*Secret Life of The American Teenager belongs to Brenda Hampton as well as do recognizable characters in this story.
Anne's PoV
Amy sat across from me in silence, just watching me. She looked hurt, angry, afraid, everything but content. There was something on her mind, she'd been holding back for a few weeks now. It was almost as though she wasn't here anymore. The day that I came back from Rob's house, I found her sitting in her room, just staring out the window. She was so spaced out that I was sure that she had maybe gotten into experimenting drugs again, but then, I thought better of it.
I knew that look to well. My mother had it every time my father had come home from his rendezvous' with other women. That look was reserved for when she didn't know how to feel, when she didn't understand what was going on around her. Amy, those few weeks ago, seemed to have perfected that look.
I didn't bother asking her what was going on. I had my own problems to worry about at the time, but now I'm thinking maybe I should have, it would have saved me from what was coming in the future.
"This has bugged me for weeks now," Amy said under her breath, pushing her hand through her hair and biting her lip, a nervous habit that she picked up years ago. She shifted her eyes around the room before letting them fall on me.
"What has honey?" I asked closing the magazine and throwing it on the coffee table. I slid my glasses to the top of my head, giving all my attention to my daughter. Amy didn't answer me, only continued to stare, like she was trying to read me. She was good at reading people, very good.
"I need to ask you something and I'm only doing this because it would help me a lot. I don't want you to lie to me. I want you to tell me everything," Amy paused dramatically, waiting for a response from me.
"Okay," I stated fearfully. I had a feeling that this wouldn't turn out well, not for me anyway. Amy and I never really had deep conversations, and she never really seemed so determined about a discussion.
"Was," she stopped for a moment of thought. "Was dad in the- in the mafia?" My heart skipped dreadfully out of pace. I knew I couldn't hesitate for too long because she would catch it and know something was up.
"Who told you something like that?" I asked chuckling, my nervousness slipped through subtly, but Amy caught it. I tried to still my shaking hands, but it was no use.
"It doesn't matter, just answer the question mom… please," She begged with an upset face. There was confusion trapped behind her brown glassy eyes. I didn't have to tell her because she already knew, she just wanted conformation, but I wouldn't give it to her. I would hold out as long as I could. She didn't need to worry about these things, she couldn't handle them. Amy was a strong girl, but behind all that fearlessness was a victim. A victim of what? I don't know, hell, where would I start?
"No Amy, why would I keep something like that from you? Do you know how serious it is to be in the mafia?" I asked keeping my voice at a level tone.
"I don't know, how serious is it mother?" She asked suspiciously.
"Amy your father was not involved in organized crime. He owned a furniture store, he was home every night at a decent hour and at the dinner table asking his favorite girls about their day. Does that sum it up enough for you?" Amy sighed heavily and stood up. She was getting that spaced out look again. She walked in front of me and then plopped down on the coffee table. We didn't speak for a few seconds, letting some of the tension die out.
"No, it doesn't. What about when he would have his business trips? He could've been working with the mafia then. Or even those strange men who would come into the furniture store when I was there? He would take them to the back and they would never leave with an order sheet or warranty paper. What about that?" She rambled out without a breath. Why did George leave me to do this? I didn't want to tell Amy, now was not the time. All of these changes were happening in all different directions, for all of us.
"Amy this is ridiculous. Where is all of this coming from?" I asked sincerely. Amy couldn't be getting this off the top of her head. Someone was giving her information and I didn't know if it was the police or someone here in California who recognized me. Either way, I wished that they wouldn't fill her head with this nonsense.
"Mom please," she begged a stray tear falling down her eye. Why was this so serious for her? Why does it matter?
"What would it prove if I gave you the truth Amy? What would it change?" I asked angrily. I hadn't meant to snap, but sometimes old habits die-hard. I'd never really learned to control my anger, it came when I was being defensive. It wasn't even me being angry with her more than it was myself.
"I don't know… I don't know. I just feel like maybe… maybe it will answer all of my questions, all of my suspicions," She said with little confidence. Amy huffed lightly, getting frustrated. She was trying to keep the tears from her eyes, she never had been one for crying.
"What suspicions Amy?" I asked sympathetically, touching her hand with my own. I felt her tense under my touch. Amy was beginning to draw into herself, putting up walls that I couldn't get around. That was always dangerous when it came to her. It could lead her down a path of destruction which would ultimately lead to more hurt and therapy.
