Note: Bleach and Family Guy is property of creators Tite Kubo and Seth MacFarlane, respectively.
Chapter Five: Keeping a Close Eye.
It hasn't been the best of weeks for Stewie Griffin, the captain of the 5th Division as almost every day, he has been involved in Sōsuke Aizen's random acts of stupidity like inviting his Espada army to a unexpected party at his house, acting like a fool at a restaurant and mainly, driving Stewie to the edge. Five days ago, Aizen moved into his house as his roommate, which prompted him to keep a watchful eye on his crazy ass.
Currently 9:30am, Friday...
Stewie Griffin wakes up to a perfect morning so to add to the perfect morning, he decides to make his "perfect" breakfast while he listens to Aerosmith on the radio, just as he finishes cooking a large breakfast, he finds his new roommate, Sōsuke Aizen coming downstairs wearing nothing but boxers and a white undershirt, scratching his crotch as he came down. Seeing him scratch his genitals gave Stewie a horrified and disgusted face which made him want to puke out every organ he had.
Aizen looks at him and says, "Good morning, Stewie. Whatcha cooking?"
"What...the...FUCK!" Stewie yelled. "Why the fuck are down here in your underwear, that's disgusting."
"I don't know, feels more comfortable when i am." Aizen says carelessly. "Plus, great shit playing, dude." Stewie continues to wonder why he let him stay in his house; Aizen reaches for some bacon but Stewie bitch-slaps him with a hot medal spatula and said, "You not touching a single piece until you take a fucking shower and change your clothes. Just because we now have to live together doesn't mean you can come downstairs in your underwear."
"Well, sorry. I'll take a shower now."
"Good. You smell like you fucked a dead hooker."
"Heh heh. Yeah, that's funny."
"...you fucked a dead hooker, didn't you?
"...Yes."
"Fucking creep."
After Aizen takes a shower and puts on some clean clothes, he goes downstairs to get himself some breakfast. as they eat, he tells him about something...
"Yo, Stewie? Did you see Momo last Sunday?" Aizen asked openly.
"Yes." he groaned. "To be fair, She looked hotter than she did before."
"I just wanna tap that ass even more, I still hope she's still a virgin."
"...pedophile."
"Shut up, boy!"
Stewie grunted, "You do know I can throw your ass out if I wanted to. But hell, your a lot better company than Brian and that's saying something."
"Thank you, but I still wanna fuck Momo. Maybe I'll ask her on a date and then turn on the charm to get her in bed."
"You mean like telling bad jokes that make her fall asleep." he jokingly replied.
"Fuck off, football-head."
"Eat a dick, bitch curl!"
"Whatever, I'm gonna holla at Momo and see if she'll suck my dick."
"Good luck with that, queer boy"
Aizen then storms off for his targeted pussy; Stewie is still not convinced he'll get in bed with her.
Currently 2:47 pm, somewhere in the Seireitei...
Aizen searches for Momo as he tries to seduce her into sex and after five hours searching, he found her.
"Momo..." He called out she notices and goes to him.
"Hello, Sōsuke." she greeted him.
He questioned, "Sōsuke? Since when did you start calling me by my first name?"
"I don't know, since i decided not to call you captain anymore." Momo answered. "As much as it hurts me, Stewie's now my captain, not you."
"I see. Call me anything you want but that's what i wanted to ask you."
"What is it then?"
Stewie finds the two as he tries to follow through with what he said to him almost two weeks ago and what he said this morning.
"I wanted to ask you if you wan-" Aizen said until the conversation is intervened by Stewie.
"Hey, what are you guys talking about?" he asked.
"Oh nothing, just talking about some things."
"Like asking her on a date?"
"You want to go on a date with me?"
"Wait...What?..Damn it."
"Yes. How about tonight?
"Sounds good. See you then."
Stewie did nothing but face palm after saying that and soon after, Aizen tells him, "Thanks for the help, man. I owe you one."
