I don't own LOTR, or the Vogon.

I think this is the most chapters I've ever posted in one day; I have WAY too much time on my hands...

Dear Thranduil,
Unfortunately, I received your letter only recently, after the Council took place, and, well, I kind of sent Legolas on a perilous quest to Mordor to destroy the One Ring. My bad. Luckily, Aragorn and Gandalf are also part of the Fellowship; between the two of them I'm sure they'll keep your son out of trouble.
The other members of the Fellowship of the Ring, as they are styling themselves, are:Gimli son of Gloin; Boromir of Gondor, the eldest son of the Steward; Frodo Baggins, a hobbit and the Ringbearer; Samwise Gamgee, his gardener; and Peregrin Took and Meriadoc Brandybuck, two of his cousins - I can never tell them apart. They depart in two weeks' time.
Cordially,
Elrond Half-Elven, Lord of Rivendell

Dear Elrond,
FOOL of a Peredhril!

What were you thinking sending my son - my only son, mind you - gallivanting across middle earth without so much as a by-you-leave? With Aragorn, no less? When the two of them are together, they are like a lightning rod for attracting trouble. I suppose Mithrandir will keep them in check. But a dwarf? I remember his father - I kept him locked in my dungeon for quite a while. I do not know of this Boromir character, but his father has always seemed rather unstable to me - far too interested in fire for my liking. And the only hobbit I have heard of is another Baggins, who was in league with the dwarves. They were very rude dwarves, gatecrashing my parties like that. Be sure and tell my son that if he insists on participating in such insanity, the least he could do is write to his father once in a while.
Slightly less Cordially than usual,
Thranduil, King of Mirkwood

Dear Ada,
We have just left Rivendell. Gandalf is insisting that we be careful, and so far me and Aragorn haven't run into a single orc camp or been captured by any Nasty Men or Evil Elves. It is getting quite boring. The dwarf is annoying. I miss my spoons.
Your loving son,
Legolas

Dear Thranduil,
I am writing with regards to your violation of my clients' catchphrase, "Fool of a (insert name here)". My client is willing to drop charges provided that you refrain from using said catchphrase ever again. As his lawyer, however, I am adding a second stipulation - namely, that you come to my saxophone recital in Southern Mirkwood next Tuesday.
See you then (or in court),
Martin the Nazgul, Attorney at Law

Dear Martin,
Due to pressing commitments elsewhere, I find myself unable to attend your recital. Instead, I am sending my court minstrel; perhaps he will be so kind as to read you some of his poetry.
Cordially,
Thranduil, King of Mirkwood

Dear Thranduil,
I hate you.
Martin the Nazgul, Attorney at Law

Dear Legolas,
If the rest of your journey is that boring, you should count yourself lucky. Forgive me for not writing sooner, but I have been embroiled in a legal battle with Gandalf. His lawyer is quite vicious.
Your loving father,
Thranduil