Well, hello, there, lovelies! Yes, I'm back. Yes, it's been a few weeks, but I hope it's worth the wait! And let's be honest...isn't horny Carlisle ALWAYS worth the wait?

BTW, if I haven't responded to your review yet, don't worry, I WILL! And I LOVE all your theories about the humming and the obsession and what Carlisle can really do with his tongue... Dirty pervs! (I loves yas!)

This chapter would not be possible without:

A) TheGreenPuma, my muse. If it weren't for her perving all over The Hummer, I never woulda gone down this path,
2) DazzledIn2008, who beta'd this fucker within an inch of its life, spent many a maniacal squeeing phone call and all-caps gchat session helping me fenagle the plot so that Carlisle had his time to shine (and perv all over himself), and
III) All you lovely h00rs that review this fic. Especially the ones that review every chapter. EEEE!

Okay, enough rambling. I'm drunk on a posting high. Actually, I had TWO (count 'em TWO!) servings of the elusive Boulevard Brewery limited edition Chocolate Ale today, which I chased all over the city looking for and finally found in the dive bar near my office in the hood. ! But after three long years of pursuit, I can finally say: I tasted it. And OMFG, was it good. And I mean, good. Orgasmic, people. It's like alcoholic hot chocolate but delicious and light and full of deliciousness. And 10% alcohol content. Whoops.

Okay, REALLY enough rambling now. Disclaimer, then on to the show:

Disclaimer: Any spelling, gramatical, and otherwise retarded errors are all mine. Stephanie Meyer owns everything except my plot twists, pervy Carlisle's dirty thoughts, and incredibly twat-numbing sexual frustration. Thanks for the jumping off point, Stephanie! You made him Carlisle, I made him tortured and horny.

O.O

Wrapped Around Her Little Neck

O.O

The day that she pushed Edward too far the first time, he arrived home looking like I'd felt since the day I'd laid eyes on her: tortured, aroused, frustrated, and ready to take down more than an herbivore. I suggested he provoke Emmett into sparring in the woods, knowing it would take so little effort on Edward's part to bring out the playful wrestling in Emmett. They took off toward the mountains, Edward taunting Emmett with promises to go easy on him, Emmett reminding Edward of the definition of pussy.

Just the mention of the word seemed to egg on my imagination. It had been weeks since I'd taken Esme against the shower wall, and weeks since Bella had spent time in the house with Edward, as school was drawing to a close and she was occupied with finals. So it was not surprising that I was shocked to find her at our door, which I purposely opened slowly as she approached, rather than throwing the thing off its hinges, as I desired to do.

Without Edward around, it was almost harder to keep myself in check, knowing that I could outright fantasize about her as she stood mere feet from me. I took a deep, pleasurable, tortured breath as she strode purposely toward my door, opening my mouth like a cat to fully ingest every particle her presence disturbed and tainted with her scent as she moved. My mouth watered, my senses flipped into overdrive, and my body vibrated with anticipation, seeming to hum faster and faster with every step she took toward me.

As she took the final steps up the front porch toward me, her skin rose in gooseflesh and her heart rate increased slightly. I wondered if it was her body's natural reaction to me as a man or to me as a vampire. She cocked her head as she stopped in front of me as if she were considering something before she smiled up at me. I tried to regain my composure, realizing I had been staring at her as if she were my next meal…or lay…or both. I died a little more, if possible, then, as I thought how I would love to…eat her.

"Hi, Carlisle. Is Alice around?" she queried as her pupils dilated slightly. "I was hoping she could help me uh…" she paused and looked anywhere but me before continuing, "…study for my calc final."

I stopped breathing so as to try to will down the wood that had taken up residence in the front of my designer, dark-wash jeans, all the while wondering why she was really here to see Alice, as she was a horrible liar, and I could see right through her.

"Good afternoon, Bella. Alice? Of course, she's just upstairs – " I started, just as Alice appeared next to me, cutting me off with her enthusiastic greeting.

She ushered Bella into the house with small talk, and just before she could be whisked away, Bella pushed one of my scarves into my hand as she cast her eyes downward and said, "Oh, and this is yours. I borrowed it a few nights ago when Edward and I went out – it was chilly and I didn't have a coat. He insisted I at least wear a scarf, and I just grabbed one off the coat rack. I didn't realize it was yours."