"I don't know. His death. I just want answers and I feel like you're not giving them to me. My dad was a good person, at least that's what I thought. Who would want to kill him? He never hurt anyone," She was crying freely now. I'd never seen her so vulnerable before. She clutched my hand and I pulled her onto the couch with me, wrapping my arms around her. Amy shed her tears into my shoulder. It's been years since I held my daughter like this and I honestly missed this feeling.
"He was good Amy, don't ever let anyone tell you otherwise," I kissed her forehead and she cried harder. "God Amy I didn't know this was still hurting you. If I would've paid more attention, maybe I would've realized. All this time, your heart was breaking," Amy moved closer to me. "I'm so sorry baby," I continued.
"I'm not hurting. I just want to know why. I could never come up with a reason and this would be the only explanation for all of it. They said that he was murdered but no one back in Texas would have motive. George Jurgens helped everyone, he never turned anyone away," Amy spoke, her sobs stopping all together. I sighed. I wish I would've had more time to prepare for this conversation.
"Amy, there are things that I wish I could tell you, but it wouldn't save you from any more hurt in the long-run. Your father did things in his past that are inexcusable, but he'd done so much more afterwards that surpassed all of his bad deeds. He didn't want you girls to know, he didn't even want me to know and until his death, I pretended as if I was unaware of everything," I loosened my grip from around Amy, letting her sit up. I could still see the tear stains on her face. Her makeup was all over the place, it was almost comical.
"So," she sniffed and moved her hair to the side, "he was involved? So that's a yes?" Amy looked saddened by the thought. I'm sure her view of the mafia came from movies and television shows so her mind was clouded by all the negativity people attached to it. She probably thought George was a swindler and murderer now, which is exactly how he didn't want us to think of him.
"It's whatever you want it to be Amy. You can believe he was a corrupt man who murdered and robbed, or you can believe he was the man who you called daddy, who loved you with all his heart, but all I ask is that you don't get the two confused," I stated. Amy didn't reply, only looked at her hands for a moment, rubbing them together as if she was trying to get dirt off them. She never looked at me and I feared that maybe I should have just stuck with telling her no. I didn't know how she would take this, definitely not in stride and that's for sure.
Amy would let this eat her up before she let it settle inside her spirit. It's hard to become one with the fact that the man you've known since you were a baby was not that man at all. I knew how she felt, I had experienced the same thing and maybe that's why some days, I hate my father for what he'd done to me my family. Don't get me wrong, I loved him, but the days when I was being nostalgic and actually putting things together, it was hell. Because of him, I would always be apart of this lifestyle, and so would my girls thanks to my bad decisions.
Adrian PoV
I sat on the park bench staring out at all the children playing. They were so happy, so oblivious to all the evil surrounding them. I envied that they could just escape by playing with toys and friends, while I had to endure all the pain and hurt. After doing some searching within, I realize that I hate myself, but I hate everyone else more. I can't say why. I can't say how. I just know it is what it is. I've always had a good life. I have my family, my friends, my boyfriend, but what is the problem?
I'm never happy unless I'm with Ricky and most of the time he's always on top of me or vice versa, so we never really talk much. Its like I'm setting myself up for a fall, for loneliness. Everyone that wants to enter my life, I just push them out and never invite them back. Grace is the only one I really have, but she's not even speaking to me.
I put my hands in the pockets of my black sweater. It was getting really cold out and soon, I would have to break out my gloves and scarves. I looked towards the clear sky towards the sun. I've always loved the outdoors, it was so freeing.
The bench shifted slightly as someone sat down. I could feel eyes on me. I looked over and smiled lightly. I had a feeling that this was coming soon. I've had a couple of weeks to be ready for it and even when I thought I was prepared, the pain would come back, it was like somebody stabbing me in the heart.
"I've never known why you loved coming to this park so much. It's crowded and full of kids, you hate kids," Ricky said amused. I looked over at him, smiling again before looking out into the distance, staring at all the children playing on the jungle gym.
"Hate is a strong word, try not to throw it around so lightly, Ricky," he grumbled leaning back into the bench. "Do you love her?" I asked, trying to get all of this over with. I didn't want to be here longer than necessary.
"I think I could," he said pulling a cigarette from his pocket and lighting it. "Unless my heart is just playing tricks on me… again," he directed his statement towards me, then took a puff of his cigarette.
