I don't own LOTR, or the Vogon. Kudos to aitchtee for coming up with the 'disgruntled chips' idea.
And now, on with the insanity!
Dear Thranduil,
I am so sorry about the Vogon. I really had no idea. Why don't you send him to Celeborn, or something?
Legolas is currently ill with food poisoning, and I can safely say that this time it was only through his own stupidity, and that neither Aragorn nor I had anything to do with it -in fact, we tried to stop him. 'Don't eat the mutant chips," we told him. "They look rather disgruntled," we told him. "Chips aren't meant to be that shade of green," we told him, but he just wouldn't listen.
Cordially,
Elrond Half-Elven, Lord of Rivendell
Dear Elrond,
Really, you should have known better; you know full well that my son is allergic to mutant potatoes. I am beginning to think that perhaps he landed on his head when he fell out of that window.
I think sending the Vogon to Celeborn is an excellent idea, and I shall do so at once.
Cordially,
Thranduil, King of Mirkwood
Dear Thranduil,
I am happy to say that Legolas is fully recovered, both from the food poisoning and the freak thunderstorm that seemed to centre solely on him and Aragorn. He is returning to Mirkwood alone this time, as Aragorn is suffering from a nasty stab wound inflicted on him by Evil Dwarves. Oh, and please don't mention my involvement with the Vogon incident to Celeborn - he might not take it very well.
Cordially,
Elrond Half-Elven, Lord of Rivendell
Dear Elrond,
Help! Gollum escaped! A giant spider ate my favourite crown! My moose twisted her ankle! Middle earth is doomed!Forgive me; I should know better than to be drinking coffee whilst writing letters. But alas, the foul creature Gollum has indeed escaped, and I have sent Legolas to Rivendell to inform you of this.
As I write this letter, it occurs to me that it was somewhat unnecessary to do so.
In these dire times I feel that the fighting skills of every elf will be needed to defend their homeland, so I ask that you try to ensure that my son returns home in one piece. It would make a pleasant change.
Worriedly,
Thranduil, King of Mirkwood