A/N: Okay, so here's the first episode I've done. I think it makes sense, so just roll with it and let me know it's awful later.

2x12: Silly Love Songs

Sebastian stared around the Lima Bean in disgust. It was decked out to the nines with hearts and ew. Valentine's was the worst.

"Okay, I'm all for flair, but these Valentine's decorations are just tacky. I mean, what the hell is this supposed to be?" Sebastian asked, holding up something that looked like two Snoopy dogs kissing.

"It's clearly puppy love," Kurt said, taking it from him. "It's cute. Come on." Kurt accidentally pushed the button on the side and it started saying 'I love you' over and over again. Sebastian made a noise of disgust. "It's adorable," Kurt insisted, setting it back in its original position.

"It's a simple excuse to sell candy and greeting cards on a holiday," Sebastian scoffed.

"Not true," Kurt said. "People have been celebrating Valentine's Day for centuries and, call me a hopeless romantic, but it's my favorite holiday. I think there's something really great about a day where you're encouraged to just lay it all on the line, and say to somebody 'I'm in love with you'." Sebastian stared. "You know?" Sebastian shook his head. "This year, I want to do something a little out there, so I need your opinion on this."

"Mine?" Sebastian asked. Kurt nodded.

"There's this guy, who I kind of… like. I haven't known him that great until recently, but I wanted to tell him that my feelings are starting to… change into something… deeper," Kurt said, fiddling with his backpack as he did so. "So I have to ask, do you think it's too much to… sing to somebody, on Valentine's Day?"

"Not at all," Sebastian shrugged. It was their turn in line.

"Can I get a grande nonfat mocha, and a medium drip with a shot of Courvoisier for this guy, and maybe I can get him to split one of those cookies," Kurt said to the woman at the register.

"You… know my coffee order?" Sebastian asked, surprised. They'd barely even been acquaintances until Christmas.

"Of course I do," Kurt said, pulling a ten out of his wallet to pay. "Keep the change," he told the woman. Sebastian shook his head and went to find them a table. He noticed Blaine and Tina sharing a table on the other side of the restaurant, then pretended not to see them so he wouldn't have to sit with them and pretend to accept their whatever-it-was they were doing with their lives.

"Alright, you guys," Mr. Schue said, drawing a heart on the board around the word 'love' he'd written. "I have one word for you." Brittany's hand shot into the air. "Yes, Brittany?"

"Is it love?" she asked happily.

"Yes."

"Yes! Totally gonna graduate now!" she exclaimed.

"Valentine's day is coming up, so for this week's lesson, I want you guys to pick a partner, because you're gonna sing to them what you think is the world's greatest love song," Mr. Schue continued. The members of Glee club who were in relationships all were happy. Mercedes looked like she wanted to take a nap until February 15. Sebastian felt the same way. "Find a song that communicates all the things that love means to you. Now, partner up." Finn raised his hand.

"I just wanted to point out that for the first time, an entire week has gone by without any one of us getting slushied," Finn said, getting up and standing near the piano. "I think the fact that I led the football team to a conference championship might have something to do with it. Fact is that I'm the closest thing this Glee club has to a celebrity right now, and, just like a famous athlete, I want to give to a charity. You guys. So I'm setting up a kissing booth… for a dollar a smooch. And donating the proceeds to Glee club, to help us–"

"Don't even act like you're trying to help this glee club out, you just want to kiss a bunch of girls," Mercedes interrupted.

"I can't say that I've ever kissed Finn, but judging from everyone else's reactions, I'm going to guess it's not worth a dollar," Sebastian said. "I would, however, pay a hundred dollars to jiggle one of his man-boobs."

"Do you ever get tired of tearing other people down?" Finn asked.

"No, never."

"Cuz you just always seem to be meddling in everybody else's business," Finn continued.

"Oh please, you guys love me," Sebastian said. "I keep it real, and I'm hilarious."

"Actually, you're just a bitch," Zizes commented from next to Puck.

"No one hit your buzzer," Sebastian replied, rolling his eyes.

"Finn is right, all you ever do is insult us," Quinn said. "Three weeks ago, you said you were disappointed that I didn't have a lizard baby."

"Five minutes ago you said Mr. Schue belonged in a 12 step program," Tina said.

"Wait, what?" Mr. Schue asked.

"You're addicted to vests!" Sebastian pointed out. Mr. Schue looked at his vest, then back to Sebastian.

"The truth is, Sebastian, you can dish it out but you can't take it," Rachel said. "Okay, maybe you're right, maybe I am destined to play the title role in the Broadway musical version of Willow, but the only job you're gonna have is taking off your clothes!" Dead silence.

"Fine," Sebastian said, quietly, picking up his bag and walking into the hall.

"Maybe try rocking back and forth," Blaine soothed, pushing Sebastian's hair back into its gelled position. "People do that in movies."

"No," Sebastian said, shaking his head, very upset. "Cuz I just try to be really, really honest with people when I think they suck! You know?"

