so the internet went down for a while and i got a bit panicky that i wouldn't be able to post today. but at least it gave me time to make this slightly better than yesterday's?

I come home, expecting to see Dean as soon as I walk through the door – it's a Tuesday, and he is always home on a Tuesday. But he isn't on the sofa, he isn't in the kitchen, and I don't hear the shower.

I don't call out for him. If he's in the house but not in my sight then he won't reply, and if he isn't here then he won't reply.

I don't panic. If he's here, then it's nothing I haven't handled before, and if he isn't here, he'll have left a note.

I pull off my shoes and take off my trench coat before I walk towards the bedroom.

Dean is sat on the bed, cross-legged and tensed. I can only see half of his face, but it's red and shiny.

Tuesdays are bad days, but this is an unusual reaction – Dean can handle himself. He has had to for years.

Maybe the fact that he's not handling himself is a good sign? He's always telling you how his therapist tells him that advancing may feel like regressing. One step forward, two steps back, right? We need to go back to fix what's broken. Don't say fix about him. He's not broken.

Without hesitation, I slip onto the bed and pull him into my arms. I lean again the head of the bed and I make sure that when he comes with me, his legs straighten out – he'll have been sitting like that for a while, and the pins and needles are only going to get worse.

He doesn't seem to react, but he lets me pull him. I run my fingers through his hair and draw in a breath.

"Do you remember our first date? No, I can't see you forgetting; you're not the forgetting type, are you? You're too sweet for that.

"You arrived in the Impala. Of course you did, how else would you arrive? Like you'd leave her behind… you said she wanted to meet me." I grin. "My siblings had been giving me looks all day. Some were gently teasing; that was Anna… I'd include Gabriel in that, but he was not gently teasing. Michael and Raphael were more reproachful, I suppose… but when we looked out the window at her, not one of them had anything but awe or jealousy on their face. That was immensely satisfying.

"You managed to charm my dad. I don't think I need to tell you how impressive that is. I think I already have, actually. We've had enough talks about dads, eh?

"The night only went up from there. You were so shy… far the opposite from the way most people saw you. By that point, I felt like I'd already won… if nothing else came from the night, at least I had seen my family jealous of me – at least by extension – and a part of you no one I knew had.

"You took me to your favourite diner, that's why you were shy… at least, part of the reason. I wouldn't presume to know everything about you – what is it you say? 'A guy's gotta have his secrets'? That. You thought I wouldn't be impressed with a cheap diner, but it was what you liked, and what you could afford. You didn't want to spend too much on someone who may not appreciate you for you… greasy diner food and pies included." I kiss him on the top of his head. "Though who could resist you? The shy grin would have sold me if nothing else did. And a lot else did.

"I know you didn't know it then, and I know you know it know, but I'm going to say it for narrative purpose. I really love burgers. Your simple 'I like burgers and this place is nice enough' completely won me over regardless… I don't think any other kind of food could have pleased me as much.

"I don't know what it was about the date, or if it was a lot combined. Nothing special really happened; I've had dates that, by all rights, should stick out more in my mind. I'd consider that one my best date, though, by far. You, burgers, meek conversation, the beautiful Impala… even Ellen's slightly overbearing presence."

I press another kiss into his hair and stop for a few seconds. That story has run its course, and I suppose new stories need gaps before one enters a new world. That's what I feel when trying to read a new book just after I've finished another.

I feel Dean's chest rise and fall under my right arm, draped around his stomach. I could almost fall asleep here; I never feel more comfortable than when I am with Dean. I only hope he feels the same, or my story time may only have served to make him feel worse. This method has worked before, though; and I can't say I regret my time with him.

Dean's voice is quiet, but at least it sounds stable, like he hasn't been crying for a while. "Really? My favourite was New Year's."

I'm going to try to set these in chronological order, but they're basically oneshots with the same Dean and Cas. There will be weird time jumps between some of them, though, and I'm never gonna say how long or the ages of any of the characters, just to make this easier for me.

just in case anyone was wondering :)