title: making up afterwards (somewhat thanks to Gabriel)

Gabriel has hidden a ticking clock in this room.

When I was a small child, I was an amazingly picky sleeper. I couldn't sleep with snoring, breathing, talking, fans whirring, inconsistent AC fixtures… or ticking clocks. Unfortunately, ticking clocks is the one that stuck.

Gabe is the sibling I often had to share rooms with on holiday. He very well knows my problems with sleeping, so it wouldn't surprise me if he hid one in this room as he dropped the bedding off when I arrived.

Of course, the ticking isn't the only reason I can't sleep, but it's the one I choose to dwell on.

Ticking clocks can't occupy my thoughts forever, though, and I spend hours tossing and turning to thoughts of Dean. At 3am, tangled in sheets and slightly sweaty, I sit straight up and rub my eyes. I am not sleeping tonight.

The cool air hitting my chest and open eyes make me feel more lucid. No, I'm not going to sleep without Dean.

I nod once, registering how stupid that is, before I swing my legs out of bed, get dressed and gather all my things back up into a bag. I make the bed as a friendly gesture though I know Gabe will simply have to strip the bed and change the bedding tomorrow anyway.

I choose to text Gabe about where I've gone instead of leaving a note; there's a higher chance he'll find it, and I'm fairly certain he'll have his phone on loud in case Kali calls – petty revenge for the clock.

I can't sleep. Going back home. Thanks for the clock, you're my least favourite brother. – C

A few seconds later, his response comes. If he had been sleeping, he would have checked it and gone back to sleep already. Maybe I'm not the only one who can't sleep tonight.

You go get your man, tiger. And hey, you really think I'd hide a ticking clock in your room? I'm wounded, truly. – G

You once swapped Anna's hair dye with 'shocking green'. – C

That was simply hearsay, you have no evidence it was me. – G

Sure I don't. – C

Don't be mean at 3:30am. I'm not witty at 3:30am. – G

You're not witty ever. – C

That's not very nice :( - G

I wasn't trying to be :) – C

I hate you. – G

No, you don't. Now sleep, Kali won't be pleased to come home and see you exhausted. – C

Hey, I'm the big brother here! – G

You never act it, allow me to take advantage. – C

I guess I do feel tired. – G

Thank you for allowing me to stay. – C

Anytime, Cas. I mean that. And good luck with Dean. If you break up I'll skin him. – G

You mean attack every one of his possessions with itching powder. – C

I would never be that common. – G

You've done it before. – C

But thank you. I mean it. – C

You're welcome, little bro – G

I put my phone away, on the street where our house is. When I arrive at the door, my hands drop to the keys before I decide to knock.

The doorbell has never worked whilst we've been here. I don't know why we've never tried to fix or replace it, knocking is pretty useless.

Dean opens the door shortly after, his hair as rumpled as mine probably is. It appears to be an evening of restless sleeping.

"Can we talk?" I ask quietly. "I can't sleep without you."

He regards me with wary eyes, but he steps aside. Probably just because you have keys. "It's your house, too."

I shrug. "Still."

I drop my bag next to my shoes carelessly. The world's pretty hazy right now, I don't want to move more than I have to. We make our way to the only sofa, and in silent agreement take places at either end, as far from each other as we can be.

"I…" I don't understand what happened last night. "Talk to me."

His mouth twitches into a small smile, slightly reminiscent of the ones he usually gives me when I use his catchphrases.

I pull my legs up and wrap my arms around them.

He closes his eyes for a couple of seconds before making eye contact. "You wanted me to do something I didn't want to, something that makes me uncomfortable. And I get why, don't get me wrong, but… you're always pushing. I… when you wanted me to go to dinner with your boss, that was okay, I could forgive that, because you gained out of it. You wanted my support. That was fair, because you go to parties with my colleagues, so that kind of pushing is okay… it's cool if it makes you more happy to be in this relationship.

"When you were pushing me yesterday… I'm gonna assume that wasn't for your benefit, else it's a hell of a lot worse. It was pushing me to get better and yeah, sure, that's good… kinda. But… well… I'm all right. I'm… happy.

"A couple of years ago, I wasn't. I was living in a crappy apartment with my brother, which I couldn't help pay for because I couldn't get a job or see myself ever getting a job. Sam was practically my only friend, apart from you, but we weren't really close then. No matter how many old friends from school may have been glad to hear from me I had, I was too afraid to ever talk to them.

"Then we got together, and things just… got better. Not straight away, but they did. I finally moved out from that apartment, and here is way nicer. Not to mention how much better I've been getting on with Sam… and he and Jess are able to live together and have kids, and that's great. And I've got a job, and it's not the best job and it doesn't pay loads, but I don't feel so useless anymore and I like it. I also have friends, which is something I never really thought I'd have… Charlie, that Benny kid you met… random other people I meet up with from school… I even get on with some of your siblings. I'm just… I'm happy now, you get it?

"Maybe I'm not completely 'better' in the way I should be, but… I'm happy. I wasn't, and then I really wanted to get better. For now… I'd rather just keep on with what I've got. If there's something that's seriously impacting my life, like not being able to support you, then sure, I want to get over it. There isn't right now." He shrugs.

I nod slowly. "I get it. D'you mind if I just… explain myself a bit? You'll have to bear with me, though, you know I'm not good with words, and… and it's been a long night." I smile a little.

"I talked to your therapist once. Only once, ever, actually. He'd called here and when I picked up and said I could take a message for you, he said that he'd wanted to talk to me for a while. The gist of what he said was that you'd need pushes to get better, and that he didn't think they'd work coming from anyone but perhaps me or Sam, and Sam wasn't really around enough for it." I shrug. "So I kind of took that to heart. It's not much of a defense, really, but… you're right. I spent years taking that advice, I can stop now. I'm glad you're happy."

"So am I." He smiles.

I give him a level look. "Am I forgiven for being a mindless drone?"

"You went to Gabe's house for the night. You were forgiven when you closed the door." He laughs.

Relief floods through me.

"Plus, he texted me. He left a clock in your room. It'd be cruel to send you back for that."

I laugh, and then I can't hold myself back. I lean forward and wrap him in a hug that, for once, he reciprocates satisfyingly. He kisses my head and then leans his chin on top of it.

"I don't want ever to have to sleep in a bed without you again." He mutters.

"Then don't let me do stupid things anymore."

"I don't think anyone can stop stupidity." He chuckles, and his chest vibrates pleasantly.

"Okay, then next time, we refuse to get angry and talk about it. Then we only leave if one of us is a total tool, otherwise someone gets relegated to the sofa. Walking across town at 3am is terrifying."

"You're a fool."

I sigh contentedly. "I know."

"Okay, off to bed, because if I fall asleep like this my back's gonna kill in the morning."

"Crap." I groan. "It's Thursday tomorrow."

"Hey, it's your day!"

"Yeah, also means work."

He shrugs. "I'm pretty sure sleep deprivation is a disorder or something. Call in sick."

"So tempting."

"Do it. You never take days off."

"But then I have to wake up in the morning to call them." I moan. 3:30am is not my time.

He kisses the top of my head again with a smile. "Okay, then, I'll tell you what. We go to bed now, and I'll call them in the morning – you won't even have to do your fake ill voice."

"Like you'll actually wake up." I grin. "But thank you."

"Try to do something nice for a person," he grumbles as he gets up, offering me a hand.

"Thank you." I kiss him quickly on the lips. "But I need to sleep now."

ooookayyy, exams are over. i hope you enjoyed the gabe/cas relationship as much as i did... :)