I folded the scarf over my arm and thanked her. Alice looked at me for just a second, her eyes glazing over. When her eyes refocused, she cocked her head and raised her eyebrows in surprise. Before I could even react, she'd reset her features into her normal upbeat expression and was trotting up the stairs, pulling Bella along behind her.

Confused about what she had seen, I pushed down my initial reaction of panic at being discovered for the pervert I had become. I shook my head to clear it of the remaining itching tickling my spine, urging me to seek out Bella's presence again. I ignored the reasonable idea of separating myself from her and permitted the desire to stay near her to make my next decision: I would return to my work in my study, where I'd been holed up since my last hospital shift, to continue my study of female pheromones and the effect they may or may not have on male vampires.

My goal with the experimentation was to try to regain some semblance of control over my life.

Although the introduction of Bella into my life had injected a hearty dose of heady arousal and liveliness of spirit I hadn't ever felt, I feared the lack of control that came with it. Her presence turned my carefully manicured, conservative, predictable life, that had always crawled along at a snail's pace, into a freight train skipping from one track to another without warning and at full speed, and I felt I no longer had a hand on the brake.

So, on a nightly basis, while many of the others were out hunting, I escaped to my study to test and test and retest the impact of physical female attributes on my senses. I had shamefully flirted with the nurses in the hospital until I aroused them and then pushed them further by standing a little too close, brushing them along a breast with my arm or along the hip with the outside of my wrist, touching them with a well-placed slow hand on a shoulder meant to appear friendly, or "accidentally" breathing in their ear.

Studying the response of my body to their reactions had left me without any further ideas about why Bella had such an impact on me. I was able to restrain myself and will away possible erections quite easily, and even when I let myself harden behind a carefully placed clipboard or desk, the need to indulge and claim was not tearing at me as it did when Bella was near.

I had even allowed one of the nurses to discover my tented pants and went so far as to stare longingly at her until I thought she might come undone without ever having touched her, but the "study" had been futile. I'd had no reaction other than to feel horny and shameful for leading her on.

I'd even resigned myself to searching out adult films with women who resembled Bella in form and stature, thinking that maybe if I could release tension while indulging in a visual fantasy I desired, it might lesson the crazed need that drove me to the edge every time she was near. The masturbatory marathons that I'd participated in one-handedly – and sometimes two-handedly – did no good, except for depleting the supply of sterile lubrication in stock at the hospital and making Esme lift her eyebrows in my direction upon my exit from my study on a regular basis.

I tossed the scarf down on my desk next to my laptop and got back to work. As I looked through my catalogued data and began to cross-reference statistics between different aspects of the experiments, the non-specific hum of conversation between Bella and Alice suddenly caught my subconscious' interest and pulled me away from my work.

"No, we haven't done anything except kiss. It's just…never mind. I shouldn't have even brought it up…" Bella's voice cracked slightly between her words, and Alice responded in a soothing voice.

"Bella, honey, don't cry. And you don't have to be embarrassed to talk with me about this. I'm your sister. Or, at least, I consider myself as such. Please, tell me. Maybe I can help."

"Well… I feel weird telling you – you're so close to Edward, and…"

"Bella, no one is truly that close to Edward. He keeps so much of himself to himself. But I love him as I love you, and talking of these things doesn't make me nervous or upset me, as you seem to think, so…just spill. It'll at least make you feel better to get it off your chest."

"Well...okay. I just…he pulls away. All the time. Every time. And I know he has to because he's afraid he might hurt me, and I don't blame him for that. I don't. But I can't help feeling…well…rejected. Every time he does it. It makes me feel…unattractive, or…not worth risking a possible slip. I guess I feel like he loves me platonically and that's it. You know? Like I'm up on a pedestal and not something he physically desires or needs to touch. I mean, he can't even touch me, Alice. He doesn't have to be near my throat to touch me, does he? I mean, I know having his mouth so close to me is too tempting, but…couldn't he use his hands with his mouth away from me? Or at least try? Or at least suggest it? Or suggest an alternative? I just feel like…it's not worth the effort for him to find an alternative, and that makes me feel so…small. And one-sided in my passion for him. I know that's not it, but…" she trailed off.

"Bella, honey, he's a century old, but in the realm of relationships, he's so, so young. He really is a teenager when it comes to knowing how to treat a woman. Have you tried telling him – like how you just told me – how you feel?" Alice's voice was full of sympathy and understanding.

