"So, Antonio is interrogating me about you again!" An overly-excited Gabriela materialized in front of me in our favorite spot in a small café in Lincoln Park.
"Antonio?" I furrowed my brows. "As in your older brother Antonio?"
"What other Antonio do you know?"
I looked at her matter-of-factly.
"Yes, brooding skeleton, my brother! Anyway, this is not the first time he's been asking me if you're single." The waitress came up and the paramedic shifted her attention for a moment. "I'll have a chicken sandwich and a coke, thanks."
"A mixed salad and a black coffee for me, thank you." I added and the waitress with a name tag Clarissa nodded and left with our order.
"Another one of your full lunches?" Gaby looked at me pointedly.
"You're on fire today!" I said unamused. "You were saying..."
"Oh, yes. Antonio seems to be really taken by you. I told him you have a boyfriend but that doesn't make his interest in you any less."
"Well you can tell him I'm engaged. Maybe that'll help." I smiled secretly.
"He's a cop, he'll know I'll be lying." Gaby dismissed the thought with her hand waving through the air.
"Then don't lie." I smiled again.
Gabriela looked at me questionably for a moment and then gasped, one of her hands flying up to her mouth. Her eyes were wide and unbelieving.
"No way!" She exclaimed.
"Oh, way!" I answered enthusiastically.
"How? When? Where's the ring?" The paramedic used her hands actively while speaking which gave her a look of a person in urgent need of psychiatric treatment.
"These are three wonderful questions!" I giggled.
Clarissa showed up with our order and I waited patiently for her to place the items on the table to continue, though I could see my friend's impatience.
"Yesterday, it happened yesterday!" I finally went on after we were served. "It was…it wasn't exactly the most romantic proposal ever but…it was perfect."
Gaby was silent just looking at me.
"I think this is a place where you're supposed to be happy for me." My good mood was wavering. "I know, you've never been his biggest fan but you know how I feel about the man, and what he feels for me. So be my friend and be happy for me."
She sighed uneasily.
"I am your friend. That's exactly why I'm saying all of this. Because I'm your friend. Are you sure he's ready for this? Are you sure that he's not gonna back out or hurt you in the end?" Gaby finally asked, a very serious expression across her fair features. "I mean in matters of age of course he is, he's almost thirty. But what about matters of commitment? Is he ready?"
I didn't answer right away. The truth was: I didn't doubt Kelly, I doubted life. I didn't get a lot of happy moments before and it all changed when Kelly entered my life. And for some blissful time I managed to maintain a pretty much ignorant existence. But lately the thoughts have been invading my head that everything could change in a moment.
"I…" I cleared my throat as I saw Gaby watching my trance intently. "He's ready. I know that. What frightens me the most is that…everything is so good…I keep thinking that there's a radar somewhere that's just waiting for me to reach this limit after which it's gonna pop out and scream 'You're too happy, Harper, you don't deserve it. Get ready to fall!'…"
My hands flew in the air showing something that resembled an explosion.
Gabriela put her hands on her lap silently and took a deep breath before resuming speaking:
"I tend to get…overprotective of my friends and family. What I know of Severide from the before-you era is not exactly the most moral stuff…he was a womanizer and…well, mostly this. So I keep expecting him to slip…I guess."
She looked at me and continued.
"But probably I should stop. It would be wrong and unfair not to acknowledge that he's changed. I'm sorry if I made all those uncalled for thoughts emerge in your head. It never was my intention. I think you deserve to be happy. You more than anyone. And it doesn't matter what I think of him, Severide deserves to be happy too."
I bit on my bottom lip. Then reached across the table and squeezed my friend's hand lightly. She smiled and sis the same. We would never reach a full understanding on that subject, that was clear, but at the moment the compromise that was resting on the table in front of us was enough.
The rest of the lunch was spent in talks of latest news from the Lakeshore Hospital's new doctor Mike, Dawson's possible love interest, and the versions of my dreamy engagement ring.
-\-
Chicago isn't called Windy City for nothing. Although the weather was very warm that Friday, the wind was nevertheless present as it felt that the day had its significance. And unfortunately not only for me.
I walked slowly, my feet slightly stumbling beneath me on the green perfectly trimmed grass. A bouquet of lilies in my hand, sunglasses shadowing my eyes.
"It's good that you came." A soft voice said near my ear when I finally came to a stop.
"How could I not?" I answered as softly and kneeled to put the flowers on the tombstone where the other bouquet has already been placed.
April Margaret Holmes
Beloved Daughter Sister Friend
1986 – 2011
I let my hand caress the cold stone pushing up to stand near Mrs. Holmes who hugged me by the waist tightly. I reciprocated the action.
"It seems so surreal." I said. "It's been a half year already."
"Yes. And I still wait for her to come back home sometimes." The older woman's words were quiet and held a deep sadness within them.
"And I still think she would show up for our every week Sunday lunch-brunch in Argo Tea on Rush Street." I smiled, thinking of the good days when April was still with us.
"Oh, I remember those." Mrs. Holmes' lips were touched with one of her softest smiles. "When she told me about this name you came up with I couldn't stop laughing."
That made me produce a little laugh of my own:
"She was fascinated with some show on TV about rich Manhattan kids. They always had those brunches on Sundays, so she suggested we have our own. I guess I couldn't resist."
Mrs. Holms' smile grew. We started walking through the graveyard, the sun blinding if it wasn't for our sunglasses.
"Mrs. Holms, there's something I need to tell you," I said as we proceeded with our path. "And to ask you."
"Sounds serious," She looked at me but we didn't stop walking.
"It is," I smiled. "Kelly and I are getting married."
At this she stopped and took her glasses off, the motion making me do the same. She looked at me for a longest moment and then drew me to her and gave me a bone-crushing hug. I never thought there was such a force in that delicate woman. I hugged her back and laughed as I felt like a huge weight was lifted off my shoulders: her approval meant the world to me.
"I'm so happy for you! It's time you found yourself a man who would take care of you."
She pulled away but our arms were still clasped in front of us.
"So I wanted to ask you…" I added deliberately. "My parents…well you know, neither of them is in my life for different reasons but that's not my point. Would you consider walking me down the aisle when it's time? I know I'll never replace your daughter but…"
She put her hand in the air in front of me to stop my bubbling as she probably heard my voice cracking anyway. Her eyes were filled with tears as she said:
"I would be honored."
My own tears started falling as she reached her hand to my face and gradually wiped them away with her thumb.
"You have no idea how happy you've just made me."
I just nodded for fear of more tears fountaining out.
We parted some time later: she went back to spend some more time with her daughter and I moved in the direction of Firehouse 51.
A very strange feeling settled in my heart. Suddenly I had no idea what was going on with my feelings: my emotions hit me like a tidal wave. I felt cold and after a minute - hot. My eyes were jumping from one object to another never really processing what I was seeing and my hands were shaking rapidly. I didn't know whether I should sit on a bench and wait till I feel better or run to the fire station.
My legs made a decision for me as they carried me west from where I currently was. Fast.