Chapter Six:

There is a...minor setback to my investigation of the crew. It seems that in an effort to relieve both boredom and stress brought on by recent decisions I brought about a most unpleasant episode. I suffered full-body paralysis and for a great deal of time I was unconscious. Normally recovery would not take this long but it seems I overexcited not only my muscles but in doing so depleted most of my reserves for strength. Basic things such as moving, walking even writing this entry is painful and is taking me an awfully long while just to accomplish basic things.

Well, the progress of my control over Jim is coming along rather fine. It seems whatever form or level of adoration he has for me only adds to his transformation into a puppet. Yes, I feel guilty for using him like this but it is for the greater good. However, Jim really is a nice boy and he seems to genuinely care a lot about something…I'm not quite sure what it is but I wonder if it has anything to do with me. But that might just be my vanity coming out once more. I do believe my sword fight with Amelia came out as a draw. We both know though I have more training in that particular field but she is the one with years of experience.

To me it feels as if I need recovery of a different sort this time. Before I would merely lie about and not overexert myself in any way, mainly because Amelia always advised me to do so but I sense that to heal I must push myself even harder; to try and overcome the weaknesses that limit me so. Therefore I shall cease to "lounge about" in my small stateroom and go out and walk once more on the Legacy's shining deck.

-K.A. xx-xx-xxxx

Although it did take me awhile to pull on the simplest articles of clothing I was out and about like normal, strolling the decks of the Legacy with a barely noticeable limp. I eat, observe the crew and then check in with Amelia (who wasn't all that pleased with my new method of recovery) before sitting on the railing watching worlds pass by.

I could sit here for just about forever; watching our steady progress through space and wonder what else we might pass. After sitting still for over an hour I return to my stateroom for a nap.

xXx

It has occurred to me that I know nothing about the boy I intend to control and that it would benefit me to amend that. I wonder what he likes to do?

-K.A. xx-xx-xxxx

I change into more comfortable evening attire; consisting of a short sleeved shirt, light black slacks, and a long-sleeved windbreaker. I head out, searching for Jim and find him in the middle of a rope lesson with Silver. The expression on his face is that of utter boredom. I decide to wait until it's over and take a spot on the railing in front of some shrouds. I hang on to one and peer over at the seemingly endless space beneath our ship. I began to wonder what it would be like to let go and free fall into all of that mystery and my hand starts to slip as I become totally entranced by the emptiness. As I let go another hand grabs mine and whirls my body around. I stare into Jim's confused eyes as he slips an arm around my waist and pulls me up.

"Kalena, are you okay?" he shakes me a little. Do I look as unresponsive as I feel?

'I'm...alright.' I allow Jim's hands to lower me to the railing where I sit rather numbly.

"What's the matter? Are you sick?"

'No, I'm fine. I just got a little dizzy is all.'

"You sure? Maybe we should get the Captain-"

'No, that won't be necessary. Say Jim do you have any family?'

Jim's eyes lit up at the question and didn't seem to care or notice the sudden subject change. "Yeah, it's just my mom though."

'Where is your dad?' I ask insensitively.

"Gone, or even better, dead." He said this with such disappointment and coldness that I did not expect from him. Under the bitter tone he sounded sad. I felt bad having asked and decided to make up for it by sharing some pain of my own.

'I have no family.' In truth it didn't hurt, I had Amelia after all but some days I did wonder if I had any family out there.

He takes my hand, bringing my depressing thoughts to a close and he mutters a faint "I'm sorry ". I shrug and he lets go. I stand up and jump off the railing and onto the deck, my shoes making a soft "thwump" sound. With my back to him I say 'I have Amelia. And that is enough.' He follows me as I walk to the other side of the deck. I turn to him as I sit on a nearby ledge saying 'Tell me about your mother.'

He reveals to me a great deal about her and in turn himself. How he feels she holds him back but also how he is ashamed of all the pain he causes her daily by getting into trouble and even now by being on this ship. By the end of it I'm burning with desire for a mother of my own but I douse the flames by believing it is not a necessity only a want. And that one day, I might even be one.

I look at Jim and say firmly yet gently at the same time 'One day I would very much like to meet her.' He smiles and I can't help but smile too, happy for the fact that I was speaking the truth and not using him for the first time since I'd made the decision to.

The smile disintegrated as I thought of how I might never get the chance to, who's to say Jim won't hate me after this is all said and done? Before he can notice I ask Jim what he likes to do for fun.

With a mischievous grin he says two of my most favorite words. "Solar surf." By this time I'm grinning as well and I eagerly grab his hand and begin to lead him to the hold where my solar surfer is stored.