My reaction was split in its emotions; my heart went out to Edward for being so clueless as to how to treat a woman and wanted to guide him and help him understand how to approach this situation. The other half of it – the half that had become obsessed with her smell, the way she moved, the amazing experience her body could offer – made me want to slap Edward. Repeatedly. How could he be so insensitive to the fact that she needed this reassurance from him? He really had no idea how to approach this subject a little at a time – it was all or nothing for him. With all the experiences he'd had over the last hundred years, he was still living his life in black or white, just like the last day he was truly seventeen; shades of gray still evaded Edward's understanding of the world…especially the realm of physical love.

"I…I feel like I'm begging for affection when I start to have that conversation, and that just makes me feel worse. I know he wants me, Alice, it's just, I wish he would show me. Or tell me. I mean, he tells me he loves me all the time, but he never tells me…" she started, and then sighed as she gave up.

"Bella, I know how stubborn Edward is and how intimidating it is to have this conversation – especially since it's the first time you're having this type of conversation, but you have to be able to talk about these things. I know it seems you're making yourself too vulnerable and it's embarrassing, but to have a healthy relationship, you should be able to have a conversation about this. I mean, if you can't talk about having sex with someone, why would you entertain letting that someone put their penis in you?" she giggled.

Bella inhaled sharply, most likely in shock, and then bust out in giggles along with Alice.

"I guess you're right, that does make a lot of common sense," Bella conceded. "I'll work up the courage to talk with him…" she trailed off.

"In the meantime, let's talk about what you could do to encourage him to take some action…" I could practically hear Alice raise her eyebrows suggestively.

"Uh…what do you mean 'do'?" she demanded.

"Well, what's something you could do together that wouldn't necessarily be pushing his limits, but that might make him…let's say…less able to hold back?"

The pause that followed Alice's question seemed exceptionally pregnant, and I found myself subconsciously leaning forward, as if to encourage her to answer.

"Well, um…erm…I know what definitely pushes him too far and creates immediate distance between the two of us… I rubbed up against him…like trying to feel if he was…um…turned on, once," she let out a big breath. I inhaled harshly.

Ugh, what I wouldn't give to have her rub up against me.

"Okay, so rubbing against him when he's hard is out of the question, then," Alice said matter of factly as if she were making a grocery list and crossing items off. Bella chuckled nervously. "What else?"

"Well, he does seem to like it when I kiss him right here," she said shyly. I almost didn't want to know where she was pointing, as I closed my eyes, envisioning where I'd prefer she kiss me. The thought of those soft, wet, hot lips against my own made me whimper with need. I pushed against my hardening erection, willing it to deflate, but quickly realized I didn't have to: no one could read my mind at that moment, no one could feel my emotions, and Alice was most likely too caught up in her conversation with Bella to think about listening for my movements in the other end of the house. I felt my cock jump at the thought that I might be able to touch myself – even just a little – in her presence, as it were. I would have to be silent in my actions, but just the idea that I could fantasize and feel some relief with her almost within smelling distance made my brain buzz.

"Well, now that's a start, Bella. Spend some time there. Slow, hot, wet kisses are the key to the slow build and not the immediate, desperate reaction," Alice said in her most school-marm demeanor as I added some much-desired pressure of my palm against my thickening cock through the thick denim.

Slow, hot, wet kisses. Jesus, she's trying to kill me….

"Oh, and I accidentally grazed his earlobe with my teeth once – he seemed to like that, I think? Either that or he really didn't…I'm not sure what his reaction meant," she said, eager to add more to Alice's list and hesitant about misreading his reactions at the same time.

"What do you mean, you're not sure what his reaction meant?" she said, concerned.

My reaction imagining her grazing my earlobe with her teeth was definitely one of pleasure; my hand quickly unbuttoning and slipping inside my jeans to roughly grope my cock was proof.

"Well, he kinda…hissed in a breath and held it. I wasn't sure if it sorta hurt or….? I mean, I guess I can't hurt him, but…?"

"Oh, honey, you found a money spot. Trust me, he definitely wasn't hurt, and he definitely was a fan of that move. I would suggest that you explore that area a little more. Maybe instead of just teeth, you try a combination approach. Maybe start with some chaste kisses, then move on to some licking, then some sucking? Save the teeth for the coup de grace," Alice said, as if she was explaining to Bella how to install a kitchen sink or solve a math problem.

