Kelly Chambers kept stealing looks at the Commander but did not say anything. After half a morning of not responding to her looking that way, curiosity finally got the better of Shepard. She turned fully to her Yeoman and glared, though non-maliciously, at her.
"You know I can see you doing that, don't you, Kelly?" Shepard asked.
"Commander...," the Yeoman clearly was embarrassed.
"What is it, Kelly?" Shepard said. "Just tell me. You know by now I hate it when people are wishy washy."
"You came for us," Kelly said gratefully. "I know you would. Thank you. A thousand times, thank you."
"It's my job, Kelly," Shepard said. "No one left behind on my ship. How're you doing?"
"I'm holding up," Kelly said. "Can't kick the memories out of my head... Trapped... Suffocating... It's oozing into every pore... Faint sobs echoing in the confined space... But I... I can't dwell on it. I'm okay now. I'm alive. Back to the old Kelly..."
"Kelly," Shepard sighed. "Are you part Drell?"
"What?" Kelly asked.
"I said, are you part Drell?" Shepard asked again. "Because you just did a eidetic memory thing on me. And I was waiting for your eyes to bulge out of their sockets, actually."
"I...," Kelly looked down.
"Look, Kelly," Shepard said. "I understand no one has come out of the Collector base unscarred. But seriously? You signed on knowing it's a suicide mission. And you, you yourself is a bloody psychologist. You, of all people should know better than all others about the risks and the "could be death" result. You, of all people should be the best prepared. You said it yourself everyone knew how risky the mission was. Yet, the one with the most psychological trauma sustained out of all these is you?"
"I understand, Commander," Kelly said. "But you won't get it."
"Kelly, just because I'm a solider doesn't mean I don't know psychology," Shepard said. "What you just did, if you were not a full or part Drell - that was termed flashbulb memory."
"When someone recalls an event which is very shocking and dramatic, that kind of detailed, accurate, vivid, and resistant to forgetting thingy comes out automatically when they are reliving it," Shepard told her Yeoman. "I know. I've seen enough to know."
"And because I am sure Thane did not just transfer his eidetic memory to you, not even if you slept with him. And I am sure you are not part Drell," Shepard continued. "You are showing signs of PTSD, Kelly."
"I...," Kelly said.
"Kelly, be frank with me. How much psychology do you really know?"
"I... I took a course in the community college," the truth finally came out.
"And who did you sleep with to get a job with Cerberus?"
Before Kelly could answer, Shepard put a hand up to stop her.
"Let me guess," Shepard said. "The Illusive Man?"
"Actually," the Yeoman answered. "I slept with his son."
"The Illusive Man has a son?" Shepard was shocked. "Someone actually didn't mind marrying him?"
"Well, I don't know if he is married," Kelly said. "I only know he does have at least one son."
"So what else did you do?" Shepard asked.
"Well," Kelly said. "I dated his son. That was about it."
"How long?" Shepard asked.
"Few weeks," Kelly said.
"What happened?" this was getting good. "Spill."
"I ...er I think I accidentally caused him to shoot his fiancé in the knee. We will at a shooting range fooling around when she came running in... She was not supposed to be there. She was an adventurer. You know? Those tv series where people go on adventures and introduce the different planets? I tried for a spot too but didn't get the part. That was how I met him. She was a host in one of the shows."
"So, you accidentally caused the Illusive Man's son to shoot his fiancé in the knee with a gun?"
"It was a bow and arrow, actually," Kelly said. "He was showing me one of his father's collection of ancient bows and arrows from Earth. I was holding the bow and he was teaching me how to shoot, you know, from behind? he was pulling the arrow back... and... she came in. Well, I was holding the bow, we both turned at the sound, I had the bow a little lowered when he saw her and the shock of seeing her caused him to let go and well, the arrow kind of went through her knee..."
"Ok... So she was an adventurer like you, until she took an arrow to the knee, huh?" Shepard laughed. "What else?"
"I kinda... broke the bow," Kelly said. "But the Illusive Man was very nice. He wasn't upset. He even hired me when he learned I was looking for a job and told me I was to be part of the crew for the great Commander Shepard!"
Kelly was genuinely happy about that. Shepard shook her head slowly.