"Smoking is a bad habit Castel," I stated playfully, still not looking at him. I don't know if I could anymore, just short glances was all I could handle right now. It wasn't like I was head over hills, but he'd always been there for me and now I wouldn't have him.
"Yeah, well, so are you," he said under his breath. I chuckled lightly. "I don't want to hurt you anymore Adrian," he said touching my shoulder. I shrugged him off. As much as I needed his touch right now, I despised it.
"I don't want to hurt you anymore either Ricky, there's something I have to tell you," I paused. I heard him shifting around, then saw him flick the cigarette on the ground, stomping it out.
"Ben?" I stiffened and looked at him. His eyebrow was raised and he looked angry. "I think it's funny how you accused me of wanting Amy so bad when you were fucking my best friend," he said with cool madness that scared me stiff.
"I don't have any regrets Ricky, about anything. You cheated on me countless times. A couple of months ago, Ben told me he saw you in the car with Amy, but I knew it wasn't her. It was around the same time that you were having your feel of Zoe, so when he started describing, I just knew it had to be her," Ricky chuckled lightly. I looked away from him again. To anyone else it would've sounded like we were arguing, but we weren't. We were airing out things, saying things that should've been said long ago, maybe we would've ended sooner if we wouldn't have skipped the confession phase of the relationship.
"I would have never fucked Amy in my car, not the first time," he sounded so sure of himself, but I knew him better than that. "She deserves better," I was offended, because he never thought that I deserved better when he needed his fix.
"You know, I'm still going to hate her. All of this had nothing to do with you," he gave me a sideways look. "Well, most of it did, but from the first moment I saw her, I didn't really like her," I said shrugging.
"Why not?" he asked.
"I don't think I'll ever be able to answer that because I don't know. Girls like her you know, I've dealt with them before… before everyone knew me as a bitch," Ricky gave me an odd look before pushing his hands through his hair and sighing.
"I'm still going to kick Ben's ass," he said confidently. I never doubted that for a second. I'm sure that Ricky wouldn't even be speaking to him anymore after the big reveal. If you fucked him over once, that was it, that was all it took.
Ricky and I sat in silence for a while, it wasn't awkward or tense, it was comfortable. I felt like I didn't have this weight on my shoulders. I'm sure later we would have more angry words for one another, but now wasn't the time.
"What if she doesn't want you? Are you going to come back to me?" I asked curiously. I would still hold hope that we could be together.
"Probably not," he said standing up and walking off. That wasn't as bad as I thought, but it did leave me to put Amy Jurgens into a dark spot within myself. Ricky should know that I wouldn't let her have him so easily, that just wasn't my way of doing things, never has been.
Amy's PoV
I'd left my house a few hours ago and instead of driving, I just took to walking around the neighborhood. It was better than being cooped up in the house all day. Besides, I needed the fresh air, who wouldn't after that shit? And even with all the talking, she still wound up going around an answer. Fuck. What have I gotten myself into? Why did I even ask? And why was I letting all of it bother me? He obviously didn't continue to take part, but I'm still not sure he was an inside man. I was stressing myself out over this and I really, really needed a drink and a good screw.
The gusty wind blew around me, making my hair whip into my face. I mumbled and threw it into a slip knot. I didn't need anymore frustrations today. I'd gone against my rule and cried in front of someone. And for what? Something in the past that didn't even matter anymore. It wouldn't stop him from being dead. I stomped my foot on the sidewalk and put my hands on top of my head. How had I let this get to me?
I should've never let Ricky tell me. I should've never asked what was going on. I should've never gotten in the car with him. I should've never met him at all. Why did I agree to leave my home in Texas? I'd gained nothing from moving. My new identity lasted all of five months, I was at least going to give it until after Christmas, but a week more was just too much. Christmas? Now it would be ruined. It would be the first one without my dad. We made it through Thanksgiving just fine, but the next holiday was a whole different ball game.
"You look like you could use a friend," someone said walking behind me. I turned around, not really expecting to see him or talk to him ever again since we barely even spoke anymore.
"I could use a lot more than that right about now," I said suggestively. He chuckled as I walked closer to him. Maybe he could take this off my mind for a the time being. "What can you do for me Jesse?" I asked putting my arms around his neck and looking into his eyes.