The imagery that invaded my brain of Bella sucking on my earlobe, however, was the farthest thing from the logic of math. It made me shiver and move my hand in a steady motion, pulling and twisting. Frustration from the fact that my jeans were impeding my hand to move as freely as my cock desired, I yanked my jeans down over my hips and down to my ankles, settled back, and slouched down in my favorite red leather chair.

"So, I suck on his earlobe and then what? I mean, how does that get us from here to there? There meaning some sort of middle ground…" Bella sounded near defeat.

"Well, get him good and strung so taut that he might snap, and then send him home," she said, matter-of-factly.

"Wait, what?"

"Exactly. He will be all, 'What?' and you will tell him you need to get some really good sleep for something important and send him home. Or wait for him to be going somewhere and half an hour before he's supposed to leave, tell him he should probably go. Turn him on, then confuse him. And then, that's when you really hit him," Alice whispered conspiratorially.

"Hit him? With what? Why would I…" Bella said, confused.

"Not literally. You get him all fired up and wanting more, and then you shut him down for once. Send him away wanting like he always does you. I promise his brain will be stuck like a scratched record. He's probably going to just stare at you incredulously, but stick to your guns. I promise, this will work. Especially with what you do next."

"Which is….?"

If what she was going to instruct Bella to do next was half as hot as being revved up and then shut down by the sexy, empowered woman I knew she could be, I was going to blow my load earlier than expected. Imagining her strong and confident and controlling the situation made me pump faster and pant just a little. I sat up and leaned forward so I could scoot to the edge of my chair and thrust my hips forward into my hand, as if she were on my lap, and I was thrusting forward into her. As my free hand sought purchase on the edge of my desk, my fingers closed around my scarf. The scarf she had borrowed. The scarf of mine that had been wrapped around her delicious-smelling neck.

Holding back the groan I wanted to let loose, I grabbed the scarf and held it up before me as I pumped faster into my hand. Oh, god, how perfect –

"Well, he'll leave, eventually. But reluctantly, and I can guarantee that he will linger outside your line of sight and try to figure out what just happened. And that's when you do it. Something he can't resist. Something he'll have to listen to…or even watch, if the situation is right…and it will break him. Break down that wall and maybe he'll stew on it for so long that he'll have to bring it up and finally start talking to you, or at least try to take things a little further…"

"What, Alice? What do I do?" Bella begged, frustrated.

And just as I draped the scarf with the forbidden deliciousness of her scent across my face, gnashing my teeth together to ground me as the sweet burn began to sweep through me, Alice told her what to do to make him break.

"You strip and dive into bed, as if you really were as tired as you claimed. And like I said, he'll stick around, although out of sight. And then you touch yourself, Bella. You masturbate to your little heart's content. It will break him, trust me."

The image of shy, now empowered Bella pleasuring herself, knowing someone was outside listening, combined with the overpowering scent of her lingering on my scarf that emblazoned my senses awake, pushed me so hard over the edge that I came with a loud grunt. The sound was reminiscent of pleasure and pain, and the shiver of aftershock that raced up my spine made me shake.

I blinked, disbelieving how hard I'd come, and hoping no one had heard. I panted and tried to recover as I tried to erase the image of a panting, sweating, writhing Bella riding her own hand out of my head before I hardened again.

With one final shaking sigh, I focused on finding just the right chemical combination that would erase the stain of ejaculate from leather, knowing now what Alice had seen. I also wondered what the right recipe might be to erase the stain of that image from Alice's poor brain.

O.O

Weeeeeeell? I told you that red leather chair from The Hummer would make a comeback. ::giggle:: So...? Who wants to see Edward lose his shit over Bella takin' care of business? Or, would you rather find out what, exactly, Carlisle's going to do with that scarf down the road? Or are you more curious as to the chemical composition that removes vamp cum from leather? I'm partial to the second one, myself...

Also, if someone rec'd this fic to you, please let me know who I can grope - I mean, thank - gratuitously. Thank you to DazzledIn2008 for pimping me to her FB friends, in her last chapter of My Wedding Present (JFC, BTW, if you haven't read this, GO! NOW! Forget the review! hurry! so hawt), and on twitter.

Oh! And I tweet, if you wanna come find me (at)MaBarberElla. Mostly I just rant about stupid people, my hubbs (at)idleblatherings, retweet p0rn, and fangirl all over other authors.

Thanks, guys, for sticking with me! Another update soon! Maybe...if you review... :)