A\N – Alright, guys, this AN isn't about the story, sorry. But I just want us all to take a minute and send our prayers to all the people who're still fighting the consequences of what Sandy has brought and all the people who work to help with the outcomes of this awful tragedy. Thank you.

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When I woke up Kelly wasn't there.

I stood up from the bed, grabbed a robe and headed for the shower to wash away the unpleasant taste that was left from the previous night. Unfortunately, it wasn't that easy.

Kelly's raging jealousy and anger and the fact that apparently he had strong possessiveness and jealousy issues unsettled me more than I first thought.

Also there was a small detail that he said that he loved me and I didn't answer. I didn't answer not because I didn't love him. That feeling on the contrary was nudging all over me and my insides were itching to spill the beans. I didn't say anything because I wasn't even sure he'd remember any of his own words in the morning and if he would, there would still be a question if he really meant them or said it just in the fever of the argument.

Looking down I caught a sight of two small bruises on my left arm where Kelly was holding my yesterday. They didn't hurt, they just made me feel unpleasant. Stroking the skin there a couple times as if trying to wash them away, I finally recognized what I was doing and, sighing, proceeded with the rest of my shower routine.

In reality it was our first major fight, of course it was meant to happen sooner or later but with the way things have been between us I'd dared to hope that maybe there was a chance we could skip the fighting part. I didn't like fighting, I didn't like sleeping without Kelly at night, I didn't like not waking up to see him off in the morning and I most certainly didn't like the feeling of vacuum the empty apartment created around me.

The hot water coming down on me didn't erase anything. We still had a fight, he still spent the night on the couch, we were yet to reconcile.

It was around eleven and still no word from Kelly. I know that probably I was supposed to be above every jab of his and just pick up the phone and call him but something stopped me. Pride? Maybe. But I couldn't deny that a little voice deep inside whispering that I wasn't a hundred percent right too. I knew all about Jonathan's feelings for me…ever since our Academy years. But he's never let those feelings determine any of his actions and I let myself stay blissfully ignorant to them. Was it a right choice? I don't know. I never questioned it before. Instead Kelly did it for me.

As an alternative to calling and making up I let the day flow slowly on its own accord: I cleaned the apartment (vacuumed the floor and washed the dishes from Kelly's breakfast – the only cue that he'd spent the night), had a lunch with Jen and before making my way to the Studio dropped by the cleaners.

I had two classes starting at five. They went by in a heartbeat probably because my thoughts were still elsewhere. I stayed after the last students emerged from the class to run through the Blackpool routine myself.

It was about two hours later that my phone started ringing. Coming up to my bag to find it, I was sure it would be Kelly. But no, it was Matt.

I looked at the ID surprised a little before putting the receiver to my ear.

"Hey, Matt."

"Harper," Matt's voice was tensed and uneasy, that moment I knew something was terribly wrong. "Listen, I need you to stay calm."

I froze and didn't answer.

"We had an accident on the call. It's Kelly. We're in the hospital right now…"

I didn't cry when Kevin Moore in seventh grade was keeping my books hidden for a whole week, or when I first felt my toes being basically tattered by the pointes, or when I was told after the accident that I would never a ballerina again…but the moment Matt was telling me the details of the accident as softly as he could, the tears started rushing freely from my eyes. My breathing caught in my throat and I almost dropped my cell. I really couldn't breathe. As if the physical act itself suddenly became a rocket science.

The feelings I was experiencing was such an unexplored territory for me that having them overcome me all at once just made it seem like the ground beneath my feet was slowly but surely swimming away.

As fast as the feelings rushed upon me, they flew away or stopped for that matter. I gulped a breath of much needed air and hurried into action, hanging the phone on the way.

When I dashed into the hospital and turned into the direction of the waiting rooms, my heart started beating what seemed like ten times faster. The questions of 'what if' flying in and out of my head, confusing me and wounding my certainty.

Gabriela was the first one to see me. She rushed from her spot near Leslie right away and stopped in front of me, searching my haunted eyes.

"It's gonna be ok," She said, trying to seem unquestionable. Then she hugged me tightly. "He's gonna be fine."

My hands were limp at my sides and I didn't even try to reciprocate the hug. When the dark-skinned paramedic pulled away I noticed Matt and Andy stepping closer to us. The rest of the team with Chief Boden was watching the exchange from their seats.

"Do you want to know how it happened?" Matt asked and I finally realized just how battered, both physically and emotionally, he looked.

"No." My voice was a harsh whisper and my hands were shaking. "What are the doctors saying?"