With a flourish I reveal my exceptional possession and allow Jim to take in all of her glory. His eyes just about fall out of his head, they've become so huge in attempt to view everything all at once. After a great deal of gawking he looks over at me, almost unwillingly, and exclaims in a breathy whisper, "And it's yours?"

I nod, overcome with unusual pride that halts my ability to speak. At last I find my tongue and say shakily 'You can touch it.' With unstable hands contaminated by extraordinary excitement he rakes over it with surprising fervor. A shiver runs through me as I try to determine if it would be pleasant for someone to run their hands over me like that. With shock I realize rather numbly that I haven't even had my first kiss yet. I shake my head ferociously to clear my mind of this ludicrous train of thought. I throw a bit of a plastic smile on that switches to a real one as I ask "You wanna go for a ride?"

His eyes light up alongside an infectious smile that quickly has me grinning like a simpleton too. I allow him to haul the surfer out to an abandoned area of the deck but as I'm deciding whether or not to warn Amelia his impatience clouds my judgment and in protest to it I leap off the deck with the surfer, switching it on before I fall too far and guiding it back around in time for Jim to land on it without missing. As he decides where he's going to hang on to me at I pop three pills before forcefully guiding his hands to the space just above my sword harness.

I'm ninety-percent sure if I turn around I'll find Jim blushing from either embarrassment or just blushing in general. Instead I simply gun the engine and send the surfer tearing off into space with Jim clinging to me as best he can. I begin to suppress a laugh but instead I let it ring out where it mingled with the roar of the engine and the silence of space. Jim soon joins me in playful laughter as I slowed the surfer.

I wasn't too comfortable with the idea of doing tricks while with a passenger; therefore I simply let the surfer cruise on by nebulae and meteors without doing anything extreme. I slowly turned to face Jim without losing my footing only to be surprised at exactly how close we were. He seems astonished too but instead of letting it get to him like I was doing now he instead switches places with me leaving me only enough time to gawk at him in total shock. Before I can ask what he's doing he revs the engine, causing the surfer to jump and move suddenly, leaving me with only half a second to grab onto Jim's waist and lock myself there.

I cling tightly to his muscular form and attempt to choke down the rush of emotion that accompanied the surfer's rising speed. Jim apparently didn't feel the same apprehension as I felt in regards to doing stunts with another person and I was left to strangling his midsection. Not once did my hold on his torso lessen until I felt we had slowed down and that the sail had gone up as well. I was almost ready to half-heartedly scold him when I sighted the absolute tranquility and inner joy on his face. Any anger quickly dissipated as I watched Jim's face glow like the after-light of a newborn star. Unwilling to break his current state of happiness I simply re-encircled my arms around him and laid the side of my face against his back. I felt him sigh with contentment as he guided the surfer back to the ship. It took a while because Jim wound up taking us a lot further than I had originally expected to go but that was alright, so long as we didn't get lost.

I helped Jim navigate as the space around us became steadily unfamiliar until we soon were face to face with the Legacy. We found an empty bit of deck and brought the surfer as close as possible to it. Jim hopped off and he surprised me by picking me up and carrying me over the railing and onto the deck. He held me in the air for a few milliseconds as if debating his reasoning for doing this. Apparently he found one because he soon set me down muttering something about me still being a "stiff" and whatnot. I just nodded rather mutely and watched as he grabbed the solar surfer and left to put it away. I followed him like a lost pup and after a good head shake my mind was finally clear enough to allow me to return his "Goodnight" and walk almost numbly to my stateroom.

I collapse onto the bed after detaching my harness and shudder at the feverish heat waves I feel coming and going across my face. All of a sudden I hear a strong, resounding, almost drum-like sound and for a few seconds I frantically search for the source until I realize rather foolishly that it's only my very rapid heartbeat. Embarrassed by these sensations that are only stressing my frayed nerves even more I lie down on my bed once more. All the while pondering why I'm reacting this way.

I've gone solar surfing as well as performed a broad and dangerous array of stunts while doing it so it cannot be a reaction to that. As I thought harder I struggled to convince myself that this state I'm in had absolutely nothing to do with Jim and certainly nothing to do with the way he held me on the deck. He was just being courteous and nothing more. He was merely returning the favour for taking him solar surfing with me. Right? I can't...No. I will not develop feelings for a boy who is my pawn and center of control, the key to my success in this mission and I will not abuse it—er—him, in any way, nor myself for that matter.

I will not develop feelings for anyone outside of my closed circle, which primarily consists of Amelia and sometimes Arrow. All this fluttery and nonsense will come to pass...I hope...