I don't own LOTR or the Vogon.
Dear Ada,
Mortals are so silly. It took me quite a while to convince them that we really were seeing a flock of Crebain, and not a "wisp of cloud" , as that silly dwarf thought. Sadly we now have to take the Pass of Caradhras - you might remember me telling you about it. Last year, Aragorn and I got trapped there by an avalanche, and the year before that we were kidnapped there by Nasty Dwarves, and the year before that we were held hostage there by an Evil Elf who was trying to get revenge on Elrond by hurting Aragorn, and the year before that we went through the pass when we were being taken to Gondor by the Nasty Slavers.
So far nothing terrible has happened, except that Frodo tripped and almost lost his ring. He's so silly sometimes. Then Boromir picked it up, and was getting all tempted by it, but Aragorn made him give it back. Personally I think I should be the Ringbearer - gold works so much better with my hair than with Frodo's.
Your Loving Son,
Legolas
Dear Celeborn,
After you so kindly gave me a battle steed all those years ago, I thought it was only fitting that I should repay you at long last. I am sending one of my finest minstrels to Lothlorien to recite his poetry to you.
Cordially,
Thranduil, King of Mirkwood
Dear Thranduil,
I hate you.
Celeborn of Lothlorien
Dear Legolas,
Mortals are indeed silly, especially the dwarves. Be careful on the Pass of Caradhras - if I remember correctly, one of the Evil Elves had made some dark prophecy concerning all the terrible things that would happen to you if you ever returned, so be on your guard. Oh, and if Celeborn seems unusually angry at you (should you travel to Lothlorien), it is probably because I sent him a Vogon minstrel the other day.
Your loving father,
Thranduil
Dear Elrond,
So far this quest has been rather boring. Legolas and I haven't got into trouble once, despite taking the most dangerous route possible. Enclosed with this letter is Lindir's hairbrush. I found it in my pack recently.
Boromir tried to steal the One Ring yesterday, but I made him give it back. He is being rather gloomy and pessimistic, saying that the hobbits are all going to die just because Saruman caused a massive avalanche. What a wet blanket.
Your loving adopted son,
Aragorn II Elessar