"He's in surgery now. They are not exactly saying anything yet." Andy stepped in, he had a nasty cut on his left eyebrow that even having been treated was still bleeding, marking the butterfly strip with reddish stain. "It's his hand. He was crushed by a girder."

I nodded, my hands still shaking. Gabriela pulled me in the direction of the chairs.

I halted for a second and looked at the two:

"You ok?"

They nodded sluggishly and Andy squeezed my shoulder reassuringly. Gaby and I proceeded to the vacant places. On the way I caught the Chief looking at me intently with something appreciative and sad in his eyes, then he just nodded at me and went back to gazing at the ceiling, going back to his own thoughts.

If you think waiting isn't the worst thing in life you're wrong. Waiting is one of the worst things someone can undergo. My head was a void of thoughts, my heart was aching, food and coffee that Gabriela was trying to put into me disgusted me, though I did accept a bottle of water from Chris.

The only thing that would've made sense in that waiting room with green colored walls was if the time has stopped and the hands of the clocks were not moving any more. In my mind that would be the only explanation why no one would tell as any news.

It's been two hours and my head was on Gaby's shoulder when the doctor in green scrubs and exhibiting a stoic unreadable expression on his face came into our view.

Everybody stood up.

"Mr. Severide's surgery went well. There were no complications. We fixed the inner and tissue damage to his shoulder and upper arm but there still has to pass some time to know for sure if there's any permanent damage. There's a long way to go till the full recovery with physical and medication therapy but I would call it a success. He's still sleeping from the anesthesia but should be awake any time soon."

There were sighs of relief and light-hearted little laughs with Chris and Capp going as far as high-fiving each other.

"Can I see him?" I asked still unconvinced. I had a feeling that I wouldn't believe in anything unless I saw him.

"Are you a family, miss?" The doctor asked.

I opened my mouth to explain but Casey interrupted me with a stone expression:

"Yes, she is. She's his fiancée."

"Then follow me." He turned to show me the way.

I nodded at Matt who nodded back. Gaby gripped my hand harder one more time and released it so I could follow the doctor.

The room was dimly lighted. On one side of the bed there were machines that weren't beeping but mostly showing some diagrams. There was a table with medications, a small couch and a chair near the other side of the bed.

It was hard for me to look at him. Kelly was lying on the bed on his back. His right arm and a part of his shoulder firmly bandaged, there were small barely visible cuts on his neck and right cheek, bruises covered the visible part of his arm with his chest slightly bruised as well. Some tubes were sticking out from his collarbone near the place where it collided with the bandages. It was funny how even in a hospital bed he didn't look weak or vulnerable.

I sat on the chair and took his healthy hand in between two of mine.

"The doctors say you're gonna be alright." I started with a soft but weak voice. "You know, you took my breath away today. Really. When Matt told me what happened I…couldn't breathe. I think I just couldn't bear the thought of something happening to you. I mean, I realized all the dangers of your job, what you're doing but until today…today it became so real…"

My voice was breaking and I was aware of that.

"When I was in a cab I kept thinking that what if something went wrong and the last thing I told you was 'could you sleep on the couch tonight?'…"

I wiped the tears with my thumb.

"I don't want to imagine my life without you. There's just no life without you…not any more. I do love you. I have for some time now. That is if you had doubts about it…"

My mind almost didn't register the pressure on my hand and my eyes went wide as soon as I felt it again.

"Hey." I said softly and one of my hands reached to stroke Kelly's hair.

He opened his eyes. Once, twice…blinking a couple more times he seemed to gain his consciousness back fully.

"Hey." His voice was drained and raspy.

"How are you feeling?" the traces of concern were painted all over my face and I couldn't cease them even a little.

"Like I've been crushed by a girder."

That made me chuckle.

"No, it was a school bus."

He tried to chuckle too but it didn't go that well since his muscles were aching and too much pressure cursed pain.

"You're a smart ass, Pixie."

A tear fell freely down my cheek. I've never thought that there would be a day when I'd be longing to hear him call me Pixie. He reached to wipe the tear away but I caught his hand half-way.

"I love you."

"I already know that." He said in the same raspy voice, a little smile gracing his features. "I'm not such a heavy sleeper."

"I'd hit you right now but I'm afraid I'd be banished from the hospital." I smiled. "All this hospital rules nonsense."

"I love you too." He said and squeezed my hand a little harder like he never wanted to let go as I saw him drifting to sleep slowly.

"Yeah." I whispered softly and gently kissed the back of his hand not letting go. "I already know that."