"Shut your fucking mouth." Stewie screeched. He walked away trying not to shank him to death.
A/N: Shane Dawson parody in 5...4...3...2..1...now. Thank you.
p.s, I don't know what exactly what was said because i only know some of it.
Aizen gets ready for his "date" upstairs, he puts on a white, designer suit, puts on a pretty expensive cologne that Stewie would obviously would make fun of. "Looking good" He said to himself as he does some things in the mirror and starts to "kiss" himself in the mirror as well. he goes downstairs to leave until Stewie puts down the newspaper he was reading and says to him, "Cut your hair, you pussy."
"Stewie, I don't want to cut my hair." He protested.
"Then change your clothes, you look like a fudge-packer."
"Fudge-pac-I don't even know what that is."
"Sure you don't...ass climber."
"Okay, i'm going. Anymore insults?"
"You have the body of a 13-year old chinese girl"
"Alright, Stewie"
"You look like you brush your teeth with cat shit."
"Can I go now?
"Why can you be perfect like your army?"
"Alright, I'm going now. Bye."
"Wait, you got something on your face."
"Oh really, What?"
"...Gay."
"Stewie, I'm not gay!"
He proceeds to laugh as he says, "That's the best joke i heard all day." Stewie continues to laugh as Aizen storms out the door. "Pussy." he said after he left. Not long after leaves, Brian enters his house finding him on his chair.
"You know, there's something called knocking if you don't know." Stewie said openly.
"Sorry about that." Brian says. "Where's that douchebag now?"
"He's on a date with Momo. I don't know when he's coming back."
"What! What do you mean he's on a date with her. We gotta stop him."
"Way ahead of you, I'm already about to follow him around so i can watch what he does."
"That's what i want to hear. Let's go!" Brian and Stewie proceeds to walk out the door.
Meanwhile, at 10:15 pm...
Brian and Stewie had followed them everywhere, from the restaurant to the streets and the entire time, they never noticed them or been aware of them following. While they walk in a street full of paper lights and many beautiful sights, they begin to talk, "This place is so beautiful. Thanks for bringing me here, Sōsuke." Momo told him.
"You're welcome, I'm glad you're enjoying it so far." Aizen said with a fake smile.
"Can I ask you something?"
"Sure what?
"Are you and Stewie friends because I've noticed you and him have been hanging out recently."
Aizen thought about it for a second before he responded, "Yes, we are sort of good buddies. We don't know much about each other but he's a good kid."
"I'm glad that you guys are cool with each other, maybe i can know a little more about him too."
He thought to himself, "Even though we haven't known each other long, Shit I still want to know more about him as I find him interesting"
Momo yawns while they walk through the part of the city, "Are you tired?" he asked "nicely".
"Yeah, I'm a little sleepy."
"Jackpot." Aizen said as silent as he could.
"Huh?"
"Nothing. Let me take you to a hotel, so you can rest yourself."
Brian whispered while in the bushes, "Yeah fucking right..."
"What was that?" Momo asked him after she heard what sounded like Brian.
"Don't know, maybe you're hearing things."
"Yeah, I think you're right. Let's go then."
"Alright, Stewie. There going to a hotel, what should we do?...Stewie?" Brian asked until he noticed that Stewie was no longer with him. He looked all over with no trace of him. "Damn it."
Meanwhile, at a Home Depot, Stewie goes to the cash register to buy a hammer, "Okay, that will be $9.95, thank you." The cashier says. Stewie proceeds to give him the money but he wondered why the cashier never mentioned why someone his age was at a Home Depot this late at night buying a hammer.
"Thank you, have a nice evening." The cashier proceeds to say to him as he leaves the place. Stewie then realized he was not very far from them as they was still downtown and he was only several miles away.
"Where the fuck is Brian? I'm gonna call him." He said to himself while taking out his cellphone and calls him. He was lucky that he got a answer, "Brian? You there?"
