Note: Bleach and Family Guy is property of creators Tite Kubo and Seth MacFarlane, respectively.
Title: You're Twisted!
A/N: You know I like doing these fan-fictions but that won't stop me from editing on YouTube. Anyways, sorry I'm late on this, I usually post new chapters if it's three chapters separated from the current one. This one features some change and a appearance from a very unusual person. Enjoy?
Chapter Four: Hired Help.
5th Division Captain Stewie Griffin has had enough of Sōsuke Aizen as he has gotten on his last nerve, so he decided to knock his ass out if he tried to talk or get close to him. however, he thought of getting someone to do it for him and the ones he decides to go to the Visoreds and got him some help.
its 3:21 pm, in the 5th Division headquarters...
"Alright, you already know about Sōsuke Aizen so listen, if that faggot tries to get close to me, you knock out that prick with this cinder block which is strapped to this chain. Think you can do this?" Stewie explains to the Visored who is revealed to be Lisa Yadōmaru, the former lieutenant of the 8th Division.
"Yeah, sure. But don't expect me to do this for free." Lisa replied.
"How about a thousand bucks, up front plus three thousand if you do a good job."
"Alright, better than nothing, I suppose."
After the talk, his Lieutenant, Brian Griffin enters the room. "Hey, Stewie, How's it goin-" Brian says to him before Lisa levels him to the ground with the cinder block. "AHHH, WHAT THE FUCK! DAMN IT!" Brian yelled out.
"Um, Brian? This is Lisa Yadōmaru, she was a Lieutenant before Aizen turned her and some others into Visoreds."
"Okay, I know about that, but why the fuck did she hit me?"
"That's a very good question, why did you hit him?"
"Practice." Lisa simply said to him.
"...Alright, moving on."
"What? Why are you just dismissing this?"
"I don't care, let's just do something else, okay?"
"Yes, sir."
One hour later...
Stewie sits in his desk chair as he does paperwork, Brian just lays on the couch watching TV and Lisa is sitting on the other couch, twirling the cinder block-attached chain in one hand and reading a erotic manga in the other. Stewie notices her doing both, "How's that even possible?" he thought to himself. While everybody was relaxed or doing work, Sōsuke Aizen appears before them, prompting the three to get up and draw there weapons.
"How's it going, Stew?" Aizen said to him.
"Stew?" he asked.
"What's wrong, don't like it when i call you that?" he says as he approaches him. "Anyways, I came to-!" he said but was interrupted when he was struck hard in the face by a cinder block which bitch-slapped him to the othe side of the office.
"MOTHERFUCKER! What the fuck was that for?" Aizen angrily asked. He was once again re-introduced to Lisa Yadōmaru, one of the victims involved with Aizen's crazy Hollow experiment. Apparently, she didn't forget about him or what happened years ago.
"Get out of way, you crazy bitch." Aizen told her.
"No." she replied; "I would like to tell you why she's here with a cinder block and a chain..." Stewie tells him.
"I have gotten tired of you recently like sending all your Espada to my house last week including all the shit you've done around me so just don't want you close to me so i paid Lisa to knock your ass senseless if you tried to get near me." Stewie explained.
"Your not alone, bitch already hit me before you got here. Knocked out four of my teeth."
"Damn. So you are gonna have her bodyguard you?"
"No. I wanted her to knock your ass out badly and she did pretty good. I was mad and now I'm entertained; so i don't really need her anymore; Lisa, you're business is no longer needed and for wounding him badly, here's four thousand bucks plus the bonus."
Lisa thanks him then asked, "Can I hit him one more time?"
"Sure, why not." he replied. She soon proceeded to hit him but he blocked it which resulted in him getting kicked in the nuts for blocking. She leaves the office after that. After two hours of pain and one extra hour of annoyance, Stewie has enough of him and hits him again with the cinder block and leaves the room.
The following day...
Stewie decides to walk around the Seireitei since he was so tired with work. While he was walking, he bumps into Momo Hinamori, his former lieutenant until he demoted her to fourth seat. "Captain?" Momo asked as she looked at him. "Is that you?"
"Yeah, did you already forget? Damn, woman." he replied.
He notices that Momo looks alot different since she went on that mission as her body had some mild changes. She looked a little older than before, she no longer wore her hair in a bun as she wore her hair down. Even her breasts had changed, as there twice as big than before around a double-D-cup (sort of?). Stewie did nothing but stare before asking, "Momo, what the fuck happened to you, did you get breast implants while you were there?" she blushed after he asked that question, "No. Believe it or not, they started to grow while i was there then, i woke up to a hotter body. I was a little scared of what happened to my body but i just accepted it and finished the remainder of the mission." she explained.
"Okay, I understand, but what happened to your hair bun?" he asked Momo.
"Oh, it's right here." she replied as she pulls it out from her uniform. "Here it is."
