DEAR DEAN

Thanks for all the questions, guys, and I hope I've helped! – Dean

Dear Dean,

I read in your first column that your biggest achievement is your car… but my biggest problem is my boyfriend's obsession with his car. It feels like whenever I call or text him, all he replies with is that he's working on his car and he can't talk then.

At first, I thought he was cheating on me. But then I went by his house to talk to him, and he really was working on his car! Every time I go by, he is working on his car. I kind of can't believe it.

What do I do? – Second Best to Machinery

First off, don't call yourself second best – unless you think you're not as important as the car, in which case we have other issues to address.

As you've said above, I know what it feels like to have a strong attachment to a car. Building up my Impala took a great many hours, and I know that the whole time I was working on her (despite enjoying the work) I wanted her to be done so I could drive in her. It's a strong feeling, and yes, it can make you want to continue working all the time.

That is not a good idea.

I had to make sure I'd spend time away from her – talk to my brother on the phone, go out for dinner, read a book, anything – because the work can get frustrating. Also, as it's manual labour, you can get pretty sore and tired, and I pride myself on my physique (sometimes). That's not advice for you, though, that's more advice for your boyfriend. You may not want to lecture him on that, though; I don't think he'd be keen to hear it. You'd do good to force him away every so often – that's what my boyfriend had to do a lot of the time.

If you can't force him away, then he may not like you as much as you like him. I'm sorry to say it, but as far as I know, it's the truth. As much as I love my baby, a glare from my boyfriend was enough to get me away for her and getting ready for dinner – she won't get annoyed at me for rejecting her, at the very least.

The best advice I can give you is to force him to talk to you. Go over to his, and tell him very definitely that you've got to talk. Cross your arms, give him a no-nonsense tone, and do not let him say no. If he absolutely refuses, then you've already got your answer – he doesn't care enough about you. Break up with him. If you can get him away from the car, then you're already winning. You can soften a bit here; you don't want to drive him away by acting awful – no matter how awful he's been to you, he can still fix it. Tell him that you feel like he's been distant lately and that, whilst you understand his desire to fix the car (you can compliment his efforts, if you like), you aren't willing to be second to an inanimate object. If he doesn't agree to go out with you sometime that week after that, then I'd say he's not worth it – but it's your call.

Don't take it from him, but this isn't a black-and-white subject – do give him a few chances. Don't do it at the consequence of your happiness, though.

Good luck! – Dean

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I love it when you talk about cars. – C

u didnt used to – d

Not when you talked about it all the time. – C

my point exactly – d

Aha, I knew you were still bitter over that! – C

im not bitter, wat am i bitter about? – d

what* i didnt do that on purpose dont tell me off – d

I wouldn't dare. You're still bitter that I refused to talk to you for an hour. An hour, Dean. – C

i dont even remember that – d

Of course you don't. – C

i just wanted to share my happiness w/ the 1 person i love most, is that so wrong? – d

Not when you do it occasionally. It is, however, a problem when it's all you talk about – C

then ignoring me for an hour would do no good, would it? – d

You managed to ask me about my work after the hour. I would say it worked. – C

why did u even bring this up? do u want us to fight? – d

I don't think we're fighting, are we? I just wanted to see if you were as truly grateful to me as your column seems to suggest you are – C

of course i am. at least now. i wasnt then, but can u blame me for that? – d

Yes. – C

shut up, u know i love u – d

Doesn't count. – C

fuck u. I love you. – d

I'll see you later tonight, you can keep that promise. - C

I'm not keen on this one, and it only really barely fits the title - even how I've twisted. Shh, the rest fit better.

Dear guest who says I'm good at fluff: that's all I really feel comfortable writing, so I should hope so. With that in mind, chapter 14 (what I've basically just finished writing) is just about the least fluffy thing I've written. I wasn't trying to. Oops.