"Yeah," Blaine said, rubbing Sebastian's back.

Sebastian was sitting in the library, studying or something, when Kurt walked in and accosted him.

"What'cha doing?" Kurt asked, sitting down across the table from him.

"Studying," Sebastian said, before looking down at the page he'd been absently doodling on, realizing it said 'Blaine' over and over in loopy letters, and quickly shuffled it under a book. "Daydreaming, I guess."

"Well, come on, I need a favor," Kurt said. "I've called an emergency meeting of the Glee club." Sebastian followed Kurt from the library to the choir room. At this point, Sebastian didn't even bother trying to point out that he and Kurt weren't friends. Most of the Glee club was already convened when they rounded the corner into the room. Blaine and Tina were absent, as were Rachel and Finn.

"Are you going to tell us why we're all here?" Puck asked, as Sebastian sat next to Santana, putting his arm around her instinctively. Santana frowned and pushed his arm away.

"Simply put… I'm in love," Kurt said dreamily. Most of the girls oohed, most of the guys were trying to pretend they weren't moderately impressed.

"Congrats," Sebastian grunted.

"I'm not really good at talking about my feelings," Kurt admitted. "I'm much better at singing them, but still, I could use a little help, which is why I'm asking to enlist the New Directions to help me serenade this individual, in the gym, after school, on Wednesday."

"Us, serenading?" Mercedes asked. Kurt nodded.

"I know, it's asking a lot, short notice and everything, but I really like this person, and I think I have a shot," Kurt said. Murmurs of outrage from the glee kids.

"May I, please, say something?" Sebastian asked. The crowd looked like they weren't going to let him speak, but he did anyway. "I think it's wonderful that one of us has found someone they want to lay it all on the line for. The rest of you dorks could take a page from Kurt. Can't be worse than that time we went to a nursing home and got cats thrown at us."

"Why the gym?" Artie asked.

"Tradition," Kurt said with a sly shrug. "The guy I like is a Cheerio."

That's when it hit Sebastian – what if the guy Kurt liked was Blaine? And he suddenly felt himself regretting his decision to stick up for his 'friend'. The rest of the New Directions murmured their assent to this plan, and Sebastian just sat, floored.

The highlight of the day was most definitely when Puck sang Fat Bottomed Girls to Zizes in an attempt to be romantic and she hated it. Seeing other peoples' pain was definitely a high point in any day for Sebastian, especially since Santana and her psychic Mexican third eye seemed to be getting the vibe that Sebastian didn't want to be with her anymore.

Meanwhile Finn's kissing booth was going well, unless you counted that the whole point was to get Quinn to kiss him, and she wouldn't, because she was dating Sam, and holy God, drama much? The man proposed to her on, like, the third day of school. Oh, then, Rachel showed up at Finn's booth and threw a hissy fit because he kissed her on the cheek. All this drama is literally making me anxious.

Then Artie, Mike, and Blaine sang PYT to Brittany, Tina, and Mike's girlfriend, Kathryn, another ex-Cheerio…

"Here," Sebastian said, handing a box to Santana.

"Excuse me?" Santana asked.

"I went to Jared," Sebastian said. "Let's just consider this settled."

"Consider what settled?" Santana asked.

"You've made your point, I'm sort of a bitch," Sebastian admitted.

"Yeah, you sort of are," Santana said, looking inside the box. "And you're also sort of gay, so–"

"Hey!" Sebastian exclaimed, before lowering his voice several decibels. They were in the hallway, and people were starting to stare. "I am not gay," he hissed.

"Oh, please," Santana snorted before walking away, but keeping the necklace.

Kurt and Sebastian were standing like perverts, watching all the ex-Cheerios that were still hellbent by their schedule stretch. Almost the whole team got together after school to stretch and practice for next season. It made perfect sense to them, because they only had like three brain cells between the whole team.

"There he is," Kurt said, pointing. Sebastian was pleased to note that said object of Kurt's affection was on the opposite side of the gym than Blaine, and released a deep breath he hadn't noticed he was holding. "What am I doing, this is insane, I can't do this."

"Okay," Sebastian said, preventing Kurt from walking away. "Man up, he's gonna love you, you're amazing."

The rest of the New Directions and the band were all ready to start as soon as Kurt gave the okay. Kurt nodded. The band started up.

Kurt managed to make the biggest fool out of himself, and it turned out that the guy he had a crush on wasn't interested.

Ouch.

Ugh, Gross. I'm the hottest piece of action at this school, and here I am, on Valentine's single, Sebastian thought to himself. Santana had kept the necklace, but still was refusing her warm body, even Blaine had seemed distant, and even though Kurt was still all buddy-buddy with him, Sebastian still didn't like him, even as a friend. Whatever, I'll just marry a supermodel. They're super reliable. Sam was nibbling on Quinn's ear when Finn walked in and she gave him the eye. Wait, that's weird… Quinn's wearing her Queen Bitch smirk and Finn only wears that gassy infant look when he feels guilty about something. Holy Shit. It dawned on Sebastian. They're fooling around! I know what cheating looks like, I do it all the time. I think it's time to do what Sebastian does best. Revenge. This was definitely going to a major perk for Valentine's.