"We can talk," he said innocently. I smiled warmly and shook my head.
"I don't want to talk. I want to do something else, something fun," I stated seductively. His body stiffened, guess he wasn't really the one I should be talking to about this.
"Like what?" Jesse asked stupidly. I raised an eyebrow at him. "But we hardly know each other," he stated nervously. Okay so he definitely wasn't the one I should be talking to about this, but there was one thing that the both of us knew. He likes me, he likes me a lot, Jesse wouldn't be able to hold me off and fight temptation for long.
"What are you talking about? We're best friends Jess. We went out, we talk at school sometimes, we know enough," I kissed his cheek and smiled up at him. Jesse swallowed and I kissed his neck.
"I'm not so sure about this Amy," Bingo, he wasn't so sure of himself anymore which means he's all mine from this point forward.
"I promise I won't bite," I paused and pecked his lips. "Hard," he shivered under my fingertips. I could feel the heat radiating off his body. "Don't you want to be my friend Jesse? Don't you want to help me? This is what I need right now, I don't want to talk, I just want to feel… better," Jesse closed his eyes. "Can you do that for me?" I asked running the tips of my fingers in a circle on the back of his neck. I was afraid that he wouldn't let up and that I'd lost my charm, but sooner rather than later, he led me away, away to happiness, I hoped.
Ricky's PoV
Had I made a mistake in leaving Adrian? I knew it was something I needed to do, but was it for the right reason? I was watching what I thought was the reason walk into a house in another mans arms. I had the right mind to shut the car off, bust the door down and drag Amy Jurgens out of there, but I was afraid that Jesse would be a liability. I pulled open my glove compartment, sifting through all the papers and over the gun to find a spare cig. Yeah, the smoking was definitely getting out of hand.
I don't remember the exact day I started, but I can remember seeing my mother do it all the time and I thought it was so cool. I was seven years old at the time. I thought everything she did was cool. It was odd how she would tell me not to smoke while she was puffing smoke out right in front of me. Now I wish I would've followed her advice. Sure I hated it, but it helped me think, among other things.
Grace caught me once, in my room, cigarette in hand and went and blabbed to Nora, we were fourteen then, that's when my rebellious stage started. I didn't think it would last as long as it did, but something about it was riveting. Like they say, rules are meant to be broken, and what would I learn if I didn't break a few here and there. I'm sure any teenager would agree with that.
I retrieved my phone from the cup holder while I puffed on the cigarette. I watched the smoke flow outside through the tiny crack of the window. Looking through my contacts I found Amy's number. Ironically, it was the first name on my contact list. I'm still not sure if she's speaking to me, but I would do anything to distract her from what I knew she was about to do. I couldn't help the possessive feelings I was having towards her. It was like I was under some spell, as stupid as that sounds.
Amy didn't answer on the first ring, so I called again. Of course, that was another hit and miss, so I repeated the process over and over. It was better than me driving my car through the front door and killing somebody, then she would really be pissed. How would I make up for that shit?
"Hello?" Amy yelled through the phone, catching me off guard. I chuckled at her annoyance. I heard moving around in the background.
"Amy, are you doing something that you're not supposed to be doing?" I asked entertaining myself. She huffed loudly and I heard the dial tone come on. I laughed, I didn't know how fun that this actually might be, it honestly wasn't my idea to make it fun. So, like the ass I am, I called again.
"What do you want?" She asked again. "Jesse wait," she said annoyingly in my ear.
"Wow, that fast huh?" Amy growled unattractive before hanging up the phone again. I tried calling another time, but this time she didn't answer. So, I went for the next best thing. I figured I wasn't going to break anyone's bones, so what would this hurt. Opening the car door, I flicked the burned out cigarette that was between my fingers on the pavement and crushed it with the toe of my shoe.
I walked over the perfectly manicured grass slowly. I didn't know what to expect when I got to the door, I didn't even know what had gotten into me now. I wasn't afraid or anything like that, this just isn't my style, at least not for a girl. Could Joseph be right? Would Amy be my downfall?
I replayed the conversation that I'd had with my father continuously. He wanted me to kill Amy? I couldn't. There's no reason for me too. Amy's only fault was coming here, to this corrupt town. Everything about it is crooked, from the little old lady across the street, to the religious mayor on the border of town. You can't trust anyone. That's why I felt that it was my duty to protect her, especially after my father wanted his hands on her. It scared me that I was willing to go against him for her.
