64-million-dollar question: Who sent the elven archers?
64-million-dollar answer: It was Peter Jackson!
Dear Eowyn,
Hello. My name is Martin the Nazgul. You killed my brother; prepare to die!
Martin the Nazgul, Attorney at Law
Dear Eowyn,
I told you war was the province of men, but you just wouldn't listen. Hopefully this letter will reach you by the time you have regained consciousness.
Your loving brother,
Eomer
Dear Eomer,
I did kill the witch-king of Angmar.
Eowyn
Dear Eowyn,
Oh, la-di-da. We can't all be in right place at right time when a hobbit stabs a wraith in the leg, thus making him mortal.
Eomer
Dear Eomer,
Good luck on your hopeless last stand against Mordor. You will all be in my thoughts, when I'm not flirting with Faramir.
Eowyn
Dear Ada,
We have just left Minas Tirith to fight a last stand against Mordor. Something about drawing the eye of the Enemy away from Frodo – basically, a diversion.
Maybe you should track down this "Fred" and make him you heir – it is looking more and more unlikely that I will return home.
Your loving son,
Legolas
Dear Legolas,
What have I told you about dying in foreign places? The least you could do is drag yourself home to die so I don't have to go find your body.
Fred says he is quite willing to be the next king of Mirkwood, but first he has to go fight in a battle at some place called Hogwarts.
Your loving father,
Thranduil
Dear Elrond,
We won. Frodo destroyed the Shampoo, and I battled a troll. Mount Doom collapsed, but Gandalf flew out on an eagle and saved Frodo and Sam.
My coronation should be in a few weeks, when Frodo decides to stop pretending to be asleep. Will you be coming over for it?
Your loving adopted son,
Aragorn II Elessar
Dear Ada,
Good news! I survived the battle, and Frodo destroyed the Shampoo, so everything's fine now. You can tell Fred he doesn't have to be king anymore.
Your loving son,
Legolas