After Glee club, Sebastian marched down to the nurse's office, fixing his clothes a little bit so he looked even sexier than usual and stealing a teddy bear from Blaine's huge collection in his gym locker for good measure.

"Excuse me, are there any sick students I can help you tend to?" Sebastian asked the nurse. The nurse frowned at him.

"There's a student down with mono, he's waiting for his mom to pick him up, but you shouldn't go in there, it's highly contagious," the nurse replied.

"Please," Sebastian said to her. "I've had mono so many times it turned into stereo." He went passed the curtain and dropped the teddy on the bed. "Hi. So I'm going to need to borrow your germs." Without even hesitating, Sebastian kissed the guy making sure to get lots of spit.

"Thanks…" the guy said vaguely before passing out. Sebastian marched out of the nurse's office, down the halls, and ran right into Quinn Fabray, kissing her fiercely.

"What the?" Quinn asked before quickly slapping him.

"Sorry, couldn't help myself. If I have anything, I hope it's not contagious," Sebastian said, before sauntering off.

"Ugh," Kurt scoffed as he and Sebastian waited in line at the Lima Bean, yet again. "Don't they have anything here that isn't covered with stupid little hearts? Gross."

"Well, you've certainly changed your tune," Sebastian remarked as one might remark the weather.

"I don't think I've ever made that big a fool of myself, which is really saying something because I used to play dress up at school when I was a kid," Kurt said.

"Dress up like what?" Sebastian asked.

"Fairies, princesses, anything pretty," Kurt said. "I just can't believe I made it all up in my head."

"Can I ask you something?" Sebastian asked. Kurt nodded sure. "You and I, we hang out, you know my coffee order… What are we doing?"

"What do you mean?" Kurt asked, confused.

"Kurt, we're not friends, we barely talked to each other before a few weeks ago, and suddenly we're best friends? Why me?"

"I just thought we'd have a lot in common," Kurt said.

"What do we have in common?" Sebastian asked.

"We're both gay," Kurt said with a small shrug, in the same tone someone might announce what sort of car they drove.

"No, I'm not," Sebastian said with a frown.

"Oh," Kurt said. "I'm… really sorry. I… I've never been wrong before, I…"

"It's fine," Sebastian said, rolling his eyes.

"Look, Sebastian, I am really sorry, I just thought you and Blaine–" Kurt said. Sebastian shook his head. "Not you and Blaine?" Sebastian shook his head again. "Just Blaine, then?"

"No, not me, not Blaine, just you," Sebastian said.

"I need to recalibrate my gaydar," Kurt said, slightly upset. They moved up to the counter.

"Medium drip with a shot of Courvoisier, and a grande nonfat mocha for my friend," Sebastian said to the clerk.

"You know my coffee order?" Kurt asked, impressed. Sebastian shrugged.

"I just thought of something to do for Valentine's Day," Sebastian said.

"Wait, so we're still friends?" Kurt asked. Sebastian didn't answer, just paid the clerk.

Back in Glee club, Tina was attempting to sing 'My Funny Valentine' to Blaine, but really she just started crying uncontrollably in the middle and it sort of made everyone uncomfortable. Blaine rushed forward to comfort her. To this day, no one knows why she was crying. We speculate it's because she loves Blaine just that much.

"Okay, that was powerful," Mr. Schue said. "Almost too powerful." Finn put his hand up.

"Mr. Schue, can I be excused? I don't feel well," Finn said.

"Me either," Quinn said. "I feel sick."

"Let me guess," Sebastian said, trying to contain his smirk. "You have a sore throat and your glands are swollen and you're feverish."

"Yeah," Finn said. "Yeah, which is why I need to go to the nurse."

"It sounds like you have mono," Sebastian said smugly. "Otherwise known as the kissing disease. But you know what really helps spread it? A little tongue, which is weird, because it sounds like Quinn, here, has it too."

"I was there when they kissed," Sam said. "It was just a peck."

"So how about we stop talking about tonguing, and Finn and I go to the nurse," Quinn said.

"You know what, I think that is a capital idea," Sebastian said, waving sweetly as they left the choir room.

"Testing, testing, one, two, three," Kurt said, tapping the microphone. "So, happy Valentine's day everybody. For those of you Breadstix patrons who don't know, I am Kurt Hummel, and these are the New Directions. Welcome to my first ever Lonely Hearts Club dinner. Whether you are single with hope or madly in love and are here because I forced you to come out and support us, sit back and enjoy. And to all the singles out there… this is our year."

The New Directions and the glee club band started a beautiful rendition of Silly Love Songs, and it was one of the best nights to pass at Breadstix for quite some time.

A/N: So? What do you think? I'll work on another chapter soon. Leave me a review to brighten my day! :D

Samantha.