The Turian was a desperate guy. On his left, he had Legion flapping his panels and watching him with the curiosity of a Geth. On his right, a Salarian scientist who spoke at the speed of sound and could not stop touching his console, was made to sit on a crate and keep his six fingers to himself. In front of him, where he did most of his work, the voice of a Krogan Battlemaster boomed. Two of the greatest, most experienced minds of the universe and one very efficient machine were there to solve his problem. Yet non of them could come up with anything good... Well, the Geth mobile platform just happened to be there at the moment, so to Garrus, he did not count as an advisor.

"Why can't you just throw her out of the airlock?" Wrex said from Tuchanka. "Shepard said she's kind of useless. Couldn't give her even the right information like if she has mails or not. Some secretary she is."

"I can't airlock her," Garrus said. "Shepard would have my ass if I did."

"Shepard already has your ass," Wrex laughed.

"Shut up or give me something useful, Krogan," Garrus said.

"Poison," Mordin said. "Odorless. Easily administered. No witnesses. Perfect crime on the Normandy."

"And then space her," Wrex laughed.

"For the last time, we're not spacing or poisoning Kelly Chambers!" Garrus said.

"The refuse compactor can assist in disposal. It dehydrates before compacting refuse. We can assist in calibrating the compactor for organic disposal," Legion said.

"And then we space her," Wrex laughed.

"You guys aren't helping," Garrus said. "And I don't have much time left. Shepard wants it dealt with before dinner. Now help me think!"

"Have never let down a prospective mating request before?" Mordin asked. "Personally had done it numerous times. Have had other species become attracted to me before. Awkward. Not interested."

"Don't tell me how you let them down," Garrus said. "Please."

"Tell them to study cell reproduction," Mordin said. "Much simpler. May also tell them "not interested" please proceed to nearest club for another mating selection. Most effective way, use farm equipment and cut off limbs. No words needed."

"I told you not to tell me what you did," Garrus said. "Actually I don't even know why I bother to listen to you guys. One is made of metal with not even a sex organ. One is made of caffeine with no sex drive and then you, Wrex, is made of nothing but murderous intents!"

"Murder?" Wrex said on the other end. "Spacing someone annoying isn't murder. It's a service to the galaxy. Give me a chance to prove that and you'll see the counsel floating out there someday. You'll thank me then."

"We have a suggestion," Legion said. "May we speak?"

"Legion," Garrus said. "I know you're the most helpful Geth in the universe right now, but I really don't think you know how to handle this kind of situation. Just stay there till I am done and I will be right with you, okay?"

"Yes, Garrus-Vakarian," Legion said.

"Geth are efficient. No nonsense," Mordin said. "Maybe have good suggestion."

"I hate to say this, but I'm inclined to agree with your Salarian there," Wrex said. "That Geth is a strange one, but it's a good kind of strange. Your ship has all kinds of strange anyway, strange should always be used to counteract strange."

"Well said, Urdnot Wrex," Mordin agreed wholeheartedly.

"You do know he meant you too, don't you?" Garrus asked.

"Been always called strange," Mordin said. "Even by own race. Good strange, bad strange. All have different views. Used to it. Does not affect my morales. Prefer strange than mediocre."

"So Geth," Wrex said. "Give us your suggestion."

"He has a name, Krogan," Garrus said. "It's Legion."

"So Geth," Wrex repeated. "Give us your suggestion."

"We have intercepted a message from Yeoman-Kelly-Chambers to Shepard-Commander that is an almost copy of the one she had sent to Garrus-Vakarian," Legion explained. "We have experience in writing reply mails to organics and we are very proud of our ability. We can form an answer for you as well as for Shepard-Commander."

"Legion," Garrus said. "You answered one! One letter! And most of what you said in it sounded like you were writing the Turian army annual budget report! And why the hell are you going through my mails?"

"We are learning more about organics correspondences," Legion said. "We are interested in learning."

"Get yourself a pen pal next time!" Garrus said.

"We have tried," Legion explained. "We could not maintain long term correspondence. Most organics we corresponded to eventually stopped writing back after sending us warning messages to not contact them again."

"Told you, your Geth is strange," Wrex said. "Show us the letter, back to back. Lets see it."

Legion produced the letter with efficiency, sending it on a spit screen format for ease of comparison to all three of the organics who had requested for it.

Garrus' version was on the right while Shepard's was on the left. The three read and then watched the screen in silence for a moment like they were wondering where the message did differ. Or maybe, they were just shocked how anyone could be that unimaginative as to write the same message to different people.

Garrus' version:

From KellyGirl,

Hi, honey,

I keep thinking back to our evening together, and I'd love to spend more time with you. How about I slip into something more comfortable, and sneak into your room tonight? I plan on wearing something I can't talk about during work hours. You just have to call me down there to see it.

Love Kelly.

Shepard's version:

From KellyGirl,

Hi, honey,

I keep thinking back to our evening together, and I'd love to spend more time with you. How about I slip into something more comfortable, and sneak up to your cabin tonight? I plan on wearing something I can't talk about during work hours. You just have to call me up there to see it.

Love Kelly.

"Slept with her, did you?" Mordin finally broke the silence. "Thought you said no interest in humans except Shepard. This changes things."

"TURIAN!" Wrex shouted at Garrus all the way from Tuchanka.

"No!" Garrus immediately interjected before Wrex could start vowing to pull his intestines out from his anus. "We had dinner! It was dinner time! In the mass hall! Shepard was engaged in a meeting with Miranda and Jacob and she wasn't there to eat dinner with me! That was it! Dinner! Mass hall! That was it!"

"Shepard not interested in same-sex relationship. Told me. Can guess then that it did not happen with her either," Mordin said.

"That human female is one messed up individual," Wrex claimed down. "I still suggest spacing her. She's a waste of oxygen on the ship."

"Idea!" Mordin suddenly shouted.

"Fuck!" Garrus was startled.

"SALARIAN!" Wrex shouted right back. "What is wrong with you!"

"My apologies," Mordin said. "Used to verbalizing discoveries of ideas with shouts. More dramatic. Extremely good for acting practices. Would anyone like to hear?"

"No one wants to hear about your acting practices," Wrex said. "Unless it involves deaths of some of your kind."

"Do not myself enjoy watching Salarian dying," Mordin said. "Lots of whining. Very noisy. Not about practices. Speaking of idea."

"Someday, Mordin," Garrus said. "Someday you'll scare even Legion into an organic with that."

Legion flapped his panels excitedly.

"Out with the idea, Salarian," Wrex said. "I don't have all day to play relationship counselor. I've a planet to run."

"Simple," Mordin said. "Give her what she asks for. Next..."

Almost to the end of this story. Am taking more time in between chapters cos of a bit of block. Have a new one on my mind that kept interfering... :p