Stewie continues to look at her while remembering what Aizen said days ago wondering if he was joking or was serious about doing what he said to him and Brian. Not wanting to tell her he's back and risk her getting raped, he chose not to tell her. "Well, I'm glad your back, Momo. Remember to protect yourself." Stewie told her.
"Thank you, Captain. I'm glad to be back." Momo responded. They both walk away.
Stewie goes to his office to pick up some things but while he's walking with papers in his hand, he bumps into Aizen. "Goddamn it, not again." he said quietly to himself.
"Hello, Stewie. Nice day."Aizen says nicely; Stewie begins to wonder why every single day, he somehow has to deal with him. "I wanted to know if you wanted to go to a theme park this weekend?" he asked.
"You know they idiots like you get arrested when people see a grown man getting close to a small boy in public." he said clearly. "Besides, i don't wanna go anywhere with you after all the fucking shit you've put me through."
"Alright, if you don't want to go, that's fine. Maybe we can do something else, like sparring or something."
"I rather not. Even in practice, I'll still kick your ass back to the douche bag planet you came from." he implied.
"Really?. I bet I'll beat you in sparring."
"No, I rather not. Tell you what, I'll let you hang out with me if you keep your goddamn mouth shut, how's that?" he offered. Aizen is intrigued by the offer, and accepts it, "You can't stop me from talking if you have not noticed."
"Just shut up and come with me."
Meanwhile at 9:21 pm...at some restaurant.
"You better watch yourself, buddy." Stewie warns him. "I'm not kidding!"
"Why?" Aizen replies.
"Let's review, shall we?, You bitch-slapped a five-year old for no apparent reason, grabbed a waitress's ass and literally pissed on someone's food. I'm still surprised we haven't got kicked out because of you." he explained.
"That's not so bad."
"YOU BITCH-SLAPPED A FIVE YEAR OLD!"
"Don't see the problem."
"Dear god, you just watch it, faggot or else I'll beat the shit out of you."
As the two argue, Brian and Nemu arrive with Momo to celebrate her return. She asked simply, "Is this really necessary?. Taking me out here?"
"Yeah, is this really necessary?" Nemu asked.
"Of course, Stewie told everybody that to treat each other like family, and that's why we are here." Brian explained. Both of them didn't expect that answer.
...as they sit at separate tables far from each other, Momo leaves to buy the two a drink, while Aizen decides to do the same but after the events before they came there, Stewie comes with him. "Why are you following me?" he asked.
"After the shit you've been doing tonight, I'm gonna watch your ass." Stewie replied in a angry tone. Momo buys the drinks for them and leaves but before she leaves, Stewie and Aizen walk by her and not long, he notices her. "Momo?" he said.
She gasped and replied back; "Captain.. Captain Aizen?. Is that you?"
"Yes, it's me, your precious captain."
"Oh, sweet Jesus." Stewie says as he face palms but meanwhile, Nemu quickly notices Aizen and Momo together as her and Brian immediately leaves the table to retrieve her but Stewie notices Nemu whispering to him and watched them get here.
"Guys, hurry quick." he says when they finally arrive to intervene. "Momo! There you are!" Brian quickly said as Nemu pushes him back from her but Aizen is speechless as he's distracted by her body.
"Are you trying to hit on her, you son of a bitch?" Brian yelled but he's doesn't respond. Brian notices he was looking at her chest and said, "You dirty fucking pervert, don't you dare try to touch her, asshole!"
"Come on, Momo. We're going home." Nemu said as she grabs and takes her away from him. Right after they leave, Stewie shakes his head and tries to talk to him. "Yo, Aizen...speak to me, bitch!" he yelled to him until he finally responds.
"Holy shit." Aizen finally responds. "...Did you see her, Stewie?"
"Yeah, I bumped into her this afternoon. Why?"
"Back then, She was like a teenager but now, she's fucking hot! And those titties, man; they looked so fucking awesome!"
"You might wanna stop before I hit you with that cinder block again." Stewie warned him again. "Let's just leave before the owner shoots us." They pay the bill and leave the place. it seems Aizen will have lovely dreams tonight.
Chapter Four Omake.
While the two sit on a couch, watching violent movies and drinking booze, Stewie askes Aizen a question.
"Hey, i want to know something? What are the Espada and what are they for? he asked.
"Well I'm glad you asked. The Espada are a group of Arrancars led by me, there are ten of them, all are very strong. I made them in what they are so i can take over this world with nobody to stop them." Aizen explains. "There basically my unstoppable army who does everything i command them to do and they can't do anything about it. Like do my laundry, cook me food, suck my dick, have them sell sex for money and kill anyone who stands in my way of my plans. And that's your answer."
"They sound more like your bitches than an fucking army."
"I don't see that. To me, were like family."
"Still, sounds more like your bitches."
"Whatever."
Stewie lets out a sigh and quietly said "This guy is so muthafucking retarded."
"P.S, if you want to know, Grimmjow makes the most money."Aizen whispers to him.
"I'm not surprised."
END OF CHAPTER FOUR