said. "Do Kelly too. She might have one in the cavity of her mouth."
"Yes. Possibly. Could consider. After scanning Jacob. Will scan Yeoman Kelly Chambers."
"I'll inform her to come see you later," Shepard said, helpfully.
"Not necessary. Lab's proximity to Yeoman close. Just walk out and take scan. Will only be a few minutes," Mordin started to stand up from his squatting.
"No!" Shepard hurriedly pushed the scientist back to his squatting position, causing him to almost lose balance. "I mean both Jacob and Kelly will be having lunch with me. So you should scan them after lunch. So it's more advisable that I send them to you. So, you should stay here and continue to fry those nano transmission thingies."
"Very well," Mordin said. "Might break for meal too. Scanner..."
"No!" Shepard stopped him again. She couldn't let him have a chance to speak to either of them until she did what she had to. "I... I mean Doctor Chakwas said she would like to have lunch with you to talk... You know... medical stuffs. She already said she would see you in... an hour... Yes. An hour in the mess hall. That's like a date... I mean a business date."
"Could have commed me," Mordin said, his left eye closed a little more than his right as he watched her from his squatted position. "Doctor Chakwas always commed before visits."
"That's why I'm here," Shepard smiled and saluted. "I'm Messenger Shepard on the Normandy. No hiccups. Does her job 100% of the time and won't break anything."
"Very well," Mordin gave her a sideway glance but did not say anything more.
Shepard doubled her footsteps into the Armory to inform Jacob he would be having lunch with her in her quarters, then took to her heels to inform Kelly the same thing before jamming her fingers repeatedly at the elevator down button. She needed to get to the Sick Bay and then the Main Battery, now.
"Garrus, do you still have those surveillance devices you retrieved from this room?" Shepard asked Garrus the moment she stepped into the room
"Can it wait a bit..."
"No!"
"Ok! Ok!"
Garrus went to his table by the side and came back with five of what looked like little capsules a quarter the size of her nails.
"Open them up and give me the transitor fiber thingy whatever... The black stringy thingy..."
"This one?" Garrus fiddled with one of the small devices and showed Shepard the transmission fiber.
"Yeah! That one," Shepard was amazed that Garrus' talons could so delicately extract such a tiny item.
"Everyone of them?" Garrus asked.
"Yap," Shepard smiled.
"Why do you need them, Shepard?" Garrus asked again.
"I've plans."
"Ok," Garrus leaned back against his console. "now I'm curious."
"Go back to your calibration, Garrus," Shepard waved him to continue work on the devices.
"What are you doing with them, Shepard?"
"I'm feeding them to Jacob and Kelly."
"Feeding... them?" Garrus blinked his Turian blink.
"Then I'm sending them to Mordin to be scanned and zapped! Instant tummy uclers plus cure in one zap!" Shepard clapped her hands together.
"That sounds suspiciously evil, Shepard," Garrus said.
"Yes!" Garrus could see Shepard was actually excited. "I am the Vanguard of their destruction! And you're my accomplice! You are helping me carry our lunches up to my quarters, and we'll have lunch together! We'll make sure they eat these!"
"I don't have to do this, do I?" Garrus blinked again and pointed to his console. "These calibrations won't do themselves."
"If you don't do it," Shepard threatened. "I swear I'll find that bright pink and white Phoenix Armor you had to wear two years ago and make you wear it all over again! I still remember the Sirta Foundation owes me some favors."
"That is blackmail," Garrus poked her with his talon.
"Well?" Shepard poked back.
"Fine," Garrus said. "I've to eat anyway. For the record, reminding me of that awful armor and making me wear that two years ago, I hate you."
"No. You love me. You just don't know it yet," Shepard said looking at the fibers Garrus extracted. "These don't look enough... I'll go ask Jack. She might have some too. Go get our lunches up. I"ll take theirs up so there's no mix up with mine!"