"Kelly," Shepard said. "You are a real pain in the ass to watch because you're such a desperate, promiscuous xenophile. But I don't exactly dislike you. So I'm going to tell you bluntly. Now I know finally what you meant by you being 'handpicked' by the Illusive Man. You've been had, girl."
Kelly looked confused.
"You've been had bad," Shepard said as she head to the elevator.
For the first time since Garrus came onboard the new Normandy, Shepard did not find him calibrating in the main battery. As a matter of fact, Garrus was no where near the main battery or the mass hall. This new turn in his behavior perplexed Shepard.
"EDI," Shepard asked. "Where is that Vakarian?"
"Garrus is in the A.I. Core with Legion," EDI answered.
"This is new," Shepard said. "Usually, it's Legion who comes here looking for things to do with Garrus, not the other way around. I guess the guns do not need calibrating after the Collector base is now gone."
"I would not say that," EDI said. "Garrus is hiding in the A.I. Core."
"Hiding huh? Not from me, I hope," Shepard said.
"I do not know if the sexual encounter with you before the Collector base is what prompted Garrus from hiding in the A.I. Core," EDI explained plainly. "Although I will not put it past him to do that."
"Unshackling you had made you into a real ass sometimes, EDI," Shepard laughed. "You should be glad I get most of your humor."
"That was not a joke," EDI said.
Shepard narrowed her eyes and put her fist up.
"That was a joke," EDI said.
"Ha ha ha," Shepard said. "Careful, I might fry your torchlight ass with a screwdriver."
"That must be a joke too," EDI said.
"Depends on my mood, EDI," Shepard said. "Depends on my mood."
"Like right now," EDI chimed."Your mood is in favor of repeating your sentence to make a dramatic point?"
"Right you are, EDI," Shepard said. "Right you are."
Shepard walked into the A.I. Core to see a dancing Geth and a dancing Turian. Both were moving and adruptedly stopping their movements, making an impression of what robots would do. Never had she seen the sight of either Garrus or Legion dancing. And the sight of those two dancing the robot dance and syncing their moves were beyond her comprehension. What was more, Legion was beatboxing, creating a vocal percussion of drum beats and rhythms that the two were dancing to. The brows of Shepard's eyes were lifted so high, she could feel the vein at the back of her right eye socket popped. What were these two silly geese doing?
"What the hell, Vakarian," Shepard said. "What did you make Legion do? Didn't I say No More Legion Abuse just the other day?"
"And didn't I say it wasn't abuse if he likes it?" Garrus said. "Look at him. He's enjoying himself."
"You learning the robot dance from Legion?" Shepard asked.
"Garrus-Vakarian is teaching me to dance," Legion said. "We have come to a consensus that we enjoy this form of social expression."
"You would," Garrus laughed. "See, Shepard? He's having fun, not being asked to shove himself into ventilation shafts, or to run in and out of elevators with white sheets over his head. And he learns something which he can use for social occasion at the Citadel in the future."
"Oh yeah," Shepard said. "I'm sure Legion will fit right into Purgatory."
"He'll rock that place," Garrus said.
"The next thing I know you'll be teaching him to dance Techno to the beat of some rock music. Vakarian, are you really that bored after the Collector base? No more guns to calibrate?"
"Lots," Garrus said. "But I am going back in oh... An hour and fifteen minutes."
"How's that?"
"Garrus-Vakarian is hiding from Yeoman-Kelly-Chambers," Legion answered for him. "He said she had been inappropriately caressing his "rare end", which he said technically means she has been floundering his gluteus maximus. The Turians also call it the posterior."
"Hmmm," Shepard said. "Someone's been learning happily from you, alright. So, Kelly noticed you've a nice ass, huh? I see she has at least some good taste."
"If you want to learn more from me, Legion," Garrus warned. "You better shut that Geth mouth of yours. Or you will be learning dancing from Commander Shepard instead."
"What's wrong with my dancing?" Shepard said. "I think I'm pretty good."
"The probability of Shepard-Commander correctly dancing to the beat and rhythm of music is zero -point-zero-six-two-one. The probability of Shepard-Commander's dancing being considered as a socially unacceptable act when witnessed by others is one-point-zero," Legion said to no one in particular.
