I don't own LOTR. And we're getting into the War of the Ring timeline now; should be interesting...

Dear Elrond,
I am writing to complain about your daughter, Arwen. My eight companions and I were out riding last night by the borders of Rivendell, when suddenly your daughter appeared and, by some dark elf-magic,caused the river to rise up and nearly drown us. I am very angry about this and am seriously considering suing you or your daughter. At the very least, I am going to be sending you the dry-cleaning bill.
By the way, you do know that Arwen is still seeing Aragorn, even after you expressly forbid her to? The girl clearly has issues.
Yours angrily,
Martin the Nazgul

Dear Martin,
Honestly, I'm not entirely sure how to respond. As one of the Nazgul, you are a creature of darkness and evil, who should be killed on sight, if it were possible to kill you. On the other hand, my dear Arwen was certainly out of order, stealing Lord Glorfindel's horse as she did. I will most certainly send you the dry-cleaning money, if you will tell me where you and your brethren live.
Cordially,
Elrond Peredhril

Dear Elrond,
Ha ha, nice try. I'm not going to tell you where I live. You'd just send a crack team of SWAT elves after me. Just leave the money in a hollow tree near Angmar, and I might let the Ringbearer live...
Yours evilly,
Marvin the Nazgul

Dear Marvin,
You're too late. The Ringbearer is safe in Rivendell. And whatever gave you the idea that I'd send a team of SWAT elves after you? The only elf in Rivendell with that kind of training is Lindir, and I believe he only knows the self-defence aspects of it.
Cordially,
Elrond Peredhril

Dear Elrond,
I'm sorry about that last letter, it was written by my brother, Marvin, who has taken to stealing my mail. That letter was a perfect example of the kind of bad press that leads people to believe that the Nazgul are soulless, evil creatures with no distinct personalities or interests. For example, I myself am a professional jazz saxophone player, but will people come to my concerts? No, because I'm just some weirdo with a cape. But if a cute little hobbit comes along, all blue eyes and curly hair, and needs help destroying a ring, THEN everyone just falls over their own feet to help him! It's unfair, I tell you, it's unfair!
-Martin

Dear Martin,
As much as I would like to be able to help you, I am right now rather busy organising a Council to discuss how best to dispose of the One Ring. I believe you know the current Ringbearer: A young hobbit named Frodo Baggins?
Also, as an elf I am naturally prejudiced against saxophone players. Why don't you become a lawyer instead?
Regretfully,
Elrond Peredhril

Martin the Nazgul's back! Remember him?