"Yeah, I'm here but where the hell are you?" He asked.
"Outside a Home Depot just about to go back downtown"
"Well that's not the point, Aizen is taking Momo to a hotel room. Right now."
"What!" He screeched. "Where?"
"I heard him say he was gonna take her to the Hilton hotel. It's only 30 miles from where I am right now. How far are you from that hotel?"
Stewie looked around until he saw the building not far from Home Depot, "Not far. I'm just about close to it."
"Well, hurry up there on there way."
"Alright. Keep a close eye on them until i get there."
"Okay, bye." He said before both of them rushed to the hotel.
The two division leaders rushed to the place to stop his plans, Stewie was lucky to get to the place but they were already arrived. Aizen had already ordered the room and took her there, he then busted through the glass doors, with a furious look on his face as he looked like he was about to commit a murder. The lady at the front desk asked him, "Little boy, what are you doing here?"
"Did a man with mullet-like hair with a hair curl come in here with a young woman?" Stewie asked while trying to keep his cool.
"Uhh...yes, two people as you described came in not very long ago."
"How long ago?"
"About eleven minutes ago, why?"
"I need to talk to him, where are they!"
"Room #352, it's one of the honeymoon suites." she said with a slight confused look.
"Thank you for the help." Stewie said before storming off to the room. Meanwhile, in the room they were now in, Things begin to get steamy.
"This room is so beautiful, I just need some sleep." Momo said happily. Aizen then took of his jacket and threw it to side, he then proceeded to grab her softly and said, "Momo, do you know exactly why i brought you here?"
"No, why?"
"To make you into a full woman."
She blushed when he said that and then told him, "Umm, i'm not sur-" Her sentence was interrupted as Aizen kisses her. "You know exactly what I mean, Momo." He lays her on the bed softly as he kissed her from the neck and then made it all down her midsection. Momo immediately stopped him and said, "I not sure if i'm ready for this."
"You don't have to worry about a thing. Let me do all the work and you just relax."
"Okay." She said when a tear fell out of her eye. "I love you. and I want you." After some touching and kissing, he began to take off her clothes until they hear the door being smashed open and then before there eyes, they saw a pissed off Stewie as he nothing but glare at him with murderous intent.
"Captain?" she asked when Stewie jumped on the bed, grabbed Aizen's hair and threw him to the ground.
"What the fuck was that for and why are you here?"
"You know exactly why the fuck I'm here." He hissed while still giving him a nasty glare. "I'm just glad I've been watching you."
"What's going on?" Momo asked in confusion. "Captain, what are you doing here?"
"Stay out of this. Or else you want to die with him."
"Stewie, Leave! Now!" Aizen yelled. Stewie doesn't say anything but stare at him with disgust, "Okay, have it you're way." he said without an angry tone. "But before I go...Let me give you something." Stewie then proceeds to take out a hammer he bought earlier from behind his back and smashes Aizen's foot with it, he falls to the floor, screaming in deep agony while Stewie runs out the door laughing, "COCKBLOCKIN' BITCH!" he yelled out before leaving the hotel room.
"Are you alright?"
"Yeah, kind of. Shit that hurt!"
"It's okay, sit down on the bed. I'll get something to keep it from swelling."
Stewie passed by Brian at the entrance with a hammer with a laughing grim on his face, "What did you do?" he asked.
"I just stopped Aizen's plan instantly." Stewie replied with a evil tone sounding like he killed him. They both go home leaving them at the hotel meanwhile, Momo heals him after having his foot nearly crushed by Stewie,
"That boy...is really something." Aizen chuckled quietly while his foot is healed. After a very long day for the young captain, Stewie takes a bath and goes to sleep when he mumbled to himself, "I now realize that he annoys me and I rip and beat on his ass. But he's still more fun to fuck with than Brian, I suppose."
Chapter Five Omake
Picture Stewie, Aizen and Gin as Run-D.M.C. and there you go.
END OF CHAPTER FIVE