And this story now has over 100 reviews! More internet fudge for everyone, as well as a special ceremonial spoon- *Legolas runs in, steals box of ceremonial spoons and runs out* - um, okay, no spoons…
Dear Aragorn,
What are you talking about? I didn't send any elven archers. Galadriel must have. She won't be happy – Haldir was her best Marchwarden.
Cordially,
Elrond Halfelven, Lord of Rivendell
Dear Galadriel,
Thank you for sending your elven archers to Helm's Deep. Without their courage and bravery, we never could have overcome the orcs.
Oh, and Haldir died.
Aragorn II Elessar
Dear Aragorn,
I did not send any elven archers to Helm's Deep. Did you fall off another cliff and hit your head again?
Galadriel, the Lady of Light
Dear Galadriel,
I may have fallen off a cliff, but I didn't hallucinate the elven archers. They were led by Haldir, and since Elrond didn't send them, I thought you must have.
Aragorn II Elessar
Dear Aragorn,
I am quite certain that I never gave my archers orders to march to Helm's Deep.
Galadriel
Dear Ada,
We have just reached Orthanc, where Saruman is being held hostage by giant trees. However, he is not alone in the dark tower. A musical trio consisting of a Nazgul, and orc and that thrice-blasted Vogon has joined him. The Nazgul plays saxophone, the orc is the drummer and the Vogon claims to be singing. Anyway, Saruman has joined their band as bass guitarist – apparently he's into metal now.
Fortunately Grima Wormtongue, tired of being their groupie, stabbed Saruman in the back. Then I shot Grima. We left the Nazgul, Orc and Vogon in Orthanc, because for some reason the Ents have grown to love their music.
Your loving son,
Legolas
Dear Legolas,
I am glad to hear that the Trio has finally settled down somewhere. I am also glad to hear that Saruman is dead. If he had joined forces with the Trio, the horrors they could inflict on middle earth would be unimaginable.
Your loving father,
Thranduil
Ooh, a mystery! Who sent the elven archers? A hypothetical cookie to anyone who knows! Disclaimer-hypothetical-cookies-are-not-edible-con sumption-of-hypothetical-cookies-may-lead-to-indig estion-hallucinations-and-death.