Garrus was laughing in a corner but Shepard was too offended to care at the moment.
"Legion," Shepard said. "Who told you I can't dance? I'm pretty good at it!"
"No data available," Legion looked down.
"Legion! You skinny ass Geth!" Shepard exasperated.
"It's fine, Shepard," Garrus laughed. "You have other redeeming qualities."
"Oh no, Turian. I know you have a hand in this," Shepard said. "Two can play this game. I'm so going out now and telling Kelly where all your favorite hiding places are!"
"Please don't," Garrus begged. "I promise I'll not tell anyone else you're a terrible dancer and let them find that out themselves."
Shepard smacked the laughing Turian in the chest.
"Why are you running from Kelly anyway?" she asked. "It wasn't like she had never came on to you before. You handled that pretty well enough."
"It's different, Shepard," Garrus said. "After we came back from the Omega Four Relay, she seemed hell bend on wanting to sleep with me! I've been trying hard to tell her I'm not into humans, but she don't seemed to get it."
"I'm human," Shepard smiled.
"You're different," Garrus smiled too.
"I think you're too soft," Shepard said.
"I'm a Turian, Shepard," Garrus said. "I'm never soft."
"Remember the last time Wrex came up to the ship?" Shepard said. Garrus nodded.
"So, I took him around before we met up with him in my quarters, and he met Kelly in the C.I.C. Kelly, being Kelly, introduced herself to Wrex."
"I can see trouble already," Garrus laughed.
"Exactly. She said something along the line of she thought his scars were sexy," Shepard said.
"What did Wrex do to her after?" Garrus asked.
"Nothing," Shepard answered.
"Nothing?" Garrus asked again.
"Nothing," Shepard answered again.
"Then what's the point of you telling me the story?" Garrus said.
"I said he did nothing," Shepard said. "He just stood there a full ten minutes watching her. Legion was with me."
"Battermaster-Urdnot-Wrex stood and watched Yeoman-Kelly-Chambers for eleven minutes and twenty-four seconds," Legion concurred. "The single action produced an elevated heart rate increase of thirty-three point six-two eight percent for Yeoman-Kelly-Chambers at the third minute mark. At the fifth minute mark, mental discomfort was registered with heightened brain activity in the..."
"Ok, ok," Garrus stopped the chatty Geth. "I get it. You want me to act like an asshole with her to make her back off."
"I didn't think Wrex was an asshole," Shepard said. "But he does do and say the most effective things, on most days, since we known him."
Then Shepard went all quiet and bit down her lower lip.
"Wait," she said. "I take it back. Don't go too hard on her. I think she is suffering from PTSD."
Before Garrus could open his mouth to put in a word, Shepard spoke again,
"But you should get rid of her."
"What the hell do you want me to do?" Garrus asked. "Be nice. Don't be nice. Be nice. Don't be nice. Make up your mind, human!"
"Just do what you do to... I don't know, ditch overly clingy Turian women," Shepard said.
"This definition of Turian women does not exist," Legion said.
The two ignored the Geth. Understanding he was not part of the conversation finally, Legion went back to his newly acquired skills. Shepard still watched him, amazed that a Geth was dancing and drumming a beat with his... not really there mouth.
"You have club lights in there somewhere, Legion?" Shepard asked.
"We do not," Legion said. "We can come to a consensus to implement the light design if it pleases Shepard-Commander."
"Don't!" Garrus said. "Don't you even dare fix a disco light in that head of yours."
"Shepard-Commander?" Legion's panel flapped. He was confused.
"I don't care," Shepard said without looking at Garrus. "Do what makes you happy, Legion. But if Vakarian wants to spend another night in the Captain's quarters, he would need to come up with something along the way of ditching over clingy Turian women and make me happy."
"I do. I do want to," Garrus said immediately. "I'll think of something, ok?"
"You do that," Shepard said. "You have till dinner later."
"That's like barely three hours away!"
"Legion is here," Shepard said, walking out. "He has one thousand Geth programs inhibiting him. Get him to teach you something. Or get him to help you ditch the Yeoman. Better than you two silly geese dancing in here out of boredom and gossiping about my dance moves."
"One thousand, one hundred and eighty-three," Legion corrected.