I stepped on the large wooden porch, looking around the organized plants and furniture that sat on it. Jesse's mother seemed OCD enough. I looked back at my car while ringing the doorbell incessantly. I heard heavy footsteps coming towards me and I stopped pressing the button.
The door swung open and there he stood, hair tousled, his shirt looked thrown on and wrinkled. I smirked at him before patting his shoulder and stepping in.
"Uh come in," he said sarcastically. I could tell he was frustrated and I could see that nothing had happened, thanks to me.
"Tell Amy to get down here," I said boldly, leaning on the stairwell arrogantly. Jesse shot me a look of disbelief. I snickered lightly. He didn't move from his spot, only shook his head. "Should I go and get her myself?" I asked pointedly. He turned around slowly about to go up the stairs, but stopped abruptly, looking upwards tensely. She must've been standing there.
"Why am I not surprised to see you here?" She asked. I could imagine her rolling her eyes. I smiled at the thought.
"Honey, I'm home," I stated amused turning to look up at her. Once again, I was caught by surprise. Amy had a stony look in her eyes. It was as if she were here, but she wasn't here if that makes any sense. She wasn't really paying attention to what was going on around her.
"Yes, but you have a problem… This isn't your home so get out," Jesse spoke up for Amy who I'm sure hadn't lost her voice in a matter of seconds. I chose to ignore him, already crazy at the thought of him ever being inside of Amy. Amy began to walk down the stairs slowly, biting her lip, driving me nuts, almost breaking my act.
"Yes, go," she said angrily and pointing to the door. "You're ruining my day," she gave me a mock smile when she reached the bottom.
"I'm sure I can make it better again," I pulled her hand into my own and kissed the back of it. She pulled it away from me and crossed her arms.
"Well I'm not with you right now Ricky, I'm with Jesse," she stood beside him, back straight, feet pointed, all the characteristics of a strong woman.
"Right now? So does that mean it'll be my turn next?" I asked. I could see the tension building as Amy's mouth was stretched into a straight line. Her jaw was set in a way that you know that she was holding her tongue or distracting herself.
"Are you implying that she's a whore?" Jesse asked straight-faced. I'd never had a problem with Jesse before, but now I think I might.
"I'm not, but that doesn't mean she isn't acting like one. Fucking guys that she barely knows doesn't really tell me otherwise," I said raising an eyebrow. Amy flinched and looked to the side. I'd struck a nerve. "Don't you think so Amy?" She caught my eyes for a moment, then pushed her hand through her hair.
"Or is that you're just upset because I'm not fucking you?" She finally looked at me, thinking she could play my game.
"Quite the contrary Miss Jurgens I would be the one fucking you," I stated never denying her question, there was no need to. Jesse's muscles jumped in his arms, I took note. He looked as though he was ready to pounce on me.
"You are being such an ass. What has gotten into you? I've never seen you act this way before," she spoke like we were always around one another. It was true though, I never act like this for nothing.
"Leave," Jesse stated daringly. I chuckled at him. He was no longer apart of this argument, hadn't been since Amy hit that bottom step.
"Are you coming with me?" I asked Amy as I started walking towards the front door, preparing to leave. Amy shook her head, stepping around Jesse. "Why not?" I asked, not looking at her.
"Because I'm not finished here," she said standing her ground like that would stop me from getting her out of here.
"Yeah… you kind of are," I stated grasping her arm lightly and pulling her into me as we walked out the door together. I went peacefully, she was the one kicking and screaming like a spoiled brat. I glanced backwards as I stepped off the porch, seeing Jesse standing there with his hands in his pockets, not knowing what else to do with them. He probably wanted to hit me, but I knew he wouldn't dare do anything that idiotic.
"Let me go!" Amy shouted at me, still in my clutches, but I wouldn't. How could I ever let her go?
That's the chapter fanfictioners. I think this is the longest that I've made. I hope that you all liked it. I did the Amy thing with Jesse to remind everyone that the girl has some problems to work out. And the Adrian part? I wanted you all to see that she was still human, even being a bitch lol. Anyway, if you have questions, I have answers. Please Review everyone!
Ramyfan: Well, I'm trying to start replying to ones with questions because I would love for everyone to ask some lol. It's a new thing I'm trying to start I think it would help me to interact and get you guys more involved with the story.