Dear Aragorn,
Do try not to offend anyone in Rohan, especially the king. I know you're the deposed heir to the throne of Gondor, but that doesn't mean you get to be in charge of other kingdoms.
Cordially,
Elrond Half-elven, Lord of Rivendell
Dear Elrond,
Um, about that… I may have yelled at Théoden a little bit. But he was being obstinate and stupid. Now we all have to go hid under a big old mountain just 'cause he doesn't want to risk open war.
I must go; Legolas just killed a scout.
A Warg scout, not a girl scout – that thing with the cookies was just a one-off.
Your loving adopted son,
Aragorn II Elessar
Dear Ada,
It's so unfair – Aragorn fell off a cliff. That means I'm the only member of the Fellowship who hasn't had a near-death experience yet.
Well, apart from Gimli, but he doesn't really count.
And Boromir, who actually did die.
Anyway, now we're in a place called Helm's Deep. It's basically a glorified cave, but Gimli got very annoyed when I pointed this out. I miss the forest, with the trees and the flowers and the birds and the spoons.
I have to go, we're preparing for a battle with Saruman's orcs.
Your loving son,
Legolas
Dear Legolas,
It's a shame about Aragorn, but he's probably fine. If I had a dollar for every time you two have fallen off cliffs, I'd have a large sack of currency that cannot actually be used in middle earth. And I have told you before not to insult caves when dwarves are in earshot. I am sure that Théoden has spoons.
Be careful during battle – you left your lucky arrows in the palace, by the way.
Your loving father,
Thranduil
Dear Gandalf,
I hope the search for my nephew is going well. To help, I am sending you a minstrel to recite poetry for you.
Cordially,
Théoden King
Dear Théoden,
I hate you.
Gandalf
p.s. I found your nephew and his friends.
Dear Uncle,
I hate you.
Eomer
Dear Théoden King,
We hate you.
The Rohirrim